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"Are you so sure about this Sasha?" asked Remy, watching his longtime girlfriend seal up the letter she was preparing to send. "It's been so long since you have been back there. Your life is here. Our life is here."

Sasha sighed and set the envelope down on her writing desk. "I'm sure. Our life will still be here. I'll just be away for…"

"Most of the next year?" he finished, giving her an annoyed look.

The French are so good at looking irritated she thought. It's a true gift. "Yes, I suppose so." She stood up and put her arms around him, craning her neck to look up into his eyes. "As you said though, our life is here. I will always come back. I'm not leaving you. I'm just going for a year to do a favor for an old teacher of mine. It's not permanent."

"You say that is why you are doing it, but also I know there is more on your mind than that. He is there." Remy pushed her short hair away from her face and cupped her cheek with his large hand.

"He has a wife. He has had a wife for many years now, and they have children together. She teaches at Hogwarts too. No room for any shenanigans. You have nothing to fear."

He shrugged, giving her a pouty look that made her smile. "Forgive me my misgivings, but I know that a large piece of your beautiful heart remains in his possession. Whether there are shenanigans or not is the least of my worries. Sex is sex but love is something else entirely."

"I love you" Sasha insisted.

"I know that you do. I just know that you love him too, and you'll probably never stop. Poor bastard does not know what he lost."

She shook her head. "He didn't lose me Remy; he rather emphatically tossed me out of his life. There is a big difference. Besides, that was a very long time ago."

"He was a fool." He leaned down to kiss her.

Remy was a very large wizard. He was quite a bit taller than Severus, her long lost teenage love. He was very burly where Severus had been thin. His long mane was fair, like sand on a beach, where Severus was raven-haired. His eyes were a soft amber where Severus' were black as night. Remy was loud, boisterous, and warmly funny, where Severus was quiet, reserved, and often sarcastic. If Sasha had been looking for an opposite of the young man who had broken her heart, she had done well in finding Remy Girard.

Of course, Severus was not a young man anymore. Decades had passed since they had last seen each other, and both of them had changed much over the years. Sasha was fifty-one years old now, and she knew that meant Severus was fifty-three. Sasha's hair would be graying now if she didn't use a coloring potion on it every few weeks.

I wonder if his hair is gray? He wouldn't color it. He wouldn't care.

"Off you go again, off into space… off thinking about him?" Remy teased.

"No! I most certainly am not!" she lied.

Sasha was more fit now than she had been as a teenage girl. Her years as an auror had put her into very good shape, and she was proud of her strength and figure. She kept her brown hair in a short bob now, where in her youth she had worn it long. Her hazel eyes had some wrinkles around them these days, but she wore her age well. She knew that she and Remy made an attractive couple.

I wonder what his wife looks like? I haven't seen a picture since they were married. She's younger. Maybe early forties now? She was beautiful. A beautiful young American. The last thing I would have expected…

"Yoo-hoo? Can you come back now?"

Sasha blushed, and patted his chest. "Yes dear, sorry. I've got a lot on my mind at the moment I'm afraid. The closest I've ever come to teaching is barking at some of the aurors in training, and I don't think that barking is what Professor McGonagall has in mind for this situation."

"You will do just fine!" he assured her, grinning proudly. "You have a lot of experience with the subject and that is what is most important. Those children will learn a lot from you." He chuckled. "Once they get past wondering what has hit them, that is."

Sasha rolled her eyes. "Yes, that's what I'm worried about. I know I have a bit of a reputation for being… well, a bit stern, I suppose. I wasn't always that way you know. As a girl I was quite friendly most of the time. As friendly as a Slytherin could get, anyway. Adri and I were always laughing. Sadly, after she was gone not much seemed to ever be terribly funny anymore."

Remy nodded. He had never met Sasha's best friend, but she had spoken enough about Adrianne through the years that he felt as if he knew her as well.

"I've often wondered if he ever heard what happened to her" Sasha mused, sadly. "I wonder if he cared. It's hard to say with him."


"Severus what is it?" Tamara asked, eying her husband suspiciously. "You look like Delores Umbridge has been at the door."

Severus sat down next to where she was sitting with baby Tharen, and lightly ran his fingers over the newborn's feathery brown hair. "I still can't believe he got your hair. I didn't expect that."

"You've mentioned that a few times dear. Please don't change the subject. What is wrong with you? Has there been bad news?"

"Your hair, your nose, your chin, somebody's brow…"

"My father's."

"Ah, right. My eyes. He's lovely."

Tam nodded. "Yes, he's perfect, but I asked you a question."

"Your quickest birth yet, and he's got such a mellow temperament. Certainly no regrets…"

"Severus!"

He sighed. "No. Not bad news necessarily, just… uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable? You can't just leave it at that. What's going on?" She carefully handed the sleeping baby to his father so she could stand up and stretch.

Adjusting the infant in his arms and putting his feet up on the coffee table he wiggled down into the sofa cushions until he found a position he knew he wouldn't mind being in for a while. "There was an owl from the Headmistress."

"Let's see it."

"It's in my trouser pocket and I can't reach it now. It'll have to wait…"

Tam bent down and crammed her hand into his pocket to yank out the letter, and he gave her a dirty look.

She read out loud "My Dear Snapes… Oh Min's so funny… My Dear Snapes, I am writing to let you know that we've worked out our staffing issues for the upcoming school year. I've asked Dody Edmonton to cover Tamara's classes until she returns from her leave and she has agreed to do so most enthusiastically. The witch I had in mind for the Defense position has offered to take on the class for one year. It was not what I had hoped for, but for now it will have to do. Severus, you will probably remember a Ms. Sasha Innes from your own time as a student. She was a bit younger than yourself, but she was a member of your house. I would appreciate it if you would try to help her get reacquainted with the school and settled into her new position here. I hope the wee lad is doing well, and I want to come and visit him before the start of term. Tell Sevarun and Sevina that their Auntie Min says hello! I shall be awaiting your reply. Sincerely, Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

When she had finished reading Tam looked back at Severus. He appeared to be completely ignoring her, watching Tharen sleep contentedly.

"Well, I know it isn't Dody Edmonton you're worried about" she said. "So who is this witch?"

"Who?" he asked, pretending again to be oblivious to the subject at hand.

"Sasha Innes" Tam pushed. "Who is she, and why does it bother you that she's coming to Hogwarts?"

He shot her an irritated look. "You do ask an awful lot of obnoxious questions don't you?" He sighed again. "If you must know, she was… an acquaintance of mine when I was at school. We didn't get along."

"Ah, I see" she said, nodding. "So it's like Remus again? Someone who was a pest when you were a student?"

He could tell by her expression that she was testing him. After all of their years together, she could certainly see that there was more to the story that he wasn't telling her, and that wasn't even taking her empathic abilities into account.

"Sit" he grumbled.

Smirking, she sat back down next to him on the sofa.

"Miss Innes was two years behind me at Hogwarts. She was a Slytherin girl, as the letter said. I didn't pay much attention to her at all until one day when she rather foolishly stepped into the middle of a conflict I was having with Potter and his band of thugs." He glanced at her to make sure his words didn't wound. "She disarmed Potter, and… I ended up needing a visit to the infirmary. While I was there, she and a friend of hers came to check on me. Needless to say, I was confused."

"I can imagine" Tam mumbled, transfixed by this story from his past. He so rarely shared anything like this with her that it felt like a sacred moment.

"I later defended her against some young Gryffindor witches who attacked her for defending me, and I ended up tutoring her in potions. We became friends."

Tam's eyes widened, and Severus blushed. Her amazement made him squirm.

"I didn't think that you really had any…" she stopped, biting her lip.

"Any friends?" he asked her, smirking with amusement.

"Well… other than… you know…"

"This was after Lily had stopped talking to me. I should have mentioned that it was my sixth year. Anyway, that summer Sasha wrote to me often. It was a particularly unpleasant summer, which of course for me is really saying something. Having someone to talk to was a great relief."

"What happened?" Tamara breathed, more enthralled by the minute.

"We sat together on the train back to Hogwarts. She… well she flirted with me. She leaned on my shoulder, and I put my arm around her. For me it was like some sort of miracle."

Suddenly Tam found herself getting a bit nervous.

"I was thrilled until I saw Lily walk by holding Potter's hand. That was how I found out they were a couple. I don't remember much else about that day, other than that Sasha was there for me. She… well she tried to make it a bit less horrible. I was, as you can imagine, quite wounded. There were some very difficult days, but she pulled me out of my funk. When I caught her asking for help with a potion that I'd already showed her how to make, she told me that it was just an excuse to spend time with me. She said that she'd had… feelings…" he started to fidget with Tharen's blanket. "For me."

"I can't believe you've never told me all of this" Tam whispered, feeling a bit hurt. "I had no idea."

He shrugged. "It isn't as important as you're thinking it is. This is my life we are talking about. Obviously it didn't have a happy ending. We did in fact begin… well, seeing each other, I suppose, as teenagers will do. We experimented a bit. It was nice for a while."

Tamara gasped. "Experimented? You told me that I was your first…"

"You were" he explained quickly, not wanting this to deteriorate into an argument. "We never… did that."

"But you did other things?" She looked even more hurt, and Severus cringed.

"Yes. Just listen and you'll understand why I never wanted to mention it to you. I thought that perhaps I could come to love Sasha. I thought that perhaps she could come to love me. I thought that she could be someone who could help me let go of Lily and make it so I wouldn't have to be so alone anymore. I even started to question whether or not I still wanted to join the death eaters after graduation. I was actually beginning to think I might have a chance to be happy. She meant a great deal to me until I found out that it was all a lie."

Tamara closed her eyes, guilt overtaking her jealousy. How could she have been selfish enough to feel threatened after all he had been through?

"I made a mistake" he said. "I reacted in the wrong way when her best friend was injured by another death eater in training." He looked miserable, and Tam's heart ached for him. "As usual, I made the wrong decision and we quarreled. It was horrible being without her and knowing it was my fault. I decided that I would make it right, even though that meant going against the dark group that I had been associating with. I knew that if I defied them there would be retaliation and I would no longer be welcomed into the fold upon my graduation. I decided that she meant more to me and I wanted to prove myself to her."

Tam smiled with pride for him. His willingness to do anything for those he loved had always been one of her favorites of his many noble qualities.

"Just before I had the chance to tell her I was approached by one of her friends. This girl informed me that Potter had paid Sasha to start a relationship with me and the plan was for her to humiliate me. When I confronted her she cried and tried to convince me that it was a lie but with my track record of luck with people I knew better." He squinted his eyes as he remembered. "She even tried to tell me that she loved me. It was not pleasant. That was the last of our interactions. I graduated and went on to join the psychopath and his gang of demented murderers. I haven't heard much of her since. I was told that she slept with Black a few times." He made a disgusted face.

"Sirius? This chick had a fling with Sirius? Wow." Tam shook her head. "Ok. I understand why you aren't exactly thrilled about seeing her again."

He nodded. "Yes. That's putting it mildly. I don't imagine she's very keen on running into me either so I must admit that I'm a bit surprised that she agreed to take the job even for a year."

"I hope there's not some kind of vendetta there? I mean, she doesn't really have any reason to hold a grudge against you does she? She was the one in the wrong. Unless…"

He shook his head so vigorously that the baby started to stir in his arms. "Don't even suggest it."

"Well you never know! Maybe she really did love you. I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time that someone ended up falling for a person they were supposed to be working against. Maybe she regretted what she had been hired for and just didn't have the guts to tell you."

Severus let his head fall back against the sofa. "Frankly I hope not. If that were the case…"

Tam rested her cheek on his arm. "No, honey, don't start worrying about it. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You couldn't know. Either way, it wasn't your fault."

"Her best friend killed herself not terribly long after we parted company. I heard about it because the girl was being forced into marriage with a death eater by her parents. She decided that poison would be preferable. I wasn't surprised, knowing Adrianne. She was almost certainly better off dead. I was sorry to hear it though, of course. She and Sasha were extraordinarily close. Part of me, in spite of what Sasha had done, wished that I could have comforted her."

"That's because you've always been a good soul, really, even when you were trying not to be" Tam assured him, reaching up to kiss his cheek. "You're a good soul, and a wonderful daddy, and the best husband I could have ever hoped for. I love you, and I'm sorry for all of the awful things you've been through in your life. I wish I could take it all away."

Severus brushed his lips across baby Tharen's forehead. "Darling, you did."