Ghosts

It was already dark and the wind was howling softly among the leaves and the cold gray stones scattered across the hill.

It was drizzling and playful droplets began sliding on her black trench coat. Her brunette wavy hair was being caressed by those tiny tears from the sky as well, however, she did not mind. It was soothing, or at least something close to that sensation she had long forgotten.

Her footsteps remembered the trail by heart. Even though she would only venture to walk up that path once a year, she remembered. She could reach that lonely spot even if her eyes were closed.

One of her hands was inside the pocket of her trench coat whereas the other held a flower bouquet . Her eyes were looking ahead without truly absorbing the landscape before her.

Suitable. The weather was suitable and it synchronized with her own mood, with her own feelings.

She sighed.

Every single year after her loss she could not help but feel this overwhelming devastation rooted in her heart. She once thought things would get better. She once thought time would heal all wounds, but here she was, 7 years later and her chest felt as constricted as that gloomy day.

Time did not heal everything she had learned. People just got used to living in pain, that's all. And by "living" she actually meant surviving. After all, who could keep on living with a faded soul? Whose existence could be called "life" if the purpose of the heart was simply pumping blood?

After leaving a trail of crushed grass beneath her feet, she finally reached her destination.

A beautiful willow tree at the top of the hill. An ever watching giant which stood out majestically in the huge graveyard.

Lexa placed the purple orchids tenderly by the foot of the tree, on a carved plaque which read:

Costia Evans , 1992 – 2009

Beloved daughter and the kindest spirit on Earth

"Hi, Costia" Lexa's voice was gentle, barely a whisper. Her lips attempted to form a smile, but failed miserably.

"Wherever you are, I just want you to know that you have not been forgotten. You will never be."

Those words brought about a sense of dread in her chest. She didn't want to, but tears started escaping from her eyes. How she hated to do that, crying.

"I finally did it, Cos. It was made official last week. I wish you could have been there. I am a Federal Agent now, I am sure you would have told me I looked so smug and full of myself right there while I was notified."

A sob acme out and her voice faltered.

Oh how she despised herself for being weak, still.

She wanted to say so many things, to pour her heart out, to tell her how much she still missed her, how badly she missed her laughter, her lovely smile, her jokes, her wild spirit and how she would hold her hand while walking on the streets feeling the sun on their faces and the endless possibilities of a future together. She wanted to tell her that she was on her mind every single day and that she was her inspiration and the only thing that kept her going after all those years even if nothing made sense.

Becoming an agent to fight for justice was the aftermath of Costia's death.

Every criminal behind bars would be a way to honor her memory, a way to fight the guilt of losing her in such a cruel manner.

Lexa had sworn to swerve and protect so no one would have to suffer the tragedy she had undergone.

So many thoughts, so many emotions. Yet, she remained silent.

Costia was gone. Her first love was long gone. So why would she waste her breath? She could not hear her anymore. She would never do so again.

After several minutes, she closed her damped green eyes and inhaled deeply.

"I am sorry, Cos… I wish I could have been stronger then."

But she hadn't been. She had failed to protect her and a stray bullet took her life away.

Lexa looked at the petals that shook lightly under the touch of the rain drops. She knew they were beautiful but somehow she could not marvel at them, she could not enjoy their color, their fragrance. She could no longer relish in the little things that made up life.

She wondered if she would ever do it again.

She glanced at the being in front of her. Costia's favorite kind of tree.

"Take care of her for me" she said before turning around and walking away, letting the darkness envelop her in its familiar wings.

At the same time, on the other side of the cemetery, another figure stood still before a tombstone.

The woman was trembling, not only because of the icy wind, but also because of the tidal of emotions that was just too much to bear.

Clarke was wearing a gray winter coat, even though it was fall. The scarf around her neck was not warm enough, she thought. She had forgotten her gloves at home, so she was trying to keep her hands warm by rubbing them from time to time.

"Hi, dad" her husky voice struggled with the roar of the wind.

"I could not bring you flowers this time, but I got you this" She shoved her left hand into her pocked and took out a chocolate bar. She willed herself to smile. "Milky Way, your favorite."

She bent down and put it carefully on the tomb.

Jake Griffin 1965 – 2013

Devoted husband and father

Everlasting Stargazer

The blonde sighed. Her silky hair was completely drenched, but it did not matter. She had to be there, just like every other March 3. It had been a promise and she knew she would keep her word forever. Even though she knew her father was not actually there, she always felt this moment as an opportunity to express her innermost feelings. It was better and less costly than therapy.

"Everything is fine. I was accepted at Arkadia Hospital and I am starting this new adventure next Monday. I wish you could see me in my white coat. I totally rock."

Her gaze fell upon the engraving.

"Things with mom have not been easy, though. I know, I know. I've tried, I am doing my best but… Whenever I see her I remember she's the reason you are… here. I just can't see past that… I don't know if I ever will."

Tears streamed down her face. Since he died, her world seemed to have become lackluster, empty. And to add insult to injury, her mother had just practically disappeared from her life. She felt guilty for her husband's death and that feeling had created a gap between them. They were not mother and daughter anymore, just strangers who looked at each other awkwardly when sharing lunch or a once in a blue moon breakfast.

And Clarke was not faring any better. Not really. She also blamed her. In the back of her mind and very deep inside she understood that it was not fair to do so, that death was part of life and that it could claim anyone at any given moment, but still…

If her mother and father had not fought that night. If her mother had not slapped him, he would not have stormed out of the house and started the engine of his car. He would not have been furious and maybe, just maybe, he could have thought on his feet when a reckless driver went through the red light.

So yes. She resented her mother.

A bitter taste in her mouth has her cue to change topics and she wiped her tears mixed with rain drops with the back of her left hand.

"I've been dating a guy for quite some time now. I met him eight months ago. His name is Finn and I think he's ok. I mean, he's kind and he makes me laugh, so… Let's see where that goes."

Clarke wished she could sound more excited when talking about her boyfriend. However, something was off. Dating him felt more like a compromise than a delight. Of course she liked him, that is why they were together. It was just that… She could not put a finger on what the issue was. It was simply not what she had expected. Then again, she never truly knew what to expect in terms of a relationship. He was her first serious partner. Maybe she needed more time to feel more at ease. Maybe love was not supposed to be passionate and crazy, just warm and comfy.

Another sigh turned into a ghostly fume that quickly dissipated in the wind.

"I miss you, dad. I miss your lame jokes and I miss watching soccer games while eating popcorn and BBQ wings till we burst. I miss looking at the starts while you ramble on and on about the creation of the universe and your nutty theories. I… I just miss you."

She looked up and had to close her eyes so more water would not blur her vision. No stars for them tonight.

It was getting colder and the rain was getting ruthless as well.

"Anyway… I've got to go, dad. It would be rude of me to get sick and miss my first day at work, wouldn't it?" She bent down, kissed the tips of her right hand fingers and placed them on the tombstone, right on her father's carved name. "I love you…"

She smiled at the lifeless piece of stone, turned around and strolled away.

In the distance, she thought she had seen a human shape coming down a hill, but as soon as she attempted to focus on it, it vanished into thin air.

She shook her head.

Who would be insane enough to be in a graveyard at night while lighting rattled the sky over their heads?

Only herself, that's for sure.