Okay... I know that I still have another story... but I have hardly time to write... and that story popped into my head. 'Like a virgin' was awesome... really... that is my tag :) Enjoy.
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Bedtime talk.
"Sam... come on... sleep. I can't sleep with you thinking this loud." Dean tries to sound annoyed, but he smiles. I can hear it. I want to answer, but I don't know what to say. The truth would probably give Dean a good reason to kill Cas...
It's been a long time since I've seen Dean this... protective... gentle... caring... It makes me feel like I'm a kid again and for now it's really great to know that somebody... well... cares.
"Sam? You need anything?" Dean asks and I hear him move. He sits up so he can have a better look at me. I look up. I can't really see him in the darkness, but I see that he sits.
"I'm okay." I answer. Do I need anything? God... Dean really wants to drive me crazy. The last time he'd asked me a question like that was in the night before he went to hell. Afterwards I've destroyed everything... with Ruby... the demon blood, setting Lucifer free, being Lucifer's vessel and just destroying our whole relationship.
"Sam... you can tell me..." Dean tries again. I huff... I don't earn that. The way he looks at me, the way he talks to me... the way he has hugged me. No "brutal" bear hug, no manly back-slapping, no knuckled fists pressed against my back. Just gentle hands embracing me back, holding me.
Everything is different and I don't earn this... I've hurt him so badly the last three years? Four years? Damn it... my head hurts...
And he acts like nothing has happened... the only thing is...
"Why are you calling me Sam?" I bite my lip, startled. What the hell? Where did that come from?
"What?" Dean turns on the light. "Are you okay? Have you hit your head, fighting the dragon?"
"What?" I look up at him. "Oh... No... no... Dean... I know that my name is Sam. I'm just..."
"Good... Don't freak me out like this." Dean stretches again on his bed, but still looks at me. "Why don't you sleep for a while... You have to be tired. I'll wake you up if you have nightmares."
"What the hell is wrong with you Dean?... I'm really thankful that you're protective like that... and that you... seem to forgive me... but you're... not you..." I sit up now, immediately regretting to shout at him.
"Sleep, Sam." Dean prods, gentle.
"Dean... come on please... you're confusing me. You should hold grudge... it's just not you to forgive that... easily." I explain.
"I don't forgive easily." He hits the headboard, turning around to face me again. "You were gone for one year... then you come back... well... that robo-Sam-shell comes back and I think I have my little brother back... For about one day I thought that I had my brother back." He calms down again.
"Sam... I had enough time to think... about everything. I don't need another year arguing with you about things you're not responsible for. You paid your dues and did so much more by locking Lucifer back into the cage. You trusted me with the whole Michael thing and you really made up for the whole Ruby-stuff and the demon blood." He pauses.
I feel tears in my eyes. I don't know everything that's happened last year but somehow I feel happy about it. "Dean..."
"Sam... let me finish." Dean interrupts and changes seats, so he sits beside me on my bed. "You are back... the real you... and we have such a big luck that you don't remember hell... damn it... Sam... Cant you just accept it? It wasn't you... it was like... like... you were possessed or back in that Asylum..."
God... That's been ages ago.
"I don't remember anything, man... but Cas told me horrible things... I don't really get how Bobby or you can forgive me... or forget that."
"Sam... Bobby considers you as family..." Dean scoots back so he leans against the wall, one of his knees brushing against my side. "Of course he forgives you... I mean he'll probably have a hard time... but he will also forget everything." You're my little brother... I already forgave you.
I smile, realizing that I still could reading him like a book.
"You think?" I turn around so I'm able to look at him. You really mean that?
"Yeah... of course. Bobby might be a jerk sometimes but he... loves you." At least Dean stumbled over the word. I know I've been given you a hard time, but I love you.
"He's not a jerk... he... he has a right to be mad... I tried to kill him... I don't know how I can make that up again... he wants to protect me... I should have listened more to him... ever since you... went to hell." I blush. You haven't done anything wrong, I'm so glad that you're my big brother. I should have listened to you more, not rebelling the whole time. I'm sorry.
"Yeah... it's okay... we all make mistakes but I... uhm Bobby... forgives you." Dean gives a small chuckle. He seems so damn happy.
"Okay... I still can't wrap my head around it... but... I'm happy about it." I nod, sitting down beside him, shoulders touching. I sill have the feeling that I don't earn that kind of love and forgiveness, but I won't complain about it. My brother's happy... so I'm happy too. "So why do you call me Sam?"
Dean faces me, smiling. "You really want to be that chubby twelve year old again? I thought you don't like your nickname." He teases, making me look at my hands. "I'm sorry... I'm just used to that name by now... I couldn't call that robo-Sam 'Sammy'."
"Oh..." I chew at my lip.
"Let's go to bed. Sammy." Dean pats my shoulder, standing up to move to his own bed. "You need your sleep and I don't want my whole life to turn into a big chick-flick moment."
There is my big brother again. "Hey... it's your fault, dude... you're the one who behaves like mother-hen."
"Yeah... I also need sleep." He covers himself up with his blanket. "And you stop thinking that way... you're forgiven and you haven't done anything wrong... anything Sammy. And you can always wake me up when you have a bad dream. So please try to sleep." He turns off the light.
I smile, laying down. "Love you, too, man." I whisper a few minutes later.
"Oh god... kill me right now... I was talking about Bobby...he... ah... shut up..." Dean's voice is annoyed, before it turns dead serious. "I'm glad to have you back, man... and now... let's sleep and pretend that that conversation has never happened."
I smile, turning around so I face Dean. "Thanks for not giving up on me... and... not killing me."
"Not funny Sam..." Dean's voice is light.
"I'm gonna make everything up to you." I promise, closing my eyes.
"Just don't scratch the wall... that's everything I need you to do." He asks. I can't lose you again.
"Okay... can do that." My voice slurs already. For you. "Ey... you want to hear something funny?"
"Hm?"
"Cas tried to hug me..." I tell my brother, enjoying my brother's laugh that followed.
I smile... that is great.
And suddenly I'm not so scared of nightmares anymore.
