This is a very different Kakashi than I wrote in Prince of Konoha. I wanted to do ANBU Kakashi and also time travel and bodymorphin' Naruto, so this happened.
I do not own Naruto.
"Hey, no, what?"
Who's there? Enemy? Can't be, I made it back to Konoha, didn't I?
"No! What are you doing, you bastard? You're not supposed to die here."
What a laugh. I'm ANBU, kid. It was only a matter of time.
"You're supposed to live a long and unhealthy life. You've got porn to read, students to annoy. Stop it, stop bleeding!"
Say the magic wo~ord. Ow! What the hell?
"C'mon, c'mon, how did Sakura do this? Crap. Crap. Crap."
Kakashi returned to consciousness with a weight on his neck and waist, pulling at his wounds.
It's funny because I should be dead.
After a few groggy moments, Kakashi recognized the weight as a small person clinging to him and sniffling quietly. His first instinct was to shove the unknown kid away. The second was to comfort a crying child. He obeyed neither, just tipped his head back and focused on assessing what he had thought was fatal damage.
Slice on his upper right arm. Possible fracture in his right wrist. Stab wound on his right lower leg, kunai still embedded, missed the bone. Three cuts on his right shoulder blade, currently pressed into the grime of an alley, probably infected. Covered in minor scratches, but no severe damage on his left side. Gaping hole in his stomach.
Except not. The hell?
"Kid."
The sniffles stopped and the kid jerked backwards, shifting his weight off Kakashi's injured stomach, aggravating it anew. "You're awake."
"Yes, I am." Years of training allowed Kakashi to remain stoic in the face of blinding pain. "What happened?"
The kid was covered in street muck and clearly an urchin. His eyes were bright blue, however, and looking at Kakashi with adoration. The look was abruptly replaced by wariness, and the kid scrambled off Kakashi's lap.
Kakashi winced when a limb tapped the kunai in his leg.
"I was scared you were gonna die."
"That's when you call the medics, kid. Tears don't help anybody."
The brat had the gall to scowl at him, eyes watering again. "Whatever. I'll let somebody know you're here."
The kid disappeared, and a few minutes later two medical nin landed in the alley. Kakashi had just enough time alone to realize that his Hound mask had been pushed up, and correct the issue.
The medics were baffled by Kakashi's injuries. They refused to explain what was wrong, but insisted on more and more tests. Kakashi decided retreat was his only option, and escaped to his apartment.
Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Kakashi prodded at the large, warped scar now decorating his stomach. It was just slightly off-center, and persisted despite the medics' best efforts to heal away. He pivoted back and forth at the waist, grimacing. It would take a while to regain full flexibility. Luckily, Tenzou still needed some time to get his teamwork skills up to snuff. Kakashi could handle being village-bound for a few weeks.
At least I'll always have my pretty face.
Now officially given the no-leave order, Kakashi decided it was time once again to visit the Obito, Rin, and Minato. They were obligated to put up with his angst.
When he arrived at the memorial stone, however, he found his usual spot occupied. The street urchin who'd found him was kneeling in front of the stone, one hand reaching out to trace names.
Kakashi thought he was still well out of range, but the kid's head snapped up. There were tear tracks in the dirt on his face, but Kakashi wouldn't have made a bet on whether they were fresh or left over from just over a week ago. It was probably the same dirt. The kid jumped up and backed away from the memorial stone. "Right, I forgot. I'll just- I'll just go."
Nope.
The boy's arm was bony, but not as much as Kakashi had been expecting. His time in the alley was foggy at best, but he recalled the arms wrapped around his neck had been skeletal. Kid must have had a stroke of luck.
"How old are you? Seven, eight?"
The brat smirked for a second, before shifting to a frown. "I'm nearly five. What do you want?"
"You recognize me, right?"
"It's difficult, now that there's so much less blood on your face," the boy deadpanned.
Kakashi eye-smiled. "Let me thank you for calling the medics."
"You didn't seem very grateful." The kid tugged at Kakashi's grip, wary now.
"Forgive me my severe blood loss." Kakashi decided to sweeten the deal. "I'll feed you."
Instant eagerness. "Ramen? Pay for all-I-can-eat Ichiraku's and I'll consider myself thanked." Big, blue puppy eyes stared up at Kakashi.
"Agreed."
The kid fist-pumped.
"On one condition." Kakashi refrained from chuckling at the way the kid drooped. "I'll not be seen with you like this. You need a bath."
"Could I take one at your apartment? Oh, Kami, to be clean again," the boy agreed, rapturous.
"You're really not wary of strangers. How do you know I'm not a perv?"
The kid snorted. "Pervert, yes, pedophile, no. Now, bath, yes?"
Kakashi sighed. "Follow me."
Did I do something to piss off the powers-that-be?
A skinny kid was rummaging through Kakashi's drawers. The street urchin was clean and wrapped in a towel, revealing bright, familiar blonde hair.
Naruto.
Naruto pulled out one of Kakashi's old shirts, worn out, too small, and meant to have been binned. "I can use this, right?"
"You'd drown in it."
Naruto grinned at him. Kami, how had he not recognized that face earlier? The kid looked just like Kushina. Except for the whisker scars on both cheeks. Kakashi remembered seeing those when Naruto was a baby. He'd hoped they would fade with time.
Despite Kakashi's protest, Naruto pulled on the shirt, maneuvering so his towel didn't slip as he did.
Kakashi couldn't help laughing. "Nice dress."
"Shut up, mu- er. Shut up. I'm not putting those rags back on until they're washed." The boy shuddered.
Kakashi's shirt hung to Naruto's knees, and the attached mask was pooled around the kid's neck like a scarf. Naruto flapped his arms around, attempting to get his hands free of the long sleeves.
"Help me roll these up, would you?"
With a sigh, Kakashi stepped forward and assisted. Naruto gave him that adoring look again. "What?"
The kid jumped back. "Nothing. Nothing. Ramen time!" He darted toward the door.
"Oi, you still need pants! Brat!"
"I'm wearing a dress!"
Kakashi followed the kid out of his apartment and looked around for a blonde head. Panic flared briefly when he didn't see one, but then a small hand grabbed his.
"C'mon, ramen!" Naruto dragged Kakashi along. Somehow he had contrived to use Kakashi's mask as a hood, completely covering his hair.
Naruto was surprisingly nimble for a four-year-old. He wove through the crowds with ease, and never failed to account for Kakashi's presence. The kid would make a brilliant shinobi with awareness like that, though thinking of why Naruto must have developed it made Kakashi furious and guilty.
Having taken guard detail on Naruto a few times, Kakashi also soon realized why Naruto had created his 'hood'. Without his blonde hair on display, Naruto was just another kid dragging around his babysitter. Not the Kyuubi container. It burned that Naruto had learned to hide his identity just to be treated with basic human dignity.
"Hey, old man!" Naruto called cheerfully, not even having to duck to get beneath the ramen stand banners. A wave of nostalgia hit Kakashi as he followed. Minato and Kushina used to drag him here, with or without Obito and Rin.
"Naruto-kun," the cook greeted. What had his name been? "Jounin-san."
"He's paying for my meal today, Teuchi-san!" Ah, Teuchi, that was it. "Two pork ramens, please."
Teuchi raised an eyebrow at Naruto, then looked over at Kakashi.
"He's not like the usual sort," Naruto assured the cook. 'Usual sort'? Who was paying for Naruto's meals?
"I didn't expect so," Teuchi said primly. "What can I get you, jounin-san?"
"Miso, please."
Naruto's leg bounced as they waited. Then his feet tapped. His fingers drummed. Finally, the boy's will broke and he looked up at Kakashi. "I'm not in trouble for knowing who you are, right?"
"I won't tell if you don't."
The boy's grin was blinding. "Thanks, lo-" Naruto coughed. "You're the best."
That was the second time this morning Naruto had cut himself off. Kakashi knew better than to let any curiosity show, but he noted the oddity. Naruto had also seemed strangely emotional about a complete stranger in the alley, though Kakashi could put that down to the boy's compassionate nature. And how comfortable he was in a dress could be due to using whatever clothes were on hand.
Then Naruto crossed his legs, the motion far too practiced for a four-year-old boy, and suddenly Kakashi was filled with dark suspicion for who Naruto's 'usual sort' were.
The boy glanced over at him and tilted his head. "'Kashi?" His eyes went wide. "Damn."
Kakashi grabbed his arm before the boy could escape. "How did you know my name?"
"You- ah, introduced yourself? People do that, you know." Naruto tried to grin, but it was sickly.
Kakashi reviewed their interactions and confirmed that no, he definitely had not given his name. Probably rude, but that was beside the point.
A bang from the kitchen snapped Kakashi's attention away from Naruto, though he kept his hold.
"I thought you said he wasn't like the usuals, Naruto-kun," Teuchi said, sounding a terrifying mix of deadly and pleasant, for a civilian.
"He's not! Kakashi is fine, promise." Naruto sounded completely sure, despite the way his arm was surely aching in Kakashi's grip.
"Why don't you sit back down, Naruto-kun?" Kakashi suggested, matching Teuchi's tone. Naruto obeyed. "Now, explain."
Naruto shrugged. "Alright. I guess we'll be back for ramen later, Teuchi-san."
"If he doesn't come back, I know whose name to give the police."
Kakashi released Naruto when they arrived back at the apartment.
Naruto plucked at his shirt-dress and scuffed his foot, darting occasional glances at Kakashi. "'m not sure where to start."
"Let's start with how you know my name."
"The answer to that is… misleading. Technically, you did introduce yourself to me."
Kami preserve me.
"Fine, then start at the beginning and give me the short version."
"Alright, I guess? Um." Naruto took a few steps back and sat on the floor, leaning back n his hands. "So, when I became a genin you were my jounin instructor. You kinda sucked at it. There was a big war when I was seventeen or so, all the nations versus some really terrible people, but we eventually won. You became Hokage after that. Then a few years later you gave me this stupid mission." Naruto waved his hands, apparently unsure how to convey Kakashi's absurdity. Kakashi's brain had stalled somewhere around 'jounin instructor' and gave up entirely at 'Hokage', but he managed to catch most of what Naruto said.
"I had to dig through ruins for some old scroll this weird rich guy wanted. Of course with my luck it can't be that easy. So a half dozen missing-nin arrive, no problem, I beat them and get to digging around. Except now I have this gash on my arm, you know? It was almost healed up, but still dripping. And I bleed on a bit of artwork, and it starts to glow red, and then I can't control my limbs and everything is sorta blurry. Eventually I figured out I was sent back into my three-day-old body. Something about when Kurama's chakra settled, is my best guess. Kurama being the Kyuubi no Kitsune."
Kakashi joined Naruto on the floor, and the boy gave him a sympathetic smile.
"You couldn't get back?"
"I was a baby, Kakashi. Even if I have the spiritual chakra for it, my physical chakra was worthless. There's no getting back for me. It would take me decades to create such a seal, even with Tobirama and my dad's notes. And by then, there won't be a future to go back to. I-" Naruto choked for a moment, then admitted quietly, "I've spent the past four years grieving. All of my precious people are gone. When I die, I won't see them. They'll have never existed."
"And the first time you saw me, I was bleeding out," Kakashi realized, horrified.
At that, Naruto laughed, apparently shaking of his melancholy. "I may be trapped in an itty bitty body, but I'm still a ninja, Kashi. I've followed you around a few times. Even if you're not my Kakashi, you're a heck of a lot more like yourself than my teammates are. Seeing you is… good. It helps."
"I would have noticed you."
Naruto grinned like a fox. "Henge!" A puff of smoke cleared to reveal a young brunette woman in a modest black dress, sitting with her legs crossed off to her side. "What about me, Kakashi?" the woman purred. "Would you have noticed me?"
"Oh Kami, you're four."
"I'm twenty-two, you bastard. Older than you." Naruto sniffed and continued pretentiously, "You may have noticed that my body is well on its way to catching up. I'd say it's about nine. Last time I looked young at that age from malnutrition, so I don't mind if speeding up the growth leaves me short and skinny. Kurama's chakra fixed that once I hit eighteen. I ended up only a few centimeters shorter than you." Naruto picked a piece of dog hair off his new dress. "I stay in this form or the male counterpart whenever I can get away with it. Even if it's not me, it's hella better than trying to pass my body off as four, never mind talking like a four-year-old street rat. Teuchi recognized me from my ramen intake, so at least I don't have to pretend in front of him."
To drown the litany of Four, four, he's four, Kakashi asked, "Why a woman?"
"Curves rock, and dresses are comfortable. Sometimes it feels wrong and I have to switch back, but for the most part it doesn't really matter what body I'm in. My partner didn't mind, either. You're taking this all very well."
Kakashi blinked. "I'm probably in shock."
"Fair enough."
They sat in silence for a while. Naruto flipped onto his stomach and waved his - still female, and shapely - legs in the air.
"Hokage, really?"
In this form, Naruto's laugh sounded just like Kushina. His voice was filled with fondness as he said, "Yeah. You claimed you were just warming the seat for me, but you were actually brilliant at it. Helping the village one blatant lie at a time."
"Blatant lie?"
Naruto choked on his laughter and switched to a male form, this time blonde. "That's right, you're still in ANBU! Kami, I can't wait to see what you come up with this time." At Kakashi's inquiring look, he continued, "You have no idea how to socialize, Kashi. So when you rejoined the regular forces you picked out a persona and ran with it. Though of course you were still an asshole. You drove us insane."
Kakashi smirked. It sounded fun. Perhaps mostly because Naruto clearly liked him that way. In fact, the man - Kushina's face with masculine overtones, and unfairly attractive - was giving Kakashi that adoring look again. Kakashi could allow it, if Naruto saw Kakashi as a connection to his lost future.
After another few minutes of companionable silence, Kakashi asked, "What now?"
Naruto henged back into an adult the moment their door shut, as usual. He staggered toward the couch and fell down onto it face-first. Naruto needed a moment to bask in his old, happy memories, so Kakashi made tea.
Two years ago it was unthinkable that Kakashi would ever be close enough to another person to not only know how to comfort them, but to want to. Now it was just as unthinkable not to be. When the nightmares got too much, or a mission clung to him past the village gates, or he had a bad day, Naruto was there to sooth the horrors away. Reciprocating was a matter of course.
Tea made, Kakashi returned to the couch to find Naruto curled into a ball and crying silently. One of the worst sort of days, then, as he had anticipated. Kakashi set both mugs on the table and sat next to Naruto, letting the older man slump into his side. It was only a matter of time until the flood arrived.
"I'm supposed to be happy for him," Naruto began. The tea would still be warm, then. "I should be happy, because he gets to grow up with his family and not hate his brother and not get cursed or betray the village. He deserves every good thing that's going to come from this. He does, even if he never believed it. I should be happy for him but I'm not. I want my brother back and I hate him for not being that person. I hate that he's probably going to grow up as a sheltered brat and never know how grateful he should be for it." Naruto twisted and hugged Kakashi, burying his face in the jounin's neck. "I hate that I love him so much. I hate that seeing him smile makes me happy. I hate that his stupid duck hair is so endearing. I hate that he's a child, and he'll never be my brother. I hate that I relate better to Shisui and Itachi than to him."
Kakashi ran his hand through Naruto's hair. The man didn't really expect him to say anything, sympathetic or otherwise.
"Give me my tea," Naruto demanded grumpily, wiggling to get off Kakashi and make grabby hands at their mugs.
Kakashi obliged, and they resettled back to their former position, now with tea. Drained of words, Naruto would 'soak up Kakashi's silence' - his words, not Kakashi's - until the tea was gone. Then Naruto would act functional again, even if he wasn't. They both found it easier to release their grief in controlled bursts. The alternative was to drown in it.
"This is surprising," Kakashi commented, studying the woman spread dramatically across their sofa. One hand was flung over her eyes, the other dangling, still hooked around a pair of strappy heels.
"Men are pigs. This is not news."
Kakashi snorted. "What was it this time?"
Naruto rose to a seated position and turned big, blue eyes on Kakashi. Fortunately, he was immune. Naruto huffed. "I was out with Kurenai and Anko and a guy hit on Kurenai, and she burst into tears. Anko nearly skinned the poor man, but instead managed to get his number - no idea how - while I worked out what had set Kurenai off. Apparently she an Asuma are on the outs again. Anko went home with the guy and I was forced to give Kurenai the exact same advice Asuma got last time."
"I should not have enough context to understand that."
"I shouldn't have enough context to understand that. How did I ever become a Yamanaka? Inoichi came to me for gossip last week. This is unacceptable. We need to flee to the mountains until everyone forgets our names."
"At least you have the hair for it," Kakashi returned cheerfully.
"Shut up, mutt."
Kakashi spun around as he heard Naruto choke. She was still sitting, but now staring blankly at the floor, covering her mouth and blinking past tears. Kakashi had no idea what had happened. They'd learned most of each other's triggers over the years, and while Kakashi was a bit offended by the new nickname, he couldn't guess why Naruto would panic over saying it.
Seeing as how Naruto was clearly not recalling happy memories, Kakashi walked over and crouched in front of her. Usually Naruto's eyes would snap to his face and the memories would leave, but today Naruto shut her eyes tight and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You deserve more than that. I'm so sorry."
"It's not the worst thing I've been called," Kakashi assured her, reaching out to carefully take the shoes from her and set them on the floor. Then he took her hand.
Naruto shook her head again. "I- I called him that."
"It's alright, Naru. I told you it was fine, right? I'm not-not him, after all."
Naruto finally met his eye. She swallowed and dropped her henge entirely. Naruto's real body was painfully skinny as a seventeen-year-old, no matter how much Kakashi and Teuchi fed him. He'd finally agreed to stop speeding his aging last year, but it had messed with his metabolism more than they had realized. Kakashi suspected he was constantly hungry, although Naruto never complained about only having five meals a day.
Kakashi rubbed his thumb along the bones of Naruto's hand and waited for the other man to say something.
"I used to call him that when he annoyed me," Naruto explained, which was unusual, as Kakashi had requested not to be told too much about his alternate self. He knew how impossible it was to compete with a dead man. It had taken several years and many shouting matches for Kakashi to stop comparing Naruto to his parents. "It was a joke, from a comment Gomoichi made. He doesn't like dogs, you know? But he said he could like Kakashi, because, 'He may be a mutt, but he's your mutt.'"
Naruto looked at him fearfully, but Kakashi didn't understand. "What about it?"
"He was a mutt, but he was my mutt. That partner I mention sometimes? That was him. We were together."
We were together. Kakashi wanted time to process that idea. He hadn't really considered it before. By the time his brain had finally recognized that Naruto wasn't just a mature four-year-old, they had already been close friends and living together. And though Naruto never dated, he had no compunctions about getting a free lunch out of a casual pick-up, man or woman.
But Naruto was curling in on himself, looking all the more pitiful for being in his most fragile form.
Kakashi raised a hand and caressed Naruto's cheek. "Good to know he got some things right."
Tears spilled. "I love you. I love you. So much."
Kakashi pulled Naruto's head down and kissed his cheek. "I love you, too. All of you."
Naruto sighed happily, head dropping to rest on Kakashi's shoulder. With a puff, he henged into his adult male form. "I'm not usually this weepy, you know. It's the teenage hormones."
"Mm. And the gossiping, that's those teenage hormones taking over?"
Naruto laughed. "Nope, I take all responsibility for that. Itachi needs a more sane influence than Shisui and Yamato, and hearing Iruka grouch about my class is priceless."
"You torture that man."
"You approve."
"I so do," Kakashi agreed gleefully. Then he shivered, because Naruto had just kissed his neck.
"Is that okay?" Naruto murmured.
"Very. Can we turn your bedroom into a guest room?"
"We can turn your bedroom into a guest room. I am not moving my seals."
"The silencing one will come in handy."
Naruto fit his mouth fully to Kakashi's neck, and it abruptly became hard to think.
"In- In fact. I think we- ah- could use them right now."
Kakashi found Naruto in front of the bathroom mirror, poking at his chest. He yawned. "What're you doing?"
Another poke. "I can barely feel that little notch."
Kakashi perked up and joined his lover in front of the mirror, skimming his hand along Naruto's ribs.
"You're supposed to be checking for weight gain, love, not copping a feel," Naruto said dryly.
"I can multitask." And Kakashi knew how every inch of Naruto's skin felt beneath his fingers. It seemed that familiarity had prevented him from noticing. Kakashi grinned. "You've got some meet on your bones!"
Naruto spun around and kissed him.
The corners of Kakashi's mouth curled. "Celebratory morning sex?"
"You must be kidding," Naruto denied. "I'm gaining weight! We are going to have a breakfast fit for the daimyo and then second breakfast at Teuchi's, all I can eat ramen. Then the Akimichi grill for lunch, and then you're going to tell Genma I haven't been eating well. Then a picnic for dinner and a tub of ice cream for dessert!"
"You'll die if we do that," Kakashi deadpanned. "Teuchi's for lunch and no lying to Genma. The usual snacks in between. I do expect that picnic, however."
"Deal." Naruto grinned and gave Kakashi's shoulders a happy little squeeze.
Kakashi kissed Naruto again, then closed his eyes and set their foreheads together. The knot in his chest that tightened every time he saw Naruto's body began to loosen, ever so slightly, and the relief left him warm. "I love you."
"Love you, too."
