I'm No Angel
Chapter 1
Hi again. Nope, haven't croaked or run off with the cabana boy. RL had taken precedence as both husband and laptop needed repair. Haven't abandoned Cujo V either. That story will be completed as soon as my sense of humor has recovered as well. In the meantime, here is a story that depicts Steve in a less than favorable light. You may not agree with this view of our hero but I hope you'll read it anyway. Inspiration for this was provided by the late Greg Allman's song 'I'm No Angel', (especially the line about the tattoo).
*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0* Hawaii 5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*
Drowning
Sometimes it was a tidal wave; a wall of water that crashed over his head to tumble him into darkness. There was no way to hold it back.
He'd tried.
And, despite the hands that reached out to keep him from being swept away, they couldn't keep him from the abyss of his own dark thoughts.
He'd struggle against its force. He'd hold his breath for as long as he could but it was never long enough.
Then he drowned.
Drowned in the violence of which human beings are capable. Drowned by monsters who saw purity then were compelled to destroy it. Drowned in the blood of the innocent.
Drowned by the very relentlessness of evil.
Though most of this mayhem was deliberate, sometimes it could be merely random; a wrong-place-wrong-time happenstance. A stray bullet or speeding vehicle leaving a void no other could fill. And in their wakes those who remained among the living could only scream out their pain.
He'd come to recognize the futility of protecting those who may have been doomed from the moment they drew their first breaths. Despite his and his team's efforts, people were still going to be murdered, maimed, or damaged irreversibly. There seemed no way to fight it.
Eventually, despite all his training and skills, the dark waters would close around him and it was time to go.
That's when the word 'classified' came in handy.
He'd smile, lie to friends who knew there could be no questions, sling his duffle over his shoulder, and stride out the door.
…
The day is bright and the air cool and crisp. Like celestial sailing ships, clouds glide between earth and sun, throwing intermittent shadows on what lay below.
The ocean rolled under the pier in relentless surges and ebbs to throw itself against barnacle clad pilings. He felt its power jolting through the wooden planks under his feet then vibrating upward through his body.
'Pacific' meant peaceful but the name is misleading. Though it's the same ocean surrounding the islands of home, the misnamed body of water seemed more ominous from this side of it – its waves more likely to snatch the unwary from casual strolls along the strand.
The menace of its blue depths seemed somehow appropriate. He usually found solace in the sea but right now there's no serenity in it or himself as he gazed out at its agitated expanse.
….
The sun is shining but the wind is cold off the water, prompting her to huddle further into her fleece jacket as she watches from a distance. He stands at the end of the boardwalk, looking out toward the horizon. His head is bare, the hood down on his navy blue windbreaker. She couldn't clearly make out his features but his hair is dark and neatly cropped. Beneath the loose fitting cargo pants and the jacket that flattens against his body with each wind gust, she can tell he's athletically trim. She reminds herself that she's in San Diego, so chances are he's military.
Today is a lazy one for her. Her next job doesn't start until the weekend is over. For now, she's free to wander. People-watching entertains her and it doesn't cost anything; not that she needs to be particularly careful with her funds. The fee she'd been paid for that last job eliminated any worry on that front. Eyes fastened on the lone man at the end of the wooden pier, she sips her cocoa. With the wind and lowered temperature it's too brisk for children to be wandering about. Only those with the most haphazard parenting skills would drag the brats out in this weather.
Most are happy to stay snuggled in their beds at this hour on a Saturday morning; not wander around in what would be mild winter weather in other parts of the world.
For Californians though it's positively frigid. Those hardier souls here this morning are most likely transplants from somewhere else. She smiles at the thought that the natives of 'The Golden State', attired in their usual winter wear of board shorts, parkas and flip-flops would literally be freezing their asses off if they were in Canada at this time of year.
He's moving now. With long, confident strides the lone man walks toward the concession stand a few yards away. At the take-out window she hears him request an espresso; smiling as he does so.
Nice smile.
After paying and dropping a tip into the slotted coffee can beside the window he moved further down the counter to wait for his order. Leaning back against the weathered wood; arms crossed over chest and hips canted so that his weight rests on one leg, he appears relaxed but his eyes are warily evaluating his surroundings.
She recognized it . . . the way one would search for hidden dangers and plan out escape routes. Perhaps there is more to this guy than what's pictured on the outside of the pretty box.
The barista called out to him and he stepped back to the window. As he's handed a steaming cup he thanked her with a nod and brief grin. He stands for a moment, eyes searching the surprisingly crowded area offering seating to patrons of the pier's food vendors.
The Opal Pier is busy today despite the weather. A popular local attraction, its hotel is always booked months in advance. Though she had no previous arrangement, she'd managed to 'finesse' a couple nights lodging from a recent acquaintance – the hotel's reservations manager. Her lodging is only a studio cottage but it's at the very western end of the row of neat little wooden cabins perched over the water. It even has its own deck.
She watched as he craned his neck to look for a vacant seat but, finding none, he shrugged to himself and started to walk away.
"You need a place to sit?" she asked as he came abreast of her table.
He halted and long lashed hazel-blue eyes fastened on her. With brow quirked he asked, "You mind?"
"Not at all. It's pretty crowded today. I'll share." She gestured to the seat on the other side of the small table.
"Thanks." he replied as he set his cup onto the peeling wood and stepped over the attached bench to sit opposite her. He smiled again. It was like a sunrise.
…..
As their day had been crisp and cold, their night was warm and humid. Need entwined with need as bodies writhed, coiling around one another like serpents; skin sliding on sweat-slickened skin; breaths mingling in muffled cries panted into the darkness.
Dawn found them lying half-awake; enjoying the warmth of one another's sated bodies as they lay quietly. The electrical current that had hummed beneath their skins into the long night had finally been switched off. Only a drowsy peace remained.
A bleary glance at a bedside clock signaled an abrupt end to their pleasant languor. Covers were thrown off, discarded clothing located, hasty clean-ups completed and then with one last grin, he was out the door.
Standing at the small bay window of cottage number 6, she watched as he disappeared down the boardwalk and around the corner. Was the swagger a comment on their evening or just the way he moved?
…
Six months later:
Steve sighed and rubbed gritty eyes. He and the team are exhausted. Despite giving it all they had; the kid is still dead. They'd only been able to provide her devastated parents a body to bury.
After an hour of 'persuasion' in the blue room, their suspect had finally confessed and given them directions to her burial site. Lani Holbrook had been found in the Ewa Forest beneath a hollowed out log – her grave marker.
Even though the ten-year-old had been missing for nearly a week; her distraught mother and father had held out hope.
Yeah, there's always hope, he thought bitterly. His loathing of the platitude actually made him curl his lip as he sat silently contemplating his failure to bring the child home alive.
Over three days and nights his team had been relentless in their search. But, no matter what effort was put forth, no matter how desperately one clung to the belief the victim would be found alive, it had all been for naught. They'd subsequently learned the child had been killed not long after her disappearance. The time between the call from HPD to ask Five-0 for their assistance and the moment the kidnapper had snuffed out her young life had been only a mere two hours.
Though he hadn't said it, Steve had the feeling it was hopeless from the moment Five-0 got the call. Their week had been a series of only half-successful resolutions at most; none of them turning out ideally – none of them without casualties. He'd known it was possibly too late to help Lani as well but, come hell or high water, they'd find the one who'd taken her and make sure they'd never ever touch another child.
For her parents there'd be only unimaginable grief. For the searchers there was, at best, a hollow and inadequate victory. Hawaii has no death penalty. The only solace for anyone is that the perpetrator would never again see the light of day outside a prison.
Lost in his dark musing, Five-0's leader didn't see the one standing at his doorway, keys dangling from fingers and an expectant expression on his stubbled face.
"You coming?" asked Danny.
Steve looked up at the man whose appearance reflected how he himself felt. Red-rimmed eyes and a less than perfect coif testified to exhaustion – both physical and mental.
"We're all half-dead, D. Why don't we put-off the case closed get-together?" It certainly couldn't be called a celebration, he thought. "It's not like we saved anyone anyway."
Totally understanding his partner's frame of mind, Danny replied, "We CANT save everyone. You know that, Steven." The compact detective took a step closer to say in a quiet voice, "But who knows how many more kids would have been killed if we hadn't caught him?" It sounded as though he was trying to convince himself as well.
"Yeah, it's just that . . ." Steve's voice trailed off before he shrugged and let out a long exhale."Okay. I guess we shouldn't disappoint the others." Closing his laptop he gathered up his belongings to follow Danny out the door.
The get together at their usual watering hole was glum - more a wake than a celebration of a job well done. Kono drank with purpose; her plan to numb herself then go home and crawl into bed and stay there until the next millennium. Even the thought of her usual routine after a tough case - catching a few waves - didn't appeal to her. This one had kicked her ass . . . and her soul.
Chin felt much the same though he knew he was destined to be his baby cousin's designated driver this evening. He nursed a lone beer for most of the night as he waited for Kono to give-in to her fatigue and call it quits. He had no one to go home to so it was just as well that he stay a while longer. The saying that misery loves company never seemed more appropriate.
Danny sipped lightly because he had to take Charlie to a classmate's birthday party tomorrow. Its attendees would be a herd of kids hyped-up on sugar and like-minded companions. As an added delight, there's a bouncy castle! Being there while hungover would be pure hell.
An additional reason for Five-0's second in command to refrain from getting plowed is that its leader looked like hell before they'd even arrived at the bar. Danny reasoned it may be best to stay sober enough to keep an eye on the idiot.
Lou said, (rather unenthusiastically), that tomorrow he has a date requiring his full, un-hungover, attention. He's supposed to take Renee out to celebrate twenty-two years of wedded bliss so he too had to imbibe on a conservative level. Their anniversary outing was to involve some sort of touristy brunch cruise and then an evening luau at the Hilton. His woman would have words for him if he wasn't fully 'there'. No matter how much he desired the tranquility to be achieved by several shots of Jack Daniels, it wasn't worth the risk of his beloved's wrath.
Steve had no such restrictions. If Catherine was still around, he'd probably cut back on the liquid mood modifier but she wasn't. His 'thing' with Lynn was kind of hit and miss. They'd come to the understanding that theirs was an exclusive relationship but he knew it wasn't a forever one. They hadn't actually talked about a future together but he knew she wasn't 'the one'. He had no desire to risk his heart again. In any case, he was unencumbered for several more days. She'd gone to the mainland for a month-long family visit and wasn't due back for another week. She must really like her family, he'd thought before adding, Well, at least she has a family.
Danny surreptitiously glanced at his partner throughout the evening. Steve wasn't usually a heavy drinker, certainly not the hard stuff, but he'd already put away several shots and was working on another. He and Kono, courtesy of Mr. Cuervo, seemed on their way to drinking one another under the table. The two on the team who are most alike also seem to be seeking respite from their demons at the same rate and speed. At least neither of the idiots will be behind the wheel tonight, thought both Chin and Danny.
As Steve tilted the shot glass back to take a swallow, his eyes suddenly became round. Danny looked in the direction to which he'd been reacting. A tall woman with short dark hair was seating herself at a table set against the opposite wall. She smiled up at the waitress who'd immediately appeared to take her drink order.
Danny turned back to Steve who'd set down his glass to gaze blearily at the newcomer.
"Steve?" he asked as his partner continued to stare at the woman on the other side of the room. The restaurant's lounge was becoming crowded; the noise level rising accordingly. Perhaps he hadn't heard him?
"Steve?" repeated Danny. Again no response. He waved a hand in front of his partner's face to get his attention. "Earth to Steve." he sing-songed.
"Huh?" asked Five-0's leader as he averted his gaze from the mystery woman to fasten glazed eyes on the man who is now annoyingly snapping fingers in his face.
Finally having succeeded in getting his partner's attention, Danny asked, "You see someone you know?"
Blowing off the question with a shrug Steve replied, "No, umm, just someone who looks sort of familiar. It's not them. Now one I know."
Though unconvinced, Danny nodded.
"Hey boss!" slurred Kono who'd noted her leader's distraction as well, "Maybe you should go introduce yourself. She's hot! You should hit that."
Chin frowned at her words. Maybe it's time to haul her ass home. His cousin could get a little rowdy when she'd been drinking. He'd certainly pulled her out of less favorable situations when she was younger.
Steve only snorted a response and picked up his glass again.
The Hawaiian woman apparently wasn't done yet. "You know that 'thing' you have with Lynn?" (she'd set down her own shot glass to actually make air quotes), "It isn't going anywhere, brah. We can all see that you're not that into her."
"I like Lynn!" Five-0's leader protested - perhaps a bit too strongly. But he'd taken a half second too long and it hadn't gone unnoticed.
"Yeah, like", responded the team's youngest and only female member. In process of losing the unofficial drinking contest she slurred, "Thass the wrong 'L' word, yur usin' there, brah."
"Time to go home, Cuz." announced Chin as he stood and put his hands on Kono's shoulders - signal for her to stand as well.
"Nah, it's still early!" she protested, brushing his hands away and addressing Steve once again. "Lynn's nice but she's not, ya know, Catherine. Now that woman had you comin' and goin' but I bet mostly . . ."
Danny nearly choked on the beer he'd been sipping.
Chin didn't let her complete the sentence. "Okay, that's it, Water Woman" he announced as he put his hands under her arms and pulled her upward. "I've gotta get you home before this turns into something that's going to require bail money."
"I'm bettin' on Kono." chuckled Lou as Chin frowned a 'Don't encourage her' at him.
Steve was silent as he blinked at his obviously inebriated teammate. Kono had hit it on the head. Lynn isn't Cath. Finally he said calmly and quietly, "Yeah, maybe it is time for Kono to go home and get some rest."
He didn't sound angry. He didn't sound anything.
*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0* Hawaii 5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*5-0*
Have completed several chapters of this story. Next chapter will be posted on Monday. I hope you'll let me know what you think of this – good or bad – all comments are welcome.