Four years old with my back to the door. All I could hear was the family war.
A four years old Olivia White stood with her back against the back door. She stood with her right hand already on the doorknob. Some days she felt like running. Today was one of those days. Her dad and gran were fighting once again. Ever since her mom died, things between them weren't the best. Every night her dad would come home drunk with a bottle of vodka in hand. Her gran was fed up with this and yelling at him again.
You're selfish hands always expecting more. Am I you're child. Or just a charity award.
After Olivia's gran leaves appalled, her dad arrives in the room. He finds her in the kitchen again, were she stood, still holding the doorknob. Her dad picks her up, trying to loosen her grasp from the single metal object. "No Daddy! No!" she screams crying and shaking her blonde, little head. "Well, I said let go of the door so let go!" he screams slapping her pale face. She let go to pet her cheek now swollen cheek. "Come on baby girl. Obey your daddy." He smiles pulling up her shirt and pulling it over her head. "No Daddy! Please Daddy!" He slaps her already swollen cheek again making her cry harder. "What did I say? Obey me bitch!" She lightened her crying, letting her dad take control of her. Once he was finished, he left her on the kitchen floor, crying. Her gran wasn't back yet. "Why," she cried to herself. Crying even harder, words almost like poetry flowed out her mouth.
You have a hallowed out heart but it's heavy in your chest. I try so hard to fight it but it's hopeless. Hopeless. You're hopeless.
Oh father, Please Father. I'd love to leave you alone. But I can't let you go. Oh Father. Please Father. Put the bottle down for the love of a daughter. It's been 5 years since we spoken last. And you can't take back what we never had.
5 years later, Olivia now gets letters from her father monthly from jail. Her father was locked up for manslaughter and theft at a local gas station. Ironic, right? Even though her dad did send letters every month, Olivia never answered back. She loved her father but he was like a stranger to her. Their relationship didn't grow any better. Ever since that day she couldn't say Daddy, Father, or Dad to his face, only Sir.
Well I can be manipulated only so many times. Before even I love you starts to sound like a lie.
At the end of every letter were 10 simple words. : I miss you. Love you and see you soon. Dad. Every time she reads this, she rolls her eyes at this petty lie.
You have a hallowed out heart but it's heavy in your chest. I try so hard to fight it but it's hopeless. Hopeless. You're hopeless.
Oh father, Please Father. I'd love to leave you alone. But I can't let you go. Oh Father. Please Father. Put the bottle down for the love of a daughter.
Don't you remember I'm your baby girl? How could you push me out of your world?
How could you? I was your one and only baby girl. I was your princess before everything happened. Every night when you left me with Gran, I want you to hold me in your arms and tell me bedtime stories.
Lied to your flesh and your blood. Put your hands on the ones you swore you loved.
Every night after you would go drinking, you came home just to lie to Gran and to tell her that you were working late. Every night you would put your hands on me, touch me, and even rape me. Most of all the biggest lie you ever told was, I love you.
Don't you remember I'm your baby girl? How could you throw me out of your world? So young when the pain had begun. Now forever afraid of being alone.
In school, I was bullied. I guess you wouldn't know or care. Every time they gathered around me, every time they came near me, it reminded me of you. Because of you, I never talked; my teachers probably don't know I can even talk. Some days I would skip classes to stay back and read in the janitor's closet. I guess I picked up one thing from you. But when I was alone, all I could think of was you coming out to attack me again. I bet you wouldn't know this either but I finally found people who understand me. We have a band. They understand me and I understand them. You wouldn't know this but I became close to a boy named Wen Gifford. He's helping me out of the darkness you dragged me into.
Oh father, Please Father. I'd love to leave you alone. But I can't let you go. Oh Father. Please Father. Put the bottle down for the love of a daughter.
I finished singing to my friends. Sniffling while Wen wrapped me into an one-arm hug kissing my hair. Charlie, Wen, Stella, and Mo clapped for me and told me good job. "I hope you finally but the bottle down, Father."