A/N: I appreciate feedback of all kinds- if you really hate it, just be polite. I have to say, the more I read through and edit my stories, the more I think I might have a really dark place in my mind- but I know some of you enjoy that. :)

more A/N: There will be part of the story towards the end that you may not like. I just ask that before you get worried, read the ending.

Takes place sometime early in Season Four.

"Off-world activation!" Chuck yelled. None of the teams were scheduled to dial for at least three hours.

Samantha Carter came to stand behind him. "IDC?"

"No, not- wait, yes!" Chuck looked up at her. They looked at the screen. Sheppard's team.

Both knew that wasn't good. It never was when Sheppard's team dialed early. Or late. Either usually meant trouble. She sighed, thinking she owed both General Hammond and General Landry at least a drink and a sincere apology. It was one of the most terrible feelings in the world to stay here and do paperwork while her people were off-world and she had no way to know what was going on.

"Lower the shield."

Teyla and Ronon came through the gate, covered in sand. They were both gasping and Sam felt her eyebrows raise. She couldn't remember seeing either of them ever so winded.

"Teyla, Ronon?" Seeing the looks from the people in the room, she knew they were worried. They all held a certain amount of superstitious awe for their resident miracle workers. When this team was in trouble, it seemed as if the very air of Atlantis herself became thick with anxiety and fear.

"Where's the rest of your team?" Sam felt her stomach curdle at the look on Teyla's face. "Wait, do you need medical attention? OK, then let's do this in my office." Once they filed through the door, she turned to them. "Now, tell me what happened."

"John and Rodney are still on the planet, they are prisoners of the local council." Teyla's shoulders slumped. "We will not be able to attempt a rescue until the sand storms are over. Rodney told us that there is a magnetic field that becomes unstable when the weather is extreme. He said the jumpers would crash upon exiting the gate."

Ronon added, "The storms last for days."

"So we should send a MALP through and keep checking the weather." Sam radioed Chuck and let him know. "You said they were taken prisoner?"

"They have been taken to the Mountain of Tears to take part in the Seven Trials."

Feeling her eyebrows climb, she was afraid of the answer as she asked, "What is the 'Mountain of Tears'?" How did this team manage to find all the crazies in the galaxy? God, they were worse than SG-1.

"The Mountain of Tears is where they hold trials and keep prisoners. It is also where they perform their ritual of the Seven Trials." Teyla's eyes were grave. "Apparently when he offended the head elder-"

"Rodney offended their leader?"

"Not McKay, Sheppard." Ronon snorted. "Told the elder that he was lucky to have such beautiful daughters. He was doing that thing that always makes McKay call him Kirk. We didn't know you were supposed to pretend they weren't there."

"Yes, and the Colonel was grabbed by soldiers and injured when he resisted. Rodney attempted to convince the elder that the Colonel was not at fault and that he should not have to endure such trials while already hurt." Teyla finished slowly.

Ronon snorted. "No, he told them Sheppard was an idiot and couldn't be held responsible for his actions."

Sam blinked. Yes, that sounded like Rodney. "So they took Rodney with them, too?"

Teyla and Ronon shared a look. "Rodney was quite vocal in his...defense of Colonel Sheppard."

"He was stupid." At the women's looks, he shrugged. "He's not made for this kind of stuff. Now we have two men captured."

"I thought it was very brave of him. The elders compromised. They allowed that the trials be shared, rather than forcing Colonel Sheppard to suffer alone."

"What was the Colonel's injury?" Sam was trying remember to ask all the important things, but couldn't seem to keep her mind focused. Now she understood why General Hammond had sometimes been so frustrated that looked like he was going to go up in a puff of steam.

"Twisted his knee." Ronon lifted a shoulder. "He's had worse."

Sam opened her mouth once at the seemingly callous dismissal of his team leader's injury. Then she remembered reading the files. Oh, yes, Sheppard definitely had had worse. And for a Runner, a twisted knee was probably akin to banging your shin on a chair leg. "So what kind of things are they going to have to do?"

"We were only told that there were seven tests. Fire, Water, Wind, Earth, Blood, Flesh and Heart." Teyla met her stare. "I think these trials will not be easy."

Sam wanted to kick something. She had a feeling that the tests were not going to be something mental puzzle or metaphysical riddle. And if it was a physical kind of test, things didn't look good for the two friends. Rodney wasn't in the best shape, regardless of his off-world missions and his mandatory physicals. And if Sheppard was injured... No, things didn't look good.

Sam called for Major Lorne. They would have to mount a rescue mission as soon as the weather cleared enough to send a jumper. And when it did, they wouldn't be wasting time.

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"You just had to flirt! I can't believe this. No, I absolutely can." Rodney paced the very cramped cell. Five steps in each direction. He waved his arms, and pointed. "It has to be something psychological. Maybe you're a sex addict? Or you just like the thrill of chasing women. Well, what is it?"

Sheppard winced. His head was pounding, and watching Rodney was making him dizzy. "I'm not a sex addict. And, hey, this weird thing you have about me and sex? I'm kind of creeped out by how often you bring it up."

"What? Why?" Rodney frowned. "Anyway, as I was saying, it's finally happened. Your inability to think with your brain has killed us."

John scowled. "We're not dead yet! And hey, I didn't ask you to stay. As a matter of fact, I ordered you to shut up and leave."

"Canadian. Also, not in your military." Rodney smirked. "You wouldn't last a day without me here. You can't even stand up."

"I can stand. If I have to." He wasn't sure, but he thought his knee was totally torn up. It would be bad if they didn't have the Ancient tech to fix it. At least he hoped it could fix it. It was bad enough to get him a medical discharge and a one way ticket back to Earth.

"So, back to what I was saying."

"Is there point to what you're saying?" John wished he had a big old bottle of something. Even ibuprofen would be fine.

"Yes, of course. There is always a point to everything I say. Are you sure you don't have a concussion?" Rodney blinked at him.

"OK, it was my fault. I'm to blame. We can deal with that when we get out of here. Why don't you focus on that?"

"I've been thinking about it. Aside from the terrible weather outside, your lack of direction would be a severe impediment. We're in a maze. We were blindfolded the whole time. Then there is the fact that you won't be able to run. And... There is no way out." Rodney abruptly stopped his pacing and sat next to John. "It's a room that's been hollowed out of a rock mountain. Besides, you can't walk."

John gritted his teeth, wondering yet again how he managed to tolerate the physicist. "I can walk if I have to."

"No you can't. Not without someone to hold you up or carry you, and forgive me for saying so, but you aren't as light as you look."

"Yes, I can!"

"Please. There is no way your knee could stand the strain of standing, let alone running for our lives."

Knowing he was going to regret it because it was a bad idea and wondering how Rodney managed to make him do these things, he used the wall for balance. He stood up and made a very small attempt to set his foot on the floor. He groaned, yelped and nearly passed out from the pain. Collapsing back to the ground, he said, "I hate you."

"No, you don't. You hate that I'm nearly always right." Rodney smiled.

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They came for them about two hours later. Rodney shoved his shoulder under John's arm, muttering about stupid Air Force Colonels who were trying to have a girl on every planet.

The natives were silent and solemn. Rodney tried again to convince them that they were sorry, Sheppard was mentally deficient, that they could still be trade partners. He would take the man home. They had doctors that could help him. The only sign that their guards heard him was the aggravated sigh from the older one.

They were taken to a large cavern. Torches blazed, casting dancing shadows on the copper walls. Every inch of the walls were decorated in strange swirls and colors. Weirdly, it made Rodney think of rainbow sherbet. Which reminded him...

"Hey, I'm really hungry. How do you expect me to function if you starve me? I have a delicate medical condition which requires that I eat at least every four hours. If I don't eat, I will fall into a coma and die." Rodney felt Sheppard's shoulders shaking. "And my friend? Do you see him? Does he really look like he can afford to miss any meals?"

"Hey! I'm not underweight, I'm... lean."

"Whatever. So when are you going to feed us? Oh, and I can't eat citrus. I'm deathly allergic to- Ooof!" He closed his mouth. Never let it be said that Rodney McKay couldn't take a hint.

The guards stripped them to their underwear, even taking their boots. Rodney was not surprised to see that Sheppard was a brief wearing man, while he himself went with boxers. Of course, Sheppard's were black. Rodney curled his lip at the other man when he snickered, "I didn't know you liked teddy bears."

"Shut up! What's wrong with them? They were a gift from Jeannie. And I didn't have anything else clean. And is this really important right now?" Nothing more was said as they were led to a small depression in the floor. It was only large enough to hold five or so men, but only the Lanteans were shoved in. Noticing the small holes, he figured they were drainage. Wouldn't want a pool of blood stinking up the place, would we now?

His attention was caught by a figure wearing a golden robe climbing to a center dais. A hood covered his head, casting his face into shadow. He raised his hands and began to speak.

"A grave insult has been given the Elder House. The Elder has decreed that the guilty party be tested by the Seven Trials. The criminal is to be tested with his brother. They shall share the burden of the Trials equally. They must both survive to be freed. If one fails, so does the other. Death is the sentence for failure."