Hi all!

After seeing the preview clip for 10/11/11, I just felt that I needed to write something to vent my feelings about said clip.

Hence this fic. It's from Syed's point of view, and will obviously be more than a little angsty ;(

I awake and instantly search for the comfort and contact which I've missed during the night, my hands searching for warm skin. My skin collides with nothing but cold empty sheets. I panic for a moment, and then it all comes flooding back to me. I instantly sit up in our bed, my head in my hands. I remember the wild accusations, the violence and the shattered window, the doubt which he says was evident in my eyes. I am such a fool. Of course Christian would never go near Ben. I know that. But somehow, after everything that had happened at New Years, I let that tiny bit of doubt creep back in and take hold of me.

I drag myself out of bed and through into the living room, pulling the duvet with me for warmth against the border up window in the room. I don't feel much like eating, so I curl up on the sofa with the duvet wrapped around me. I feel the tears begin to fall again as I wish it were his arms wrapped around me giving me warmth. I've gone and done it again. I've gone and ruined the best thing I ever had because of my stupid jealous and suspicious mind. Watching him drive off in that taxi brought it all back to me. All the times I've lost him. The time he left at Christmas, before I got married to Amira. The time he left after my wedding. The time he told me he never wanted to see me again. And, more recently, the time when he told me to choose between a family with him or nothing at all.

I had though that we were back on track again after all the drama with Amira. I had thought that he was ok with me spending time with Yasmin. But he was clearly close to breaking point. Usually something like this would be forgiven and forgotten, but this time he didn't seem to be able to forgive me for ever doubting him. I can't believe that this is down to the jealousy of a teenage boy who can't have someone he wants. I can't believe that madman, damaging our home and threatening the love of my life because his son was looking for some attention from him. Ben was bang out of order, but Ive behaved even worse for ever taking Ben's word over Christian's.

We were so happy before all this happened. We were planning our wedding, I was gradually starting to convince Amira to let Christaian be a part of Yasmin's life, and I was the happiest I'd been in ages. Christian had his sister back in his life, and everything seemed to be going right for us for once. I should have known it was all too good to be true. I should have known it would all come tumbling down around me

There's a knock on the door, and I immediately jump up. Christian left his keys behind last night, and I have to cling to the hope that its him, despite the way he left despite my pleading. My face immediately falls when I open the door to Jane. I fix a fake smile on my face and try to convince myself that I can get through this...

I'm aware the line about Amira letting Christain see Yasmin may be a little wishful thinking on my part, but i think I need that wish to keep me same at the moment! Hope this wasn't too angsty! Please R&R ;)