I'm sitting at the table with my best friend at my lap. It's lunch time and all our friends are sitting with us today. We are chatting about random things. By the way, they are, I'm here overthinking about some things that are happening/happened to me through the past few months.

I guess you wanna know what I'm thinking, am I right?

How I explain this to you guys… let me model my thoughts…

I'll start from the beginning:

It's Eighth grade and I was transferred for another school because that's more near from my house. I don't know a soul here. This school is bigger than my other, I like it here. But I'm nervous about make friends. You see, I'm easy to make friends, but I can't be the one that make the first move.

Just when I'm thinking about this the bell rings and I'm obligated to go to my class.

I excuse my presence to the teacher and he says to me to choose a seat and make myself comfortable. Like this was possible.

So I'm sitting here staring at the class, and a group start talking with me, it's two guys and three girls. They are very cool, and really great persons. They asked me if I would like to hang out with them at the lunch and I of course accept, I'm glad that I could make friends this fast.

The classes passed pretty fast and it's time for lunch. I meet up the guys at my locker and we go to the cafeteria, they meet with other people, we introduce ourselves, and I learned that pretty much everybody here goes to Volleyball Team or the Chess Club, or both of them. I thought that was strange that they are athletics and nerds at the same time, but very cool too. Then they explained to me that 'our' school is known for that, we are pretty much the best team at Volley and Chess, so it's normal go to the both activities.

They convinced me to go to the Volleyball's try out and get into the Chess Club.

But about that day, my first day at new school which was more important to me it's was the day I met my best friend. She was in all my classes, but we didn't talk in there, we just talked when we introduce ourselves at lunch, she was with the people that we met there, but at first we didn't talk too much. She was part of Volleyball team and Chess Club both, and was there that we talked, randomly, the whole year.

It was at ninth grade that we become a little closer, we started talk in class, and we sit close each other, we weren't best friends yet, but definitely that was the beginning. Despite that I quit the Volleyball Team, we still got closer, and I thanked God for that.

She helped me when I was really confused about myself, when I started have doubts about my sexuality she stayed by my side, she told me if I really was gay she wouldn't care, and she said she would help me through the whole 'coming out' thing. And as she said, she did.

And was with her 'help' that I got my first girlfriend. She was Mitchie's best friend, and her name was Caitlyn, she had a curled hair, light brown, she was transferred for our school because her she had just moved. We dated for a few months, but at near of the end of the school year, we broke up. It was a mutual break up, I didn't love her, but still see her with another girl upset me, and didn't long a couple months to her start date again.

Now, it's here when the things start happen, you'll see what I'm talking about.

Sophomore Year,

I had to see her everyday, I was still upset that I could be replaced with such facility, so Mitchie was always trying to cheer me up. We'd go hang out at the park, or go get some ice cream, or just talk about random things for phone texting.

We always would be hugging each other, I'm hugger. But she started be all touchy-feely with me out of the blue, I guess she thought I really need physical attention, whatever was her reasons our friends started to think we had a thing. We denied every single indirect or direct they would throw at us. But heeello, she's my best friend, it's normal, isn't it?

So Caitlyn invited us for a party in her grandpa's house, us meaning: me, Mitchie, and Harper. Oh, let me introduce Harper to you guys, she's my best friend since kindergarten, she had moved out, but now she's back, and I pretty much actualized her about everything in my life for phone, skype, facebook, or whatever we could talk, so she knew I was gay, and she said she figured out that before me.

I guess you guys are thinking why Caitlyn would invite me, here's the reason: when we start date I became very close to her family, specially her cousin, she was one of my best friends in school but she had to moved out to another city because of her dad's job, so when her grandpa told her he would make a family party she invited me because I miss her cousin, she invited Mitchie because she's her best friend and I brought Harper because she's my best friend and she, Caitlyn and her cousin know each other. So everybody would be happy.

At the party, me, Harper and Taylor, Caitlyn's cousin, were updating ourselves on our lives, Mitchie and Caitlyn were drinking and talking in another room, nowhere I could see, I started staring the house looking for her.

At sudden Taylor asked me if Mitchie and I were together, me of course denied until the death. Then she dared me to kiss Mitchie. She. Dared. Me. To. Kiss. Mitchie. Guys, you needed to see my face, it was priceless. Like fate, Mitchie had to appear right this time, you see, life doesn't like me.

Then I call her name, and asked to her come closer, when she was a few steps for me I close the gap and grabbed her face bringing our lips together. It was a sweet, soft peck in her lips, but the feeling of her lips on mine, even for a mere seconds, was the best feeling ever. Within seconds I pulled out, and then she stared at me with those her eyes, her beautiful deep brown eyes, like she was trying to read my soul. We stayed that way for a couple moments, until I break the silence and tell her Taylor dared me to kiss her, she just look to Taylor, then me, smiled, and turned around with Caitlyn and walked away from us.

So that night was when everything began.

Not much changed after that night, just now we always give pecks on the lips, but never a real kiss. She always tried to kiss me, for real, but I always turned my face, breaking the contact, she never complained so we were always cool.

Until the day when we, our friends of school and some other people were at my cousin's house, she attends the same school that us but she's a senior, so we almost never hung out together at school. She has invited us earlier that day to come and watch moves and play some games, just to hanging out with us a little

We were saying goodbye and already at front door when someone called our friends to head back and see something on computer, and I wasn't in the mood, I wanted to go home, it was already a little late and I was tired. So I stayed at the front steps and Mitchie stayed with me, we were hugging, and she was a step above me, then she inclined and kissed me. And I don't know why I let her. It was a REAL kiss, and it was perfect. Her soft lips crushed on mine, and I could feel the sweet taste of her, then she licked my lips asking for entrance and I granted her, our tongues danced together for a while until air became a necessity and we pulled apart.

From that night and on, we always hang out together, just the two of us, it's not like we are dating, because we definitely aren't, and I don't know, I think she doesn't have feeling for me, and even of she has, I don't know what I have, I don't know if is just friendship feelings, or passionate feelings, and this is killing me because I don't want to lose my friendship. Guys, I'm confuse, now, what am I suppose to do?