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Kurt knows he's not a top. Not really. So when his thing with Puck starts, it's not a huge deal. Neither of them really know why it starts, or what it is, or why they keep doing it, but one day they make out in the darkened auditorium and the next Kurt fucks Puck in the deserted locker room. And that is literally how it happens. He goes from making out to sex in one day.
But then it's Puck, so that's understandable.
And that's all it is. Sex. It's just getting some of the tension out, and Kurt's been stock piling a lot of tension, so it's fine. It's not like Puck's going to turn down sex, because everyone knows what 'pool cleaning' really means, and it's got nothing to do with pH balance.
It all works out. They don't talk about it, they don't act like a couple, they just have sex. Really, really awesome sex.
It was surprising at first, because they'd had to have one discussion about it. Because Kurt had been looking for more than making out and the potential of a hand-job, maybe. But Kurt wasn't looking to give himself up to Puck, not in the least, because Kurt's still got those dreams of his first time, he's still waiting for love, he's still planning on his perfect night with the boy or man he's in love with and Noah Puckerman is not that boy. And then Puck just casually said 'that's fine' when Kurt mentioned this and Kurt didn't really get just what Puck meant until the jock had prepped himself and Kurt was just stunned. It took Puck growling 'waiting for a fuckin' personalised invitation Hummel?' before Kurt got his brain and body back in working order.
It seemed that Noah Puckerman had no reservations what so ever when it came to sex. Sex, apparently, was sex in any way. Frankly, Kurt wanted to question him; had Puck done this before? Were there other people that Puck had stringless sex with -he knew the answer to that was probably yes- and how many of them were guys? But he couldn't, because they weren't friends and this wasn't about feelings or knowing each other or anything. It was about Puck being willing, and Kurt needing something more. So Kurt fucked Puck in the boys locker room at McKinley High on a Wednesday afternoon when the place was empty. It wasn't life changing; although it felt amazing, and Puck made the most spine tinglingly sexy moans, and Kurt was sure he felt his orgasm down to his toes. But it wasn't meant to be life changing anyway, because it was just sex. Even if Puck had bit a bruise into his forearm to muffle himself, Kurt had bit a similar mark into Puck's shoulder.
And that was how it started.
Everything got easier afterwards, since they both understood how it was going to work. Kurt noticed early on that he was always the one to initiate things -Puck never came to him for sex, he always just waited until Kurt gave him a nod, or a look, or a smirk, or one time, when Kurt just grabbed Puck into the janitors closet. It was after that incident that Puck gave Kurt his cell number and said it'd probably be easier if Kurt just texted him with a time and location when he wanted a booty call. Kurt agreed.
The imbalance didn't make things weird. Kurt didn't feel humiliated or anything when he went to Puck, because when they got to it, when they shucked the clothes and got down to the bare basics, Puck was just as into it as Kurt. It should've warranted a conversation, just how easy it was for Puck to give up to it, just how fine Puck was with being fucked. But they weren't friends so Kurt didn't say anything. And it wasn't just about the sex that Kurt didn't ask.
Kurt didn't ask about the days that Puck skipped school but still showed up to meet Kurt when he texted. Kurt didn't ask about the impressive yellow and green bruises the first time they had sex -because they were in the locker room and it all just reminded Kurt that Puck played football and he played it hard. Kurt didn't ask about the split lip or the times that Puck moves Kurt's hands away from his ribs. Because they don't talk, and it's just sex, and after they're done, if Kurt was going to ask, Puck doesn't give him the chance. He just grabs his stuff and leaves.
Kurt wonders if he should feel bad, since he's really just treating Puck like a whore. One who isn't getting paid. But then, Puck treats himself like that anyway, so why shouldn't Kurt?
#
As far as responsibility went, Puck wasn't exactly the sort to step up and take it. Being responsible was too much like effort or hardwork or 'doing the right thing' and Puck tended to avoid that on basic principle. But, if faced with it, Puck would have to step up and take responsibility for the no-strings sex with Kurt.
And the fact that he was having sex with Hummel was strange enough without adding in the fact that he's pretty sure he was the one who suggested it.
If he had to pin point when it started, and he's still not too sure of it, it might've been the week before the kiss. Britt and Tina had done some number, and they'd pulled Kurt into it and mid-way through, Puck found he was watching Hummel far more than he was Britt. And it wasn't as daunting as Puck would once have thought -a year ago and he would've freaked out, he knew that much. But it didn't really seem like such a big deal now.
But that started the week of wonder; or mild curiosity at least. Puck started to notice more, like the curve of Kurt's ass in those skin tight jeans, or just how soft the line of Kurt's lips looked -especially when he bit at them in concentration. The weirdest thing was probably the non-physical stuff the Puck started noticing though. Like when Kurt found something funny enough to laugh out loud, or when he and Mercedes were excited about some fashion thing, Kurt started using his hands in some pretty wild gestures, that he talked a mile a minute when nervous about something. It struck Puck as weird that he'd notice these things at all.
And then the kiss happened -and really, Puck had thought about it before, he'd thought about if he'd do it, or if Kurt would be the one to try it, if that would be what freaked him out or if something insane would happen from there. It didn't freak him out, and Puck's pretty sure he was the one that started it. He's not even too sure how they ended up in the auditorium alone anyway, just that they ended up there with the lights all dimmed from Rachel's latest explosion of self-involvement. Somewhere between the rest of the guys leaving and both of them leaving themselves, Puck ended up pushing Kurt up against the walkway barrier in the middle of the hall and just, well, kissing him.
Kurt's surprise should've been Puck's, instead it was just an opportunity to really try this whole kissing a dude thing out; getting his tongue in Kurt's mouth had seemed like a good idea, even if he would've expected Kurt to bite him on principle. But Kurt didn't, he just froze for a moment before going for it. The fact that Kurt pressed as close as possible, that Puck's hands held to those sharp, slight and utterly male hips, that just kissing Kurt was starting to turn Puck on, well, Puck wasn't really thinking too closely on any of it. Not when Kurt rocked forward and into Puck, not when Kurt moaned better than anything Santana did, not least when Kurt clung to him tightly and pushed as much need into the kiss as possible.
Later, after Kurt's pulled away and Puck's walked away and neither of them are all that sure what the hell they're doing, Puck takes to time to actually think about things. He kind of likes Hummel -in that he's not completely stuck up, he's got a dry sense of humour and one hell of a sharp tongue. Not to mention the kid has a fucking hot body and can make Puck's head foggy with just a kiss. So, maybe Puck more than 'kind of' like Kurt, it's not really the point. The point is that Puck wouldn't actually mind kissing Kurt some more, if Kurt's up for it. And Puck is strangely okay with that.
And then he surprises even himself by pretty much agreeing to be Kurt Hummel's bitch. Fact is, he's more freaked out by how not freaked out he is. But it turns out to be pretty fucking amazing, pun intended. It's awkward and uncomfortable at first, but then Kurt pulls his shit together and Puck can honestly say that sex hasn't been that satisfying since he nailed his first cougar.
So they keep it up, and it ends up being a pretty good distraction from the rest of the shit going on around him. Kurt is his usual self -he doesn't treat Puck differently just because they're fucking, doesn't ask him for things, doesn't expect him to be nice or whatever, doesn't even want Puck to talk to him in school. And usually the chicks he hooks up with want all that, so Puck's pretty much down with whatever. Giving Kurt his number just makes it all easier. And if Puck happens to drop whatever he's doing when Kurt texts for a hook up, well, that's no ones business but Puck's.
It's not like he's into Kurt, not at all. It's just sex.
But that's starting to sound weak even to himself.
#
They keep it going for five weeks, and then another two when Kurt transfers to Dalton.
In the five weeks that Kurt and Puck are involved in their clandestine affair at McKinley, Kurt is certain he's found places in the school that he never knew existed. He's also had sex in a car, and in a changing room in a store at the mall, and in a public bathroom. It's all wildly inappropriate and probably not going to look good for him if it ever gets out, but funnily enough, Puck is very good at being discreet. It surprises Kurt, because Puck isn't exactly discreet when he's whoring around with his classmates mothers. But maybe it's because he's doing it with Kurt this time, and Kurt doesn't know how that makes him feel.
Except that Puck doesn't act ashamed at all. If anything he's shameless. It took a few tries, but Kurt finally took the bull by the horns -so to speak- and stopped Puck from doing his own prep work. It was possibly the forth time they'd had sex, and Kurt was well aware that Puck didn't mind being the catcher in their little arrangement. But for some reason, Kurt had the urge to go the extra mile one time. Puck had been straddling Kurt, reaching around to do the minimal amount of prep as usual when Kurt grabbed his wrist to stop him. For a minute it looked like Puck thought Kurt wanted to forego the prep completely, and it staggered Kurt in that moment to realise that Puck might actually let him. Instead, Kurt took the lube and slowly pressed a finger into Puck. Feeling the heat and the tightness around his finger instead of his cock was only slightly different, and Puck rocked back against Kurt's finger the same way he did when they were having sex. "Do another." Puck's sex voice never failed to send jolts down Kurt's spine, and if he had to consider it, the fact that he had a not-so-friend with benefits that was so well versed in sex was probably a good thing.
The thing about Puck that Kurt doesn't understand is just how much he seems to like being fucked. Puck just completely loses it when Kurt fucks him, and opening Puck up with his fingers seemed to have just the same effect. Puck would bite his lip until it was swollen and red, push back until there was no where else to go and Kurt couldn't get over just how, well, submissive Puck could get.
There was one time, in Kurt's bedroom, when Kurt found a small smattering of bruises over Puck's shoulders and neck. He didn't ask about them, but when his fingers pressed into the nodes of Puck's spine, his thumb accidentally pushing on one of those bruises, Puck practically shuddered apart and mewled against his own arm. Kurt came just from the noise. They didn't talk about it, but Kurt found himself more willing to exploit the bruises he found -which, if he thought about it, were far too many and far too frequent and far too scattered to be sports related. It became increasingly easier to press his fingers into those bruises on the days that Karofsky was at his worst. Fucking Puck -because on those days that was exactly what it was- served to release the pent up helplessness that Kurt felt, because he had some semblance of control at those points, he wasn't the vulnerable one.
And really, vulnerable wasn't something Kurt ever associated with Puck. Not even when they were having sex.
At least not until the week before he transferred to Dalton. It had been an average Thursday night, it was 'date night' so Kurt knew that his father would be out with Carole most of the night, which made it easier for Puck to come over and then leave before Burt knew any better. Dad's out, empty house. Come over. Kurt sent the text, it wasn't a request or a question, because Kurt had gotten used to Puck just coming whenever. And the reply came less than ten minutes after Kurt sent the message. Sre. B 10mn.
Ten minutes gave Kurt time to get everything ready -lube and condoms in the bedside table, clothe and towel ready in the en suite bathroom he had, two bottles of water in the small fridge. Right on time, Puck knocked on the door, leaning against the wall when Kurt opened up to let him in. Kurt did have a smirk on his face, but that fell away even as Puck returned it, slipping inside the house through the gap the open door left. "What the hell is that?" That was a rather large cut along the side of Puck's head, a few inches above his ear, along the shaved part of his head. Puck certainly didn't have it when he was at school that day, which meant it had happened between going home and going to Kurt's.
"What? Oh, um, my little sister," Puck raised a hand to touch his fingers to the side of his head, just barely not touching the tip of the cut. "Practising her baseball swing," he gave a mocking laugh, dropping his hand, "she needs to work on holding onto the bat mid-swing." It's the flimsiest excuse for five stitches in the head that Kurt ever heard, but Puck shrugged off his jacket and shut the door. "You didn't call me over to talk about my inability to duck." Puck gave Kurt a look, pretty much closing any potential discussion, toeing off his boots at the same time.
Really, anything Kurt wanted to ask was out of line -Puck was not Kurt's friend, they did not talk about things, they just had sex and left it at that. Which, apparently, Puck having a head injury wasn't about to change. But when Kurt did get Puck downstairs, he was subtly careful about pulling Puck into a kiss -which wasn't something they did too often, but when they did, it never ceased to make Kurt's toes curl- mindful not to grip to Puck's head too hard or at the wrong angle. When he'd called for Puck to come over, he'd imagined it would be just another one of those sessions that left them breathless and utterly sated. But with Puck's blatant injury, Kurt found himself slowing everything down.
Stripping wasn't done with a flurry of moment, it was drawn out, interspersed with kisses and wandering hands stroking over exposed skin. Kurt's pants are tossed aside and before he realises anything else, Puck's on his knees with Kurt's erection in his mouth -another surprise to the Noah Puckerman persona was his willingness to go down on Kurt as well. Usually, Kurt liked to dig his fingers into Puck's scalp, to drag his nails over Puck's shaved head or clench on the short hairs of Puck's ridiculous mohawk. That time he had to be careful, even as Puck hummed around Kurt's length, Kurt had to remind himself to keep from hurting Puck this time.
Which is probably why Kurt ends up over Puck, with the jock laid out, bare, over Kurt's very expensive bedding. And even though Kurt was sure Puck was nursing one hell of a headache, he's still as responsive as ever when Kurt presses inside after drawing the prep out, after teasing and tormenting with pleasure because he's strangely affected by Puck's injured state. But Puck just arches up like there's nothing different about that time than all the others, claws at the bedding as Kurt bends him back and up, setting a steady but slow pace. Puck actually begs, panting and groaning and still begging for it, meeting each of Kurt's thrusts like he doesn't know how not to.
It wasn't the same as the other times, not when Kurt can look into Puck's eyes and watch him fall apart under him, not when Kurt almost feels this want to kiss Puck through his climax just to share it with him, not when Kurt's heart stutters and he tips over the edge just at the whispered gasp of his name off Puck's lips.
Puck dozed off lightly while Kurt cleaned up and straightened things, and Kurt was hit by this odd wave of affection for the other boy. It was stupid, really, because all they were doing was having sex, it was just fucking, Kurt wasn't going to be the idiot falling in love with his fuck buddy. Least of all when it's someone as impossibly annoying and obnoxious as Noah Puckerman. "Hey," Kurt nudged Puck's side carefully, knowing that Puck probably still had tender ribs from what Kurt assumed was a body tackle from football gone wrong, "do you want to stay for a while?" Kurt asked when Puck finally blinked his eyes open.
"Probably shouldn't," for whatever reason, it was true, Puck really shouldn't stay longer than needed. "'m not meant to sleep anyway." Kurt had just nodded while Puck picked up his stuff, dressing until he was just missing his boots and jacket, which were both still upstairs, "Thanks though." And Puck snatched a quick, chaste kiss from Kurt before bounding up the stairs of the basement and then out the door.
Kurt had just been stuck there, watching, because there had been something off with Puck, more than just the head injury.
The next day at school, everyone was amused at the story of how Sarah Puckerman landed her older brother in the hospital with a gash on his head. Puck didn't skip maths that day for his nap and Kurt had almost managed to convince himself to ask Puck what was going on when he'd caught sight of Karofsky watching him, and then everything but getting away from anything in a letter jacket fell away until Kurt was safely tucked away in the choir room with Mercedes, Tina and Artie.
#
Puck sort of hates himself a little by the time Kurt leaves McKinley. It's mostly Kurt's fault, but not enough that Puck really thinks much on it. The thing is, Puck's not meant to feel like this anyway. It was all supposed to be this distraction technique that just tumbled far too quickly and far too much.
A week after doctors have fished glass out of his skull, nine days after he's had his ribs taped, Puck stands by to watch his fellow Glee jocks warn Karofsky off Kurt. They fail -of course they fail, as if Sam and Mike and Artie are going to be enough to get Dave off Kurt's back. If Puck could he'd beat Dave black and blue just to hammer home a point, but he can't and that pretty much means the other boys have to step up. Sam's pretty little face gets knocked to shit and it's not like that wasn't coming. Puck's a little surprised that Finn doesn't step up, but then, Finn and Kurt aren't exactly close, close. Which is something Puck managed to figure out all on his lonesome. Finn still believes that Kurt's like a brother and really, Puck is closer to Sarah than Finn is with Kurt. Hell, Puck is probably closer to Kurt -even removing the sex- than Finn is.
After the wedding, when Kurt announces that he's leaving McKinley, Puck almost feels like someone just dumped a bucket of ice water over his head. He knows then that he's in some serious shit, because he shouldn't feel like this just because his fuck buddy is leaving, just because he's going to need to find his fix somewhere else -truth be told it stopped being fuck buddies and just a fix for Puck the first time Kurt fingered him, and it's too much like admitting something to say that he hasn't had sex with anyone but Kurt since the first day in the locker room. Hell, he hasn't wanted to have sex with anyone but Kurt since the first kiss. God he's such a pussy.
Regardless, Puck's pretty sure he's going to have to deal with things, because it sucks, sure, but it's not the end of the world. Not really. But then Kurt texts Puck, just like always, Can you get to Westerville in an hour? I have a single dorm. It's pretty much all Puck needs to know that Kurt isn't ending whatever it is they're doing, it's just making it a little more of a trek to do it. They break Kurt's new dorm in over the span of five hours and Puck is sore but perfectly content on the drive back to Lima afterwards. Kurt's still returning to Lima on the weekends, and it's very likely that he'll be needing to get out of the stuffy skin that Dalton Academy seems to force on him.
But then, it did mean that Puck's distraction is greatly diminished. He still doesn't really have the urge to hook up with anyone but Kurt, although recruiting Lauren does take up a little bit of his attention, even after the disastrous 'Seven Minutes' after which Puck has to explain he's sort of seeing someone but it's sort of a touchy subject and it's sort of secret. He's very much aware that Lauren thinks he's hooking up with a teacher, Puck doesn't correct her. He's too busy trying to figure out when he decided he was secretly dating Kurt when in actual fact he is most definitely not. Puck goes out of his way to make sure than Lauren doesn't hate having agreed to stand in for Kurt at Sectionals. When they tie with Dalton, Puck caught a side look from Kurt and just nodded. He knew what it meant.
Sure enough, ten minutes after they've cleared the stage and Puck just slipped away, finding Kurt in the toilets nearest the exit. Kurt was evidently still on a performance high, because there's not a single thing said before Puck was up against the furthest away stall, smirking just a little at Kurt's fumbling fingers. But then Puck's pants are around his ankles and Kurt's followed them and there's just this minor hesitation, "I don't have any lube." Since Puck never really knew what was going on when, it wasn't possible to carry around lube, but before he could turn around and offer a blow-job instead, his mouth just went away with itself.
"You have a condom?" He'd asked it like it was the only stumbling block, and while Puck knew that he wasn't screwing around with everyone in town anymore, he wasn't exactly sure just what Kurt was doing -he wasn't going to go into the fact that his chest fucking hurt at the idea of Kurt getting some from those fruity guys at his new school.
"Yeah," Kurt's hand had trailed over the compact muscles of Puck's stomach, although his voice was pretty giving in his confusion away. Puck just nodded, wondering if there really was something wrong with him or when he'd become just so dependent on this. He'd sucked two fingers into his mouth before reaching around himself, and he'd done it enough for himself at first so it wasn't exactly awkward. He felt the hissed out "Fuck," from Kurt more than hearing it, but it didn't stop him.
"Just," there wasn't exactly a lot of slick, because saliva was only so good and they weren't exactly taking their time, "start off slow." But Puck was starting to realise that he needed this -maybe he needed Kurt just a little too, but that wasn't something he was willing to vocalise, like ever. Kurt didn't argue, didn't protest or offer more prep or time, he just pressed in, slowly at first like asked. He did stop when pressed all the way in, and Puck had to focus on his breathing more than he'd ever had to before, pressing his forehead against the tiles of the wall and just breathing.
"I'm hurting you." And he was, just a little, like a burn all the way along his nerves and up his spine. But it wasn't the sort of pain Puck was used to -because Puck was used to it, damnit, and this was nothing- so he just shook his head and pressed back a little, trying to coax Kurt on.
"It's okay." It was different, because every thrust in, Puck felt that spark of pain with his pleasure, every time Kurt caught that spot there were flashes of pure bliss and the pull out caused the flare of the burn. It was a little overwhelming but so fucking good that Puck sort of wanted it to never end. But they'd both be missed by their respective groups if they stayed away too long, and everything had to end at some point. And if Puck was moving a little stiff, or trying not to move too much at all, Kurt didn't say anything. Kurt said he'd be home at the weekend and free on Saturday. Puck gave a nod and a smirk and told Kurt to just text him the time. Nothing was changing and that was fine with Puck.
He didn't need more change, it was far too big a change that he was fucking Kurt in the first place, it was far too big that he'd stopped wanting to fuck anyone else, that he'd pretty much stopped flirting with the female population of McKinley for one hot little gay boy. He's pretty sure it doesn't make him gay, but he's looked it up and it doesn't make him bi either, because there has never been any desire for any other male. It's just Kurt. Or maybe it's just that Kurt's his type when it comes to guys and there really isn't anyone like Kurt in McKinley at all. He'll need to look into this if they get as far as Nationals this year. All the thinking and the occasional sex and school and home, Puck managed to just coast through it all without really noticing. Except the sex, he pretty much always noticed the sex.
And then he pretty much fucked it all up.
He was sure that there would be a time, one time, when Kurt would text him and Puck would really need to say no but just not be able to. Sure enough, Kurt text him the week before Regionals, and Puck understood the need for stress relief, but he knew for a fact that he shouldn't skip out the house and break into Kurt's -because mid-week home visiting wasn't usual, but the opportunity was there when Carole and Burt had gone out and Finn was out with Quinn. But Puck's never really been good at doing what he really should, so he sneaks out of his house and into Kurt's, because the new one is pretty awesome and it's easy to climb the side of the house and into Kurt's bedroom.
Puck knows that he can hide things pretty well -he's pretty sure he's doing a good job with his feelings for Kurt- but there are some things which can't be waved off. Like keeping his shirt on during sex. It's like some evasive dance attempt, keeping Kurt in front of him while they're getting down to it, and although Puck knows Kurt prefers it with Puck facing away, he pretty much can't do it this time. Kurt stops questioning it when Puck hooks his legs around Kurt's hips and pulls them together with force. Kurt stops his arguing and questioning and just fucks him. And it's not like the pain comes from the sex, because every time Kurt thrusts into him, Puck's shoulder rubs against the bedsheets and pain flares all along his arm and back. It's difficult not to let it show, but he's gotten pretty good at ignoring things, so he just needs to focus on ignoring the pain and he'll be fine.
Only, ignoring the pain stops him from ignoring other things, which leads to the complete shut down of everything. Kurt comes milliseconds before Puck does, and he's so determined to not let his back or arm or shoulder give him away that he doesn't even realise he's let out those words until much, much later. Kurt's staring at him though, and at the time, Puck's too worried that his other secret it about to come out. Kurt doesn't say a word though, he's staring up at the ceiling from beside Puck on the bed and that's unusual -Kurt would normally be meticulous in cleaning up after, so Puck takes care of that as quick as he can before pulling his clothes on and leaving.
When he gets home, he pulls off his shirt to find a line of blood over the shoulder. It's in the trash rather than the wash. And just as he's about to get a clothe and a bandage he realises exactly what he said at Kurt's.
Fucking Christ, he just told Kurt Hummel he loves him.
#
Kurt feels like he should've known. Like he should've realised something. It's pretty stupid that he spent the whole time with Puck stopping himself from feeling anything that he didn't notice Puck hadn't. It's just a little awkward, because Kurt isn't in love with Puck, he can't be, he never will be. Puck is not the type of boy that Kurt can fall in love with -he feels terrible, but Kurt wasn't even aware that Puck could love anyone. He should've snapped out of the daze, should've got Puck to stay so that they could talk about it, but they don't talk and Puck doesn't stay and when Kurt finally starts straightening his bedroom he's shocked to find a blood stain on his bed.
At first he thinks he tore Noah -but that's impossible because for one thing they used lube and for another its at the far side of the bed. Which would put Puck's head or back up there. It strikes him then that Puck was a little strange, but maybe it was just another football injury -except football season is over and they're playing basketball now, and there's no way basketball causes bleeding injuries unless it's a bloody nose. Kurt doesn't get the time to consider it, because his Dad and Carole come home and Kurt has to strip the bed and remake it before anyone sees anything. He's showered and dressed and ready to be driven back to Westerville in record time.
The drive lets him think on things more. Puck's in love with him. It's almost enough to be a joke, but then, maybe Puck just associates sex with love and doesn't realise that he's not really in love with Kurt, they just have pretty awesome sex. It's something that they will need to discuss. Along with the blood, because Kurt can't just let this go any more. He'll see Puck at Regionals, he knows they can talk then. But before that even happens, Blaine kisses him. Blaine! A boy that Kurt could be in love with, a boy that would walk hand in hand with Kurt, that Kurt could introduce to Burt and Carole as his boyfriend, someone who finally looked up and sawKurt.
He texts Puck that night. Can't do this any more. I have a boyfriend. Thanks. He doesn't even think about it before he sends it. Doesn't stop to remember that Puck is in love with him. It's too late when he does remember and he's staring at his phone for fifteen minutes, just waiting for Puck's response. When it comes, he's not overly surprised. k gd lck. It's not exactly what Kurt was expecting, but it's just so Puck that really, he can't be surprised. It only proves that Puck isn't really in love with Kurt, it's just the sex. Kurt does feel much better when he realises this. It lets him throw his all into being the best boyfriend for Blaine. It stings when they don't win Regionals, but he's happy for his old club. He wants to talk to Puck, but the jock seems attached to Lauren Zizes of all people, except she's mostly glaring at anyone who comes near Puck, like she's a guard dog. Kurt notices the hint of a bruise around Puck's neck, just hidden by his shirt collar, notices tired eyes and slumped shoulders. Maybe Puck needs a guard dog.
Kurt doesn't exactly spend too long thinking about Puck, it's sort of like every once in a while he'll wonder what Puck would be doing, or if he's found someone else to have meaningless sex with already. He's half way through composing a text message when he remembers that he isn't meant to be inviting Puck over anymore. He deletes what he's written, but types something new, Random question, but you might be the only person I know who will know. Who has the record for longest home run in baseball? He hits send before he can talk himself out of it, all the while trying to figure out why he wants to know, or where the question came from, or even just why he wants to text Puck.
Babe Ruth. bt evry1 stl tnks Mickey Mantle. Kurt stares at the words, because it's the longest text Puck has ever sent him -then again, it's probably the longest text Kurt has ever sent Puck too. Kurt doesn't know who either of the people are, he doesn't even know anything about baseball beyond what his Dad tells him if they go to a game, and even then, he usually forgets right after.
Thanks. I never figured I'd be stuck in a sport conversation. How's things? It's weak, Kurt knows it is, but he almost misses spending time with Puck, maybe not just the sex, although he finds he does miss that. He wants to take things slow with Blaine, doesn't want to rush into anything because it's meant to be special this time, not just getting off. Because Blaine means more to him that just some quick touches, Blaine is more than a heated make out and sex in the locker rooms, Blaine is more than sneaking into rooms and closets and houses just for an hour or so of sex, Blaine is more than dropping everything for an orgasm.
Cnt txt. drvin. It shouldn't hurt, it shouldn't sting. It's entirely possible that Puck knows better than to text and drive at the same time, but Puck is the one who drove a car through the side of a convenience store, he's also not supposed to be driving since his licence is suspended, but that hasn't stopped him. But Kurt shouldn't expect Puck to drop everything for him anymore, Kurt made it pretty clear that the sex was over and they weren't friends before it, why would they be friends afterwards? He doesn't try to text Puck later, he doesn't let himself wonder where Puck is or what he's doing. It's none of his business.
He goes on dates with Blaine, gets coffee and goes shopping, goes to the movies. He's right, Burt and Carole are happy when Kurt introduces Blaine as his boyfriend, Blaine holds his hand in public and they have soft, perfect kisses that are straight out of the movies. It's everything Kurt thought it should be. Except Blaine doesn't make his skin tingle when his fingers brush, Blaine doesn't make his heart thump in his chest when they kiss, Blaine doesn't get Kurt so worked up he can't think straight. Not like Puck does. It's things like that which make him send Puck another text message when he's finished his work on Sunday night. Do you think Usher could ever be done acapella style? It's strange, Kurt knows. He expects Puck to text him with a question as to why he'd care, or maybe what acapella had to do with anything, or just something. Monday morning and there's still no text from Puck, nothing. Kurt tries again after dinner, Why do teenage boys think Beavis and Butthead is so funny? and he spends the rest of the night looking for the response. There's nothing again. Kurt's starting to wonder if maybe he was wrong, if maybe Puck did love him and Kurt hurt him. I'm sorry. I guess you don't want to talk. But I am sorry. He spends Wednesday with his gut clenched uncomfortably, because he didn't think that Puck ignoring him would feel this bad.
"Are you okay?" Blaine is understanding as ever, when Kurt explains it's just a stomach ache, Blaine gets him some tea, kisses his cheek and leaves him to rest after class. Could you please text me back? Even just to tell me to leave you alone. It's stupid. Kurt shouldn't miss Puck -all they did was have sex. Except for those times that Kurt wanted to see how far he could push Puck, how long Puck could take the pleasure, from those times that they dozed for a while before going again, those times when Puck would grab a few minutes rest against Kurt's back. Those few occasions when Kurt wondered if maybe he should offer to let Puck fuck him this time. It was stupid to miss someone he didn't necessarily like at all. He missed Puck's kisses, the way he'd lick Kurt's lip as he pulled away, the way he'd blanket Kurt with his body as they pressed together, the way Puck's hands slid up his sides and back, like a caress. He missed the way Puck arched into him, bending in almost impossible ways, gasping Kurt's name and making both of them shudder. Kurt just sort of missed Puck. So, he told him. I sort of miss you. More than sort of. Please just say something?
There's still nothing from Puck and Kurt has gotten the message. You're being very over dramatic, Noah. But message received. Kurt shouldn't feel jilted, because Kurt was the one that said it was done, and they were just supposed to be having sex. But Puck fell in love with him and Kurt didn't even notice, and Kurt can't start developing feelings for Puck now that they're done, because Kurt is in love with Blaine.
"Do you want to spend the weekend with me?" Kurt invites Blaine to spend the weekend with him back in Lima, his Dad has already said okay. He figures they can go out with Mercedes and Rachel on Friday night, spend Saturday with his family and on Saturday night, when everyone has other places to be, maybe he'll finally give Blaine his virginity. It's not a set in stone plan, but Kurt likes it. Especially when Blaine agrees. Only, when they arrive home on Friday, Finn doesn't seem happy to see either of them. He looks depressed and tired and worried. Maybe Quinn broke up with him.
"Oh, Finn. You look like someone ran over your dog." Blaine says it with a bit of a smile, and Kurt figures maybe Finn could come out with them that night too, maybe cheer him up.
"Relationship troubles?" Kurt can't believe that he has it this good, that Blaine and him are fine while others are having the trouble. He never thought he'd have this while in high school, never believed he'd get his high school romance like everyone else. He doesn't count Puck, because clearly Puck doesn't care like he said he did. But there's this stutter of something over Finn's face before he realises something.
"No one told you?" Kurt hasn't talked much with his friends this week, too busy worrying about school and trying to get Puck to respond to him and then giving up, so Kurt isn't aware of what's going on around him at all. "Puck's in a coma." Until right then. Blaine says something beside him but Kurt doesn't hear it. His heart is thumping hard and the blood is echoing in his ears, like someone just fully submerged him in ice cold water. Puck's in a coma. Puck is in a coma. A coma. Puck.
"What happened?" Kurt can't believe it, he can't process it. How long? Why? What happened?
"He was rushed to hospital on Sunday night, his mom asked if Sarah could stay with Rachel, I was over there. His mom had this horrible bruise on her face. Sarah spent hours crying in Rachel's arms." Puck and Rachel were both Jewish, they both attended the same Temple, it made sense that Mrs Puckerman would ask the Berry's to watch her daughter. But it didn't explain what happened to Puck. "I- I'm going to visit if you want to come." Kurt is giving a good impression of a goldfish when Finn asks, it takes Blaine grabbing his hand to stop him from hyperventilating.
"Of course we will."
Kurt hasn't been to a hospital since his father was in a coma, and it's just as scary when it's Puck lying there in that bed. Puck has his own room, machines all around him and a tube up his nose, wires attached to his chest and a stark white bandage around his head. "His skull fractured." Finn's voice is soft and low, scared like Kurt's never heard him before. "They said he fell down the stairs. His mom's boyfriend was arrested on Tuesday. Mrs Puckerman said that he hit her," and Kurt could still see the bruise on Mrs Puckerman's tired face as she sat beside her sons bed, holding his hand, "and that Puck and Simon started arguing and then Simon hit Puck, that there was some kind of struggle and then Puck ended up tumbling down the stairs." A fractured skull. Fighting with his mom's boyfriend. Sunday night. Kurt wonders if Puck even saw that first text message. "I just feel so stupid."
"Finn," Kurt has to shake himself out of whatever self-reproach he's in, because his step brother is hurting, and Kurt doesn't have the right to hurt over this, Puck wasn't his best friend, Puck wasn't his team mate, Puck wasn't his boyfriend. Puck wasn't his anything. "It's not your fault, you couldn't have done anything."
"The doctors found bruises and cuts and scars from months ago. Puck had broken ribs and a cut on his shoulder that was infected, he had bruises on his throat and his wrists and I never noticed any of it." The bruises, the flinches, the blood that last time. Kurt saw them all, Kurt knew that there was something off. Kurt never said anything. Kurt never asked. Kurt was worse than Finn, because Finn didn't notice, but Kurt just didn't care enough to ask.
"Puck's good at hiding things," not that good, but good all the same, like being in love with Kurt, "it's not your fault he didn't let you see it." It completely throws his weekend plans, Carole goes to the hospital on Saturday, tries to make sure Mrs Puckerman eats and sleeps, takes her to see Sarah who apparently is still staying with Rachel. Mercedes and Tina go out with Blaine and Kurt to the mall that afternoon, except they aren't in the mood to really enjoy themselves.
"He'd been off for a while," Tina says, flipping through some clothes that she'd never wear in a shop she'd never shop in, "since Regionals maybe." Kurt wondered if Lauren knew, if that's why she stuck so close to Puck at the competition, if Puck looked so tired because he'd told her the truth. Kurt wondered why it felt horrible that Puck would trust Lauren but not him. "You know Puck, sweetie, likes to think nothing can hurt him, but it's pretty clear he's not invulnerable." Mercedes was right, because Puck hurt when Quinn chose Finn over him, Puck hurt when Quinn gave up Beth without considering Puck's feelings, Puck tried to hide how much he regretted ending up in juvie, Puck fell in love with Kurt and Kurt practically dumped him after he told Kurt.
When Kurt and Blaine go back to Dalton, Kurt can't stop thinking about Puck, in that hospital bed. His skull was fractured, there was internal bleeding on the brain, he might never wake up. A whole week. "I'm sorry about your friend." Blaine hugs him, and Kurt tries not to break down, because he doesn't know how he'll explain it. He broke down once at home, in the kitchen, with Carole. She'd thought it was just because of what had happened with his dad. He didn't correct her. "Maybe you'll be able to visit him during the week." And Kurt called home after Blaine left just so he could ask his dad if he could visit. He went home on Wednesday to visit the hospital with Carole.
"Ruth, sweetie, why don't you come and get some coffee." Ruth Puckerman looked tired, and scared, and guilty. She was a slight woman and Kurt could tell she barely left the hospital while Puck lay there. Her hand was always clasped around Puck's, much like Kurt had held onto his father.
"I can't leave him, I can't, he needs to know I'm here, he needs to know someone loves him. Oh, baby," Ruth was two minutes away from breaking point and Kurt didn't even think before speaking.
"I'll stay with him." He was determined, he understood the pain of watching someone you love lie there, he understood the need to just break without worrying the one person that mattered more than anyone else. "You get some coffee, I'll stay with him until you come back." Carole takes Ruth out of the room and Kurt slips into her seat, hesitating for a second before taking Puck's hand in his own. Kurt knows these hands, knows the heat and surety of them. Kurt knows the way they run over his sides and up his ribs, the way they grip his hips, the way they cup his face sometimes, thumbs stroking his cheek before sliding into his hair despite how often Kurt complained about messing his hair up.
"I'm sorry," Kurt doesn't know what prompts him to start talking, but the machines just make him feel like he needs to fill the silence, "I'm sorry I didn't stop to ask, I'm sorry I didn't try to help. I was scared it was stepping over what we were. I didn't even know what we were, but we were more than I thought, weren't we?" Because Puck hadn't been trying not to be more, Kurt was the one with the walls, "If I'd asked, would you have told me? You never hid them, did you want me to ask? Was that what you were waiting for? I let you down, didn't I? How can you love me when I didn't even ask? The story about Sarah and the baseball bat, it was so pathetic, really. I should've known then, but you just brushed it off." And Kurt knew he should've pressed for an answer, he should've stopped Puck from changing the topic, should've stopped them from going downstairs. "I do miss you, I miss more than the sex. I miss your hands, and your terrible texting. I miss your eyes and your voice. I suppose it's my own fault. Thinking that love was some fairy tale story, or like you see in the movies. It's not." Because Blaine was who Kurt was supposed to be in love with, Blaine was supposed to be the perfect boyfriend, but Puck was the one that made Kurt feel alive, that made Kurt's skin flare in heat and his stomach flop and his heart skip a beat. It wasn't Blaine.
"Momma." It's soft, it's soft and quiet and Kurt almost misses it. But he clenches Puck's hand, standing up to lean over Puck. His eyes are slightly opened, his fingers curling slightly in Kurt's hand. "Mom?"
"It's okay, Noah, it's okay. I'll get her, she's right here, she hasn't left you." Kurt squeezes his hand again, standing up to yell through the open door. "Mrs Puckerman, nurse! Someone, he's waking up." It's a scary wave of deja vu, but Kurt doesn't let go of Puck's hand until Mrs Puckerman is there, holding the other one carefully and petting the side of Noah's face.
"Baby? Oh, sweetie you had us so worried, you're gonna be okay, right? You're gonna be fine, oh, bubbala, I love you so much." Kurt stands back, with Carole's hand on his shoulder while the nurses flit around at the machines. He can hear Puck's voice, low and soft and just a little rough, apologising to his mother and asking about Sarah and saying he loves her too. Kurt feels something tug and break and he has to turn around to hug Carole and let himself cry on her shoulder.
Because he's in love with Noah Puckerman, and he might've never known.
#
He'd never really stopped to think about what a coma could feel like. He'd half way thought he'd died. Between the text from Kurt before Regionals and the day he woke up in a hospital bed, he'd half wondered if it would be all that bad. It's stupid, he knows that, but it really did feel like everything was slightly pointless. He'd spent the day wondering if Kurt was going to ignore what he said, he half hoped that it would be ignored. But once he'd said it he really couldn't ignore it himself. It was weird how these things just crept up on him. It had been sex for him to begin with too -some thing different, something new. But then he started paying attention to Kurt and then he started liking Kurt and then he ended up loving the uptight diva. He'd never really intended on telling Kurt though.
It took two days before Kurt pretty much hammered home what they were doing. Nothing. Honestly, Puck saw the text the moment it arrived, he read it about five times before he realised his fingers were actually trembling. He felt somewhat numb, cold and hurt but numb at the same time. It took him five minutes just to get the three words in there, and they weren't even complete words. He'd turned his phone off after that and just laid in his room. It should've been funny, the two times he'd let himself get complacent enough to fall in love and they'd both picked someone else. Maybe he wasn't supposed to love anyone, maybe he wasn't meant to have what Rachel and Finn had, or what Quinn and Finn had, what was so special about Finn? Puck heard from Mercedes at the next Glee rehearsal that Kurt was dating Blaine now, officially like. He wondered if Kurt had started dating Blaine before he'd stopped having sex with Puck. Then he wondered what the point of wondering was and ignored it.
Not having Kurt to sneak around with meant Puck had no real distraction or reason to leave the house. It got harder to stay focused on anything and before long he'd ended up at school with bruises around his throat. His shirt only did so much to hide the marks, so he tried to avoid people where possible. Lauren found him in the library -and he'd only found the place by pure accident- sitting on the floor with his little sisters DS, playing pokemon when he should've been in English. He knew when she saw the bruises, the fact that she'd pulled his shirt to the side to look at them only told him that she was making sure. But she didn't ask direct questions. "Is this to do with that complicated relationship of yours?" Puck just shook his head, because his complicated relationship wasn't complicated anymore, it was over. "You in any serious trouble?" Puck shook his head again, barely looking away from his game. It was weird, in the space of a few weeks, Lauren turned out to be a pretty awesome friend. Puck hadn't thought he'd ever be the type of guy to have chick friends. But Lauren was epic, and badass, she didn't take shit from anyone, not even from him, and Puck found it pretty awesome. She wasn't one of those salad eating chicks and she liked extreme sports and action movies. Puck sort of started to turn her into his new distraction.
"You wanna go out tonight?" Lauren knew he wasn't looking to hook up, because she thought he was involved with someone, and Puck wasn't sobbing his heart out about that shit, not even to Lauren -maybe not especially to Lauren- which made the expectations pretty low and that worked out well for Puck. So they went out, went to the arcade after school and wasted at least fifty dollars that Puck really couldn't afford to waste and killed plenty of time. At least until Lauren had to bow out. Puck tried not to seem like he cared, but it probably showed he was pretty hesitant to leave.
"I've got a couch you can crash on, if you want." It's too much like a cowards way out and Puck just gives her a small smile, says it'll be fine and he'll be okay and not to worry. It's just his luck that the only person he wishes was concerned isn't, but Lauren is pretty great anyway. "Call me if you need to, okay?" Puck nods but he knows he won't, he won't tell her what's happening, he won't tell her how long it's been going on for, he won't tell her that sometimes he doesn't want to get up in the mornings. He won't tell her that Kurt fucking Hummel just broke his damn heart.
He's not feeling it at Regionals, because there's Kurt, there's Kurt with Blaine and they sing some stupid duet and Kurt looks all happy and Puck is so close to fucking crying at he needs to dig his fingers into his throat just to stop it. Lauren barely moves from his side the whole competition. He's resolutely grateful for it, he doesn't care what people think, because he's barely away from Lauren and he hardly talks to anyone but her. Naturally, it all has to end, and even going home on a high from winning doesn't keep the tension out of his muscles when he walks home.
It's the day that Kurt texts him the baseball question that he starts to pull himself together. Of course it's right after he texts back his reply that he gets smacked in the face hard enough to split the skin under his eye. He blows off Kurt's next text while his mother holds ice to his face. "Do you love him?" He can't figure any other reason why his mother would still be with the guy. "Does it always hurt this bad? Being in love I mean." She doesn't have any answers for him and Puck never really expected that he'd like them anyway.
He skips class on Friday, avoids even Lauren because the new bruise is a little too obvious to curb her questions. He spends Saturday in his room, with Sarah on the floor playing quietly, with his guitar on his lap trying to write a text message to Kurt. He's not sure what he'd say, he never sent the first text, it was always just Kurt telling him where to meet. But he figures after the baseball question he could at least try something. Kurt did ask how things were, but Puck doesn't have the energy to lie, so he's not answering that question, and Puck doesn't really want to know how wonderful Kurt's new life is, so he doesn't want to ask anything about Dalton or his boyfriend. It leaves him wondering just what the hell he can possibly send. Which is why, three hours later he still hasn't send anything.
On Sunday night, he just sort of lets things go. Kurt knows what Puck said, Kurt hasn't brought it up, they're ignoring it. Kurt doesn't feel the same -Kurt probably doesn't feel anything for Puck- so Puck needs to stop with the stupidity and just get the fuck over it. It's all helped along by his mothers drunk boyfriend. Puck is used to him by that point, and how sad is it that he's used to an abusive drunk, he figures that even his deadbeat dad would be better than this fucker. For however long, Puck can't even remember when it started -before he was hooking up with Kurt anyway- his mother's boyfriend has been far too aggressive and confrontational. Puck figures it's partially his fault, he was in juvie when they met, he just had to deal with the guy. Taking a few punches wasn't a huge deal, even when it started to get worse, because Puck had his distractions, sport and glee and Kurt. But right then, on that stupid Sunday, Simon actually hits his Ma and that just doesn't fly.
It's the first time Puck's actually hit Simon, and it feels like a fucking release. There's yelling and shouting and Puck telling Sarah to get into her fucking room and close the door. Somewhere between Sarah slamming her door, his Ma shouting and crying and Puck's fist hitting Simon's jaw, Puck's head hits the wall, then his foot misses a stair or something and the next thing he knows he's in the back of a moving vehicle with the wail of a siren and just the noise of people talking over him. It's the last thing he remembers before waking up to Kurt Hummel's voice and just wanting his mother.
He's been unconscious for ten days, he's tired as shit and he can barely remember what the hell happened. Simon broke his skull, but he's in jail, and Puck can't help but apologise to his mother for that. She just shushes him and hugs him and hell if Puck's sort of needing that right then. They keep him in the hospital for a few more days -they want to make sure the swelling is under control, that the pressure is off his brain, that he's healing okay. Finn visits him with Quinn, they both seem so apologetic, like they should've known and Puck just stares. Mercedes, Tina, Mike and Artie come the next day, they don't mention a thing about his injury and just talk about school and glee and everything he's been missing. Lauren comes in just the end of visiting hours one day. He's tired from talking to the others, and even if all he does is lie around in bed all day, he's still shattered. Lauren squeezes his hand, the same way Kurt did when he woke up, and presses a kiss to his head, just above where his new scar will sit. "Next time, Puckerman, tell me the first time it happens." Puck smirks slightly, although he is hoping that there isn't a 'next time' when it comes to things like this. But Lauren is kind of awesome and if she'll have his back, he'll have hers. "Why didn't you just tell me? You know I saw those marks, why not just say something?"
"I just got so used to people ignoring them, I sort of started doing it too." Which is half of the truth, even if Lauren deserves the full truth, Puck just can't manage it right then. She squeezes his hand again and walks out, leaving him to drift off to sleep before his Ma comes back to spend the night with him. He gets out of hospital the next day, his bandaged head reduced to just a gauze square over the stitched slice where they'd operated to relieve the pressure and bleeding on his brain. He has proof now that he has a brain, Sarah sort of loves the CT scans that she got to keep and Puck doesn't know how he's going to feel about seeing pictures of his brain on the fridge until Sarah does her next master piece in art class. He isn't surprised to find the Hudson-Hummels at their house, Carole practically frets about worse than his Ma does. He's placed in the living room, pushed into the sofa and told not to move, while Carole and his Ma make up some dinner. Finn and Burt stay in the living room with Puck, flipping the TV on so that there's something to focus on. Sarah curls up beside Puck, clinging to his arm and Puck doesn't even care.
He manages a few mouthfuls of dinner before he feels ready to collapse. "'m gonna go lie down, kay." The doctors said it was normal to feel so tired, that it would last a while before he'd get his energy levels back, but his body was focusing on healing his brain and skull. Finn looks like he's about to offer to walk Puck up, but he's still got a plate full of food and Kurt gets in there first. Puck had been doing a pretty good job of ignoring Kurt up until then, the fact that Kurt was avoiding him helped too. Puck hadn't seen Kurt since he woke up, and it's not really like he expected otherwise, because Kurt should be away at Dalton, he's probably home visiting for the weekend and ended up dragged over by Carole. So Puck doesn't say anything as he slowly climbs the stairs with Kurt behind him. He stops at the top, because there's a dent, right there in the wall, and he can't help but reach out and run his fingers over it. No one told him if the blow with the wall broke his head or if it was the fall down the stairs.
"Come on," Kurt slips past him, taking Puck's hand to pull him down the hall to his bedroom, drawing Puck out of any thoughts from Sunday night. Kurt makes him sit on his bed, leaning down to undo his boots and pull them off. They're placed at the end of his bed and his socks come off and are thrown into the hamper in the corner. Puck's too tired to really fight anything, just letting Kurt strip him, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it the same way as his socks. Only Kurt stops there, standing in front of Puck and running his hand over Puck's newly shaved head, fingers skirting around the white square, tracing the tape that holds it in place. Kurt's fingers get to Puck's temple and Puck feels the shudder down his spine, he has to reach up to grasp Kurt's wrist in a loose hold.
"What're you doing?" Because Puck doesn't have the energy to put up with this, he doesn't get what's going on and if Kurt's just feeling sorry for him, he'd really like Kurt to kindly go take a fuck to himself. Puck does not need pity, Puck does not want it. Least of all from Kurt, because he knows that if he lets himself, he's just going to get deeper into this and Puck's supposed to be getting over Kurt, not letting him get all mother hen. "Why are you even here?" Because Puck told Kurt that he loved him three weeks ago, and Kurt told him, in no uncertain terms, that he didn't.
"I thought-" Kurt trailed off, and Puck waited to hear what Kurt thought, only Kurt didn't look like he was going to say anything else, so Puck pushed him back, stripped out of his jeans and pulled back his bed sheets.
"Can you shut the door behind you." Puck was pretty sure that if he just stopped caring -like actually stopped and not just saying he didn't care- things would be so much easier. So he ignored Kurt until he was gone and then he lay there, piecing together the last few days in his head. Finn's told him that everyone visited him in the hospital -although Rachel was banned after singing 'My Heart Will Go On' while he was in a coma, he's vaguely glad he was unconscious for it. Except there are bits that he can sort of remember. He remembers hearing his mother cry a lot, remembers Mercedes reading horoscopes to him, remembers Artie talking about the basketball games he missed and how Beiste reamed out the team when Karofsky said something about him. The thing he remembers best is Kurt, the day he woke up, because he was pretty sure that waking up started that morning and ended with Kurt holding his hand -he remembers smelling eggs that morning, which presumably were what his mother ate, remembers hearing two nurses talk about pre-school options, remembers Carole's voice and then Kurt. He remembers feelig Kurt's hand, an apology for just about everything, Kurt telling him that he missed him. Puck's pretty sure that Kurt just missed the sex.
His phone beeps from beside him on the night stand. Sarah must've put it on to charge at some point, and Puck noticed he's got five missed calls, two voicemails and nine text messages. One of the voicemails is Santana, blubbering on the phone and the time date makes it Tuesday, so he was already unconscious at that point, he can hardly make out what she's saying and the message cuts off mid-way through her crying. He figures he'll call her tomorrow to talk to her. The second one is from Finn, who apologises but he just wanted to hear the voicemail message and then he hangs up. Puck figures he won't rib the guy too much about it. The lastest text is Lauren, Heard u were home. When u back in skol? Pik u up? He's not going back to school until Wednesday, but he won't turn down a lift from Lauren, because he's really not allow to drive now and his Ma is enforcing it this time. There's a message from Artie that he apparently got while eating dinner which is basically just a 'get well soon' and one from Brittany asking him for his Geography notes from Friday. And then there are six from Kurt, all of them from the first week of his coma. He reads through them all slowly, wondering just what the hell had gotten in to Kurt. He reads them last to first, snorting at being called over dramatic by someone like Hummel, smiling just a little when Kurt says he misses him and being hit with the impulse to put Beavis and Butthead on. Do you think Usher could ever be done acapella style? The Warblers are acapella, Puck remembers that much, and he remembers when they did the mash-up in Sophomore year with Usher and Bon Jovi.
He's not sure why, but he decides to text Kurt back. Srry my coma was dramatic. ill try nt do it agn. i mre thn srt of mis u 2. and no. i dont tnk usher cn be don acpla. Puck just puts the phone back on his night stand and lies down, this time managing to fall asleep.
#
It's in the car when Kurt's phone vibrates, he's been quiet since Puck practically kicked him out of his bedroom earlier. Really, Kurt doesn't know what he expected, it wasn't like they'd spoken in weeks, and the last time they had been face to face Kurt had probably hurt Puck worse than an injured shoulder did. Kurt stares at the alert on his phone. He has a text message from Noah. Noah has sent him a message. Kurt stomach is in knots when he opens it -he expects to be told to leave Puck alone, expects that Puck is just making sure Kurt knows. But when he reads it, he feels the flip of his stomach again, Srry my coma was dramatic. ill try nt do it agn. i mre thn srt of mis u 2. and no. i dont tnk usher cn be don acpla. Kurt almost laughs, he almost laughs right there. Of course Puck hadn't seen the messages, maybe the messages were what Puck was waiting for. Maybe Puck would've listened to Kurt if he'd known about the messages before. He's still staring at the phone when another message comes in.
From Blaine.
Hope your friend is doing okay. I miss you. xx Kurt feels his blood freeze in realisation. He's still dating Blaine. He's in love with Noah, and Noah still cares about him, but he's dating Blaine. Blaine who actually writes texts with correct spelling, Blaine who holds his hand and listens to him, Blaine who looks at him like he's the whole world. Blaine who doesn't make his heart skip or thump harder, Blaine who doesn't get Kurt tangled up in knots, Blaine who doesn't make Kurt's world crash and rebuild with the smallest of things. Kurt knows that he could be content with Blaine, safe with Blaine, because there isn't room for his world to come to a halt with Blaine. It would hurt for a while, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. But Puck, Noah is all in or all out, Kurt knows this, because he's seen that defeat in Noah's eyes now, the tiredness, the surrender. Kurt knows that Puck could break his heart, but Kurt's already seen that he can break Noah's heart too.
He has a lot to think about this week, that's for sure.
Monday morning, he's back at Dalton, having assured Blaine that yes, Noah is fine and yes, so is Kurt and yes, Kurt missed him too, Kurt has a study period. He doesn't really know what urges him to do it, but he takes out his phone and texts Noah back, We tried the Usher thing, doesn't really work for us. Thoughts on Chris Brown? And the coma is an okay excuse, but please don't do it again. He's giddy when he presses send, biting his lip and feeling the surge of adrenaline as he flips open his History book. He doesn't believe he'll get much done, but he's got to try. What he isn't expecting is the quick response from Noah. Myb nt ur style. bttr wit Brno Mrs prob. no plns fr futr coma. ill kep u infrmd. Kurt finds that he doesn't hate Noah's texting that much anymore, he doesn't really mind that there are fewer letters and the grammar is wrong and Noah probably doesn't know what the apostrophe looks like. Are you suggesting we rip off Finn? At the risk of being a bad brother, that's not a bad idea. He's not really sure why he'd bother bringing up Warbler business with Puck, but it's not like they're in competition anymore, because New Directions got through and the Warblers didn't. U cld do tlkn 2 th mn. ud rck that. evr hrd of mumford n sons. lk up the cave.
Kurt does look it up, he listens to it on youtube and downloads it for his iTunes and finds it surprisingly good. The Warblers don't really agree, although Blaine asks him where he thought of it. "Noah suggested it." Blaine gives him a small frown, but it's quickly dismissed as Wes asks about their plans for the weekend. Kurt was going home for the weekend again, he had plans to talk to his father and Carole about going back to McKinley, about finishing the semester at Dalton and transferring back to his real home. It's not that he doesn't like Dalton, but it's so constricting, it's so smothering, Kurt isn't surprised that it's easier for them to enforce the no-bullying clause, because everyone is so tired of playing the perfect student they don't have the energy to be anything else. No one stands out, no one has style. Kurt misses Tina's gothic look, misses the Cheerios marching down the halls in their uniforms, misses Mercedes' brand of fashion and colour, missed Rachel's God awful sweaters and skirts. He mostly misses catching sight of that mohawk -although it's completely gone now and Kurt finds himself wondering if he'd mind if Puck let it grow back in or not. He's pretty sure he knows what he's going to do about the Blaine situation when he's already planning as far as a few weeks ahead to when Puck's hair grows back in.
He only hopes that his Dad sees things his way. I liked the song. The Warblers didn't agree. Kurt puts off his homework to text Noah, he has a study period first thing in the morning, he can make up the time then. They sck. Wt bout the Brno Mrs? U rlly wld rck that. It causes another one of those flutters in Kurt's stomach, the fact that Noah's actually put some thought into what songs Kurt would be really good at. Don't think it's the type of thing I'd do here. Because if there are solos, it seems like Blaine is the one that sings them, and Kurt does really like Blaine, but it just feels too much like the Blaine Anderson show than it does anything else. And Kurt remembers the fight to turn New Directions into more than just the Rachel Berry show, and he misses the diversity of that club. Scrw thm. cm home.
Kurt drops the phone with a gasp. Noah's encouraging him to return to McKinley, to go home. Kurt's heart is thumping at a million miles a second, because it's possible that Noah wants him back, maybe they could be more than what they were, maybe they could be friends as well. But Kurt might be reading too much into it. What if Noah just wants him back in Glee? What if they just need him to be strong in their group for Nationals -although if he's being honest, he doesn't really care too much about that because he really wants to go to Nationals with his friends too. I'm considering it. Really. Dalton isn't all that great. Too much order. He waits, because it's not an admittance of coming back, it's not even telling Noah that he's really more than considering it, but he really wants to see what Noah says to that, what the response is. Shm. the unfrm is knda hot. miss ur fncy clths mre tho. srsy u shd cm home. we all mis u. Strangely, that seems to be all that Kurt needs to make up his mind. nd slp bb. txt whn ur fr3. nt bk at skl tl wed. nite. :)
Kurt falls asleep with a smile on his face.
For the whole day, when he's out of class, Kurt texts Noah just to talk about ridiculous stuff -like why marshmallows are oddly satisfying in breakfast cereal even if they are slightly gross when they're covered in milk, or if Judge Judy is a real Judge and if she is how do you get to see her court cases. It's the most they've talked ever, and Kurt finds it so easy, even if that's just because Noah can't see him blush or smile or roll his eyes. Noah goes to bed earlier that night, because Lauren is picking him up for school in the morning and Kurt is on the phone to his Dad before he ends up going to bed too. It's one of the longest and hardest conversations he's had with his father over the phone, but he can hear Finn in the background after they've really started getting into the issues. He can hear Finn interject on a few of his Dad's points, apparently the bullying at McKinley has decreased greatly since Coach Sylvester threatened five jocks with waterboarding after one of them made Brittany cry because she was holding hands with Santana. Finn is fairly adamant that he can protect Kurt, that brothers stick by each other and he'll do it. Carole even throws in her two cents and Kurt feels his Dad's resolve start to crumble. He's pretty sure his Dad misses having him at home too.
There are meetings with the Headmaster at Dalton the next day, and Kurt realises that he needs to talk to Blaine. He asks Blaine to meet him in the library, because it feels as good a place as any, during lunch. It's also when he gets another text from Noah. Fst day bck. they md me go to cls. hw lm. b bttr if u wr hr. hws the unfrm? He doesn't get to text back before Blaine arrives and it's probably best if he's not texting the boy he's in love with while he's breaking up with his boyfriend.
"Is everything okay Kurt? I saw your dad here." Of course Blaine did, and Kurt feels bad that he's doing all of this in the one go. He's already packed everything he owns, he's leaving that night, because apparently, he can still transfer out because he hasn't been enrolled for the full semester.
"I um, I'm leaving, actually. I'm going back to McKinley." Blaine's surprised, Kurt can see it. He asks why and what about the bullying and if it's something that happened at Dalton, if there's anything he can do. Kurt just shakes his head. "This place is great, and so are all the people, but it's just not right for me." The uniform makes everyone equal, but no one stands out, and Kurt was born to stand out, "It's just, I miss home." Blaine seems to see something, because he nods slowly and his head drops.
"You don't want to try this long distance, do you?" Kurt just sighs.
"You're great, you really are. But I think, I think I'm falling into the same trend that Rachel did. I love the idea of you, but I don't love you." For the longest time, Kurt had this image of what his first love would be, of how it would play out and all the magical moments they'd have. It was just a fantasy, and he didn't even realise it until he almost lost real love. "I think we're much better as friends, but I'll understand if you don't want that." Blaine shakes his head and closes a hand over Kurt's.
"Of course we'll be friends, Kurt. We've always been friends."
By three thirty, Kurt is in his Dad's car, driving back home to Lima with everything in the back. Finn meets him at the door with a big grin on his face and a hug. Kurt's never felt more like family than right then. Carole is out just after Finn, wrapping both boys up in a hug. "I didn't tell anyone, just like you asked." Finn says with a sheepish look. "I had to tell Mercedes I had a boys doctor thing to get away from her, but I didn't say anything about you." Kurt feels bad about making Finn avoid it, but he wants it to be a big surprise, in more ways than one.
They do family dinner, and Finn goes to Quinn's, promising not to mention Kurt at all, and Kurt says he has to go out and see someone. He's pretty sure Carole and his Dad think he means Mercedes, and Kurt lets them. But five minutes later he's standing outside Noah's door. He knocks quietly, hearing a crash and then giggling inside. "Walk much, Noah?" The door opens and Kurt grins at Sarah while he hears Noah grumbling in the background. "Hey Kurt, c'mon on." Sarah looks so much brighter than the last time Kurt saw her, the day Noah came home. He just smiles and slips inside, following Sarah into the kitchen. "Noah, Kurt's here."
"What?" Kurt has to admit, Puck looks somewhere between adorable and ridiculous, barefoot, in sweats and a bright pink t-shirt. "Hey," but the grin on his face is enough to stop Kurt from commenting on the Hilary Duff t-shirt that Noah is sporting. "Mind your feet, there's milk everywhere." Sure enough there is, which was probably what the crash was. Sarah just grabs the roll of kitchen roll and gets to cleaning it up while Noah shrugs slightly, "My co-ordination still needs some work." Kurt nods slightly.
"Are you two going to make out? Cause if you are, can you not do it in front of me?" Both Noah and Kurt stare at Sarah, who looks at them like they've just declared Lady Gaga to be only a mediocre performer. "You guys are like way obvious. Just saying." With the floor cleaned, Sarah slips out of the kitchen, turning on the television in the front room.
"She's observant." Or at least Kurt hopes it's just Sarah and not because Kurt's been so obvious this whole time.
"She got the brains in the family." Things are just a little awkward, standing in the kitchen, and Kurt notes that Noah's head is at least looking better, although he's still not gotten his stitches out. "You here for a mid-week visit? Doesn't the travelling kill you?" And Kurt remembers the few times Puck drove out to Westerville for a hook up and then drove back the same night. How the hell did Kurt not realise Noah loved him before he was told?
"No, I'm home. My transfer back to McKinley is official at noon tomorrow." Kurt can't keep the smile on his face, because Noah's looking at him like he just got the keys to the slushie store. "You were right, I should just come home."
"And the boyfriend?" There's a hint of something on Noah's face, and Kurt just shakes his head, taking a few steps closer to Noah.
"I broke up with him," his voice drops, because he knows he's putting a lot on the line here, "I realised that it wasn't fair, dating Blaine, when I was in love with someone else." Kurt has to play his hand though, he has to show Noah that he's serious, because he's already hurt Noah, he knows that, and it's not fair to make Noah doubt any of this. "I didn't realise it until it was almost too late. It's not too late, is it?"
"No," Noah's voice is just as low as Kurt's, but he takes the final step towards Kurt and wraps his arms around Kurt's waist, pulling them close and pressing his forehead to Kurt's. "But I need to take it slow," Kurt just nods, "because we need to figure out if this is just about the sex or not." And Kurt figures they can totally do that, because he knows it's not just the sex, and he's pretty sure Noah knows it too, so it won't be a problem. "But there will definitely be making out."
Kurt's heart flips, his toes curl and his body vibrates with this need to be closer to Noah when their lips touch. This is what love is suppose to feel like, the movies certainly don't prepare you for that.