I wasn´t sure I remembered when I saw him for the first time. I had seen him at several occasions, but he had never talked to me. He was just sitting and watching me. Like a guardian in a dog-shaped body. I had asked if the other could see him. They had looked worried at each other and then I had gotten more medication.

He disappeared after that and I didn´t really think about it so much. Then Hannibal came along. He and Face suddenly showed up and busted me out of the hospital, like in a real action movie. It had been awesome. I got my wings back and a new family.

And then I saw him again. He was just there one day. I suddenly remembered slightly seeing someone who looked like him when I was ten. But that couldn´t be right.

Dogs didn´t live that long, did they?

It didn´t matter.

But one day, out of the blue… he was there. Standing outside my door with tongue hanging out of his mouth and a paw lifted, like he wanted a treat.

And I couldn´t just leave him. He was all alone and looked really hungry. The poor boy had probably been on his own for a long time. It must have been frightening. And I understood. I knew how lonely it was being alone, so I took the dog with me.

I decided to call him Billy. He looked like a Billy.

I showed his to Face and B.A. At first Face look worried, just like they did at the hospital. But then he just shrugged and said he probably had to get used to this.

B.A was losing his mind. He said he couldn´t see him. I didn´t know what to think of that. I could see Billy and I could clap him on the head and he would lay his head on my knees when we ate dinner. But B.A couldn´t see him.

I talked to Hannibal about it. I was worried that B.A maybe didn´t liked dogs, but I didn´t want to let go of Billy. I really liked him and I still believe he liked me.

Hannibal assured me that he wouldn´t be taken away from me, as long as he didn´t compromise our missions. I promised him he wouldn't and always made sure to leave him behind whenever we headed out.

Time went on. I was really happy. I had Hannibal and Face and B.A and Billy and we did all the cool things I had ever wanted to do.

B.A still claimed he couldn´t see him and I was beginning to suspect that face and Hannibal couldn´t either. But it didn´t really matter. They let me have him and I admit it was really fun freaking B.A out. Hannibal and Face always claimed they could see him and it always ended with B.A leaving in a huff while calling us all crazy. Good times.

But Billy was amazing. He always knew when I needed him. He ran free, mostly because I couldn´t make myself tie him up, but also because he had chosen me. I knew he would stay with me as long as he wanted. And he always came. When I was sad or angry, he would trot through my door and sit in front of me. He would tilt his head and lay a paw on my knee. It always made me laugh. One time I was had a nightmare and woke up to find Billy cuddling in my arms. After that he always slept in the foot of my bed. And I felt much safer with him.

But then Lynch came along and everything went crazy. I was sent to the hospital again and got a lot of medicine. It was okay, nothing I hadn´t tried before. But Billy was gone.

It was hard enough not being with my team, but the staff had somehow shut Billy out. Some nights I was sure I could hear him howl outside my window, but I never saw him.

I missed him so much. I missed the comfort he always gave me.

But when we escaped, he came back to me. Hannibal called it unconditional love. Billy loved me and stayed with me without wanting anything in return. The only thing he wanted from me I guess. I don´t really know. I tried asking him about it but he never answered.

I was just happy that our little strange family was back together.

But now…

I knew something was wrong when I hadn´t seen him in two weeks. His last visit was just before we had our names cleared. After being on the run for years, we had all decided to stay together. We found a house and tried to live like normal people would…whatever that means.

I had even brought a doghouse to Billy, but he never came back.

I waited for him for days but he never came. Face tried to comfort me but I was too worried. Billy was old. Maybe something had happened to him. What if he had been run over by a car? Or maybe he had fallen down into a hole, like in that movie with the two dogs and the cat.

"Come on buddy, it´s Billy. He will come"

But he didn´t. And after two weeks, I knew he was gone. Somehow I just knew. It was like the feeling of having forgotten something, and feeling guilty about forgetting it.

Hannibal said the right thing, like he always does. "He was probably just tired son. We all get tired"

And he was right.

Now Billy is gone and I miss him. But the worst thing is the guilt. He had been a part of my live for so many years… and I am beginning to forget.

At first I forgot to be sad because he is gone. Then I started to forget how he looked. I never took a picture of him. Why didn´t I?

Now I'm not sure I remembered anymore. I still miss him because I remember all the things he did for me. But I feel so guilty, I feel him slip away like he was never there.

And sometimes I wonder if B.A was right all along. I just wish I had more time to say goodbye.

A/N

Dedicated to my dog Mille who died on December 8. A wonderful, 17 years old Wire-haired dachshund. I miss you so much girl, rest in peace.