Said and Done
By Jaye Reid.
Written: 16 – 18/12/1999
Disclaimer: I opened the toy box and there they were. Just sitting there getting dusty because it was non-ratings time and we were left wanting… So I took them out, dusted them off and decided to have a play. I have to put them back soon because their owners, Hal., Southern Star and Channel Nine will be wanting them.
Authors Notes: This one has been hanging around in my fanfic folder waiting for me to make some final touches to it. Well they took longer to get around to that I thought.
I didn't get to see 'A Day At the Office' when it originally went to air. I only saw it at the start of December and I am still coming to terms with it….
SUMMARY: How long does it take to heal wounds? What measure do you use to gauge this time? And can they ever *really* be healed?
A huge thank you once again to my beta reader Sonia. You are brilliant woman!
~*~*~*~
Helen looked up from the front desk as Jack reached the bottom of the stairs.
"Jack, I've been meaning to catch up with you."
"Yeah, well… here I am!" he replied cheekily.
"Thursday… after work… have you got any plans?" she queried.
"Ah… this Thursday?"
"Yeah, this Thursday."
He pondered. "As in the 31st?"
"Yes Jack, are you doing anything that day?"
"What, you askin' me out Helen? Didn't think I was your type. Don't tell me I have persuaded you to go straight?"
"In your dreams!" she laughed.
"Okay… Thursday. Well I'm not doing anything but trying to get through the day so that I can deal with the next. But I guess I do that everyday."
"So, count you in?"
"Yeah, sounds like you've got a bit of a party organised?" he asked.
"Oh yeah," she smiled. "Big Party."
"So Cutter Bar or BYO here?"
"Ah it's BYO and we are leaving from here," she replied.
"Oh… okay then. Um… sounds interesting. Look if Mick or Alex come back before I do, could ya tell 'em that I have gone to check on the details about the floater from yesterday out in Middle Harbour? There is something that just doesn't gel."
"What the one with the ventilation holes in his chest?" Helen asked.
"Yeah… that's the one. I'll be a couple of hours I think."
"Yeah, okay. I'll let them know."
~*~*~*~
Thursday afternoon rolled around and most of the Water Rats were ready to celebrate, full eskies, plenty of beer and food.
Alex wasn't going to go, but Helen insisted. She was part of the team.
They car pooled and arrived at the cemetery soon after.
It was twelve months to the day since they had lost Rachel.
It had been Helen's idea. She wanted them to celebrate the life that Rachel had, not the one that she was missing out on.
Helen figured that everyone would be feeling the loss of their friend, partner or lover. And dealing with their loss as a group together was part of the healing process on days like today.
They wandered to her gravesite. A place that Jack and Helen knew well. The others had been there perhaps once or twice since she had been buried. Some of them not at all.
"Hello," said a voice behind them as they wandered along.
"Felix, David," said Jack, feeling a bit awkward meeting them in the cemetery with an esky in hand… "We were just…"
Felix smiled and placed his hand on Jack's shoulder. "I think it is a wonderful idea. Her friends," he said looking to everyone, "wanting to be here with her. And obviously having a good time. She would be pleased."
~*~*~*~
They had been sitting there for awhile. Laughing, sharing a few stories. Some they had heard so many times before.
"Yeah," laughed Mick, "and you damn well wouldn't let her borrow your pen. I remember the first time I made that mistake… It came back all chewed. No one warned me about that!"
"Pens," said Jack, "she probably wouldn't have realised she was doing it. I don't know how many times I was in an interview room with her when she was grilling a suspect. You always knew when she was really *really* concentrating on making them break. She'd sit there, pen in hand and just spin it around and around in her fingers. Over and over again. If they only knew what trouble they were in when she did that."
"But it was better than when she was standing," added Tommy taking a mouthful from his beer. "I watched her one day just circle around and around this clown, I don't know about him gettin' dizzy but hell, I sure was!"
"Yep," added Helen, "I think that was one of her favoured tactics. And that smile. The one when she was pretending to be sincere."
They all nodded. Even David. He had seen it. Right before he was about to get into trouble or she was about to have a go at his father for something.
"How many of them fell for *that* one?" continued Helen. "She got them believing that she was there *new* best friend and then POW… in for the kill."
"Yeah, she was good," replied Gavin with a chuckle. "Ha! But you didn't have to be one of the customers to get *that* smile. Hell even I saw it the day…"
He stopped, remembering their exchange on the pier.
"And there was never any milk left for coffee," added Emma with a laugh. "She went through that stuff didn't she? Don't know how the hell she drank it straight."
"Yeah, well I miss her… everyday still. Some days more than others, but it's always there," replied Helen. Tears glistening in her eyes amongst the smile.
"Yeah, I know what you mean," replied Mick. "Someone just has to say somethin' the way she would have."
"Yeah Rachelisms," grinned Gavin.
Tayler glanced around.
"Oh… my… God," she said slowly, deliberately, "Francis James Holloway!"
"Yeah, like *that* one," said Helen with a gentle laugh.
"No…" said Tayler nodding, "HEY FRANK!"
"Is this a private party or can anyone join in?" Frank asked.
David tilted his head to one side.
"Frank?"
"Yeah Davy, hello mate," he replied.
"What are you doin' here? Mum reckoned you weren't comin' back… you're back?"
"Yeah well I guess she was probably right, I wasn't. But ya can never be too sure. Things happen."
"Oh Frank," said Helen rising to her feet and giving Frank a hug, "It's so damn good to see you. When did you get back? Why didn't you come and see us?"
"Ah I've been back a coupla days. Was gonna call in tomorrow actually."
He wasn't expecting anyone else to be there. He couldn't look at her gravestone. Seeing her name would finally make it real. If he was alone, well… he would have dealt with that aspect by now. But he wasn't. And with everyone else there, he didn't trust himself with his emotions.
"I see you've brought your own," said Jack pointing to the six pack of beer Frank was carrying. "Sit down will ya, you're makin' the place look untidy."
"We were just sharing stories about my Rachel," said Felix. "I am sure you have few to add to the discussion."
"Oh yeah," smiled Frank, opening one of his own beers. "I'm assuming someone as already mention how much she loved beetroot!"
"Yeah… not!" laughed David. "Mum hated that stuff soooo much."
"She used to like it once actually. When she was a child," said Felix. "Then one day… Rachel and one of her friends… they raided a neighbours vegetable garden. She made herself very very ill eating raw beetroot. Said she would never touch it again. And well, you know Rachel... when she says… *said* something she meant it."
He smiled. He had some good memories of his daughter and now more from her friends.
They continued to talk and laugh. They felt okay. It was a good way to relieve the tension and the pain that they thought that this day would bring.
As the sun started to go down, everyone started to drift off home.
Promising Felix and David that they would stay in touch.
Alex felt as if she understood her workmates a little more now. She knew they were a close knit bunch. Now she felt that she had been accepted into the circle by being included in this remembrance celebration of their colleagues life. And that was Frank Holloway? He was human, not just a legend she grinned to herself as she left.
Helen left Felix, David, Jack and Frank all sitting by Rachel. Hugs all round and threats to Frank to get into the office and see them. She looked back over towards them when she reached her car. The men in Rachel's life. The most important people in her world. It seems rather prophetic that they were sitting there together sharing their individual memories the one woman that they all loved. She smiled. Rachel would have wanted it this way.
~*~
Then Felix said that it was time for him to take David back to his Father.
Felix told Frank to come and visit him.
And reminded Jack that it had been at least a month since he had been to visit.
Jack and Frank watched them walk arm in arm back to their car.
Then there were two.
"It's hard isn't it?" said Jack after a long silence.
"What is?" asked Frank distantly.
"To look at her name," he replied.
Frank glanced at Jack and took another mouthful of his beer.
"Ah come on Frank. Been there done that. I've watched you since ya got here. Shit, I felt the same way the first time after the funeral, and she damn well died in my arms. I knew she was gone. But the first time… the first time I came here… I didn't wanta look either. To see her name."
"Yeah well…"
"She loved you Frank."
"Nah mate, you got *that* wrong. She loved you."
"Ah yeah I know that, but she loved you too. If you had've stayed… nah I wouldn't have even had a chance."
"Ah bullshit Jack, you're a persistent bastard. You woulda won her over eventually."
"Not with you lookin' over my shoulder. I wouldn't have got to first base."
"But ya already had," Frank replied with a smile.
"Yeah well you weren't around at the time to guard her I suppose," he replied, smiling back. "And anyway that was a long time before. She spent most of the time after that trying to forget it happened."
"She really loved you Jack. When Rachel said somethin' like that well you could believe it."
"But she never said it to me," he replied.
"What?"
"I never got to hear her say it. But I know. I know now. She wrote it in a journal. Felix gave it to me to read after. I know she loved me."
"Rachel? A diary?" asked Frank.
"Yeah, surprised me too. But yeah, there is some stuff… from before. Before I came along."
"Nah Jack, nothin' ever happened between us. Rachel and I were… well we were mates, best mates. We just had this thing where we *knew* what the other was thinkin' half the time. We could talk about anything. And she could drink me under the table."
"Yeah but you might wanta read it. Come around tonight," replied Jack.
"Nah, I don't think so. I mean…"
"Look Frank, I'm okay with how she felt about you. When Felix gave me the journal I noticed this air-mail envelope sticking out, but I didn't think much of it until after I had read the diary entries. I felt weird about it but Felix had given the journal to me, so I figured, what the hell. Anyway I read the letter. I mean it was only one side of the conversation, but it seemed like an interesting one.
Frank smiled and shook his head. I'm guessin' you've read my articulate side of the conversation?"
Jack just smiled.
Frank reached for another stubbie of beer before continuing.
"You see, when I left I told her she had to get my permission to see anyone. Mind you, when she asked if I'd give my permission I told her that I wouldn't. I don't know why I said it. It just sorta came out. I even asked her to go with me, but she said she couldn't. I told her I understood, and I think she understood why I asked.
Anyway… I get this letter from her. She's talkin' 'bout what's happenin' back here, you know, general stuff. And then she's like "…there's someone in my life… I think I'm in love with Jack…" then she goes correcting herself and says she knows she loves you and she doesn't know what to do about it. I guess you know the rest."
"Yeah, you said something about her taste in men had always been shocking, but I was probably the best of the bad lot."
Frank grinned. "Ah yeah… sorry about that one mate."
"Oh well," said Jack. "I didn't know the others, only you. But you told her that if she loved me and I loved her, which I did, then not to let anything or anyone stand in the way. I was wonderin' what the 'permission granted' line had meant."
"Well… now you know."
"But you said you wouldn't give her permission?"
"Ah… she didn't need it."
"But she wanted it, from you."
"Yeah I guess she did."
Jack drained the last of the beer from his stubbie. "God I miss her."
Frank stood up and looked across at the headstone.
"Shit," he muttered softly as he walked to it, tracing his fingers over the carved golden letters.
Her name clearly standing out even in the shadow that fell over it.
Now it was real.
He couldn't pretend it was a bad dream… a nightmare, any longer.
"What do ya think she'd have to say about us here together talkin' about her?" asked Frank.
"Hell, I reckon she'd knock our bloody heads to together and tell us to bugger off," Jack laughed.
"Yeah, I remember the day that prick of an ex. told her he'd heard we were doin' it, shit she was pissed off. She hated anyone talkin' about her."
"The day…. the day that she…. well we had basically been sprung," smiled Jack. "Hell everyone at the Office knew and you could imagine they weren't too subtle about their new found information. Shit they gave her hell, but she gave it back twice as hard. She just had this way of being able to firmly put you back in your place."
"Oh yeah… been on the receiving end of *that* one. Lost count of how many times she did that to me. And you know the worst thing about it was that she was always right. She was so damn smug when she was right, but she wouldn't actually tell ya, but you just knew what she was thinking. And I reckon that was worse."
A sudden gust of wind picked up and blew around them. It blew a few leaves and rustled the plastic bag of empty beer bottles that lay on the ground. And then it was gone.
Frank gave a short laugh, "I think she's trying to tell us to piss off home."
"Yeah well come on… we've run out of beer. How about we head to my joint, I've got a bloody fridge full of it," said Jack also getting to his feet.
"Yeah bugger it, why not. Drinkin' with company is always better than by yourself. Do you feel like telling me about what happened? I mean no one has really told me yet. If ya don't, well then I'll understand," said Frank.
"Yep, I think I can. There are things I think you should know," Jack replied.
"See ya Rachel," said Frank into the air as they left.
"Yeah Rach. later… we'll have one for you," added Jack.
"One?" asked Frank as they wandered away.
"Ah well, maybe two or three…"
"Or half a dozen. God that woman could drink!" chuckled Frank.
As they walked away, the shadow that had shrouded the headstone was picked up by another breeze, gentle this time, and banished to the sky.
And the sun glistened over the gold letters that spelt her name.
The End.