Vacillation
By Jaye Reid
Written: 25 – 29.10.1999
Disclaimer: Oh Mr. McElroy?? Guess what? I'M USING THEM! JUST TRY AND STOP ME!! G You may own them, but there is nothing you can do about me playing with them….. I will return them you know…. No harm done.
Authors notes: There have been a few fics around about Tayler up and leaving the Water Rats. Well leaving Gavin behind more precisely… Suzie (who by the way really rocks!) has inspired me to add my own little piece to the group of Tayler/Gavin fics.
By the way – vacillation: wavering between different courses of action, to show indecision.
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Tayler sat back, curled up on her couch.
The lights off and the sound turned down on the television.
She usually sat in the darkness these days. Just in case he came around.
Perhaps he would think she wasn't at home. God this was cruel! She knew that this was taking the cheats way out. But she didn't know what else to do.
It had been three months since she joined Pol-Air. And as much as she was enjoying her new job, she missed the old one. She felt sad when they whizzed over the waves, or when she caught sight of the Nemesis out on the Harbour… But it had just become all too hard to deal with.
There was still a sharp pain somewhere inside when she thought about Rachel.
She missed her.
And of course there was Gavin.
She had thought that by now, he would have moved on. But no! He was still leaving messages on her answering machine, in the mail box. Hassling Helen to pass messages on.
Hell she missed him. His grin… Tayler smiled. He was so damn easy to look at, why did he have to be that good looking.
But it had been such a terrible year. Friends leaving…. Some permanently.
She knew when she found herself falling in love with Gavin it was the last straw, and time to move on.
Relationships within the force just didn't work. God, she just had to look at the track record of the people she had worked with. Even at Pol-Air, there were very few in stable relationships.
But she knew she was falling for Gavin, and that was dangerous.
For both of them.
She just had to remind herself about Rachel and Frank. How Rachel had been after he left. But in the end, she seemed to be coping.
Especially after her and Jack had stopped trying to rip each others throats out!
She sighed sadly…. Rachel.
Jack would never be the same man again.
She knew that she didn't want to be alone for the rest of her life. Hell there was more to life than the job. But at the moment she wasn't too sure whether staying away from Gavin was any less stressful than being with him?
She was a cop. She knew what the job involved.
She also knew that she loved Gavin, but she never wanted to be put through the emotional wringer of the "one day" waiting for that call. The thought of having to live through what Jack was living through.
And could she bare to think about putting Gavin through it either? There was always the chance that her number could come up first.
No, staying detached was the way to handle Gavin.
Was she selfish? – probably.
Justified?– maybe.
Scared? – definitely!
The End.