Title: Why Didn't I Tell Her?
Summary: Oneshot. Ducky knows why Gibbs can't talk about Jenny. Inspired by Liz Phair's "Why Can't I?"
Disclaimer: I don't own "Why Can't I?" or NCIS, just the plot.
A/N: I've been doing a lot of songfics lately… I love this song. You should listen to it. It's very "Jenny and Jethro in Paris". In fact, I might just have another fic in this song… XD
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"Jethro, you've been awfully irritable lately…"
A glare was sent his way. "Is that why you called me down here, Duck? To tell me that I'm pissed off? Don't you think I know that?"
"I know you know that, my dear man," Ducky said placatingly. "I was just wondering if you knew why."
"If I know… why I'm pissed off?"
"Yes."
Gibbs looked at his friend searchingly. "Have you been eating Abby's lunch, Duck? What's this about?"
Ducky sighed. "As a friend and forensic psychologist, I feel I should say something."
Gibbs let out a short bark of a laugh. "I'm not dead, Duck. You don't have to be my shrink."
"But I do. Humor an old man." He sat down in his chair. "How have you been feeling lately, Jethro?"
Gibbs leaned against the autopsy table. "Haven't we been over this? I feel pissed."
"Why?"
Shrug. "No reason."
Ducky raised an eyebrow. "You can't be mad for no reason, Jethro. There's always a cause. Is there someone in particular you're mad at?"
Gibbs snorted. "Vance."
"The new director?" Somehow, Ducky was not surprised by this thread. "Why?"
"The man's an asswipe."
Ducky couldn't quite hide his smile. "Is that so?"
"Yeah. He's a fool, Duck. He has no idea what he's doing. He doesn't have the kind of spirit or the drive it takes to be the head of a federal agency."
"Who had this spirit, Jethro?"
"Morrow. He was a good man."
"And…?"
Silence. Finally Gibbs forced the name out. "Jen. She… had spirit."
"A certain je ne sais quoi," Ducky agreed. Then, "Do you miss her, Jethro?"
He'd been studying his reflection in the stainless steel table, but glanced up sharply at the question. "Is that why you called me down here, Duck? You want to talk about Jenny?"
"No. You want to talk about Jenny."
Gibbs grabbed another swivel chair and sat down heavily. "I don't know what it is, Duck."
"What?"
"It's like… I don't know what it's like. But I can't talk about her. I can't think about her. I can't stand that bastard Vance standing in her space on the catwalk." He glared at his friend fiercely, his eyes bright. "It's her space, Duck. And that asshole just… just watches us from it."
"Jennifer used to watch you."
"That was her." He sat back, frustrated. "I never minded when Jenny watched us. She wasn't spying; she was watching over us."
"She's watching over you now."
"But she's not here." The anger in his voice was plain.
"Is that why you're mad?"
"Hell yes!" Gibbs shouted heatedly. "She left again!"
"You don't mind when she leaves."
Gibbs' hands shook slightly; Ducky pretended not to notice. "It's a replay of Paris."
"It's not. After Paris, you thought you'd never see her again, but you did. Now, you can't."
Gibbs waved away Ducky's insights. "Not like that. Not like that. Just in the way that she left me without… without saying goodbye."
Ducky reached over and put his hand on Gibbs' head. "Jethro, she didn't leave without saying goodbye. She saved your life."
"Why can't I talk about her, Duck?" His voice was muffled; he'd hung his head. "Why can't I think about her?"
"You loved her, Jethro."
He slowly nodded.
Ducky had to ask. "She loved you?"
"She told Mike she did."
"Then…" Ducky couldn't bring himself to finish the question.
Gibbs answered anyway. "I don't know. I don't… I don't fucking know. We were stupid, Duck."
"Just two fools in love," Ducky sighed. "People have done crazier things."
"Crazier than not admitting to the woman you love that you love her?"
Ducky started to speak, then paused. "I sense this is not the time for an anecdote. Very well, Jethro. If you wish to move on in life thinking that both yourself and Jennifer were idiots, I see no reason to continue this conversation."
"We were, Duck." His voice was a whisper. "I love her. I never told her."
"You should have."
"I know." He sounded broken. "God, why didn't I?"
Ducky stood and placed his hand on Gibbs' shoulder. "She knew, Jethro. Trust me. She knew."
"Why didn't I tell her?" Gibbs said again, more to himself that to Ducky. "Why the hell didn't I tell her?"
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
It's inevitable
It's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
-Fin-