She doesn't feel a thing when she pulls the trigger and sends a bullet through Kotomi Ikuta's head. Once upon a time, she would have. In fact, one upon a time, she never would have picked up the gun in the first place. But she's done worse things than this in the past, and she's learned to shut out her emotions. Murdering the Vice President of the Student Council doesn't mean anything.
Her throat grows dry, but she continues to sing. The lyrics are unfamiliar to her, but Junko likes the song. So she sings, sings as the screams around her grow wilder, as the metallic scent of blood pierces her nostrils. The blood smells like home in the strangest way, like when she was in Fenrir, diving into trenches and shooting bullets across No Man's Land.
She was born into violence and death, and it's all Mukuro Ikusaba knows. Junko has taught her so much about despair, and pulled Mukuro in head first. Junko loves despair, and Mukuro loves Junko, so Mukuro loves despair. It's an invalid syllogism, and her language teacher from middle school would have given her a zero, but she doesn't care.
When the last member of the Student Council is dead, Mukuro flees the building. She and Junko return to their dorms, and fabricate alibis. Even if the school begins to suspect them, they'll never have the hard evidence to convict them. As Junko always says, the school is nothing but a pile of puppets, just begging to be toyed with. One day, they will pull the strings, and force the headmaster's hand, but for now, they will sleep, and heal from their eventful night.
Morning comes, and Mukuro's mouth tastes like ashes. According to Junko, the reserve course has already begun rioting. It's all happening so quickly, but it's just according to plan. She'd flash a smile if she remembered how.
They still go to class like nothing has changed, and when Mukuro sits down next to Sayaka, she pretends that everything is the same, like she doesn't have fresh blood on her hands. Sayaka talks with her about nothing in particular, just like she always does. It's strange that they get along so well, because Sayaka does nothing but speak, while Mukuro remains silent.
Perhaps that's why they do, one of them needs someone to listen to them, the other needs someone to listen to. Occasionally Mukuro will add a quip, but she prefers to just let Sayaka's graceful words wash all over her. The nice thing about talkative people is that they never expect you to join in.
She ends up walking Sayaka back to her dorm after class, less out of friendship and more because she doesn't want the idol to get mobbed by the reserve course. Maybe that counts as friendship, but Mukuro doesn't know. She's never had friends before, and she isn't about to start. She has Junko, and Junko is all that she needs.
(Junko is Mukuro's entire world, in fact, Mukuro only exists because of Junko. She is a weapon, she is a shield, but she is not her own person, and it causes Mukuro so much despair that it makes her ecstatic.)
Sayaka invites her to stay for a while, and while Mukuro initially plans to refuse, something about Sayaka's smile and warm blue eyes makes her feel weak in the knees. So she stays, and sits on Sayaka's bed, while the idol continues chattering idly. Mukuro doesn't know why she feels shaky and warm, but she likes being around Sayaka. She has the nicest smile, and she's so breathtakingly beautiful. Mukuro wouldn't know where to start with her.
She tells Junko this later, in confidence. Junko scoffs at her, and tells her that weapons aren't allowed to fall in love, especially not with pretty girls like Sayaka Maizono. Mukuro doesn't think she's in love, and says this to Junko, but she receives only a harsh glare in return.
Mukuro stops talking to Sayaka.
According to Junko, her mood has dipped, and she questions what's suddenly made her so miserable. Mukuro doesn't know herself, so she can only shrug in response. Junko prods her face, but she doesn't get an answer.
This continues until Junko comes to the conclusion herself. 'Mukuro is depressed because she isn't talking to Sayaka anymore.' Junko tells her this, and calls her pathetic in the same sentence. But then she softens, and tells her to go back to her crush, and befriend her again. Anything to make her useful again.
Mukuro takes the advice to heart, and rushes to Sayaka's dorm and knocks. It's three in the morning, but she gets a response almost instantly. The second Sayaka sees her, she throws herself into Mukuro's arms. "I thought you hated me," she whispers into Mukuro's shoulder.
I could never. Mukuro thinks, as she pats Sayaka's back lightly. The idol pulls Mukuro into her room, and they talk again. This time, Mukuro does everything she can to contribute, even though she's not an interesting person, even though she's not even a human being.
Mukuro had never been in over her head before, but it seemed that a starry eyed goddess was going to be the one to take her there.
The riots are getting worse, but the sound of gunshots are like a lullaby to someone who has slept on the battlefield. Sayaka is not the same as her, however, and often comes to her room at night, shaking from head to toe.
They huddle together under blankets and watch stupid movies, and Sayaka leans on Mukuro's shoulder. It's so strange, but whenever she's with her, Mukuro doesn't want to go through with the plan, she doesn't want the world to fall into despair.
She doesn't want her classmates to die.
But as soon as Sayaka leaves, the feeling evaporates. Even with Sayaka around to remind her that she is human, Mukuro is really only an extension of her sister. And she knows, deep down inside, that her classmates will die and the world will despair.
And she will enjoy every minute of it.
Sayaka kisses her in the dim light of the hallway, tenderly and relaxed. Mukuro smiles, just a little bit, but she breaks the iron mask that she's worn for years. She has everything right now. Her class, the only survivors of Hope's Peak Academy, are locked down in the old school building. They'll stay here for months, perhaps years, or so says Jin Kirigiri's plan.
This is the last night that they have, before fourteen of them will unwillingly take a memory serum, and forget everything they know. Mukuro has pushed this thought out of her mind, because she doesn't want to think about the killing game anymore.
Not when Sayaka is here with her.
Mukuro kisses her back, and sways with her. She can still hear the gunfire outside, but it's muffled by the iron plates. She has twelve hours.
When they wake up in the morning, Mukuro is wearing a wig, and Sayaka has never heard of Mukuro Ikusaba.
The spears rip through her body like she is butter. Sayaka is dead, and despair has never felt more terrible in Mukuro's entire life. Her life, which happens to be ending.
Her own blood covers her hand, and her vision spins. By the time she hits the floor, she's completely and utterly dead. She knows that Junko doesn't feel a thing, and at this point, Mukuro doesn't either. Once upon a time, she would have. But once upon a time, she wouldn't have fallen in love with a girl who made her realize that angels were people, and she wouldn't have felt that someone else thought she was human.
But she is a weapon, she is a shield, she is not her own person, and it causes Mukuro so much despair that it makes her sick.