Author's Note: "The Good Earth" episode addition with a JJ/Hotch twist
CONVERSATION IN A BAR
"Hi."
"JJ!" Hotch gasped, nearly choking on his sip of whiskey. He eyed her warily as she sat down next to him at the hotel bar. "What are you doing here?"
She grabbed his glass and took a sip. "I figured I would find you here."
Hotch sighed. "Am I that predictable?"
"We thought at one point that the unsub was trying to build a family. This is where you always come when we have a case about families, ever since the night-"
"-we almost conceived Henry," he finished with her.
JJ huffed. "Yeah." She finished off his drink. "If only you hadn't been such a gentleman that night."
Hotch signaled the bartender for two more drinks. "I was still technically married and you were with Will. I couldn't."
"I blamed you then. I was so mad," she told him.
"I know," he said, flatly. "Even if we hadn't had this conversation before, the fire in your eyes as you stormed out of the hotel room that night would have been enough."
JJ rolled her eyes. "What did you expect when you rejected me?"
Hotch flinched. "I didn't reject you. I... rejected the situation."
"The situation?" She laughed, almost angrily. "Me, the situation; either way, the result was the same: I was hurt and I lashed out by flying off to New Orleans the next day, sleeping with Will, and getting myself knocked up."
"What do you think would have happened if I hadn't... put a stop to us that night?" Hotch asked her, taking a sip of his drink.
JJ bit her bottom lip, thinking over her response, feeling the small bit of anger inside fade away. "In a perfect world? You would have signed the divorce papers. I would have broken it off with Will. Henry would be yours and you, I, and the boys would be a happy family right now."
Hotch's eyes widened as he took in her statement. "You still wish that Henry was mine?"
"We've had this discussion before," she retorted, annoyed that he had seemingly forgotten.
"Not since he was a baby," Hotch shot back.
JJ took a deep breath, taking a huge gulp of whiskey. "If I could have the exact same kid, but just you as his father, then yes, I still wish Henry was yours." She smirked, finishing her drink. "And I know you wish the same thing."
Hotch paused, the glass halfway to his mouth. "And how do you know that?"
"Because the older he gets, the more he looks and acts like Will, the more you avoid him. Do you think I didn't notice that you left as soon as Garcia brought Henry to the office on Halloween? Oh sure, you did it as quietly as you could, but I still noticed," JJ explained, watching closely as his face contorted into pain.
"I had to get home-"
"To Jack?" she finished. "A believable story except for the fact that Jack goes trick-or-treating with his cousins every year. His grandparents come down and everything to spend time with them."
Hotch sighed, more in defeat than in anger. "What do you want from me, JJ? Do you want me to admit it? I admit it. I wish I hadn't pushed you away that night. I wish I hadn't been such an upstanding guy that night; that I would love nothing more to have given you Henry. When he was a baby, it was easy to pretend he was mine, but that gets harder each time I see him. And it kills me, kills me to see you and Henry with Will." Hotch stared at the floor, concentrating on a stray peanut shell that had fallen between the stools. "You married him, JJ."
She closed her eyes to gather her thoughts. She opened them and touched his arm, causing him to look towards her, but not quite at her. "I made a choice after that night here to throw myself into a relationship with Will. Things have just-"
"Spiraled out of control?" Hotch offered. She nodded. "Do you love him?"
"Yes," JJ admitted, softly, "but not like I think I could have loved you."
Hotch moved his eyes to her face. "I could have loved you, too."
She gave him a faint smile. "And Beth?"
"I like her," he shrugged, "she's no comparison to you."
Hotch lifted his fingers to signal for two more drinks only to find his hand covered by JJ's. She shook her head. "If we're going to do this, I want us to be sober."
"You're still married, JJ," he told her, but there was no real resolve behind his voice. He knew just as she did that this was where the evening was going to end the minute she sat down beside him.
"And you're still with Beth," she replied.
Hotch took a deep breath. "I'm not walking away this time."
"Neither am I."
END