Mother's Diaries
Part I
The Brother
By Jasmin Kaiba
Lorelai Annabelle Gilmore-Huntzberger IV was a very lively twelve years old. The blonde mischief maker looked like her mother, but unfortunately acted like her father. Even though she was long out of the age where she asked random questions every minute, she still had a very curious mind that simply refused to wrap itself around evasive answers like 'when you're older', 'you wouldn't understand' or anything else Mommy and Daddy would think of when one of her questions went beyond what a twelve year old should know. But she couldn't help it, both her parents were journalists, so her curiosity was inherited, even though Mommy keeps saying things like 'curiosity killed the cat' and other silly things Annie didn't want to hear.
Annie was used to her parents' reactions to questions like 'where do babies come from', 'how are babies made', 'what is sex' and other such things, but what she never anticipated were her mother's reactions to the question she asked three days ago. "Mommy, why is Nicky not coming back?" As that question fell from her lips Rory, her ever loving mother, had made a face that Annie had never seen before. Her blue eyes had quickly filled with tears and she'd called for her husband before fleeing the kitchen where the dumb-founded Annie sat on a stool and stared after her.
It had been ten years since her big brother Nicky went away and never came back, what Annie remembered from that time was that Daddy had said that Nicky went to a far away place and wasn't going to return, he'd never answered why Nicky wasn't coming back. Even now, Daddy refused to tell what happened, just told not to ask such questions and give her mother some time for herself.
Annie was angry, she was already twelve and they still treated her like she was two. Even Chris, her younger brother who was only seven got better answers to truly idiotic questions. Disappointed and cranky Annie wandered through the house, trying to find something, anything to do to take her mind off her big brother, but she wasn't successful. A few years ago she'd come to the conclusion that Nicky is dead, there was no other logical explanation, but her parents refused to tell her the truth, so she'd just have to find out for herself.
She found herself on the attic, and shuddering at the thought of how Daddy would yell of he ever found out that she was there, Annie started to sort through the old things packed there. One of the boxes caught her attention; it was labeled 'Nicky' and looked pretty worn out. Ecstatic that she'd found something that maybe could help her, Annie lifted the lid and sat down to start going through what was inside. She took out old clothes, toys, children's books, some baby clothes, an old baby bottle and a worn out teddy. But what was at the bottom of the box was caught the most of her interest. It was a thin, black leather bound book. She took it out and opened it. It was her mother's diary from ten years ago. The first entry dated back to August 10, 2011. Even if she'd been nothing but a toddler back then, Annie would never forget that day, then that nigh had forever changed her parents' life.
She remembered well, Mommy and Daddy were invited to some party, she would spend the weekend with her grandma Shira and Nicky went to Stars Hollow to stay with Nana and Grandpa Luke.
It was already dark outside when the phone had woken her up in grandma Shira's house. Grandma had then come frantically to her room and taken her to the hospital without a word. Mommy and Daddy had been at the hospital together with Granny Emily, Grandpa Luke, and Grandpa Chris. Mommy was crying, Daddy was pacing and she didn't remember what the rest of them did, she just knew that the doctor had soon come and after he'd said something Mommy had fallen to the ground and Daddy had started to cry.
Guessing that she'd find some desired answers, she began reading the first entry on the yellow page that time and obvious tears had done damage to.
August 10, 2011
This is a truly black night, the darkest in my life and I'm lost without the hope of ever finding light again. Tonight I lost two of my dearest, most precious people, my best friend who was my mother and my little sunshine, my first born son. How can I live through this pain? I'm sure that if it weren't for my little Annie that cries in her father's arms I would have died with them.
Logan, oh Logan, how can I look into your eyes again and not be reminded of the shy little boy with the same chocolate orbs and cheeky smile? Why did you do this God? Why did you have to take both away?
Six hours prior I was sitting in my grandmother's living room, arguing with Logan if we could make ourselves scarce without Emily noticing, when my phone had rang. Luke's voice was shaky, almost not understandable from the tears as she said, 'Rory hurry, Lorelai is dead, but there's a chance that Nicky will live. Hurry we're in the Hartford Memorial'. I've thrown the phone down and run out not hearing Logan calling after me, or taking the phone and talking to Luke. I don't remember how he and grandma have gotten outside and into the car with me, but we somehow made it to the hospital.
Then we found a blood-smeared Luke in tears and Dad leaning against a wall, wiping tears from his eyes. First then I've really understood that my Mommy was dead and that there was a chance that my baby would die as well. I had collapsed against Logan and cried harder then ever in my life before. I had though that I'd cried my worth of tears in this life when grandpa had died short after Annie's birth.
Shira came some minutes later with a sleepy Annie and then the doctor came out.
My little boy is dead. I have the feeling that I died with him together.
AN: The first in a series of one-shots. If you want to see this continued in another one-shot then please review. I have a certain number of reviews under which I won't write the sequel, so please review.
Jas