Dedicated to :
Two of the most inspiring and awesome writers, Eel Nivek and quasi una fantasia :)
Eel Nivek, who inspired me to write Lightis because of Matrimony, a writer who is a real form of awesome-ness
quasi una fantasia, who amazed me with her Dear Insanity, who has kept me company after all of this time.
My lovely readers and supporters who never failed to make me smile with all of your reviews
Beta-ed by : quasi una fantasia
- = time and place skip
Suffocation
Eight months ago — Lightning's apartment
.
They were fighting again.
She tried to hold her sobs as she walked quickly to her bedroom, leaving his figure behind on her cramped living room.
She—they—didn't know when this sick cycle started. She asked some casual questions, he blankly answered her with a word or two, then she got irritated and she would piss him off with her sharp remarks, and he got annoyed; the tension would grow until it exploded, with both of them got hurt from the painful words and the heart breaking silence. And they never resolved it; they would warm up again on the next day, never mentioned anything about their fights, as if they were just some bad dreams, no need to be brought up.
Because they were afraid.
They were afraid if they brought it up, one of them would leave the other. And with their now fragile bonds, they shall not take any risks. They still loved each other enough, and it was not worth it to mourn over a fight when their relationship was the bet. They have done many things; from good and bad, from clean to dirty deeds, to maintain their forbidden relationship.
…
"A heir of the throne shouldn't have a relationship with a lieutenant. No matter what." That's what the king told Noctis, his only heir, when he heard some rumors around his councils.
Yet, Noctis paid it no mind. He had known it from the start, but he couldn't control his growing feeling for Lightning Farron, the lieutenant. And so, he kept pursuing her until he got her six months later.
…
Lightning quickly slammed the door of her bedroom. The window was slightly shaking from the force of her slam. She leaned her back against the door and slowly slid down, sitting on the cold floor of her empty bedroom. Unable to control her emotions anymore, a tear managed to slip down her porcelain cheek before finally she broke down; pouring her heart out silently.
She was unaware of the man in her living room; his hand was clenched tightly on his side, his face showed nothing but sorrow and agony as his eyes changed color from golden into blue.
.
I walked slowly on the almost empty sidewalk as the rain kept pouring from the night sky. The coldness of the harsh wind, and the endless rain seeped through my soaked clothes into my bone, chilling my already frozen body. I stopped before a display window of a fashion store. There on the mirror I saw a blurry reflection of myself; my usually rosy lips had turned into pale blue, my pink hair was soaking wet and disarrayed from its usual style, and my shoulders were hunched low. I continued walking, walking oh so very slowly. It seemed as if I was savoring the coldness of the rain to numb my body, my mind, and especially my pain.
(Pitter patter. Pitter patter. Pitter patter.)
I, a formidable and independent woman, was trained to be strong and dependable by my experiences and environment. I never would have thought that in my shining era, I would fall down this way. I mean, of course I could imagine some scenarios where I would fall and break down into nothing but a fragile and vulnerable woman. Perhaps from something like an accident, blackmail, backstabbing friend, sickness, or isolation, and so on. Military was a promising place to find some cases like that. Yet it never ever crossed my mind that the walls I had built around me, my defenses that I had made for years, would break into nothing; that they would crumble into ashes and dust by this—this man! Just…just who did he think he was? To break my defenses, to steal my heart and tear it apart?
Slit
Sinking his sharp nails
Peel it
Stabbed it
He crushed my soul without having a second thought after he caressed and loved it!
(Pitter patter. Pitter patter. Pitter patter.)
(Splash)
Did the universe hate me that badly? Damn it, I didn't ask for a princess story where the prince would save the day and wed me, nor did I ask for a stupid drama or romance novel story! I just asked for a peaceful life with my beloved. That was all. Was it that hard?
Then why? Why did I get this forbidden romance? I ain't a Juliet, damn it!
These thoughts kept whirling around my numb head as I came nearer to my sanctuary. A place where I could feel safe and secure; where I could be a normal, weak, vulnerable female who had a right to cry when her love left a deep, bleeding gash in her heart.
I looked up at the sky as the rain kept pouring over me. I remembered how we used to always do this; walking around my apartment complex when it was raining, just laughing and having fun together as an ordinary couple.
So why did he leave? Didn't he say that he would maintain this relationship until the end?
My tears mixed with the rain.
.
One week ago
.
"Noctis." Lightning called softly to the strong man in front her. Her long beautiful black and red kimono pooled around her feet, sweeping on the floor as she walked slowly to where her boyfriend stood. They were on the balcony; facing the starless night. They had just came back from Prompto's wedding to Serah, her lovely little sister.
"Light." Noctis replied just as softly.
Silence ensued between them, until she bravely walked closer and closer until she was right behind him. Hesitantly, she wrapped her arms around his midsection and leaned her front body against his lean, sinewy back. He went rigid for a second before he forced his body to relax a bit. And yet, he did nothing at all at his girlfriend behavior.
She knew something was wrong. Her gut feeling never wronged her.
"Hey, what's wrong? You're awfully quiet today." Lightning said gently as she buried her face on his strong back. "You know you could talk about anything to me…"
Noctis just kept silent until she couldn't take it anymore and let go of her hold on him.
"Seriously, cat got your tongue, Noctis?" She huffed as she put her hands on her hips.
Slowly Noctis turned around and faced the beautiful lieutenant in front of him. His lieutenant.
"Light, let's stop this." He said in a monotone voice, it didn't reveal even a tiny bit of his emotion.
"Let's stop what?" Lightning frowned, not liking where this conversation would be going. Her body shivered in bad anticipation, dreads filled her being.
"Let's stop our relationship."
Her heart went cold when she registered what he said. Her mind went numb. Her chest felt shallow and the words had tasted bitter and raw on her tongue.
And it still was until now.
"The councils…" Noctis left the sentence hanging, but she understood immediately.
"Okay." Lightning took a deep breath. "But, I just want you to know that… I love you, Noctis." She whispered softly, her eyes never met his gaze because she was afraid of what she would see.
His posture went rigid for a fraction of time, too short for anyone to notice. But she's Lightning. And he's Noctis. They knew each other too well.
He nodded slowly.
Awkward silence filled the room for some good minutes. She desperately wanted to hug him, begged him to not do this, but she held it. She held it in her heart, mind, and soul.
Another minute passed before finally he spoke. "Goodbye, Lightning." His voice was filled with deep regret.
Lightning felt a soft kiss on her forehead, accompanied with a small, soft thank you before he walked passed her. A soft click later from the door, and she broke down and cried within the confinement of her bedroom.
She knew she wouldn't have done anything to stop him. She respected his decision of choosing his throne over her. He was, after all, a soon to be king. He knew his duty very well. She still respected him, adored him, and even loved him, even after what he had done to her was nothing but betrayal.
And yet, she knew in the back of her mind, there would be only one "Noctis" that was able to incite so many intense emotions within her. She still embraced that fact with a small smile, because, even though he had said goodbye, but his true smiles, laughs, and warm gazes would forever printed in her heart, mind and soul: and they were hers only.
.
Four months later
.
They were on a raging war with other nations.
Lots of blood were shed, innocent life was killed mercilessly, many bodies were scattered around the battlefield. It was a never ending battle, with your life on the line.
So far they had the upper hand, thanks to the strong military they had with the Soldiers' Unit; a special unit consisted of some of her seniors and the big brother of her brother in law. Their Medics' Unit was as amazing as the Military; there were many of their armies had been saved from the injuries they sustained from the battle because of them.
But they still lost a lot of their men and women. When you stepped your foot on this hell hole called battlefield, you would only have a small chance of survival rate.
And for that particular reason the King had ordered all civilians to be evacuated into another nation: the Kingdom Hearts, Stella's nation, and she was Noctis' fiancee. All of the royal blood, (save for his son, who stubbornly wanted to be in the battlefield with his men. And the King, albeit grudgingly, let his son do as he wished), the nobles' families, and the councils were also evacuated into the Kingdom Hearts.
Which came back to her situation now.
She should be sitting on one of the many cars that would go into the Kingdom Hearts, as she was one of the leader of the noble clans after her late parents, the Farron's, died. She should have gone along with her baby sister and her husband, Prompto. But no, here she was, standing proudly in front of her battalions, clad in her signature uniforms; with its billowing red cape and her favorite weapon on her right hand. Some knives and other weapons were strapped around her thighs and hips. The gentle wind swayed her hair and revealed a small, white earpiece on her right ear.
It was really hard to escape the evacuation team for the Royals and the Nobles and ran into the war area. She suspected that Noctis was the one behind this, but she dared not to hope for something like that. She wasn't going to delude herself into one of her excuses and hopes for her ex-lover. At least, she just wanted to paid Cid's hard work for rebuilding herself to be strong again.
She knew she can trust Prompto for taking care of Serah. After all, he was the one who sat by her side for a long time, even when Serah left him for Snow, heck, he even take her in again after Serah broke up with Snow, much to her inner relief. She also knew that she can left the clan into the hands of Serah and Prompto. They're trustworthy enough.
And aside from Serah, she was all alone; with no one waiting for her each night. So, what was the point of running away when her abilities can save many of their armies' lives?
With that thought in mind, she decided to join the battle fully until the end of the war. With the help of her seniors; the well-informed Sephiroth's authority, Genesis' charm, and Zack's slyness, she managed to escape the evacuation teams right under the prince's nose, the soldiers who guarded the aristocrats, and retrieved her gears to join in the battlefield.
Speak of the devil...
"And what are you doing here, Ms. Claire?" Cid's somewhat playful yet mocking tone greeted her ears.
"Oh, I don't know. I just feel like having a wonderful picnic here. Do you want to join me, Mr. Raines?" She mocked him back.
A hearty chuckle escaped his lips. "Shouldn't you in one of those cars instead of standing here, waiting for the wave of the attack, Lightning?" He raised his left brow as he came closer until he stood right beside her.
Lightning snorted. "Aren't you as well, Cid?"
"Fat chance I'm gonna run from the siren's call for a war." He crouched down and swept his gaze around the clearing.
"You're twisted, Cid." She smiled as she looked down to her best friend.
"And I've known you long enough to call you a sick woman also, Lightning."
She could imagine he was smirking now.
A comfortable silence filled between them before he broke it. "How are you feeling?" Cid's playful tone turned deep and gentle.
Oh.
"Fine as you can get, I guess. It's still hurt, but nothing unbearable." She shrugged. "Anyway, how did you know I am here ?"
"Heard from ol' cousin that there's a lonely pink lady on the North point." He answered easily; the wind danced with his black hair as he talked.
"In a few moments." Both of them thought simultaneously as they saw black dots swarmed around them on the faraway.
"All units, prepare for the battle.'' Sephiroth's voice filled their earpieces.
"So, ready for the battle, Cid?" Lightning said as she played her gunblade around a bit; relaxing her tense hand.
"You couldn't guess it." Cid stood up tall.
"It's show time." Light said with a wicked smirk.
…
"Light, let's stop."
"Noctis, let's not."
…
"For you, it's separation. For me, it's waiting."
Well, huge, major hints on the last sentence ~ But I think I can leave this story in here for now, ne ? :)
Peace, guys?
I decided that I'll rebuilt Pierrot, since it's kinda horrible with the jumping scenes and so on..
and I need a beta ! DX seriously, I can't update my stories with no beta beside me QwQ
beside, do you realize it ? Itachi [Naruto] and Leluoch [Code Geass], have the same brother/sister complex :3
and I can't wait for the Code Geass OVA, Both Nunnaly in Wonderland and Akito Gaiden 3 3 Nyan ~
if you want, follow me ang_rahma or hazelnut_cookies for facebook :) and tell me your pen name ! :D
R&R! :D