Silence
Yuu Watase owns Fushigi Yuugi. I am not Yuu Watase. Therefore, logic declares that I do not own Fushigi Yuugi
I can't sleep. I can never sleep. I keep thinking.
No one ever notices that I'm tired. I'm too good at disguising it. But I never sleep.
I keep remembering. I can always hear it.
//"Aniki, it's burning! It's burning! Our home!! Okaa-san! Otou-san! Aniki, everything is burning!"//
His cry. And I can't sleep.
It's this pain that is what put me here.
The silence is unbearable. Because in the silence, I can hear him screaming. I can hear what keeps me here. I can hear the reason I stay.
I don't want to stay. I don't want to betray the people who call me friend, the only people who have ever shown me warmth. The only people who ever cared. The only people who ever mattered. The only people who never looked at me and decided I was worthless without a second glance. I cannot do this.
At least, that's what I tell myself during the day.
During the night, the silence creeps in.
The silence magnifies him. Magnifies him screaming to me. When we only young. Only children, innocent children. Back when I believed that the world was wonderful, big, and full, and it could only bring happiness. Before I discovered war, and death, and...hate.
But this war, the one that killed our happiness. That war, his calling out to me, that was what made me realize. I can't bear it. I hate killing with every inch of my being.
The war.
I was told Konan was the one who started the war. I believed that the only way to receive peace was to stop them. Otherwise, we'd be war-torn forever. So I had to kill them, prevent them.
But kill? I did not want to do this.
Then... HE told me he'd kill little Shun if I didn't. That's when I realized.
Kutou started the war. Kutou was the one behind our sadness. Kutou in the power of HIM. So that's why I'm in Konan at all.
Now, I tell myself, I'll kill myself. Or run away. I won't stay to hurt the people I've come to love as brothers. I won't hurt Miaka.
But then I hear him scream. And I know, that anguish he felt then, that terrible man will make something a thousand times worse. He'll make it so that my Shun is hurt terribly. He'll keep him alive while torturing him so badly.
And I know, I can't turn back. Not to hear his trusting voice in the silence.
//"Aniki, promise you'll always be there, okay? Promise you'll never leave me?"
"Of course, Shun. I'll always be here to protect you. I promise I will never leave you."//
Hearing that, I know I'll stay. So that I can protect him.
Now I can see the sun rising through my window. Time to live another day. Time to pretend for another sunrise to sunset. Time to be their friend. Time, actually, to be happy. Truly happy among people who care.
Until night. When I start to think. When, in the silence, I begin to hear him again.
//"Aniki, I love you. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you'll take care of me. 'Cause you stay. Everyone else always leaves, but you always stay. Aishite'ru, Nii-chan."//
Owari
Yuu Watase owns Fushigi Yuugi. I am not Yuu Watase. Therefore, logic declares that I do not own Fushigi Yuugi
I can't sleep. I can never sleep. I keep thinking.
No one ever notices that I'm tired. I'm too good at disguising it. But I never sleep.
I keep remembering. I can always hear it.
//"Aniki, it's burning! It's burning! Our home!! Okaa-san! Otou-san! Aniki, everything is burning!"//
His cry. And I can't sleep.
It's this pain that is what put me here.
The silence is unbearable. Because in the silence, I can hear him screaming. I can hear what keeps me here. I can hear the reason I stay.
I don't want to stay. I don't want to betray the people who call me friend, the only people who have ever shown me warmth. The only people who ever cared. The only people who ever mattered. The only people who never looked at me and decided I was worthless without a second glance. I cannot do this.
At least, that's what I tell myself during the day.
During the night, the silence creeps in.
The silence magnifies him. Magnifies him screaming to me. When we only young. Only children, innocent children. Back when I believed that the world was wonderful, big, and full, and it could only bring happiness. Before I discovered war, and death, and...hate.
But this war, the one that killed our happiness. That war, his calling out to me, that was what made me realize. I can't bear it. I hate killing with every inch of my being.
The war.
I was told Konan was the one who started the war. I believed that the only way to receive peace was to stop them. Otherwise, we'd be war-torn forever. So I had to kill them, prevent them.
But kill? I did not want to do this.
Then... HE told me he'd kill little Shun if I didn't. That's when I realized.
Kutou started the war. Kutou was the one behind our sadness. Kutou in the power of HIM. So that's why I'm in Konan at all.
Now, I tell myself, I'll kill myself. Or run away. I won't stay to hurt the people I've come to love as brothers. I won't hurt Miaka.
But then I hear him scream. And I know, that anguish he felt then, that terrible man will make something a thousand times worse. He'll make it so that my Shun is hurt terribly. He'll keep him alive while torturing him so badly.
And I know, I can't turn back. Not to hear his trusting voice in the silence.
//"Aniki, promise you'll always be there, okay? Promise you'll never leave me?"
"Of course, Shun. I'll always be here to protect you. I promise I will never leave you."//
Hearing that, I know I'll stay. So that I can protect him.
Now I can see the sun rising through my window. Time to live another day. Time to pretend for another sunrise to sunset. Time to be their friend. Time, actually, to be happy. Truly happy among people who care.
Until night. When I start to think. When, in the silence, I begin to hear him again.
//"Aniki, I love you. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you'll take care of me. 'Cause you stay. Everyone else always leaves, but you always stay. Aishite'ru, Nii-chan."//
Owari