AN: Ok, we're getting down to the wire here. As you can see, the wedding is
merely 2 hours, 35 minutes away. but as Mac said in an earlier story,
"Better late than never!" Oh, the title of this one is a line of poetry. I
believe it's Frost, but don't quote me on that.
bPart 9 T-Minus 2 hours, 35 minutes/b
Harm tugged nervously at the bow tie, trying unsuccessfully to get it right. Answering the knock at his door, he stared in awe at his best man, looking gorgeous in a simple cornflower blue dress that fell to about mid calf. "Hey Mac," he finally said.
"Hey Sailor, this thing giving you problems?" she asked, gesturing to the tie he held loosely in his left hand.
"Oh yeah. Can you help me?" he asked hopefully.
"Sure," she said, taking it from him. They were quiet for a moment as she tied his tie. Stepping back when she was done, she smiled and said, "See? It's easy!"
Harm looked in the mirror and shook his head. "I worked on that thing for 20 minutes, and you come in here and are done in two? How's that?" he asked incredulously.
"Part of my marine training, Harm," she teased.
"Oh, you mean along with "How to plan a bachelor party to thoroughly embarrass your best friend 101?" he asked sardonically.
"Hey, it wasn't that bad. you got to see all your old buddies, right?"
"Oh yeah, it wasn't that bad. you just enticed them to spend the whole evening telling every embarrassing story they could remember! And of course you had to bring up when I fired the gun in the courtroom. not that the entire Navy hasn't heard that story," he concluded ruefully.
"It coulda been worse, Navy. I was thinking about putting you in Marine uniform and taking you out."
"Ok, I take back everything I said about it! It was the best bachelor party anyone's ever thrown for me!" he said frantically.
"It's the only bachelor party anyone's ever thrown for you, smart aleck," she muttered.
"Of course," he said with a grin. "Now let's go we only have."
"Two hours, 14 minutes till it starts," she finished for him and walked out of the apartment.
He followed, shaking his head. "Are you ever going to tell me how you do that?" he asked his standard question.
"Someday. when we're old and gray and you're so senile you'll forget it five minutes later," she replied cheekily.
b2 hours, 10 minutes later./b
"How much longer Mac?" Harm whispered as he shifted his weight where he stood at the front of the church.
"3 minutes, 15 seconds. and stop figeting!" she whispered back.
Somehow Harm managed to stay still for the next 3 minutes, 4 seconds, and then it was time. The music started, the crowd stood, and Jess appeared at the end of the aisle on her father's arm. iThis is really happening!/i Mac realized, suddenly panicking. Closing her eyes, she took a few deep breaths and steadied herself by the time Jess reached the front of the church.
After her father gave her away, the minister opened in prayer and gave a brief statement about the purpose of marriage. Then he got down to the real stuff.
"Do you Harmon take Jessica to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others forevermore?" he asked solemnly.
"No," he replied clearly.
"I beg your pardon?" the priest asked, taken aback, but Harm turned his attention to his equally shocked fiancée.
"Is this some kind of joke, Harm?" she asked unsteadily.
"I wish it was Jess," he replied regretfully. "I can't marry you."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Have you just been amusing yourself for the last eight months, and it just went farther than you thought it would? How did we end up here if you can't marry me??" she asked, her voice raising to a near shout by the end of the sentence.
Wincing at the anger and pain he heard in her voice, Harm did his best to explain the unexplainable. "Jess, I'm sorry. Until five minutes ago, I thought I could do this. the thought that I couldn't hadn't even entered my mind. But now, now I don't know why but somehow I know that I can't do this. It wouldn't be fair to you, and it wouldn't be honest."
With a short laugh, she said, "I suppose it's better now than six months from now," and walked back down the aisle with as much dignity as she could summon.
After she had exited the church, Harm turned to the stunned crowd of well- wishers. "As you can see, today isn't exactly going as planned. I know that many of you traveled a long way to be here, and I apologize for the inconvenience. The reception will go on as planned in an hour, please enjoy the food and each other's company. Again, I'm sorry for any trouble this has caused," he concluded and left through a side door at the front of the sanctuary.
The bridal party shifted a little uncomfortably, now the only people remaining upfront with the exception of the priest. Finally, Mac caught the eye of the maid of honor and indicated that they should exit through the same door Harm had. Five minutes later, she was observing the reactions of a shocked bridal party, all with a feeling of disbelief. iIt didn't happen. I'd been dreading this day for so long, and it didn't happen. I don't understand what went on here./i Full of questions and knowing there was only one place where she would find any answers, she slipped out the back door of the church and got into her car.
Twenty minutes later she was parking next to Harm's SUV-just married still painted on the rear window with soap. Once inside, she opted for the stairs to give herself a chance to think, and to remind herself that this didn't mean that he had suddenly discovered his feelings for her.
Raising her hand to knock, she was surprised to hear him say, "Come on in Mac. I've been expecting you." She stepped inside and took a good look at him. He was still dressed in the tux he'd rented for the wedding, but the tie was undone and hanging loose around his neck. The jacket was tossed over a chair, and the cufflinks had been taken out so he could roll the sleeves up around his elbows.
When her perusal was complete and she looked back into his eyes, he asked, "So, are you the official messenger, or are you here just for you?" Seeing the hurt in her expression, he shoved his hand through his hair and sighed. "I'm sorry Mac. I know you're here because you care. I just seem to be hurting everyone who cares about me today."
Seeing the opening she needed, Mac asked the only question she had. "What made you do it Harm?"
He was silent for a moment, and when he did speak, he completely ignored her question. "I'm on leave starting today, and I don't have to be back for two weeks. I was going on a cruise in the Caribbean, but I imagine Jess would like to do that alone. I think I'll take the time and go visit Grandma Sarah instead."
"Harm."
"And when I come back, I'll answer your questions Mac, I promise. I just. I just need a little time to figure things out for myself."
"Okay. You know you can call me if you need me."
"I know, thanks. I'll see you when I get home."
"Bye Harm," she said and walked back out the door.
b10 days later/b
"Yet another boring day at the office," Mac muttered as she dragged herself into her apartment.
"Sorry I'm not there to liven things up," a voice said from the shadows.
"Harm!" she exclaimed and turned on the light. "I thought you weren't going to be back for a few more days."
He shrugged. "I wasn't. But I figured out what I needed to figure out, so I came home a few days early."
"Care to tell me about it over Chinese takeout?" Mac suggested.
"Call for the takeout, but I can't promise I can wait until it arrives to tell you." It was then that she noticed an unfamiliar light shining in his eyes, and the butterflies began to flutter in her stomach.
Five minutes later she hung up the phone and sat down next to him on the couch. "Okay the food's on its way. Now talk!" she ordered. He took a deep breath, and a hint of vulnerability joined the light she'd noticed earlier. The butterflies in her stomach were dancing now, and she unconsciously rested her hand on her belly in an effort to calm herself down.
"What I said in the ceremony was true," he began. "I hadn't had any doubts at all until the moment I saw her at the end of the aisle. But then the closer she got to me, the more wrong it seemed. I knew it wasn't cold feet. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that I couldn't marry her. So I did the only honorable thing at the moment, and bowed out at the last moment. I wish I'd realized what I realized earlier.for so many reasons.
"Then that afternoon when you came to find out what was going on, I still was no closer to the answer than I had been standing next to the priest. I knew that for my own piece of mind, and for my friends as well, I needed to straighten out what was going on in my head, so I went away, hoping that would help."
"Did it?" Mac interrupted momentarily.
"Did it ever," he replied mysteriously. "Actually, for the first week or so I still didn't get it. I'd gone over every second of our abruptly shortened wedding, and I still couldn't figure out what could have happened to cause my reaction. After about five days, I decided to examine the whole day, and see if I could find anything then. I suppose if I hadn't I would have continued to broaden the scope of the investigation, but luckily the catalyst had occurred that day."
The doorbell chose that moment to ring, announcing the arrival of their food. Mac hurriedly handed the delivery boy his money and took the food, almost slamming the door in his face, so great was her desire to hear the rest of the story. Handing Harm his orange chicken, she said, "So what happened?"
He chuckled softly at her impatience. "A little anxious aren't we?" he teased.
"Well I've been waiting for this story for 10 days. now spill!" she ordered, taking a bite of chow mein.
Harm chuckled again, then sobered as he contemplated the rest of the story. Recognizing the look of insecurity she had seen earlier, Mac reached out for his hand. "Harm, don't be afraid of whatever it is. Tell me what happened."
Finding his hand in hers gave him the courage he needed. Taking a deep breath, he looked her in the eyes and said, "You happened, Sarah." The implications of his simple statement were clear, and Mac's eyes closed momentarily as she remembered another comment, eerily similar. "I know what happened. Harm happened."
Opening her eyes, she found him looking at her with an intensity that was almost frightening. Giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, she murmured, "Go on."
"As we left my apartment that morning, you threw out some comment about "when we're old and gray." I know you didn't mean anything by it, but the instant you said it, I could picture the two of us sitting side by side in our wheel chairs at some nursing home, where I was still trying to get you to tell me how you could tell it was time for Wheel of Fortune without looking at the clock. I could see it all Mac. you and I, growing old together."
She had to smile at the picture he'd painted, admitting to herself that it was one she'd seen in her mind's eye several times. But there had to be more to the story than just that, so she looked at him inquiringly.
With a sigh, he finished his story. "And when Jess took her place at the end of the aisle, I tried to do the same with her, but I couldn't. I couldn't picture us growing old together, or being together at all. It wasn't her voice I heard chiding me about being late, her face I saw reflected in our children, her courage giving me the strength to face each new day. It was your voice, your face, and your courage. I knew. even though I couldn't place my finger on what was going on, I knew that something was terribly wrong, so wrong that it could never be fixed, so I called the wedding off.
"And now I'm asking you. will you give me your love, your hand in mine to make those dreams real?"
He didn't even have to wait a second before he had his answer. "You've always had my love Harm," she replied in a low voice. "I just never knew you wanted it."
bPart 9 T-Minus 2 hours, 35 minutes/b
Harm tugged nervously at the bow tie, trying unsuccessfully to get it right. Answering the knock at his door, he stared in awe at his best man, looking gorgeous in a simple cornflower blue dress that fell to about mid calf. "Hey Mac," he finally said.
"Hey Sailor, this thing giving you problems?" she asked, gesturing to the tie he held loosely in his left hand.
"Oh yeah. Can you help me?" he asked hopefully.
"Sure," she said, taking it from him. They were quiet for a moment as she tied his tie. Stepping back when she was done, she smiled and said, "See? It's easy!"
Harm looked in the mirror and shook his head. "I worked on that thing for 20 minutes, and you come in here and are done in two? How's that?" he asked incredulously.
"Part of my marine training, Harm," she teased.
"Oh, you mean along with "How to plan a bachelor party to thoroughly embarrass your best friend 101?" he asked sardonically.
"Hey, it wasn't that bad. you got to see all your old buddies, right?"
"Oh yeah, it wasn't that bad. you just enticed them to spend the whole evening telling every embarrassing story they could remember! And of course you had to bring up when I fired the gun in the courtroom. not that the entire Navy hasn't heard that story," he concluded ruefully.
"It coulda been worse, Navy. I was thinking about putting you in Marine uniform and taking you out."
"Ok, I take back everything I said about it! It was the best bachelor party anyone's ever thrown for me!" he said frantically.
"It's the only bachelor party anyone's ever thrown for you, smart aleck," she muttered.
"Of course," he said with a grin. "Now let's go we only have."
"Two hours, 14 minutes till it starts," she finished for him and walked out of the apartment.
He followed, shaking his head. "Are you ever going to tell me how you do that?" he asked his standard question.
"Someday. when we're old and gray and you're so senile you'll forget it five minutes later," she replied cheekily.
b2 hours, 10 minutes later./b
"How much longer Mac?" Harm whispered as he shifted his weight where he stood at the front of the church.
"3 minutes, 15 seconds. and stop figeting!" she whispered back.
Somehow Harm managed to stay still for the next 3 minutes, 4 seconds, and then it was time. The music started, the crowd stood, and Jess appeared at the end of the aisle on her father's arm. iThis is really happening!/i Mac realized, suddenly panicking. Closing her eyes, she took a few deep breaths and steadied herself by the time Jess reached the front of the church.
After her father gave her away, the minister opened in prayer and gave a brief statement about the purpose of marriage. Then he got down to the real stuff.
"Do you Harmon take Jessica to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others forevermore?" he asked solemnly.
"No," he replied clearly.
"I beg your pardon?" the priest asked, taken aback, but Harm turned his attention to his equally shocked fiancée.
"Is this some kind of joke, Harm?" she asked unsteadily.
"I wish it was Jess," he replied regretfully. "I can't marry you."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Have you just been amusing yourself for the last eight months, and it just went farther than you thought it would? How did we end up here if you can't marry me??" she asked, her voice raising to a near shout by the end of the sentence.
Wincing at the anger and pain he heard in her voice, Harm did his best to explain the unexplainable. "Jess, I'm sorry. Until five minutes ago, I thought I could do this. the thought that I couldn't hadn't even entered my mind. But now, now I don't know why but somehow I know that I can't do this. It wouldn't be fair to you, and it wouldn't be honest."
With a short laugh, she said, "I suppose it's better now than six months from now," and walked back down the aisle with as much dignity as she could summon.
After she had exited the church, Harm turned to the stunned crowd of well- wishers. "As you can see, today isn't exactly going as planned. I know that many of you traveled a long way to be here, and I apologize for the inconvenience. The reception will go on as planned in an hour, please enjoy the food and each other's company. Again, I'm sorry for any trouble this has caused," he concluded and left through a side door at the front of the sanctuary.
The bridal party shifted a little uncomfortably, now the only people remaining upfront with the exception of the priest. Finally, Mac caught the eye of the maid of honor and indicated that they should exit through the same door Harm had. Five minutes later, she was observing the reactions of a shocked bridal party, all with a feeling of disbelief. iIt didn't happen. I'd been dreading this day for so long, and it didn't happen. I don't understand what went on here./i Full of questions and knowing there was only one place where she would find any answers, she slipped out the back door of the church and got into her car.
Twenty minutes later she was parking next to Harm's SUV-just married still painted on the rear window with soap. Once inside, she opted for the stairs to give herself a chance to think, and to remind herself that this didn't mean that he had suddenly discovered his feelings for her.
Raising her hand to knock, she was surprised to hear him say, "Come on in Mac. I've been expecting you." She stepped inside and took a good look at him. He was still dressed in the tux he'd rented for the wedding, but the tie was undone and hanging loose around his neck. The jacket was tossed over a chair, and the cufflinks had been taken out so he could roll the sleeves up around his elbows.
When her perusal was complete and she looked back into his eyes, he asked, "So, are you the official messenger, or are you here just for you?" Seeing the hurt in her expression, he shoved his hand through his hair and sighed. "I'm sorry Mac. I know you're here because you care. I just seem to be hurting everyone who cares about me today."
Seeing the opening she needed, Mac asked the only question she had. "What made you do it Harm?"
He was silent for a moment, and when he did speak, he completely ignored her question. "I'm on leave starting today, and I don't have to be back for two weeks. I was going on a cruise in the Caribbean, but I imagine Jess would like to do that alone. I think I'll take the time and go visit Grandma Sarah instead."
"Harm."
"And when I come back, I'll answer your questions Mac, I promise. I just. I just need a little time to figure things out for myself."
"Okay. You know you can call me if you need me."
"I know, thanks. I'll see you when I get home."
"Bye Harm," she said and walked back out the door.
b10 days later/b
"Yet another boring day at the office," Mac muttered as she dragged herself into her apartment.
"Sorry I'm not there to liven things up," a voice said from the shadows.
"Harm!" she exclaimed and turned on the light. "I thought you weren't going to be back for a few more days."
He shrugged. "I wasn't. But I figured out what I needed to figure out, so I came home a few days early."
"Care to tell me about it over Chinese takeout?" Mac suggested.
"Call for the takeout, but I can't promise I can wait until it arrives to tell you." It was then that she noticed an unfamiliar light shining in his eyes, and the butterflies began to flutter in her stomach.
Five minutes later she hung up the phone and sat down next to him on the couch. "Okay the food's on its way. Now talk!" she ordered. He took a deep breath, and a hint of vulnerability joined the light she'd noticed earlier. The butterflies in her stomach were dancing now, and she unconsciously rested her hand on her belly in an effort to calm herself down.
"What I said in the ceremony was true," he began. "I hadn't had any doubts at all until the moment I saw her at the end of the aisle. But then the closer she got to me, the more wrong it seemed. I knew it wasn't cold feet. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that I couldn't marry her. So I did the only honorable thing at the moment, and bowed out at the last moment. I wish I'd realized what I realized earlier.for so many reasons.
"Then that afternoon when you came to find out what was going on, I still was no closer to the answer than I had been standing next to the priest. I knew that for my own piece of mind, and for my friends as well, I needed to straighten out what was going on in my head, so I went away, hoping that would help."
"Did it?" Mac interrupted momentarily.
"Did it ever," he replied mysteriously. "Actually, for the first week or so I still didn't get it. I'd gone over every second of our abruptly shortened wedding, and I still couldn't figure out what could have happened to cause my reaction. After about five days, I decided to examine the whole day, and see if I could find anything then. I suppose if I hadn't I would have continued to broaden the scope of the investigation, but luckily the catalyst had occurred that day."
The doorbell chose that moment to ring, announcing the arrival of their food. Mac hurriedly handed the delivery boy his money and took the food, almost slamming the door in his face, so great was her desire to hear the rest of the story. Handing Harm his orange chicken, she said, "So what happened?"
He chuckled softly at her impatience. "A little anxious aren't we?" he teased.
"Well I've been waiting for this story for 10 days. now spill!" she ordered, taking a bite of chow mein.
Harm chuckled again, then sobered as he contemplated the rest of the story. Recognizing the look of insecurity she had seen earlier, Mac reached out for his hand. "Harm, don't be afraid of whatever it is. Tell me what happened."
Finding his hand in hers gave him the courage he needed. Taking a deep breath, he looked her in the eyes and said, "You happened, Sarah." The implications of his simple statement were clear, and Mac's eyes closed momentarily as she remembered another comment, eerily similar. "I know what happened. Harm happened."
Opening her eyes, she found him looking at her with an intensity that was almost frightening. Giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, she murmured, "Go on."
"As we left my apartment that morning, you threw out some comment about "when we're old and gray." I know you didn't mean anything by it, but the instant you said it, I could picture the two of us sitting side by side in our wheel chairs at some nursing home, where I was still trying to get you to tell me how you could tell it was time for Wheel of Fortune without looking at the clock. I could see it all Mac. you and I, growing old together."
She had to smile at the picture he'd painted, admitting to herself that it was one she'd seen in her mind's eye several times. But there had to be more to the story than just that, so she looked at him inquiringly.
With a sigh, he finished his story. "And when Jess took her place at the end of the aisle, I tried to do the same with her, but I couldn't. I couldn't picture us growing old together, or being together at all. It wasn't her voice I heard chiding me about being late, her face I saw reflected in our children, her courage giving me the strength to face each new day. It was your voice, your face, and your courage. I knew. even though I couldn't place my finger on what was going on, I knew that something was terribly wrong, so wrong that it could never be fixed, so I called the wedding off.
"And now I'm asking you. will you give me your love, your hand in mine to make those dreams real?"
He didn't even have to wait a second before he had his answer. "You've always had my love Harm," she replied in a low voice. "I just never knew you wanted it."