AUTHOR: JMD53
RATING: T. (Maybe.) But only if you're a tree-hugger. And then there's always the potentially naughty way O'Neill's mind works.
SEASON: Post-Season Five, but 'way short of being Season Six. Daniel is still... whatever. But enough time has passed that his surviving SG-1 teammates have mourned him. However, not enough time has passed that they've given any consideration to Dr. Jonas Quinn.
SPOILERS: Hm-mmm... Teal'c likes ice cream? (Nope, none to speak of!)
SUMMARY: The idyllic planet P3X-623 has TWO moons AND Col. Jack O'Neill AND Maj. Samantha Carter. 'Nuff said?
PAIRINGS: Jack/Sam. What? Didn't you read the Summary?
DISCLAIMER: I own none of this stuff/these characters. I make no profit out of any of this, either.
And the Moons Be Still as Bright... On P3X-623
CHAPTER ONE
Colonel Jack O'Neill paused outside the womens' barracks on P3X-623 to take a good, hard look at himself.
"OY!" he exclaimed.
No doubt about it. He looked disheveled. He needed to look... less disheveled.
MUCH less disheveled.
That settled, O'Neill carefully placed his weapons on the ground and proceeded to pat down, brush off, and thoroughly straighten out his field uniform. Next, he ran his hands through his typically ruffled hair in a dubious attempt to 'wring order out of chaos.'
Once finished, the legendary commander of SG-1 confidently knocked on the grey-green door to the womens' barracks, then stepped back and eagerly waited to be admitted inside.
But there was no response.
So, O'Neill waited. And waited. And WAITED some more...
Finally, he flipped open the cover of his wristwatch. Twenty-one hundred hours.
"Ho-kayyy!" he muttered, grasping the doorknob and giving it a vigorous twist. The door eerily creaked open. O'Neill poked his head inside. Even before his eyes had fully acclimated to the inky blackness, he noticed that the barracks was crammed with bunk beds. (Far more than necessary for the two active duty female personnel currently billeted on P3X-623.)
O'Neill called out into the quiet, all-encompassing gloom: "Hel-looooowww?"
From the last row of barracks a reclining figure stirred, then gasped.
"Sir ?"
"Carter !"
O'Neill's pulse quickened as his SG-1 teammate, Major Samantha Carter, leaped down from her bunk, ruffled her short blond hair, and hurried forward to greet her commanding officer.
Still rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Carter flashed her warmest-possible smile at O'Neill, who then reciprocated with his best "bad boy" grin. She felt her heart skip a beat.
"How are you, Carter?" O'Neill asked, trying to sound matter-of-factly.
"I'm fine, sir!" Carter replied, with as much reserve as she could muster. "And... you?"
"Doin' swell! Welcome to the green hills of P3X-623! Have you eaten dinner?"
"Yes sir. Before leaving the SGC. What about you?"
"I had an MRE while out on patrol," O'Neill answered, his eyes busily scanning the barracks.
Puzzled, Carter inquired, "Sir ?"
"You've given mini-Carter 'the slip,' then?" O'Neill sounded uncharacteristically optimistic.
Again, Carter smiled. "Yes sir! Lieutenant Hailey and Teal'c are over at the commissary. I believe there was talk of an ice cream-eating contest...?"
O'Neill's eyes widened and stared off into space."Hm-mmmm... ICE CREEEEE-EEAMMMM !"
Carter giggled. "Lt. Hailey seemed unduly sure of her herself, sir! She's apparently unaware of just how much ice cream a former-First Prime of Apophis can consume!"
O'Neill snapped out of his ice cream-induced trance. "Ohh yessss... But don't count our diminutive lieutenant out just yet, Carter. She's compact, but wiry... Youthful, yet cunning..." He paused. "Did I mention her compact-ness?"
Carter laughed. "Yes sir, you did. Anyway, I took that as my cue to slip away and try to find you. Instead, I encountered Dr. Hamilton, who, I must say, was in a rather FOUL mood. He muttered something about you 'still being out on patrol,' then stomped off in a huff. That being the case, I figured I'd better grab a quick nap while I had the chance."
"Ah," O'Neill exclaimed. "So, Carter, I was wondering..."
"Sir ?" she anxiously responded.
"Since this is your first evening here... The nights are spectacular!Six-two-three has two, count 'em, TWOvisible full moons!" O'Neill held up three fingers, then, realizing his error, quickly withdrew the extra finger.
"I'm telling ya, those 'babies' track across the night sky as if they're chasing each other! And the sky's so clear you can practically reach out and touch the stars! I've already ID-ed SEVENTEEN different constellations!"
"RE-ALLY !" Carter said, her eyes twinkling enthusiastically. (She and O'Neill shared a strong interest in astronomy.)
"... Although, you know, sir, the idea of TWO moons 'chasing each other' is... highly unlikely!"
Carter gesticulated wildly, waving and twirling her hands over her head. "You see, sir, those two moons would have to revolve around P3X-623 on completely separate orbital pathways. Otherwise---"
"---Ah-AHHHHHHHH !" shouted O'Neill.
"Sir ?"
"What I'm trying to say here, Carter, is—Would you like to go for a moonlit, uh, moons... lit stroll?"
Carter looked deeply into her C O's seductive brown eyes. She shyly smiled. "I thought you'd NEVER ask, sir!"
"ALL RIGHT!" O'Neill exclaimed.
CHAPTER TWO
Once beyond the confines of their fortified base camp, Carter realized just why Col. O'Neill was so "gung ho" for P3X-623.
The independent survey reports had all concluded that there were '... no complex lifeforms of any kind on P3X-623.' Or, as O'Neill summarized in his MALP report to General George Hammond: "Zip. Zero. Nada. Nobody home, sir! WHOO-HOO!"
The biologists who'd gathered 'round the MALP as O'Neill transmitted his report were NOT amused.
However, the exploratory botanists fared decidedly better. P3X-623s verdant meadows, lush, emerald forests, craggy foothills, winding trails, and narrow, secluded valleys yielded a veritable treasure-trove of flora to study.
Now, Colonel John "Jack" O'Neill appreciated flora as much as the next guy, but... All he REALLY wanted was the chance to while away a pleasant evening with HIS Major Samantha Carter.
And, as far as O'Neill was concerned, tonight was definitely going to be THE night!
The farther they strolled from camp, the stronger the fragrance of white and purple lilacs wafting about them. Carter loved lilac shrubs and dark, moonslit evenings with just a hint of approaching chill. But most of all, she cherished the opportunity to be alone with--Dare she even think it?-- HER Colonel Jack O'Neill!
She audibly sighed. "It's like Eden!"
O'Neill grinned. "Ohhh, it's waaayyyy better than that!"
Eventually, they reached a fork in the trail. Standing behind Carter, O'Neill gently touched her shoulders.
Carter shivered, but not from the gathering chill.
"Are you cold, Sam?" O'Neill's face was tinged with concern. "Here," he said, removing his field jacket and tenderly wrapping it about her.
A lesser woman might've simply dismissed O'Neill's gesture as an outmoded, obsolete act of chivalry. But not Maj. Samantha Carter! She understood and loved every moment of it. Col. O'Neill's field jacket simultaneously warmed her body and enveloped her in his manly, comforting scent.
"Thank you, sir. But what about you?"
"I'll be fine. C'mon. There's something over this way you HAVE to see." He took Carter's hand in his and led her away from the trail.
CHAPTER THREE
They walked half-a- klick west to a narrow, secluded clearing, finally coming to a halt by the remains of an old, weather-beaten tree stump.
Now that they were free of obscuring tree foliage, Carter excitedly looked up into the dark, alien sky. She repeatedly pointed with her index finger. "Cassiopeia, Cephus, Ursa Major AND Minor, and, OH LOOK, SIR! There's the belt in Orion!"
O'Neill did as he was told and looked up at the 'belt in Orion.' "You sure that's a belt, Carter?" he asked, somewhat skeptically.
"Well, I don't see anything else holding up his lion's skin, sir!"
O'Neill smiled. Beauty. Brainy. And, thank God, GOOFY as all get out!
Carter demurely smiled back at him, an acknowledgment of just how totally relaxed she was now feeling.
Then, as if on cue, O'Neill announced, "This calls for a celebration! A HUGE, honkin' celebration!" He reached down into the dark hollow of the old tree stump and produced an ice bucket containing a bottle of champagne and two crystal wine glasses.
Still feeling a bit goofy (Or was it euphoric?), Carter feigned shocked surprise. "Why sir---! You actually planned all of this!"
"Ohh yessss, Carter! 'Planned' is my middle name. Well, actually, it's 'Jack,' but..." O'Neill's voice trailed off into awkward silence.
Samantha Carter warmly regarded Jack O'Neill, feeling anything but awkward.
O'Neill handed the bottle to Carter, who dutifully inspected it. "Cordon Rouge, 'sixty-four! Nice, sir!"
"Well thank you, ma'am!" O'Neill replied. He fished a corkscrew from his pocket, expertly popped the cork out of the bottle, filled both glasses, then handed one to his beautiful companion.
Extending his glass, he quietly proposed a simple, but poignant toast: "To you, Sam!"
She softly clinked her glass against his. "To US... Jack!''
And, incredible as it may seem, P3X-623 continued to revolve about its medium-sized yellow star. The great hunter Orion's belt continued to hold up his lion's skin. And Maj. Samantha Carter and Col. Jack O'Neill happily continued to sip their champagne without interruption!
Twenty-two hundred hours and all's well...
CHAPTER FOUR
O'Neill motioned to the old tree stump. "Shall we make ourselves comfortable?"
"By all means!" Carter replied.
For the better part of the next hour, they sat with their backs resting against the old stump, making small talk, sipping champagne, and watching in fascination as P3X-623s two, tiny moons (which O'Neill nicknamed "Itchy and Scratchy") streaked across the sky. Carter even entertained the radical notion that perhaps "Itchy and Scratchy" WERE chasing each other!
Finally, O'Neill turned to Carter and said,
"So we'll go no more a-roving
So late into the night..."
O'Neill paused.
Carter had tenderly rested her head on his shoulder. Beaming, she continued,
"... Though the heart be still as loving,
And the moon be still as bright."
"Lord Byron's my favorite poet! But you knew that, didn't you...?"
O'Neill, busily engaged in sniffing the nape of Carter's neck, replied, "Yahsure, yewbetcha, snookums! ...Jacob mentioned it the last time we played golf."
"Ohh! And what else has Dad been telling you about me?"
"Oh, you know... Things. Many, MANY things..."
She wistfully looked up at O'Neill. "I wish I could say the same about you! I must've read your first Abydos mission report a thousand times! But no one at the Pentagon seemed to know ANYTHING about you! I couldn't even find a photograph of you! You were quite the mystery man! All I could think was: I HAVE to meet him!"
Smiling, O'Neill confessed, "Well, now that you mention it, I'm glad Gen. Hammond 'went over my head' and assigned you to the team! And NOT just because you're so lovely to look at!"
Carter smiled. You think I'm... 'lovely to look at?'"
"Oh yessss... Constantly!"
"Well," she admitted, "I think you're lovely to look at, too! In a very MANLY, masculine way, of course!"
"Oh, of course. Thanks! I... guess...?"
That settled, they gazed into each others' eyes for what seemed a most pleasurable eternity. Their two hearts beat as one.
From opposite points of the night sky, two falling stars (tel'pac ra'i) crossed paths.
"Made a wish!"
"Yes...!"
Their lips touched...
Then, suddenly...
KA-WHOOOOMMMMMMMM!
CHAPTER FIVE
KA-WHOOOOMMMMMMMM!
"Whoa!" O'Neill yelled. He'd immediately covered Carter's body with his own, determined that whatever else happened, no harm should come to her.
Carter's arms were still tightly wrapped around O'Neill's neck. Her head reflexively pressed again his chest. Finally, as the echoing reports faded away, she peeked over O'Neill's right shoulder. "They came from thataway!" she shouted.
O'Neill leaped to his feet, pulling Carter up onto hers, all in one swift, seamless motion. For both comfort and safety, O'Neill had previously set aside his shoulder-strapped weapon as well as the spare service weapon he kept wrapped around his leg. Carter grabbed the service weapon, inspected it, then gingerly tucked it into her waist belt. O'Neill examined his weapon and quickly slipped it back over his shoulder and around his chest.
"Let's book!" he said.
Back they raced over winding trails and through thick forests. Was the base camp under attack? Perhaps the whole planet? They could only imagine...
Approaching the main trail that linked up with their base camp, they heard the faint sounds of voices. O'Neill flashed Carter two handsignals. She extracted her weapon and went around to the right. O'Neill, steadily gripping his weapon, went left.
Settling into firing position, Carter cautiously peered through the underbrush. Incredibly, Teal'c and Lt. Jennifer Hailey were calmly standing next to the still-smoking, thoroughly charred remains of a large fir tree.
Carter paused a moment, then whispered, "Teal'c! Hailey! Are you two all right?"
From the opposite side of the trail, O'Neill had poked his head out of the brush. "T, what's the situation!" he demanded.
Teal'c bent down and picked up a Jaffa staff weapon lying on the ground. "There is no 'situation', O'Neill. And we are both fine, Major Carter. I accidentally discharged my staff weapon! That is all."
"WHAT ?" they cried.
As O'Neill and Carter emerged from the brush, Hailey nimbly stepped in front of Teal'c, as if to protect him. "Thank you, Teal'c," she said, sheepishly, "but no."
Sir... Ma'am..." Hailey lowered her head in embarrassment. "This is all my fault!"
CHAPTER SIX
Towering over the petite young officer, O'Neill, in sympathetic tones, asked, "Wha' happened?"
"Well, sir, and ma'am, you see... I beat Teal'c in the ice cream-eating contest. As my prize, Teal'c promised he'd take me target shooting. I really wanted to go right away! But Teal'c thought we should wait until daylight. Well, you know how it is... I kept insisting, and..."
"... We came way out here so as not to disturb anyone back at camp! We even brought along some targets to shoot at. But I misjudged the weight of the staff weapon... It's MUCH heftier than it looks! And I... accidentally discharged it into that poor tree—TWICE! We had no idea the two of you were out here!"
"Uhh, yes, well... Thank God you're both okay!" Carter exclaimed, desperately attempting to change the subject.
Meanwhile, O'Neill, his face registering utter disbelief, turned to Teal'c. "Waitaminute! SHE beat YOU in an ice cream-eating contest! Hailey, you're what, ninety-eight pounds, soaking wet? For cryin' out loud! How's that possible?"
With typical Jaffa stoicism, Teal'c replied, "Lt. Hailey is a formidable opponent, O'Neill. As you would say, she beat me, 'fair and square!'"
Teal'c bowed his head in respect to his youthful vanquisher.
"So... let me get this straight," O'Neill insisted. "No invasion. The base camp is secure. You two're fine. But 'Daniel Boone', here, SHOT A TREE ?"
"Indeed, O'Neill!"
"Yessir!" Hailey, snapping to attention, chimed in.
O'Neill shook his head and sighed. "Teal'c... The FIRST thing when we get back to Earth—I'm starting you out on a new training regimen!"
"As you wish, O'Neill," Teal'c said, again bowing his head.
O'Neill continued to oh-so-gently tease Teal'c about having turned into 'a big, Jaffa wuss.' However, Carter was more concerned with Lt. Hailey's demonstrable lack of self-discipline and maturity. If Hailey was really serious about securing a permanent position on an SG away team — perhaps even SG-1 — she would have to change her attitude.
The crux of the matter was Lt. Hailey's "schoolgirl crush" on Col. O'Neill. She frequently "acted up" in order to garner his attention. O'Neill politely informed Carter that since SHE was Hailey's mentor and SHE had pushed for Hailey's inclusion on designated missions, SHE would have to deal with the lieutenant's behavior.
Now, Carter liked Hailey. Hailey was the little sister she'd never had. But disciplining her...? The more Carter thought about it, the more it made her head ache. Perhaps if she thought about something else for awhile...?
Massaging her throbbing head, Carter finally thought of something else. "Uh, Teal'c, I know I'm gonna hate myself in the morning, but... I HAVE to ask... What would've been YOUR prize if the ice cream-eating contest had... gone the other way?"
"Lt. Hailey promised to explain the theory of unified fields to me, Major Carter."
O'Neill patted Teal'c's broad back. "It's tough... I know... But you've just gotta... move on!"
Carter and Hailey chuckled. Teal'c merely cocked his head and raised his right eyebrow.
But something still puzzled Hailey. "Major Carter, ma'am, you never did say—What were you and Col. O'Neill doing out here?"
O'Neill closed his eyes and thought to himself, "D'ohhhh!"
CHAPTER SEVEN
"Ohh, uhhh, well, you see... Colonel O'Neill and I are interested in... astronomy... Big time! We came out here to do a little 'star-gazing!'" Carter blinked, then bashfully smiled.
"Ye-eessss," O'Neill interjected, picking up the thread of her tale, "And I spotted this big, blue... binary star!"
Lt. Jennifer Hailey possessed a thorough knowledge of astronomy. "Really, sir? she gasped. Blue?"
"Uh-huh..." O'Neill gazed over at Carter. "Blue... with... flecks of... peridot!"
"PERIDOT !" an incredulous Hailey shot back.
"Yeah! PERIDOT!"
Carter bit her lower lip to keep from laughing. Clearly, she and Col. O'Neill needed to work on their cover story.
"Cool! Could you point it out to me, Colonel?" Hailey inquired, vainly attempting to see through the thick clumps of branches and foliage blocking her view of the night sky.
Carter and O'Neill worriedly exchanged glances. Suddenly, Carter realized the solution to all their problems had miraculously 'dropped out of the sky and into her lap!'
"I think NOT, Lieutenant!" growled Carter, an unmistakable chill in her voice. "It's LATE! You need your rest. You've had a BUSY day! ACTING UP! DISREGARDING the well-intentioned advice of your elders and superiors! Destroying a poor, innocent tree that NEVER did anything to YOU! Well, Lieutenant, you're going to be EXTREMELY busy tomorrow —'POLICING THE COMPOUND!' Until it literally SHINES! DO YOU READ ME, LIEUTENANT?"
An alarmed and frightened Lt. Hailey immediately snapped to attention. She saluted Carter and shouted, "YES, MA'AM! SORRY, MA'AM! IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, MA'AM!"
There followed a long, uncomfortable period of silence. Uncomfortable for everyone, except Carter. She had solved her problem: R.H.I.P. Rank has its privilege. It had been more than a year since Carter had pulle/used her rank to make Hailey see reason. Since then, they'd become fast friends. But Hailey had forgotten that while Samantha Carter was still her friend, she was more importantly, Hailey's superior officer in the service of the U.S. Air Force.
Finally, O'Neill (a closet softy, if ever there was one) took pity on the trembling, chastised, young officer and said, "At ease, Hailey!"
Hailey relaxed. But only for a moment. "Sir, ma'am, Teal'c---? I want to apologize for the way I've behaved. Not just for this evening, but for all the bad things I've done in my past, as well. You have my word that I'll 'straighten up and fly right!'"
"Well said, Hailey," Carter responded. "Apology accepted!"
"Ummm, in the meantime, sir and ma'am: Permission to join you the next time you two go star-gazing?"
"I don't know, Hailey," quipped O'Neill. "Two's company. Three's... something entirely different!"
Carter rolled her eyes.
Scandalized, Teal'c raised BOTH eyebrows. Then, he said, "It is time to return to our base camp, Lt. Hailey. You and I shall 'take point'." He handed his staff weapon to Hailey. "If you promise to exercise caution, I shall begin your long overdue instruction in the operation of the staff weapon."
Though still 'smarting' from Carter's righteous rebuke (and, to a lesser extent, O'Neill's oblique rejection), Hailey nevertheless managed to smile. "That is so cool! Thanks, Teal'c!"
Bowing his head one last time, Teal'c and Hailey set out on their walk back to base camp.
Carter and O'Neill hung back in order to let Teal'c and Hailey get farther ahead of them.
O'Neill exhaled.
"Peridot ?" Carter asked. "My eyes are flecked with PERIDOT ?"
"I call 'em as I see 'em! And... yes, they are!"
She slipped O'Neill's hand into hers. "Well okay then. Let's go home!"
"I've heard that before," he retorted.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Not surprisingly, Maj. Samantha Carter and Col. Jack O'Neill had much to discuss on their leisurely walk 'home.'
Carter frowned. "So---! Do you think I was too rough on Hailey?"
"No!" O'Neill responded. "You were totally... HOT! And Hailey DID interrupt our 'star-gazing' at a rather crucial stage!"
"Well, as long as you don't think I overdid it!"
"You did fine, Sam. Scout's honor," O'Neill replied, holding up his right hand in the prescribed fashion.
"Oh, and here's some more good news," Carter said. "I promise that I'll keep our personal relationship SEPARATE from our working relationship. You're my C O. I'll continue to take orders from you the same way that I always have!"
O'Neill looked sullen. "Oh, so that means you'll continue to obey my orders about seventy percent of the time?"
He paused, then smiled. "Gotcha!"
Carter, her face solemn, suddenly reached out and playfully cuffed O'Neill's left shoulder. "Oh, you're So-oooo funny!"
Once again, she was smiling. "But anyway, despite the (ahem!) unfortunate interruption, I still had the best time EVER, Jack!"
"Right backatcha! So---! Tomorrow night?"
"YES! Same time!"
"Uh-huh! Same place?"
"Yes, please!"
"Sweet! One thing, though..."
"You want me to chain Hailey to her bunk tomorrow night!" Carter, only half-jokingly blurted out.
"Hmmmm-mm... Ya think...?" O'Neill considered the idea for a moment, then shook his head. "No, we probably shouldn't do that. What I meant to say was: We're out of champagne!"
"Oh, that's all right, Jack! It was a sweet, thoroughly romantic gesture! I mean, I absolutely LOVED it! But... I don't think we need champagne. Do you...?"
Carter seductively batted her blue-with-peridot-flecked eyes at O'Neill.
"NOPE! Forget I said anything!"
"Of course," she continued, "I COULD be persuaded to make a cake... Just in case we get hungry... 'star-gazing.' You like cake, don't you!"
She snuggled up to O'Neill and gave him a long, passionate kiss. As the embrace intensified, O'Neill bent her over in a huge dip.
Finally coming out of their clinch, O'Neill slyly smiled. "I like... cake," he softly whispered into Carter's ear. "Cake is... good!"
Carter whispered right back, "And I like being dipped! "You've 'dipped' before...?"
Still holding hands, they once again began to meander homeward.
"Now THAT, Sam, is a long, though thoroughly interesting story... It all began about a year-and-a-half ago... We were having breakfast over at the commissary and, well, you remember how I used to eat 'Fruit Loops'...?"
Twenty-three-hundred-and-fifty-five hours and all's most definitely... well.
THE END