SUMMARY: Post-Ep to "Fugue."
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Sanctuary and I'm not making any money from this story.
A/N: To Rowan. In a weird way that will probably only make sense to us, I owe you an apology because my viewpoint character hurt yours and I didn't notice. So here you go! I hope this sets all to rights.
(A/N: I do realize that it was the doppelganger Will who announced he was never flying with Helen again after screaming like a girl the whole way – but I tend to think that the real Will did the exact same thing, just a little later.)
Three of One Hundred Fifty Nine
Abby needed her own room in the Sanctuary, Will decided, watching his girlfriend's sleeping form in the moonlight. Guest room single beds were far too small for two.
The day's paperwork was finally done. There was a Sanctuary staff meeting at nine in the morning the next day – an hour that would come far too quickly – but until then, Will was free to rest. He hadn't slept properly in over three days. For a few milliseconds, he contemplated returning to his own bed. For a few milliseconds longer, he contemplated returning to his room at least long enough to change into pajamas. He wasn't superstitious enough, or freaked out enough from the events of the day, to think that once he closed the door, Abby would mysteriously vanish. But every time he was physically away from her, his mind's eye painted pictures of that horrible black-eyed singing thing which would have gladly ripped his throat out as it kissed him. Will didn't want to see that. He only wanted to see Abby.
Abby didn't need her own room in the Sanctuary after all. Abby needed a key to Will's room. Will watched her chest slowly rise and fall, then let his eyes drift to her faint smile. A key, plenty of closet space, and a chair all her own that didn't have clothes draped over it. "Move in" seemed like a lesser commitment than "do you think I'm the one 'cause I think you're the one, there I said it, I can't take it back."
Well, if he wanted some suitably romantic way of presenting her with a key in the morning, he would have to leave for at least a little while. If he wanted to get his own key duplicated, though, he would have to wait until morning, considering there was nowhere open this time of night. Unless Henry had an extra key somewhere in his security stash.
Henry. Stunned on the floor after only doing his job.
The pass code to the security cells is five three four.
You're so intoxicated by the possibility of creating some amazing new life form.
No … that wasn't right. Helen had been working to save Abby throughout the three day ordeal. Why had that been so damned impossible to see at the time?
Because Helen Magnus flew planes through impenetrable snowstorms with her eyes closed, that was why. Because even though more of Helen's desperate ideas worked than didn't, failures cost lives. "You haven't lost me, and you won't," Abby had said. But Abby couldn't keep that promise. As long as Abby was connected with the Sanctuary and with Helen Magnus, she had a giant target painted on her back.
Life in the Sanctuary had been so much easier when Will hadn't had anything to lose. A nonexistent relationship with a woman who couldn't stand to be around Will because Will was the laughingstock of a job he wouldn't have much longer was no sacrifice at all even just compared to the chance for Will to understand the mysteries that had made him who he was. But he had grown. And he had loved again. A young woman who was afraid of her own shadow and yet too impossibly brave to survive the realities of life in the Sanctuary.
As brave as Abby.
Which meant that Abby couldn't move into the Sanctuary, she had to stay away, Will had to move far away, he had to abandon the rest of his family in order to keep her.
No, Abby had more experience than Clara had managed to glean before Clara died. Abby was as safe here as Will was.
The words "sleep deprivation" and "babbling" ran across Will's mind at the exact moment when he realized he'd propped himself between the chair and Abby's bed to avoid falling over. He needed to quit pondering the realities of the universe and make up his mind as to whether he was going to stagger back to his own room and collapse into his bed, or climb in next to Abby and hope the renewed closeness would make it possible to sleep in the narrow space.
Well, that actually was a decision Will had already made; there was no way he was ever going to leave Abby again tonight. But there was something he had to do first.
He found Helen in her study. Helen's fireplace was brightly lit. Helen sat at her desk, frowning at some papers on her desk. It was a perfectly normal picture for any perfectly normal night in the Sanctuary, except this wasn't a normal night.
"Shouldn't you be sleeping too?" Will said softly. He leaned on the edge of Helen's desk, close enough to talk to her without shouting, but not so close as to intrude on any actual work she might be doing. And, not so incidentally, that pose gave Will something to lean on.
Helen bristled – very faintly, but Will caught it, and it troubled him. "I will, before tomorrow," Helen said quietly, not taking her eyes from the paperwork she was doing. "Was there something you wanted?"
It wasn't quite as formal as "Dr. Zimmerman," but her words had been intended to create space. Will mentally kicked himself – at least, would have had he the mental capacity by that hour of the morning – for not paying attention to Helen's reactions earlier. He'd been seeing her as a competitor. As a leader to live up to, and as a rival who wouldn't ever compromise. But not as his friend. "Actually, I, uh, wanted to apologize," Will said.
Her demeanor softened, but she didn't properly look up. "There's nothing to apologize for, Will. I am accustomed to getting my own way."
"Yes, but I forget that your way is right, sometimes." Will's mind was foggy, but he barreled ahead anyway. "One day you're telling me just how little time I've known you compared to the length of time you've been doing what you do. The next day someone is telling me that I'm in charge, completely in charge. The next day you're asking me to do something dangerous with you. The next day I'm supposed to be finding my own way through a tough situation. I don't know how you do this, Magnus," he finished, as he sat heavily on Magnus's couch.
She swiveled to face him, and met his eyes. "There will always be people who question you, Will. Whether you are the second in charge of the Sanctuary or its leader."
"You don't think I believe that bull I told the government bastard. I never asked to be in charge. I don't want to make the decisions you do." Will frowned, and admitted something he probably never would have in the daylight. "Except where Abby is concerned. I wanted to make that decision. But I didn't know how to save her life."
Helen's eyes drifted back to her desk, but this time the posture only communicated that Helen was also overtired, not that she was keeping barriers between herself and Will. "It's one of the hardest things you will ever be asked to face," she said softly. "Holding lives in your hands, the lives of the people you love. No matter how many times you tell yourself that you will save this one, the realities of our work account for no such things."
"I understand that now," Will said, then backpedaled. "No, you know what? I don't think I do. Because this was the first time I have directly had to make choices for someone I love, and you had to lock me in a cell."
"I shut you down."
"No, you …" and suddenly Helen Magnus the competitor ceased to exist for Will. There was only his friend. "This has been just as hard on you as it has on me, hasn't it?"
"I wouldn't say…"
"No. Don't you say now that I don't need to apologize. I was an ass to you earlier."
"I locked you in a cell, Will."
"For directly challenging your authority."
"After you tried to compromise, and I didn't even listen."
"Because you didn't have time to listen, because every minute meant Abby lost more of her soul to that thing."
Helen smiled. The smile was an exhausted ghost, but it was still more than Will had seen at any point during the evening. Still without looking up, she said, "I don't know what else I could have done to save Abby in the time we had. But nothing can change the way that I 'steamrollered' over you."
Will stood up, took the step over to Helen's desk, and took her hands like she had taken his earlier, meeting her eyes. "You just told me that making the kinds of risky decisions when important people are at stake is one of the things you have to do as a leader. Abby is alive because of what you did."
Helen looked down, and then back up. "Thank you," she said quietly, trying to pull away.
Will wasn't quite ready to let her. He held on, still trying to make every word count since he'd have so few before Helen pulled away completely, and he'd have to let her be Helen Magnus, facing the world alone, once again. "I want to know that I'll always be able to save Abby," he said, quietly and earnestly. "I wanted that power. I felt like you were taking it away from me. But I didn't realize that you use that power to save us. And you do it without knowing that it will be okay."
"Let's just say let's not let any more of us have our bodies taken over," Helen said, smiling and letting any other words remain unspoken. She withdrew her hands, and this time Will let her. "Thank you, Will. Your trust means a great deal to me."
He couldn't think of anything to say in response, so he merely rose and said, "please don't work too late. Neither of us has had a lot of sleep in the past few days."
"I will finish this in the morning," Helen said, closing the book as she rose, then putting out the fire with a practiced few motions. "I'll walk back with you."
It was only when they were back at the door of the room where Abby still slept that Will realized Helen had led the entire way.