Disclaimer: Not mine
AN:This is a piece written for May's HBX challenge. I've used the same family from my recent stories in this one shot. As you know, I'm in Australia, so if the school references don't quite match just go with the flow...I do find it hard writing 'American'. There is a second instalment, the same event written from Mac's POV.
Graduation Day
It's been really hard and I keep telling myself to keep it together, after all, I know Ella would be totally embarrassed to look around and see me blubbering like a fool. She keeps telling me it doesn't matter that her mom isn't here to see her graduate from elementary school; that there'll be 'heaps more' chances for Mac to do so. And I know she's right, but this is our baby girl's biggest event to date and it makes me sad that she's doing it without her mommy.
After trying to retire when she fell pregnant with Ruby and wanted to stay home with her and David, Mac was persuaded to go on the reserves list, which she did. However, once Ruby headed off to pre-school Mac decided to return to work only 12 months ago. Deciding not to return to her previous position, she had taken up a legal advisor role, still in San Diego, which was a godsend. I couldn't imagine us living anywhere else.
For the most part it's a 9-5 thing. There's the occasional overtime and a trip away for a conference or to consult on a matter of law. This time, however, she left for London five weeks ago to assist with a matter there. It was only supposed to be a few days but things became more and more complicated and she's still there and not expected home for at least a week.
I am missing her desperately and so are the kids. Poor Ruby and David look out the window every evening as soon as their favourite television program ends, waiting for their mom to appear; just as she used to do. And every evening I have to bribe them with ice cream and chocolate fudge for dessert to get them to the dinner table and to stop crying.
Ruby crawling into my lap, as I sit in a scarcely decorated auditorium, redirects my focus.
"Hey, pumpkin," I say, kissing her head.
"Where's Ella?" she asks, resting her head on my shoulder.
"Down there with her class," I say pointing down to the first few rows.
"Can I go?" she questions eagerly but I shake my head.
"No, pumpkin," I say. "Only the sixth graders can be there. You have to stay with Daddy and David and grandma and grandpa."
My mom is sitting three seats from me with David on this side and Frank on the other. She has the video recorder hanging around her neck and Frank has his camera at the ready, both are determined that Mac doesn't miss a moment of the evening. I'm glad she's not relying on me...I'm a bit all over the place...I'm having a lot of trouble believing my beautiful baby girl starts junior high in the fall...where did the years go?
"Dad, how long more?" David asks, standing up and looking around.
We've been here just on twenty minutes and I know my five and four year olds are getting bored and restless. Usually Mac would have brought along something to entertain or amuse them but I forgot. So, I dive into the backpack we bring to any sort of occasion and dip into the secret pocket and smile – Mac, bless her, has kept her secret candy stash full and I offer them each a lollipop which they take eagerly. Neither thinking to question their good fortune of daddy giving them candy.
The lights dim and Sandra Harding, the school principal, comes onto the stage. She's a large and imposing woman and I must admit I was quite taken aback the first time I met her. But during Ella's time here at Silverleaf Elementary School, Ms Harding has been an exemplary teacher and leader. Her message of welcome is both uplifting and heartfelt and I'm glad mom is recording it all. There are messages from Ms Harding I really want Ella to take on board.
After a few songs and dances by various school performance groups it's time to present the children and given that it's in alphabetical order, I know that Ella Rabb is going to be towards the end. Still, it's nice to see her friends graduate. After all, I've watched them grow up too. Ruby's getting restless in my lap and David is more interested in his lollipop than his eldest sister's accomplishments but so long as they're quiet I don't mind, there's no way I'm missing this moment of Ella's life. I missed out on ten months when she was five and, to this day, it's still my greatest regret. I will never have those moments again.
"Alexander Quigley," Ms Harding announces and I watch the short blonde boy cross the stage to accept his certificate and small gift. I know Ella won't be far away.
I take a deep breath, chew on my bottom lip and will myself not to cry. My baby is about to graduate and I am so very proud as she steps onto the corner of the stage. She's a straight A student and has excelled in all she has attempted and, above all, has a beautiful soul. I know Mac and I were so scared when we had her that our own parenting traumas would impact on her but it seems she has blossomed into an amazing young woman.
"Ella Rabb," Ms Harding announces and I am clapping so hard my hands sting and Ruby puts her hands over her ears.
I want to stand and cheer but I know that's overdoing things so I stay seated and smile widely. I watch as Ella turns at the corner of the stage and waves vigorously at me. I so wish Mac could be here to see Ella at this moment. She looks gorgeous, just like her mom, with her chestnut locks curled and resting on her shoulders. She's wearing a marine green party dress they picked out for this very occasion about two months ago. Ella choosing the colour as she thought it would make her just like her mom. I don't think she realises she's already like her mom – in so many ways.
As the rest of the children pass by in a procession, I sit back and let it all wash over me and before I know it Zara Zhen has received her award and the graduate procession has passed.
Once again, Ms Harding is holding court talking this time about the achievements of individual children and calling out names for various curriculum awards. I'm so proud to hear Ella's name called three times; for English, Science and Civics. Rather than the Outstanding Achievement Award the program says should be announced to signal the end of proceedings, Ms Harding explains there is going to be short delay. That's all we need at this time of night, a delay!
After the school band performs an impromptu song and Ruby starts drifting off in my arms, I watch as Ms Harding comes to the microphone once more.
"If this were senior high, the Outstanding Achievement Award would be known as Dux of the School," she started to explain. "While most elementary schools don't bestow such an award on their children, we here at Silverleaf believe in celebrating academic excellence. This year's recipient is a student who has excelled in all areas of school life. Her results are impeccable, her contributions to school life invaluable and leadership within the student body is exemplary..."
I sit there thinking she could easily be talking about Ella, but I know she's not. It's the practice of Silverleaf to contact parents of award recipients to ensure they are there on the closing night of each school year. Last week, I spoke to Hilda Carlisle, Ms Harding's secretary, who told me about the three academic awards presented earlier, so I know it's not Ella this time.
"I am very proud to announce that this year's Outstanding Achievement Award recipient is Ella Rabb," she announces and I'm too surprised to cheer. Mom's yelling and clapping beside me alerts me to the fact I'm sitting in silence but by the time I start clapping everyone has stopped.
Tears fill my eyes as Ella crosses the stage once more and receives her certificate, plaque and envelope from Ms Harding. From reading about the award in the program I know there is a $500 cheque in the envelope to go towards Ella's education. I'm so proud I could burst. I can't wait to wrap my arms around her and smother her in kisses.
"Congratulations, Ella," Ms Harding says, helping her adjust her things in her arms. "You look like you have your hands full."
"I can manage, Ms Harding," she says quietly, tucking the certificate between the plaque and her chest.
"I think you need a hand, honey," she said. "And I think I have the person to help..."
The next thing I see is Ella dropping everything and bursting into tears and I practically throw Ruby into her seat, wanting nothing more than to go and comfort my daughter but then I realise she's actually happy.
"Mommy!" she screams so loudly Ruby bursts into tears.
To the applause of the audience, my beautiful, gorgeous marine walks across the stage and wraps Ella up tightly before kissing her head.
"David, Ruby," I say pointing to the stage. "Look who's home!"
Standing up, David registers the new arrival before Ruby and quickly he runs past me and down the stairs nearly tripping several times in his desperate attempt to get to his mother. Ruby isn't too far behind and if I didn't think Mac would kill me, I'd be doing the exact same thing.
Deciding I should show a bit of decorum, I stand and walk casually down towards the stage, on the pretence of helping Ruby who has tumbled twice. The audience are still applauding as David scrambles onto the stage and throws his arms around his mother's legs.
"Me, mommy, me!" Ruby shouts when she realises she's the only one not getting some love from mommy.
"I'll take you," I say, scooping her up and walking up the steps before putting Ruby down and letting her run to her mother.
I take the time to thank Ms Harding on behalf of Ella and my family for this surprise and she says it's her pleasure. Realising my over exuberant children aren't leaving their mother, or the stage, anytime soon, and given the night is over, she says farewell to the audience, wishes the children the best of luck and gets the band to strike up once more.
By the time the curtain is closing, I have joined the Rabb huddle in the middle of the stage and as the curtains join my lips meet Mac's and I feel my heart ready to explode. I have missed her so very, very much. In a hundred different ways, a hundred times a day...and more. I don't think she realises just how much the kids and I love her and need her and want her...well, we want her in different ways but it all has to do with wanting her home.
Pulling back to make room for a squirming Ruby, Mac scoops up our youngest daughter as I pick up our son.
"I am very proud of you, Ella," I say, turning my attention to the other girl of the moment.
"Thanks, dad," she says as Ms Harding appears behind her with her hastily discarded prizes.
"So, how did you like your surprise, Ella?" she asks, pointing at Mac.
"It was wonderful, Ms Harding," she says, throwing her arms around her school principal. "It was the best thing of the night."
And my articulate baby girl is right. Awards, plaques, money are all fantastic but they take an easy second place behind having a loving family and especially having mommy home.
I had promised the kids a celebratory stop at IHOP, Ella's choice, for dessert on the way home, a late night okay as it is Friday and everyone can sleep in tomorrow. However, now I'm desperate to abandon the plan in favour of getting my wife home and to myself.
Realising I can't spoil Ella's night for my own needs, we head to IHOP with the kids, mom and Frank and as Ella chatters away, David colours in the placemat and Ruby is entertained by grandpa, I slip my arm around my wife and hold her tightly, kissing her head every few moments, probably trying to convince myself she's really home.
I know it's only been five weeks but I will happily admit, if only to myself, Mac is my addiction and I can't live without her and I don't want to either.
Looking around the table, I see bright, happy faces all enjoying the moment and I can't help but grin. This is the sort of family I had always dreamed of but never believed I'd have. As I look at Ella I can't help but wonder what dreams she has for herself. Whatever they are, I can only pray she is blessed by having hers come true, just like mine have.