I am evil :D
Summary: In which Raito learns about where shinigami babies come from
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note
[Edited: June 18, 2010]
"Ryuk," Raito calls out all of a sudden as he swerves around in his chair to stare at the shinigami, eerily making a fine impression of L with that unblinking stare he is sporting at the moment.
The mentioned shinigami is currently downing an apple as if its life depended on it, never mind the fact that Ryuk is a death-reaper, and thus, really didn't have a life and just technically borrowed (in other words, stole) from the human beings that scurried around the earth. After gulping the apple whole, seeds and all (Who cares about cyanide? Ryuk is a shinigami, afterall), the death god tilts its head 90 degrees towards the human and said, "Hmm? Are you going to offer me more apples? "
"Never mind the apples. Ryuk, you had previously stated that when I die, I will go to neither heaven nor hell and I will become nothing. I had given it some thought. You shinigami must steal life in order for you to live, or else you waste away to nothing. Since death-reapers represent this notion of nothing, does this mean that all death note users become shinigami when they die?" Raito's intense gaze fixes itself onto Ryuk's twisting form and as he thought about how he will ascend into a more glorious and beautiful entity (he refuses to believe that he would become as unsightly and hideous as some common shinigami. Just as he is above all humans, he is certain that he would stand above all shinigami as well), the glint in his eyes turns triumphant and a smirk grew on his face, already confident of his death-reaper's answer.
His expectations are shot down in an instance, quite similar to a jet going "Mayday! Mayday!" before crashing into the unforgiving ground and exploding into tiny flaming pieces of twisted metal.
"Ehhh? Where did you get this idea from? When I say nothing, I really meant nothing. As I said, you will go to Mu, the realm of nothingness," Ryuk immediately replies, looking at Raito as if he said that all the apples the shinigami had eaten were only an imagination and were actually grapes (Ryuk had tried them before when Raito withheld the apples, saying that it was punishment for commenting that L and Raito make a good couple. Needless to say, Ryuk didn't get any apples for two weeks and was therefore forced to find alternative means of easing off the addiction. In the end, it was concluded that grapes were disgusting).
Caught off guard for once, Raito sputters before asking, "Then where do all the shinigami come from? There has to be a way for more to be created or else you would be a dying race!"
Ryuk stares at Raito for a moment, its expression deadpanned before saying in a slightly disbelieving tone, "Are you saying that your mother never told you about how babies are made?"
Raito could only blink in shock.
Ryuk, seeing Raito's stupefied expression, with an overly-patient tone that quite resembles one used on a toddler that has been acting up, starts explaining, "When a male and female have the urges they will get together alone and touch ea–"
"NO! I don't need to hear how babies are made, nevertheless shinigami babies! And yes, I DO understand how it's done! I do not need you to explain to me!" Raito, with an expression that Ryuk has never witnessed on the human's face before and couldn't quite name, waves his hands around in the air, his eyes wide with shock or disgust or anger or...or just something that Ryuk couldn't put a name to. 'All in all, Raito was acting quite out of character,' thought the death-reaper. 'This is fun.'
"Why are you making such a racket about this, Raito? You're usually more composed than this. It's not really a huge issue that you have to make such a scene. Shinigami babies come when a male and female shinigami touch ea– "
Again, Ryuk was interrupted with Raito's increasingly fast-paced words that were just flooding out of his mouth, "I said I don't need to hear this! I don't need to listen to the birds and bees lecture from a shinigami, of all beings! No apples for a wee– "
"–ch other's forehead."
Raito sat there thunderstruck.
His family was, in fact, quite relieved when Raito started talking again three days later.
Oh Raito. You think you know everything, but you really don't. How else did you think shinigami babies are made?
Quite silly with a side of stupid. I think this is the first pure humour story that I've ever done, so I hope that I managed to pull it off.
As always, read and review! Tell me what you think!