Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, though Kouga here is looking mighty tempting. To Takahashi-sensei's incredibly scary youkai lawyers, I have no money and am making no profit from this story.
Rating: Ummm… PG, to be safe, because Kouga's potty mouth is as bad as Inuyasha's
**If you don't know who Ayame is (anime ep. 80-something), then turn around lest you be spoiled; this takes place at the end of that storyline**
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I love Kagome!
I do.
Really.
…Don't I?
Aw, shit.
Why the hell does my life have to be so damn complicated?
You know, before I met up with Kagome and that stupid Inukkoro my life was pretty simple. Wake up, do morning exercises, go out and kick some Gokurakuchou ass, take a quick jog around the mountain, beat up more Gokurakuchou, find something to eat, settle disputes in the pack, take another jog, kick even more Gokurakuchou ass, come home, sleep. Repetitive. Simple. Ah, those were the good old days.
And then I found the Shikon shards. After that the routine was basically the same, only without beating the shit out of the Gokurakuchou three times a day. Usually once, and occasionally twice, would do.
Later I found out I had Kagome to thank for making it possible for me to have the Shikon shards in the first place. Hell, I thought the damn thing had been destroyed half a century ago, so imagine my surprise when I found three (can you believe it?) tiny pieces of it just lying there on the mountain. Even the shards, tiny as they are, have unbelievable power, and who better to get them than me, huh?
Then I got greedy. I suppose that's a natural part of having pieces of the jewel, the power is so addicting. If three tiny pieces were enough to make me literally run like the wind, then what could the full jewel do for my power? I would be friggin' unstoppable. My pack would be the strongest. I could finally deal with those damn Gokurakuchou for good. Everything would be great! Life would be good.
Ah, Kagome. I have the Shikon jewel to thank for bringing her into my life. Not only is she beautiful (like the stars), brave (-er than most She-wolf youkai I've ever met), and brainy (how in the world does she put up with Inukkoro?), the woman is a natural shard-detector. Who cares if she's human? Kagome has miko powers more than enough to make up for that defect of birth.
But do I love her? I keep saying I do.
Is it really possible to love someone as much as I claim to when I've only seen her a handful of times? Most of the times we meet it's on a battlefield, Kagome always at Inuyasha's side.
How I envy that bastard sometimes.
After that bitch Kagura slaughtered my clan, I really didn't have time to go off hunting for Shikon shards. I had bigger prey to catch. Naraku. The root of all that is evil in this world, a demon bent on causing as much pain and suffering as he can on people before he kills them. I became a natural target, too, seeing as how Naraku was also trying to collect the Shikon shards.
Why do I bother searching for him when he'll come to me?
Simple. I want to get him first.
But why can't I smell him, now?
Kagome is out on the road too, constantly searching. Sometimes I can smell her, so I'll drop by for a quick hello. That usually ends in Inukkoro drawing Tessaiga and attempting to hack me in little bits, but my beloved Kagome usually "sits" him and apologizes for his behavior. Hah! As if I'm afraid of a stupid half-breed waving around a glowing sword!
Okay, so maybe I am.
Just a little.
A very little.
So I say hello to Kagome and profess my undying love for her, but she really doesn't say anything back. Just giggles and does her best to extract her hands from mine. Is my love one-sided? Or perhaps I don't love her at all? No, that can't be right. I wouldn't risk my neck, or my Shikon shards, for her if I didn't. I must love her.
In what way, though?
When we met Ayame, though, Kagome was insistent that I honor my promise to her. I didn't even remember that promise at first (I thought the little brat would've been married off in another alliance by now). I do remember it now, though.
I can't honor it. I mustn't.
Naraku delights in causing pain and misery. He loves that even more than outright killing someone. A man who truly enjoys his work, a trait that might have been admirable if I didn't want to rip his throat out after feeding him the bloody stumps of a thousand severed limbs. If a youkai like that got wind of someone like Ayame, and what they meant to me, things would get messy. She'd end up dead, or controlled, or brainwashed, or any combination of the above. I'm not noble or anything, but the innocent should be protected. I'm not going to let another person die because of me.
That's why it's safe to love Kagome.
Hell, I know that she doesn't see me as anything more than a friend and useful ally. I'm pretty oblivious about most things, but even I can see that she has a thing for dog-boy. Why is pretty much beyond me, but that's the way she feels.
It annoys the hell out of Inukkoro when I say I love her, though. That's reason enough to say and do anything. But watching the two together, it's plain to see.
Kagome is Inuyasha's strength.
That's why I don't travel with them. I want him to view me as a rival for Kagome's affection, a rival in finding Naraku, a rival in everything. Maybe then he'll start appreciating her more.
Is that love?
"I'll let you keep Kagome for now," I said, but the truth is there was no "letting" on my part. If I had taken her, Inukkoro wouldn't have rested until I was a squishy spot on the road and he had Kagome back.
You know, I want to feed Naraku those bloody stumps much more than I want to be a squishy spot.
So here I stand, underneath a full moon with a rainbow reflecting in the distance. Just like that night so many years ago.
I love Kagome.
I do. Really.
Until Naraku is defeated, it isn't safe to do otherwise.
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~~Owari~~
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Author's NotesInukkoro – Dog Turd
Gokurakuchou – those weird birdy/harpy things that were harassing Kouga's tribe. I can't remember the English translation right now.
#1 – This is probably not the most original idea, but what the hell. It's hard to find Kouga fics on ff.net (why don't they have a character selector in this section yet??).
#2 - I've probably given my darling wolf-boy too much credit for having delicate feelings (or a brain) – but, *shrugs* he can't be that dense.
#3 – I view the entire Inuyasha/Kagome/Kouga relationship to be very similar to the Kaoru/Kenshin/Megumi thing in Rurouni Kenshin. No reason really, that's just the approach I used. Feel free to fire at will if you disagree.