The History and Story Of Gallifreyan Marriage, Courtship and Relationship Rituals:
Compiled and written by Anna Brelin
Intro (History):
Marriage has existed on Gallifrey long before the modern Gallifreyan history of present-day, ever since the time of their ancestors and The Ancients Of Gallifrey. These rituals of marriage and courtship on Gallifrey have changed very little since the time of their ancestors and are still practiced to this day. Many of the rituals came about around the same time as The Kriyarota, Gallifrey's version of the Kama Sutra was written, over 2.5 billion years ago. Modern Gallifreyan history has only been around since 1 billion, as was mentioned by Rassilon in the episode 'Last of The Time Lords'. Prior to 1 billion years ago, it was The Time Of The Ancients of Gallifrey and the ancestors of all modern-day Gallifreyans. Through many a wars, battles and civil unrest throughout Gallifreyan history, ancient and modern, these rituals have survived to the present-day.
To start, let us talk about the courtship and relationship between Gallifreyans.
The Initial Meeting:
The 1st step in this is the initial meeting, when two Gallifreyans either of same or opposite sex, meet for the 1st time. Though prior to this point it is likely that one or the other had their eye on the other, admiring and watching from afar. Most Gallifreyan couples will either 1st meet in social gatherings, community house banquets or at The Academy. Though being betroved to someone at birth to someone is not uncommon either.
Those Gallifreyans who are chosen at birth to become the next Housekeeper of their Family House is often betroved to someone of another Family House, though it is not always the case. The standing Housekeeper of a Family House will choose their successor or heir to the role of Housekeeper at birth, usually from their own family. According to Ancient Gallifreyan tradition, the chosen successor is not permitted to cut their hair until they become Housekeeper or get married, be it either a male successor or a female successor. As the successor's hair grows, the currently standing Housekeeper is in charge of taking care of their successor's hair - be it combing it, cleaning it, decorating it, etc.
"The Housekeeper gets very angry when their successor messes up their hair, as it takes a lot of effort and time to maintain it..." - Brax, the Doctor's older brother (fan-fic)
Quite often the old Housekeeper will choose a partner at birth for their successor from another Family House within the same Primary House. Of course the Housekeepers of both Family Houses are involved in the betroval process. This is why couples that are Housekeepers of Family Houses are for the most part the same age as one another.
"Lorilyn chose your partner at birth as her successor, just as I chose you as my successor at birth. We believe that it will be a beneficial match for both parties..." - The Doctor's grandmother to Innocet, his cousin (fan-fic)
After a couple meet in the initial meeting, if they like one another, they become friends. After a couple months more, if they wish it, they can become boyfriends or girlfriends, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.
The 1st Date:
The couple will ask their families if they can go out on a date together. The 1st date is often set up by the families of the couple. The families make an itinerary for the couple to follow, filled with activities chosen by both families. This determines what that couples likes or dislikes are, what they like to do or don't like to do, etc.
It is from this 1st date that the families decide if it is a good match or not. Though sometimes a couple will continue to see one another against their families wishes, quite often running away together. It is during such time that the couple will take turns sending gifts to one another, such as a brightly colored and decorated vase filled with their favorite flower, or their favorite candy or food etc. In the vase. Sometimes a stranger will send such a gift to another to express their interest in them or to get noticed by them.
For couples at this stage in their relationship, there is the yearly festival known as The Festival of The Wooing Moons. During this festival, which lasts for two weeks every Gallifreyan year, one of the couple will go to the Family House of the other and steal them from their house and family. This often happens at night when the family is sleeping. Carrying them away to a secret location where they either talk, have sex or go party somewhere.
The Doctor himself participated in this festival as was mentioned by Missy and The Doctor in a couple episodes. Missy said that The Doctor stole the president's wife, but he actually stole the president's daughter. He and the president's daughter just had tea and sweets that night.
"She was bored out of her mind in the presidential palace that day, so I stole her from there and gave her a good time with tea and sweets..." - The 12th Doctor (fan-fic)
Some Gallifreyans will steal those they are interested in or will steal them just for fun or as a dare. If approved as a couple by their families, Gallifreyan couples will usually date up to 5 years before getting overly serious. During this time they build a strong friendship as a couple and between the two families.
The 1st Intimate Mental Encounter:
From this point, the couple will engage in intimate mental communication. They will go someplace quiet and secret to do so, away from their families. With permission from one to the other and vice versa, they will bring their hands up to the sides of their partner's head and basically mind meld with them. They often do this with one another at the same time. During these sessions, they learn about eachother intimately, even having a mental sexual encounters. Such encounters will often lead to the next step, physical sexual intercourse.
The 1st Sexual Encounter/Intercourse:
The point where the couple wish to be more than mentally intimate. This often happens without their families knowing, going to a quiet and secret place away from others and prying eyes. The sex between them is quite intense, being mentally connected as they have sex. They often feel what eachother is feeling as they have sex. It's an interesting experience.
After this point, the couple have two options:
1. They can become commonlaw couple with an open relationship. This allows the couple to see others intimately but are dominantly loyal to one another. In this option and usually by choice, they do not have their 1st child until after 5 years, when they officially become commonlaw. After the 1st child, they can have other children at any time.
2. They wish to get married. In this option, further steps are taken, which are listed below.
Becoming Engaged:
Again, permission from the families of the couple is required. Though as mentioned above, some couples will skip this point and get married in secret. When asking to become engaged, the families of the couple will set up a dowry between them, which can be anything from either money, land or property of some kind, jewelry, etc. This dowry does not just benefit the families, but is also a nesting egg or a seed to help the new married couple get on their feet and out into the world. The bigger the dowry, the more promising the marriage will be. Those who are betroved to one another also require a dowry set up by their families.
Starting Marriage Plans:
From this point, the families of the couple share jobs and responsibilities in the marriage plans. A member of one family will chose a ribbon to be used in the wedding, another from the other family will chose the wedding robes and so on. Of course the couple can help pick out the stuff as well. They will then chose a place for the marriage to occur.
Multiple Marriage:
It is not uncommon for a Gallifreyan to have more than one wife or husband, up to 5 at a time. It is the same situation with commonlaw couples, who have more than one partner of either sex. Quite often Gallifreyans are married to more than one partner at the same time. This ensures that the gene pool is diverse within the family and the Gallifreyan population. Sometimes Gallifreyans will marry or become commonlaw couples with cousins. Sometimes cousins are betroved to one another by the family.
Marriage:
The one marrying the couple walks in first, ususlly a priest from a local temple, followed by flower dancers with music playing in the background. Both the groom and the bride wear beautifil and brightly colored heirloom wedding robes, with the groom's robes coming from his family and vice versa. The marriage vows are different in the case of Gallifreyan couples. The beginning of the Gallifreyan marriage ritual starts with the parents of the bride standing nearby and taking turns saying 'I consent and gladly give'. Sometimes wedding jewelry is exchanged, be it either rings, necklaces, hair pins, bracelets (most common) or brooches. The ribbon of course is the most important bit of this, as it symbolizes the commitment and bond between the married couple. Quite often the ribbon is blue as the color blue represents eternal love and friendship in Gallifreyan society. Though the color of the ribbon can be significant as certain colors can mean certain things:
Blue Ribbon - Eternal Love and Friendship (Most common marriage commitment)
Maroon Ribbon - Bound In Blood (usually when cousins marry but this doesn't make them any less commited to one another)
Yellow Ribbon - Soulmates (An extra commited couple. Usually do not have other partners)
Orange Ribbon - Friendship (couples married with an orange ribbon usually have a very free and open relationship, but are no less commited to one another.)
Gray Ribbon - Sadness (This is not a bad thing. It just means that they will support one another through sad or hard times).
Gold Ribbon - Bound by Birth (Usually for betroved couples matched at birth)
Silver Ribbon - Bound by Childhood (Usually for couples who were betroved later in childhood or teenage years).
After the couple wrap the ribbon around one of their hands and consent from the bride's parents is given, each of the couple whisper their true/birth names into each other's ear. After this the initial vows are spoken and marriage pronouncement given.
Gallifreyan Marriage vows: "With this ribbon, I pledge my eternal love and friendship with you through this life and all my lives still to come. Neither regeneration or death shall break the bound I make with you today. From now and forever, I am forever bound to you, in the physical and in all other forms thereof. And even if we part ways in some form or another, I will forever remain connected to you in some form or another, for once bound to you, I will forever be bound, if only in memory in the end...
...I give to you a token of my love and friendship to you (gives a piece of wedding jewelry to the bride or husband). With this token, I pledge my infinite devotion and commitment to you, through all the good and hard times, through sickness and health. We are equals in all manner and form, and in this marriage to you, we will share all things as we would share time with one another...
The witnesses are often just the bride's and groom's parents though other family members can attend and watch if they wish it. There are no best men or flower girls, however flower dancers will escort them in and out of the procession, leading them to the wedding banquet or after party. Instead of throwing rice, they throw flower petals. Music also plays after they are married.
There is no 'Till death do us part' in Gallifreyan vows since even after one or the other regenerates, they are still a married couple. Their marriage continues even after regeneration. Also there is no such thing as divorce on Gallifrey, but voluntary separation does happen on occasion.
Even when separated, the couple keep there married name even if they remarry. More about that further down.
Marriage between Gallifreyan couples is a joint and equal affair, with neither being more or better than the other. They even take turns conceiving and giving birth to their children and sharing in parenting. Note: Quite often Gallifreyans will give birth to twins, but single births are just as common. Yes, both the male and female Gallifreyan can conceive and give birth.
"They don't throw rice at Gallifreyan weddings Clara, they throw flower petals, usually flower petals from the bride and groom's favorite flowers..." - The 12th Doctor (fan-fic)
Registry:
After getting married, the couple sign the Community Registry of their Primary House(s). The Groom adds the name of the Bride's Family House to his name and vice versa.
So if his name was something like Thutthuldodragronn (Dragronni being his Family House name) and the bride's name like Prunneablimillecho (Millecho being her Family House name), he would add her Family House name to his name before his Family House name and vice versa.
Thutthuldodragronn becomes Thutthuldomillechodragronn
Prunneablimillecho becomes Prunneablidragronnimillecho
Commonlaw Gallifreyan couples will sometimes do the same if they wish it.
If a couple separates, they do not divorce, as there is no such thing on Gallifrey. Instead, if one or the other remarries, say Thut remarried or Prunne remarried, he or she will add his or her's new bride's or husband's Family House name to his or her name.
Say Thut's new bride is named Scelmiabroglentol (Glentol being her Family House name)
Thutthuldomillechodragronn becomes Thutthuldoglentolmillechodragronn
Same for Commonlaw couples sometimes. And for a Gallifreyan with multiple wives and/or husbands, there name are even longer, with the newest Family House name placed before the others in the the name. Again, commonlaw couples will do the same sometimes.
Of course, with marriages between a Gallifreyan and someone of another alien race, the vows and the methods of marriage would be different. The groom may choose to either marry in his partner's way or in his way and vice versa. It largely depends on what they choose as a couple.
Honeymoon:
The couple then chooses a destination for their honeymoon which can be on Gallifrey or elsewhere. Married couples usually don't have their children right away, often waiting 7 years or more before having their 1st child. This ensures that they will be financially able to take care of their children.
More about The Gallifreyan Assignment and Naming System will feature in another tutorial.
Anyway, what do you think?