Author's Note: Emily and Nolan after 1.11: Duress
Nolan stretched back on his bed, wishing that sleep would come over him. He was exhausted, but still sleep eluded him. The man had given up on his iPad chats, his ebooks, the special Nolcorp project he'd been working on all week, his videogames and his pornography. He could not empty his mind and though he was decades past the age of fearing closet monsters, Nolan still found himself starting at every shadow and imagined sound in his house of glass. Had it been any other night, he would have teased himself for being yellow, but after the night he'd had he was more than willing to cut himself some slack. After all, it wasn't a habit to have psychopaths coming and going through his life.
At the beeping chime, Nolan lifted his phone to see a text from Emily. I'm coming over.
As usual, it was an announcement, not a request for permission.
He sighed lightly and rolled out of bed, wondering what she could want at - he checked his phone for the time - 3:38am.
Moving slowly down the stairs, Nolan grit his teeth. The stitches pulled with every move he made and the pills that quack doctor gave him weren't doing a damn thing to ease the pain of torn flesh and bruised bone.
The man turned up the overhead lights to their brightest and searched every corner of his living room, the large kitchen, his downstairs office and the foyer before he was satisfied. Emily had just tapped her knuckles against the back door when he'd dimmed the lights down from their atomic flash setting. She stepped inside and Nolan moved to lock the door behind her.
"What're you doing here, Em?"
He wished he didn't sound so angry, but again, it had been one hell of a day. He felt entitled to his annoyance - let her know how it felt to be greeted with irritation and let whatever kind words she had for him be dismissed for once; maybe she'd treat him more sweetly going forward, but he doubted it.
"I just...came to check on you."
He shrugged, "Came to see me, huh? So I guess under that hard shell of yours you really do care."
"I never said I didn't care about you."
Again, a gentle lift of narrow shoulders. "Some sentiments don't need words."
Nolan moved to the kitchen and reached for the vodka he kept on the island, but thought better of it and took a bottle of water instead. He tossed one to Emily and congratulated himself that he didn't react at the sudden streak of pain the move caused him. "So, what can I do for you tonight? Want me to hack into NASA and take over a satellite so you can listen in on all their cell phones? Or - oh, I know! - you want me to wire the mansion, the South Fork Inn, the Grayson Global building and all their cars. I mean, since I'm up, why not get started early?"
He didn't know why he was going off on a rant. This wasn't him.
"Nolan-"
He speared frustrated fingers through his hair, mussing it further. "I'm sorry, babe. I don't know why I said all that, I'm not feeling like myself tonight."
If anything, he felt emptier and more miserable than he ever had before. He felt rotten, really. This wasn't him, all this manipulation and betrayal...but then, this summer had revealed a new side of Nolan Ross. He'd always thought of himself as a good man, and yet he'd spent months covering for Emily, insisting that she draw him into her plans to ruin the lives of countless people. He'd kept quiet about her "sister" putting down the guard dog of the Graysons and he'd laughed as she destroyed the family of the philandering politician.
When guilt came after him at night as he tried to sleep, Nolan justified it all by simply remembering that those people had deserved it - every last strike that Emily could level against them. Frank had threatened Emily, a young woman alone in her home - not to mention he'd tossed Nolan around the poolhouse for a bit before palming a gun and threatening his kneecaps, so he wasn't terribly bothered by the man's demise.
Still.
After finding her on Memorial Day, Nolan had hoped to help her where he could but by the same token he had wanted to keep his hands clean. After realizing how far she was taking her vengeance, he'd told himself that he wasn't like her. He was a decent man, he knew where the line was and though Emily stomped over it without blinking, Nolan had told himself that he'd never cross it.
But now?
Nolan found himself longing for the day when all this would stop, even as he took a cruel pleasure in helping the beautiful monster slice through the lives of those who'd wronged her. He blinked, remembering Tyler. Maybe slice wasn't the best word to use.
The woman shook her head and moved closer to him, setting her unopened bottle on the counter. "That's why I wanted to come over, I wanted to make sure you were all right."
"I'm not all right." He recalled the dread in his stomach, the clenching fear in his chest, the hard slamming of his heart as Tyler had gloated his intention to attack Emily with her own weapon - killing her and so freeing Danny so that Tyler could have the Grayson heir all to himself. "I was so afraid that he would-"
"But he didn't, Nolan. He'll never come near you again."
"Me? You think that's what I was afraid of?" He took hold of her arm so that she could not turn away from him. "I was afraid for you, Emily. Terrified. How do you think his brother got to the beach so fast? I drove us straight there to make sure he hadn't gotten to you."
Her expression softened at what he said, but Emily shook her head. "You don't have to worry about me."
Nolan sighed. "Right. Little ninja girl has it all worked out, huh?"
"She tries." She narrowed her eyes at him, "Have you been drinking?"
"Not nearly as much as I'd like, but they told me not to drink while I'm taking these useless placebo painkillers they gave me. You don't have to worry, I won't drink myself to death or OD on you." He took a deep breath and looked at her with sad blue eyes. "I can't leave you on your own just yet."
No, he couldn't. He wouldn't leave her.
Despite his efforts to forget it, the truth was that Nolan had a family and a father - a cantankerous bastard who'd taken every opportunity to beat into his head just how weak and worthless he was. Yes, Nolan had a father but in his way he thought of David Clarke as being father to the man Nolan had become. Unfortunately, David had not thought to make the shared sentiment legal; Nolan had not been able to save Amanda from the maze of red tape and legal ammendments in adopting the children of convicted domestic terrorists.
Had he only been able, Nolan woud have taken Amanda into his home and his life. Not with the intent of replacing her father or with any thought toward grooming her as a future lover...rather, he would have taken her in as a ward to look after until she emerged from childhood, his student to teach, his friend to confide in, the perfect sidekick to share in his own silly adventures.
Little did he know that years down the road, Amanda Clarke would turn the tables and make him into the computer-savvy sidekick for her alter ego, the vengeful Emily Thorne.
He blinked, coming out of his thoughts. The blonde was touching his arm just below the stitches, where a deep stain had appeared on his sleeve.
"Nolan, you're bleeding."
He shrugged, again ignoring the pain. He wouldn't let Tyler's slice derail her visit. "So what? I've shed blood for you. That should be proof enough of my committment to this thing."
Conflicting emotions were coming over him in waves; he felt misery, loyalty, longing, comfort and a touch of happiness at her visit, each feeling fighting the others for dominance. Perhaps the pills they had given him were casting this effect, perhaps it was everything he'd been holding back finally bleeding through the facade of nonchalance he'd built over the years they'd known each other.
Closing his eyes, Nolan wished that, on that marked occasion where Emily had reached to embrace him, that her arms had been open in a true gesture and not as yet another cog in her grand machine of deceit. He wished that he knew she was happy to have him in her life, that she cared about him, even if only a little. He certainly cared for her, and no longer just because of the promise he'd made to David.
It hadn't taken long for him to realize his being drawn to her, though he was damned if he knew why. Since their reunion in her living room - marked with a beauty of a bruise where she'd kneed him before threatening his windpipe - Emily had been, without a doubt, the most unpleasant woman he'd ever spoken to. His every greeting was met with either a roll of her eyes or an insult to his person.
There had been more than a few incidents where he'd barely reigned in the impulse to slap her; not that Emily would ever know of his temper flaring so close to the surface, he was equally skilled at hiding his feelings. Perhaps even more so, since he'd spent a large part of his life hiding from himself.
"It's more than enough."
"Sit with me, Emily." Nolan sank into the sofa and surprised Emily when he reached and pulled her down into his lap. He held her to him and breathed in the sweet papaya scent of her shampoo. He closed his eyes, his fingertips skimming her waist. He held her close, absorbing her heat and enjoying her weight against him. "This is nice."
The woman didn't pull out of his embrace - Nolan wasn't himself tonight, that much was clear, though whether it was the stress of the summer, the trauma of Tyler's attack or an emotional reaction to the medication, she had no idea. Still, it wasn't worth losing her only true connection over a few moments' embrace. If he needed comfort, she could oblige - just this once. Emily remained in the muscled coil of his long arms and allowed him to stroke her back and touch her hair. She cared for him, more than she could admit, but she had set out on a course that would not allow her to turn back.
She could not stop herself now, not even for Nolan.
"Yes it is." She was surprised to realize that, yes, being held and cuddled by Nolan Ross was very nice. He was a comfort that she could indulge in only for a moment though. She would have to end this, and hurt him all over again.
"It could've been like this if you hadn't left."
Emily closed her eyes. What he said was true, but she had made her decision.
"I know. But you know why I had to leave. You knew what I was going to do."
She felt him tug playfully on the end of her hair. "Maybe a part of me knew. The other part had been hoping that you'd take David's advice and learn to forgive. Forgive them all, and get the best revenge by living well."
Emily seemed to give in, just for a moment. She turned in his arms, and pressed her lips against his. It was not a kiss of passion, nor the quick peck between friends. Her lips touched his, and he responded in kind, molding his mouth to hers and lifting a land to touch her face.
It could have been like this if she hadn't left.
Damn her.
Nolan wasn't an idiot; he had no more natural inclination to trust people than Emily did after all that she'd been through. He knew very well that Emily's seemingly softer attitude was only another form of her manipulating him, but a piece of the man was content to take what kindness was on offer.
This of course only further illustrated just how damn jaded and pathetic he'd allowed himself to become.
He'd hoped that she could recognize the good qualities in him outside of his skill in performing highly illegal hacks. He never believed her father was guilty, not even for the blink of an eye had he thought that David could have been responsible for...which was more than Amanda herself could say. For years, she'd believed her father responsible for the deaths of over two hundred innocent people.
Could that be why Emily disliked him? That Nolan's trust in her father had never wavered when she'd spent years cursing David Clarke's name?
Nolan ended their kiss and pressed his forehead to hers, their eyes closed in this shared moment of stolen comfort. He knew there would not be another.
"I plan to live very well, but not yet."
Emily had to force herself to rise out of his arms and take a few steps back. If he reached for her again...
"Too much to do?" His question was asked with a lazy smile.
Nolan was coming back to himself. So was Emily.
She steeled herself. The woman faded, leaving a stony warrior in her place. Her posture, her face, her eyes were changing, becoming hard once again. "Yes. Tyler was a distraction, it's time to refocus."
Nolan watched the change come over her and he scowled at her dismissal of Tyler. "He was a distraction that could've killed you."
"But he didn't."
"That's reassuring." He rolled his eyes and stood up, moving toward her. "Look, if it's not Tyler, or Frank, then it'll be someone else who finds out about us and-"
"There is no us, Nolan."
"Stop!" His voice slammed throughout empty air of the house. "Stop doing that, stop trying to freeze me out - I'm in this whether you like it or not."
Emily didn't bat an eye at his outburst. "If you're in then stop getting in my way."
"I've only ever tried to help."
"Oh, please, you were helping yourself to Tyler behind my back."
With the truth thrown in his face, Nolan faltered. "I was, er, trying to distract him from you-"
"Please, I saw the tape, Nolan."
"Oh yeah? You like what you see?" He asked. Yes, Nolan was his old smart-ass self again.
Emily put her hands on her hips. "Not really." She frowned, but then decided to indulge a bit of curiosity about him. "Why are you dominant with women and submissive with men?"
He gave her a tight-lipped smile, a part of him deeply enjoying this sniping banter. "Best of both worlds, kitten."
The woman huffed at him, "I need to leave soon."
"Oh, you can't keep Danny Boy waiting, huh? Careful there, Ems, it almost sounds like you're starting to care for your mark."
She bristled at the suggestion. "Of course not." She sat down on the sofa once again and he joined her, but Nolan knew not to reach for her again. That moment had passed, and if he touched her now he might end up with more stitches or a black eye. "Tell me about my father."
The man blinked at her, surprised at the question. She hadn't asked him about David in several months. "What would you like to know?"
"When you visited him in prison, did he ask about me?"
He wasn't sure why she was asking him any of this now, not when he'd already told her everything several times in their shadowed past, those weeks after she'd been released from Allenwood. Nolan lifted a hand to his hair, slightly embarassed to feel that the mad day had mussed it into a halo of golden waves which, he knew, gave him the appearance of either a gangly angel or an overgrown choir boy. Neither comparison was flattering, not when he'd had to spend all summer watching Emily on the arm of tall, dark and handsome Daniel Grayson.
"Yes, you were all he ever asked about. Where you were, how you were doing, what you needed. I tried to get your picture to him, but it was always intercepted by the guards and destroyed. After a few years, he told me to stop trying."
"What else?"
"I tried to help him. I offered to file appeals, to hire a new team of lawyers, to testify for him as a character witness, anything to get him out of the hole they'd buried him in. Instead, he begged me to stay away from the trial. He only wanted one thing from me, and that was to take care of you after he was gone. When he was arrested, I tried to find you, to take you in, but it was already too late. The Graysons move fast. Victoria had already gotten the therapists to place you in the institution. Legally, I couldn't even speak to you until you turned 18."
Nolan hated to admit his past uselessness to her; he knew down to his bones that, if he'd been able to take Amanda into his home, then she would have grown up to be a happy woman. It was his failure that had shaped the monster she was now, and he felt it his duty to stay with her. Somehow, though, duty had become desire, and Emily would not hesitate to use it against him.
"He trusted you."
"Yes. He wanted me to help you, and though he's dead, I can't stay away now." Feeling brave, Nolan reached across and put his hand over hers. "I won't stop you, Emily. It's clear nothing will. But listen to me when I say that he would never have wanted this for you. All he wanted was for you to have a happy life."
"With you?"
Her question stilled him. "I...maybe. He knew I would do all I could to take care of you when he couldn't, that I would provide you with everything you needed."
"And you did."
"Your father invested in my company, when he died his share went to you and you became my silent partner. David wouldn't have wanted you to use all that money to reinvent yourself just to attack these people."
Emily closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the couch. "I know that Nolan. It's in every other page of the journal he kept while in prison, the importance of forgiveness..."
"Then forgive and forget - the Graysons were destroying themselves just fine before you came along anyway." He tried for a joke but it fell flat.
"It's not enough." She shook her head and sat up, her eyes searching the living room. "Victoria stole my father and ruined my life, one way or another I'll steal her son and destroy her family."
She stood up and found her purse, slinging it over her shoulder. Nolan stood up and followed her to the back door. Emily unlocked it and opened the door, but Nolan reached past her and held it closed, keeping her inside with him.
"Emily, what do you have planned beyond the big revenge scheme?"
She didn't face him to answer. "I don't know yet. Nothing has gone exactly as I'd planned it."
Emily saw him smile lightly in the reflection of the glass door. "That's the problem with dealing with people, they tend to add a lot of variables to a plan."
"I'll have an answer for your question when this is all over."
Nolan put a hand on her shoulder. "We could go somewhere..."
"Just the two of us?"
"Would that be so bad?"
Emily turned around to face him, her eyes steady on his. "When it's over, you'll have my answer. But not before then. I'm not finished yet."
"I know." Nolan sighed lightly and thought of everyone who'd played a part in the conspiracy against David. "There's a long list of names between now and then."
"Yes. Goodnight, Nolan." Emily hesitated before saying, "I hope you feel better in the morning."
He removed his hand from the door, allowing her to leave. "Thank you for coming to check on me. It was...enlightening, I guess."
Emily graced him with a small smile. "Get some sleep, I'll need you in a few days."
"Back to business already. Don't worry, I'll be here for you, Ems. Good night."
Nolan watched as she disappeared into the dark and felt sure that there would be no chance of getting any sleep that night, or several others to follow.