Author's Notes: I decided to write a piece honoring all mothers. The main purpose of this story is to show how strong a person can be even though they might've lost someone extremely important to them. So in short, this story is dedicated to anyone who has lost their mother. Italics will denote character thoughts and constructive criticisms are welcomed. This story has been beta read by Fallen Hikari (she's a fabulous TMNT writer so if you're into the TMNT then go check out her works)!
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or anything else associated with Inuyasha.
Warnings: This story will contain some fluffy moments and a little bit of angst. I'm basing Inuyasha's personality off of his anime counterpart. While I did take a few liberties with his personality, I don't think he's a complete loss (regarding his feelings and emotions). I think he would be completely capable of behaving in the fashion that he does in this story but only as long as there isn't an audience around to see him having a moment of weakness.
He just wanted to be left alone. Why couldn't anyone understand that! Back in Feudal Japan, the others had been curious as to why he was suddenly so quiet. They had been pestering him all day, asking him if everything was okay.
He hadn't answered them at first, but when they kept bothering him, he merely blurted out that he was fine. He just didn't have it in him to yell at them like he normally would.
After all, today was the day of her death.
He was so used to being alone, but now that he had the others, he wasn't used to opening up to them or sharing his feelings. He had a nasty habit of bottling everything up until his feelings just exploded out into the open.
Luckily for him, Kagome had come to his rescue and offered to take him back to her time. And for once, he had gladly taken her up on the offer.
Even though he was now in her time, he still didn't feel at peace. All day he was alternating between being somber and reflective to moody and pensive. He wanted to tell them what was going on, but how could he do so?
He wasn't exactly renowned for being good with words. He was far better with insults and teasing comments than admitting his own feelings.
It was the only way he knew how to live and act. No one had been there to teach him right from wrong. He had only made it this far because he was too stubborn and prideful to give up. Others would claim it was merely luck that let him live for so long.
From what he could remember, there had once been someone who held his hand when he was scared. This person had been the one to shelter him and protect him from the world. Though he couldn't understand it at the time, this person had shed many tears on his behalf.
When he was hurting, frightened, upset, or miserable, this person shared his pain. They had made sure he was always happy and content with life. That is—until death took her away from him.
From that point on, he constantly lived in a state of fear. It was either win or lose, and for someone like him, he couldn't afford to lose. There were so many others who were stronger, braver, and more than willing to kill him. Yet, he couldn't—and wouldn't—roll over and die for any of them.
She wouldn't have wanted that.
"Inuyasha?"
His ears twitched a bit as he looked up. He had been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't even heard her, yet alone noticed her presence. He made no move to answer her.
He feared that if he answered her, the words would come out sounding strangled. If he weren't so stubborn, he would have realized she didn't care how he sounded or what he looked like. To her, he was simply Inuyasha and nothing else.
"Kagome tells me you haven't been acting like yourself lately."
There was no mistaking the concern and worry in her voice, but he still wouldn't meet her gaze. He was afraid that he would see pity, and more than anything, he hated to be pitied. It made him feel weak and insignificant.
"I've been thinking. Is that a crime now?" He asked defensively.
Inwardly, he was cringing and berating himself for acting like an idiot. She didn't deserve this, but he hadn't asked her to come and bother him either.
"No, it certainly isn't, but I think you might feel better if you tell someone what's on your mind." She said sweetly, seemingly unperturbed by his harsh words.
He raised an eyebrow as he stared at her, his face a mixture of caution and wariness.
She met his look with a soft smile. "I know you like to act tough, but you don't have to pretend with me. And I promise I won't tell Kagome your thoughts."
Sighing softly, he folded his arms across his chest as he stared out the window. "I was just thinking about my mother."
A look of understanding and compassion crossed her face.
He gazed at her for a moment before turning his head away again. "She died when I was still a kid. And…today's the anniversary of her death."
For a moment, neither of them said a word. Both of them were lost in their own thoughts until she broke the silence.
"You miss her, don't you?" She asked softly.
He sucked in a breath of air as if someone had struck him. He hadn't been counting on her figuring that out.
She smiled easily, not in the least bothered by his reaction. "You know, it's okay to miss someone. No one can hold that against you. It's only natural to feel that way about someone you love."
He shook his head fervently as his feelings boiled to the surface. "What would you know?! You don't know half of what I went through. The looks… the whispers and the stares… No matter where I went or what I said, it was always the same! I didn't fit in and everything was always my fault. She was the only one who understood me…"
He clenched and unclenched his fists several times as he took deep breaths. In the back of his mind, he was yelling at himself for blowing up like that. He was wrong, and he knew it, but he would not apologize for his actions.
This is exactly why I wanted to be alone. He thought sourly.
He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he was completely unprepared for what she did next. She had crossed the distance between them and hugged him tightly.
Even though he was being totally unreasonable and deserved to be slapped, she had hugged him and acted as if his words hadn't affected her.
The simple gesture stirred old feelings in him as he felt his eyes begin to water. He felt like he was that lost, scared and lonely little boy all over again. Vaguely, he could remember when he was still a kid and didn't know any better.
While his mother hadn't been looking, he had wondered off because he saw the adults playing some sort of game. He hadn't wasted a minute rushing over to them. The game looked fun so he was hoping they would let him play too.
Unfortunately when they saw him, the game was suddenly over. One of the men had carelessly thrown the ball away and when he finally managed to retrieve the ball, he turned around only to find that they were all gone.
That hadn't bothered him nearly as much as when he heard them muttering something about half breeds. He quickly dropped the ball and went to his mother, asking her what the word meant but she never answered him. Instead, she was crying as she hugged him.
At the time he hadn't understood why she was crying but now that he was older, he understood what those tears meant. She was crying because she knew what his life would be like once she died.
"I don't deserve this." He murmured softly as he slowly but awkwardly returned the embrace.
"You might not think so, but I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband… Kagome was eight and Souta was just a baby. There were times when I didn't think I could go on. Thankfully, Kagome, Souta, and my father-in-law gave me the strength to keep moving forward."
Her words, as well as her voice, were soothing and tranquil—just like his mother's. Thinking of her, yet again, only made him tighten his hold on Mrs. Higurashi. "Sometimes I can't help wondering if she's proud of me… If she's happy with the person I've become…"
She still held him in her arms as she spoke, "I think she would be very proud of you, Inuyasha. You're strong, intelligent, noble, trusting, loyal, protective, and you fight for what you believe in. I think she would be quite happy with the way you turned out."
He said nothing as he let go of her.
To say he was baffled would be an understatement. He was completely and totally blown away. Mrs. Higurashi had done what the others had tried to do earlier—and actually succeeded. While the others would have taken the hint to get lost, she had stayed and effectively managed to comfort him while doing absolutely nothing at all.
How could one woman be so strong, kind, gentle, and understanding? He had all but yelled at her, treated her as if she were a nuisance, and even had the gall to disrespect her. With great patience, she had merely ignored his ill behavior and gave him the much needed solace he had wanted for so long.
"Thank you, and I'm sorry for earlier." He uttered quietly before he began to walk away.
She reached out for him and took his hand. "You're welcome, and don't be so hard on yourself. You have nothing to apologize for."
He nodded as she let go of his hand. She could only watch as he went to go and find Kagome. He might have acted tough and appeared unfazed by the world's cruelty toward him, but she knew better.
She knew deep down, he was really a nice, kind, and loving young man who only wanted to be accepted. He just wanted to belong somewhere, but because no one wanted to give him a chance, he had resorted to the age old belief, "Only the strong prevailed, while the weak died."
And so, he did everything in his power to sound, act, and look strong. He buried his true nature deep within himself just so he could take on the world and win. Luckily for him, he had friends and a family that would support and love him no matter what.
From now on, she would make sure he was always comfortable and at home whenever he would come to visit Kagome.
After all, I can't very well have him thinking that he isn't welcomed here. He's a part of the family—whether he likes it or not!