Disclaimer - I don't own Star Trek Voyager or any characters within. Just borrowing for a non - profit work of the imagination. CBS/UPS/Paramount or whoever own them.

Too Soon, Not Perfect, No Regrets

Chapter One

Had it been the wine, the setting in quarters dimly lit with candlelight and soft jazz playing or just none of the above? That it just happened? That it had been bound to happen? That it had been long enough?

It wasn't meant to happen but part of her was glad it did. They were going home, this time tomorrow they would be in the Alpha Quadrant and they could carry on with no problems. The food had been good and the wine had flowed a bit too liberally but not enough that they couldn't stop if either wanted to. The moment came when they were saying good night to each other, Chakotay lingering by the table as she sipped the last of her wine. He complemented her on the dinner and she had smiled. Placing the glass back down Kathryn had turned to find Chakotay closer, his eyes meeting hers and her heart sped up at what she saw there. How long had it been since she had seen that look in anyone's eyes, in his eyes? That longing and love all aimed at her, something she had caused?

His hand came up, fingers weaving into her hair as he cupped the back of her head. There was a moment where they just stared at each other, an unspoken question fading, before he pulled her forward and kissed her. She responded immediately before she could even tell herself not to. The taste of the wine was still fresh on his lips as well as hers and a passion she hadn't felt in a long time built.

He unintentionally backed her into the sharp edge of the table, his movements blinded by need, and that brought her back from the blissful edge she was heading, her hands coming up and pushing against his chest lightly. He moved back, barely, his forehead against hers, their panting breaths mixing. Had anyone held her this close before and if they had, had it felt as complete and connecting? Maybe there was one other time when she felt this complete but he was long gone.

"I… we – we can't."

Though she spoke the words, she didn't put any more physical distance between them, didn't push him further away. Her eyes fell to his chest and her hands resting there, feeling the fabric of his uniform against her fingertips. The hand that wasn't still holding the back of her head came up and covered one of her own.

"We could be home tomorrow."

Kathryn's eyes moved to meet his again, her heart beat not slowing in any way and her mind drunk from the kiss. It was a terrible argument and she knew it wasn't enough. They could be home tomorrow, they could also be in the Delta Quadrant, but her confidence in the slip stream drive clouded her judgement. Her heart winning over her mind. Kathryn pushing passed the Captain to hold onto what she had denied herself for years.

"Then we should wait," she gave one final, weak, defence.

"I don't want to." He didn't move closer or further away, purposefully leaving the next action to her. His hold on her was loose, she would be able to step out of it should she choose to. Kathryn knew she should.

'We will be home tomorrow and no one would be the wiser. It has been long enough.'

With a deep breath she closed that small gap between their lips, the passion growing as his hands moved down her body, taking in every curve and plain. She pulled at the edges of his jacket, her hands pushing under the fabric to the shirt underneath. How many layers were there, she wanted skin not more clothing? She fought hard with herself not to tear them from his body.

"Tell me to stop and I will stop at any moment."

His lips were back on hers as soon as he finished speaking and she pressed herself closer in answer. She felt the tightening of his fingers at her waist then the pull as he started stepping backwards, taking her with him, towards the bedroom.

He asked her again if this was what she wanted, right up to the point when they were naked and pressed up against each other. It wasn't for his peace of mind, it was to let her know if she stopped him, he would dress and they would go back to what they were before. He would forget it, bury it to the back of his mind and never use it against her. Go back to the parameters she had put in place. Instead she had held his gaze for a moment before leaning up, pressing her lips to his and her hands on his bare back pulling him closer. That was her answer.

Through the night he whispered to her, whispered of the things he would do, of whisking her away to a far corner somewhere on Earth, of his love for her. His promises pressed into her skin with his lips. She could barely respond to any of it, so many emotions running through her, all due to his touch and his words. She thinks she answers but she is so lost in this moment that she isn't sure. The night is unrushed but still not slow enough for her to find out all she wants to know about him.

They both wake slowly in the morning before the alarm sounds. In the quiet stillness their gazes meet and don't break. Slowly she reached out and ran her fingers over the tattoo at his temple, a temptation she has always held, then down the side of his face, a passing caress of her thumb over his bottom lip. His eyes just stayed on her face, his body not moving in fear of disturbing this tranquillity. She moved, leaning closer and pressing her lips to his and he let his hand slid over her waist, pulling her closer.

Later, as they stood together after having breakfast, the backs of his fingers brushed the skin of her throat as he attached the pips to her collar. Chakotay gave her a gentle smile as their eyes met but his fingers lingered going to brush along her jawline.

"We should get going," he whispered but neither made to move away from each other. Instead Kathryn took a small step forward, tilting her head up to meet his lips in a gentle kiss. "I – I lo…" Chakotay didn't finish as Kathryn placed her fingers against his lips.

"Save one for when we are in the Alpha Quadrant."

Her voice was quiet as she spoke, each word filled with the confidence she had that they would make it home. Chakotay matched her gentle smile with his own, his fingers still under her chin.

"I will always have more than one."

She had died. Voyager, the crew, her, all dead.

Fifteen years buried underneath this glacier.

Fifteen years of searching through files, of going back over every little detail to find their flaw, their mistake.

Fifteen years and he hears her voice again, degraded and distorted but it all comes flooding back.

Fifteen years he spent remembering their one night, her lingering touch, remembering her final words to him, a gentle smile and a soft kiss.

"Save one for when we are in the Alpha Quadrant."

Fifteen years and the woman who he has at his side now, and no woman between her and Kathryn have ever heard him utter those words.

Fifteen years and her frozen corpse receives those words like a twisted promise he had to keep.

And he hopes, when these fifteen years have been erased, his younger self will just say them to her.

She sat on the bridge as they travelled through the slipstream closer and closer to Earth. Chakotay was piloting the Delta Flyer a little ways ahead of them, Harry Kim ready to relay the phase corrections through the COMM.

Earth was within reach. They were going home.

Then things started going wrong.

Point One.

They waited for Harry to send the corrections as the variance climbed and the ship started shaking.

Point Two.

Could they really do this? Could they really get home? The threshold was beginning to fluctuate.

Point Three.

"Voyager to Delta Flyer. We need those corrections or we'll have to shut down the drive."

Tom Paris sitting at the helm announced he was receiving the corrections and they worked. The phase variance decreased. For a moment.

Point Four

It increased. The COMM link went down between the two vessels. For a moment the thought crossed her mind that this was it. This was the end of their journey and it wouldn't be the joyous return she had envisioned. Then Seven started to receive a transmission through one of her implants with a set of new phase corrections.

Those corrections had shut down the drive and kicked them out into normal space, closer to home but not in the Alpha Quadrant. A message from ten maybe twenty years in the future had been the only clue they would get to what happened. That Harry Kim had come through for them in some way and Janeway couldn't have been more proud and thankful for that. As Janeway left Harry with the message from his future self, her mind went to Chakotay and about his promises. About her promises. Promises neither could keep anymore.

Before she knew it Janeway found herself sat in her ready room, staring out of the windows at the passing starscape. She didn't know why, it was getting late and she really should have been heading to bed.

'Liar,' came her mental voice.

She knew why she was in her ready room. This talk needed to happen, it needed to happen now and it needed to happen in a place where she could stand a fighting chance against herself and him. Lightly she tapped her commbadge.

"Commander, can I see you in my ready room?"

"On my way Captain."

Not even five minutes later the door chime echoed around her and he entered the room. There was silence for a few moments, Janeway standing on the upper level staring out at the stars, Chakotay by her desk, waiting. For once in her life she didn't know where to start or even how to start this conversation. A conversation she had been hoping she wouldn't need to have following the slipstream attempt.

"This is about what happened between us?" came Chakotay's gentle voice, breaking the silence.

She nodded, turning towards him but still keeping her distance.

"I think it is pretty clear what I feel for you Kathryn, that what happened was premature but I don't regret it." He took a step closer, his eyes meeting hers as she moved closer to the rail. "Do you?"

She bit the inside of her lower lip and slowly shook her head. She couldn't regret it, no matter what would happen from now on she couldn't.

"Then what is the issue? The rules and regulations? The opinion of the crew? Starfleet?"

She shook her head slightly as she gathered her thoughts.

"I am the captain and as captain I am responsible for your life. I will send you on away missions that require your expertise, away missions that might get you killed."

He frowned slightly, "That is a risk every member of Starfleet takes when they sign up. Starfleet can't stop what will happen in people's lives until that time." He took another step forward and again she moved a bit further behind the rail, using it as a barrier between them. "Our situation is unique, they wouldn't expect you to put your entire life on hold until we got home."

"My first duty is to this crew Chakotay. I need to get them home because of my decision to strand us here. I need this disconnection because I know what will happen should I lose you."

Chakotay looked up to her face but Janeway refused to look at him, her hands gripping the rail tightly. Slowly he reached out and rested his hand over hers, but she immediately pulled it back.

"I'm sorry Chakotay but I can't be what you want me to be and the Captain. Voyager could cope without you but I know I wouldn't be able too."

Her feelings were there out in the open for him more or less and she wasn't going to hide them. Chakotay looked at her for a moment, before a sigh escaped him and he nodded. He understood the guilt she carried for stranding them here even if everyone else had come to peace with the decision but her.

"Alright. I just have one condition." She looked down at him, her grip relaxing little. "Your birthday is in a few weeks let me make you dinner?"

Janeway gave him a small smile, some of the tension disappearing, and nodded. "Dinner it is."

He wasn't going to push her, he wasn't going to destroy their friendship with this. If that is where they were going to stay he would deal with it and be by her side as if nothing had changed between them. It was the best he could hope for.