I own nothing.
It became apart of her daily routine. By eight am she was out the door. By eight fifteen she was huddled in the back corner of the coffee shop below her apartment. She would walk in, wave to the young boy behind the counter who had committed her order to memory, and sink into the comfy arm chair in the back with her journal in front of her and an eye on the door.
She used to spend hours in the coffee shop near Wickham Studios in England watching the different colourful people come in. There was the student who spent hours methodically running through his cue cards and every so often he would stop and stare long and hard. Her breath caught every time hoping the answer would come to him. And then the morning jogger who always grabbed a frappe to cool down. And her favourite was a lady in a power suit with her hair pulled back severely in a clip with a large-too-expensive brief case clasped in her hand. Jude loved her for her ability of knowing what she always wanted with no second guessing. It was straight to the counter and immediately stating to the exact temperature what she wanted. Now if Jude could have just picked up some of that mentality…
Instead she wrote songs about these people because it was easier to write about someone else's pain then your own. And after spending almost a year in England fulfilling one dream, she was on to the next.
Unfortunately she was a coward and had been taking the easy way out. Instead of confronting Tommy directly by going to his house, she was hoping to 'accidentally' run into him. And after overhearing a conversation between her sister and brother in law, she soon found out that Tom worked at Outsider Records one block down the street. She also knew that he liked his coffee black and always bought it from a local coffee shop to 'support the cause' no matter how bad the coffee was. Which lead to the purchase of the apartment above a shitty coffee shop and a day job of watching people and writing about them.
And so just like clockwork she would watch Tommy come in at eight forty four on the dot and order his black coffee, always dressed in his way-too-perfect-low-slung jeans and a polo t-shirt.
Still she couldn't keep her end of the bargain. Every time she saw him she would huddle closer to the chair, disappearing into the bookshelf shadows, and just admire from afar. And every time he stepped in, Theo, the boy behind the counter, would shout a 'hey Tommy, I just wrote a new song for my girl but she ain't listenin' mind taking a look?" or something to that effect and Tommy, oh so polite Tommy, would spend five minutes with the boy, and encourage him before telling him to keep trying and one day she'll listen.
But she has listened. Over and over again and it was completely painful. Jude soon discovered that poor young Theo had grown a crush on her and that he did not have any singing talent. In the beginning, she could feel the heat rise in her cheeks every time he talked because she had to admit he was cute and it had been awhile.
But then Tommy walked into the coffee shop the next day and she couldn't remember what Theo looked like anymore. So everyday Theo would bring her free coffee and she would flirt back because she couldn't not. And then he had asked her on a date and she had gone bug eyed and quivered out a 'I don't think so'. So they both had daily missions. Jude's involved Tommy and Theo's involved her.
But today Jude has the gut feeling it is the day. She can feel it in her toes and in her fingers, the ones unwilling to write a god damn song.
She can feel her heart hammering at against her chest in time with the old clock above her head. In her head she counts down; five, four, three, two, one.
And just like that he enters; with his hair still wet and face freshly shaven and she could smell him a mile away if she wanted.
She silently prays that she isn't having a heart attack but her arm hurts and she's hoping it has something to do with circulation being cut off. Finally she remembers to breath and she feels a little bit better.
She can hear Theo's animated voice from the front. Tommy leans over the counter and Jude watches as he mumbles out some lines before he cracks a smile.
"God, she'll love it I think. Not that I know her or anything. But that's a great line. I think today's the day for you." Tommy gives Theo a quick pat on the back before grabbing his coffee.
Jude loses her breath once again with inner fight.
Maybe today is just another day.
"Tom, wait!" Theo suddenly cries out, "Do you want to meet her, maybe you could convince her…"
Tom turns back as he heads to the door. "Tell me when and where and I'll help you out."
"Today, right now, good?"
As quickly as she hears, Jude is under the table, the metal of the table leg pressed to her cheek, cooling down the heat that has risen there.
"Is she here?" Tommy asks in confusion, his eyebrows crinkling down.
"Ya. She's at the back table, she seats there everyday. Follow me."
Jude looks the other way chanting silently the worlds she grew up muttering "If I can't see them, they can't see me, if I can't see them, they can't see me..."
She can hear their feet moving closer, the soft mush of Theo's runners and the hard clunk of Tommy's polished black Doc Martins.
"Jude, what are you doing under the table?" She can hear the amusement in Theo's voice as he turns back to Tommy who has stopped moving. "She's the funniest person I know!"
Jude silently counts to five before she shuffles backwards out from under the table. With her back towards them she plasters on a smile and turns around totally unprepared.
"Just looking for my pen!" Jude holds up her favourite Uniball pen. "Found it! Haha."
She is painfully aware that Tommy is watching her yet she doesn't let her eyes wander to him. Her risk of heart attack has increased ten fold. Her cheeks start to hurt from the forced smile.
Theo smile widens, giving out megawatts, his chipped tooth is clearly visible. Jude, afraid of fainting, collapses back into her arm chair, her heart rattling at an intimidating velocity.
"I want you to meet Tom Quincy boybander extraordinaire. He's been helping me win your heart!"
Unable to stop herself, Jude looks up through her eyes lashes and forces her hand out. "Nice to meet you." And just like that, Tommy turns on his heel and marches out the door.
And before she can stop herself, her feet are moving and chairs are falling and the bell of the door is chiming and before she knows it her hand is on his arm, firmly holding him back.
"Jude, Don't." His voice is firm but she is not afraid and she is pretty sure she is dying anyway so what is there to lose.
"No." And finally all she can do is wrap her arms around his neck and mutter something that sounds like I love you I love you I love you.
She feels his warmth, her favourite warmth in the whole wide world, and his breath on her temple and the smoothness of his chin on her cheek bone and she never wants to let go. And before she knows what is happening she feels bricks in her back and soft lips on hers and his heart in her hand thump thump thumping close to the rhythm of hers. And it is okay if she goes into cardiac arrest because she has earned it; she will allow her heart to stop for something she truly wanted, truly needed, truly loved.
"I've waited my whole life for you." He whispers against her lips and she smiles back into them.
And she can feel sharp pain behind her eyes and the fist around her throat from the overflowing amount of emotion that's pooling in her pores. And she knows it is love. She remembers it from that feeling under the covers for the first time and the times kissing in the rain and every other moment that she has savoured.
"Hey that was my line!" Theo stands there with his own broken heart and his song in his hand, as Tommy chuckles.
Grabbing Jude's hand, Tommy swings her under the curve of his arm before heading off in quiet whispers of past stories and future promises.