When You Least Expect It
Chapter 1 "The Talk"
Emma didn't think when she woke up this morning that she would be doing this. Standing in the sheriff's station bathroom, staring at a pregnancy test while her husband went to get them lunch. Her and Killian have been married for three years, since the eve of the defect of the Black Fairy. After two years of marriage they had decided to start trying for a baby, but so far they were not having any luck. They had tried everything, different positions, taking her temperature, and tracking her ovulation cycle, but nothing.
Emma was broken out of her thoughts by the alarm on her phone going off. Taking a deep breath and looking down at the test that was on the ledge of the sink, "Not Pregnant,"it read. She just stared down at it until tiny droplets of water fell onto her hands. Realizing that she had been crying, Emma quickly raised her hands to wipe her face of tears. "Damn it" she whispered to the empty room, not wanting Killian to come back and see her like this.
Suddenly she hears the stations front door close and Killian's voice call out, "Swan I'm back!" She quickly washed and dried her face. Walking out into the main room, she is greeted with her husband unpacking their lunch. "I come bearing grilled cheese and onion rings." he paused looking up and upon seeing her face his smile falters "Swan, what's wrong?"
Emma internally winced, forgetting some times that she was an open book to him. "Nothing's wrong Killian," trying to convince him that she was fine, but by the look on his face she wasn't doing a very good job of it. Not wanting to lie to him, but also not wanting to get into it here she just said 'I promise to tell you later at home ok?" He gave her a reluctant nod, and they both sat down to eat their lunch. For the rest of the afternoon Emma could feel the tension between them and hated herself for being the cause of it.
On the short quiet drive home, all Emma could think about is the conversation that she and Killian were going to have. She was glad that Henry was staying at Regina's this weekend so he overhear them. When they got home, they got out of the car and silently walked up the walkway and into the house. They turned to face each other as soon as the door was closed, staring at one another for a few seconds Emma blurted out "I took a pregnancy test at work today." Killian's eyes went wide, he opened his mouth to reply, but Emma just continued "It was when you went to go get lunch, but it was another negative one."
When she finished, it was silent between them again before Killian finally spoke. " Why didn't you tell me you were going to take it, love?" the hurt evident on his face. Emma hated that she put that look on his face, knowing that she didn't have a good reason for keeping it a secret.
She shrugged her shoulders and replied, "Because I was hoping this this would be different and that I could surprise you," as she spoke tears started to well up in her eyes. "I just wanted this time to be different Killian," and with that every false test, every disappointment crashed onto Emma and she broke, her body wracked with sobs.
Killian immediately rushed forward and took her into his arms, whispering soothing words into her hair as she cried. He moved them to the couch, sitting them down Killian gently rocked her until her sobs subsided. Pulling back he gently wiped her tears away with his thumb. "My love, you shouldn't have had to do that by yourself, when we started this I promised you I would be there with you every step of the way."
Emma who was calm now responded " I know, I know and I'm sorry I was just hoping to spare you the pain of another disappointment." She stood up from the couch and walked over to the fireplace. Staring at the pictures along the mantle, their wedding photos, pictures of her, Killian, and Henry, but the last one is the one that really caught her eye. It was from last years New Years Eve party at Granny's. She was sitting in Killian's lap, one arm lopped around his neck her head tipped back in obvious laughter at something Killian had said.
Emma remembers that night fondly, because it was the next day that they decided to start trying for a baby. She heard Killian come up behind her, placing his hand and hook on her arms. Turing to face him, Emma says "Maybe we need to take a step back Killian."
He dropped his arms to his side and stepped back, "What do you mean, love?" he asked confused.
Emma moved back to the couch sitting down before saying, "From having a baby," she said eyes avoiding his gaze.
"You want to stop trying to have a child?" Killian asked as he moved to sit next to her. "Emma I don't understand," he trailed off trying to find the right words, not knowing where his wife's sudden change of heart was coming from.
Emma looked up at him and saw the conflicting emotions dance across his face. Placing her hand on his cheek she was quick to ease his worry, "No! I still want to have a baby with you Killian, I just mean maybe not be so obsessive about it,"
"How do you mean love? Killain asked, sensing Emma needed to get this out.
"I mean when was the last time we had sex?" Emma asked bluntly. Killian's eyebrows rose high into his hairline in surprise, "and I mean sex that wasn't planned down to the exact minute because I was ovulating." She said as she stood up and began to pace back and forth in front of him, "Or when was the last time we had a conversation that didn't involve tips and techniques about how to get pregnant." She stopped to face him tears once again filling her eyes. "I feel like we have stopped being us."
Killian stood from the couch and walked over to her, placing his hand and hook on her arms. "How long have you felt like this love?"
Emma let out a sigh, trying to pinpoint exactly when these feelings started. She shrugged "I don't know I guess it's been building up inside of me for a while now and every time we got bad news it would just keep growing," She paused looking up at him before continuing "I also saw how it's been affecting you Kilian, trying so hard to be strong for me at the expense of your own feelings and after today well it's just been to much."
Killian had been quiet while listening to his wife. He knew that Emma had started to feel despondent over the fact that they hadn't had any luck with getting pregnant, but he hadn't realized how deep it went. "Oh Emma, I am so sorry," he says to her.
Emma looks up at him in confusion, "What do you have to be sorry for Killian?"
He sighed, stepping away from her and running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Because Swan I'm your husband, and I am suppose to know when you need me, and the thought of you dealing with all of that by yourself," he stopped looking at her with a look of sadness "I feel like I have failed you love."
Emma rushed forward, cupping his face in her hands. "No! Killian you have not failed me, if any one has failed some one it's me. I kept my feelings bottled up to spare you and that wasn't fair to you or me. So if anyone is sorry it's me." She leaned forward to press her forehead to his, "I am so sorry Killian."
They stood that way for what seemed like an eternity. Finally pulling back from one another, Killian was the first one to speak " Emma please darling don't ever think you have to spare my feelings when you are suffering, we are partners love, we're in this together." He raised her hand and placed a kiss to her knuckles.
"I know, I guess sometimes I still revert back to how I used to handle things, by myself." Emma was quiet then she said "Your not upset are you Killian?"
Killian looked at her perplexed, "Whatever for Swan?"
"About wanting to take a step back from trying to have a baby for a little while?" Emma asked nervously. " I didn't even think if you would be ok with that."
"Emma I could never be angry with you over something that was upsetting you, if you want to slow down and take a break from everything I am fine with that." Killain told her reassuringly.
Emma was still unsure, "Killian I need to know that you really are ok with this, I don't think I could take it if you somehow resented me for it." She confessed wringing her hands in front of her in distress.
Killian gently took her hands in his own to still them. "Swan, never in a million years would I ever resent you for anything, and like you said we're not going to stop trying to have a baby, just taking a step back for a bit." He tells her calmly.
Emma nodded her head, leaning forward she wrapped her arms around his middle and placed her head on his chest. Killian wrap his own arms around her holding her gently, rocking her back and forth. She lifted her head off his chest, leaning back she looked up at him, "I love you so much."
Killian gave her a brilliant smile and replied, "I love you too Swan," leaning forward to place a gentle and loving kiss to her lips. Pulling back he says "Come now love let's go to bed, it's been a long day." She nods her head in agreement and they head upstairs to get ready for bed. As they lay in bed holding each other close, they knew that whatever happens in the future they will get through it together.
Across town a figure lay sleeping, they suddenly bolted upright in bed, unsure of what caused them to wake up. Throwing the covers back, they crossed over to the open window. Staring up at the stars intently for a few minutes, not quite believing what they were seeing. A smile formed on their face, it was time.