A/N: I hope you guys don't totally hate me after what happened in Broken Bonds. Set the day after Broken Bonds. The stories in this 'verse are posted as complete unless they are specifically marked otherwise, so if you want to get Alerts for updates, use the Author Alert feature. Please review!
Mending Ties
Sebastian hadn't slept, or at least he didn't think he had. It was hard to be certain. The entire night had been sort of fuzzy; just a blur of misery and half-hearted attempts to convince himself to sleep, that if he could just close his eyes and drift off then everything would be better when he woke up. But the night had also been long – so long that he didn't think he'd managed any rest at all – and filled with whirring thoughts of 'what if' and 'maybe if I had just'.
The afternoon before had been awful. Once Dave had left after…after, Sebastian had only barely made his way into his car before he realized his body was working itself into a full blown panic attack. He'd recognized it for what it was, had even known how to deal with it because of Dave, but working through your own anxiety was a far cry from helping someone else through theirs. It felt different, foreign, and each time he'd tried to focus on what to do he'd remembered helping Dave through the same feelings and lost himself again.
When he had finally managed to calm down his head hurt, his chest was tight, his lungs were burning and he was covered in sweat. He didn't remember ever feeling so wrecked, and all he could think about was that this was why he'd never let anyone else in; this was what relationships did to people.
But that wasn't true – or rather, it was, but that was only one aspect. Relationships were so much more, of course they were; otherwise they wouldn't have the power to be so destructive. His relationship with Dave had been painful sometimes, mostly when he saw Dave suffering, but everything else made the hurt worthwhile. Everything else made him determined to repair the damage and convince Dave to try again.
He'd wanted to drive straight to Dave's house, couldn't imagine letting the horrible feeling fester for a moment longer than it had to, but some part of him had understood that wasn't a good idea. Not only was Dave unlikely to listen straight away, but Sebastian didn't think he'd be able to speak. Not really, not in a way that would be any more coherent than he'd tried earlier. He had still been too far in shock, still too confused. He'd needed some time to get his head around what had happened, to piece together their issues so he could tackle them, so he could articulate and argue and just make Dave understand.
So he went against his first instinct and instead went home. The problem was that he couldn't stop worrying. Even with his own heart torn up he was scared for Dave, scared of how broken he was. Sebastian couldn't take care of him, obviously, but he could make sure someone did. He sent a text to Paul, nothing detailed, only letting him know they'd had a bad day and checking in to make sure Dave was alright. He didn't get much back – just that Dave wasn't too good, though he wasn't doing anything harmful and Paul was keeping an eye on him – but it was enough to dull the sharp edge of fear in Sebastian mind.
He'd spent all afternoon and all night thinking, working through everything Dave had shouted in the heat of the moment, playing back Dave's actions and reactions toward him since his mother's visit. That was the turning point, it had to be. That was when Dave had started behaving differently, and so Sebastian had assumed her visit had damaged Dave's self-confidence. And maybe it had. But Dave said he loved him, that he loved Sebastian and that he couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't think they were serious.
Sebastian sighed, rubbing at his itchy, irritated eyes. He didn't know how Dave could have come to believe that.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. After spending all night thinking about it as objectively as he could, Sebastian could understand, in a way. His actions the day before could have looked as though he didn't care, to someone who didn't really understand him or his motivations. But Dave knew him better than that, or at least Sebastian had thought so. The only conclusion he could come to was that Dave's issues had been worse than he'd thought; that he'd underestimated how Dave's recent emotional upheaval had effected their relationship. And that maybe Dave's insecurity had put him on edge in a way he hadn't been, at least not with Sebastian, in a long time.
He'd thought Dave knew how strongly Sebastian felt for him; he was always there for him, would do anything for him. But then, what had Dave said? That he didn't want to be the friend that Sebastian called his boyfriend. As though Sebastian wasn't really invested in them, as though he only cared for Dave as a friend. Which wasn't…that was ridiculous. On so many levels, not the least of which being that Sebastian wouldn't do a tenth of the things for any friend that he'd do for Dave.
Except that when he tried to put himself in Dave's shoes, it made a little more sense. Dave was the kind of person to do anything for a friend. All the things Sebastian had done for him were things Dave would do for anyone he cared about. Not including sex, of course – Dave wasn't that kind of person – but he knew that Sebastian had a long and varied sexual history, so maybe he just thought that was part of the package.
And no, Sebastian wasn't going to take all of the blame for what happened. He'd done a lot to show Dave he cared and Sebastian was sure, he was absolutely sure, that if this had happened a few weeks ago then Dave would have laughed with him. He didn't want to blame Dave, either. It wasn't his fault that he was hurting and emotional, although Sebastian wished Dave would have just told him what was wrong, would have spoken to Sebastian about everything, especially considering how often Sebastian had asked.
But it wasn't Dave's fault, not really. And although Sebastian could see where he'd gone wrong – now that he knew what Dave had been upset about – he still knew it wasn't really his fault either. Not completely, not when the months they'd spent together had shown him Dave was okay with Sebastian exactly as he was.
Still, he could have tried harder to act differently, more appropriately, if he'd realized. He should have been more sensitive to Dave's feelings, to his fears. But Sebastian just didn't know how. Even now, even knowing he should have done more, should have understood more, he was struggling to figure out where and when and how he could have done that.
But he should have found a way. He would find a way in the future, assuming Dave would let him.
Of course, that meant talking to Dave. He hadn't seen or heard from him since they'd parted ways the night before. Since Dave ran away, supplied a tiny part of him; the part that was still angry instead of hurt. That was something that needed to stop. Dave couldn't keep running from his problems.
Sebastian wanted to be one hundred percent sure he knew how to speak to Dave, but the more reasonable part of him understood that it didn't matter how much he went over the words, he wouldn't know whether he could get them out until he was face to face with Dave.
He'd thought it out, he'd puzzled out the problem and had figured out where he hoped they could go from there. That was all he could do, he knew – next he had to actually confront Dave about it and hope like hell that he would listen and that Sebastian wouldn't fall apart again.
His palms were sweaty. That was disgusting, and something he really wasn't used to. It had happened occasionally, of course, but Sebastian wasn't someone who got nervous often. He searched his glove compartment for something to wipe his hands on then he sighed and slammed it shut. He needed to stop procrastinating.
Sebastian was parked on the street outside Dave's house; he just needed to muster up the courage to get out of the damn car. He'd been sitting there for a good ten minutes and he should really just walk up to the front door and knock.
Don't be such a goddamn coward, Smythe.
He rushed out of the car before he could change his mind yet again and made his way to the porch. Pulling himself together he plastered on his confident mask – then he shook it off when he realized what he was doing. He wasn't going up against an enemy, he was trying to talk to someone he cared about. He took a deep breath and knocked. He'd been such a regular visitor that he hadn't needed to knock on Dave's door in several months and it felt oddly formal.
After a minute or so that Sebastian spent wondering if it would be a mistake to leave and try again when he wasn't so terrified, the door swung open.
Paul looked tired and worried, but when he saw Sebastian his expression quickly turned to relief followed by hesitation. He glanced back into the house, up the stairs towards Dave's room, then stepped outside and closed the door behind him.
"Is he okay?" Sebastian asked. He knew he should be more polite, say hello or something, but Dave was his top priority and he knew Paul would understand.
"Not really. Look, Sebastian, I don't know what's happened. David hasn't said much. All I know is that you two are apparently not together anymore, he's devastated, and you look almost as bad as he does."
"I—"
"You don't need to explain anything to me right now. You should be talking to him instead. That's why you're here, isn't it?"
"Yes," Sebastian admitted.
Paul looked torn. "I know you still care about him. Even if it wasn't written all over your face it was clear by your messages that you were worried. But he's very upset." He hesitated. "I want to let you in, but I don't know if he wants to see you."
Sebastian swallowed thickly. He understood that Paul was in an awkward situation, that he'd want to do the right thing for Dave although he might not know whether that was to let Sebastian see him or to wait until Dave was less upset. The problem was that Dave had a habit of bringing himself down, Sebastian knew. Waiting would make that worse, even if Paul was only trying to protect his son.
"I know you're worried about upsetting him more…but if I know Dave he'll make it worse for himself the longer this goes on."
He was right, and he could tell Paul thought so, too. But he still looked uncertain and Sebastian couldn't blame him for that. The last thing either of them wanted was to push Dave to a breaking point.
"I just don't want to make anything harder on him," Paul confessed and Sebastian nodded in agreement.
"Neither do I. I wanted to come yesterday as soon as it happened, but he was too worked up. I think we both were. Can I…can I just try? If he really wants me to leave, I will. I swear. Please."
Paul gazed at him. After what felt like an age to Sebastian, Paul sighed. "I don't know the right thing to do here. But, I do know that you've been good for Dave. Since…" he paused, "since his attempt you are the only other person who has stood by him and supported him. I know you care about him, Sebastian. I trust you, but please…just promise me you won't upset him."
He wanted to be able to make that promise but Sebastian couldn't lie, not about this. "You know I can't promise that. He's…he's going to be upset. But I can promise to try to fix it and if it's getting too much for him I swear to you I'll come and find you and I'll leave. I swear, Paul. I just need to try."
It must have been enough because Paul nodded, looking saddened by Sebastian's blunt honesty but a little hopeful nonetheless. He opened the door and gestured Sebastian inside. "I hope you two are okay. If you need me I'll be waiting downstairs."
"Thank you."
"I already told you I'm not hungry, Dad." Dave was sprawled across his bed on his stomach in sweats and an old t-shirt, face buried in his pillow. Even with his face hidden he was obviously miserable.
Sebastian got the urge to join him, to hug him and hope everything else would go away, but he knew that wouldn't achieve anything. He closed the door behind him, heart wrenching when he heard Dave's muffled sob.
"I guess Paul's trying to help with food, huh?"
Dave went rigid and buried his head deeper, as if he could somehow escape. After a moment he pulled back just enough to speak. "What are you doing here, Sebastian?"
"Look, if you really don't want to see me…if you really want me to go, I will. But I don't want to. And I think we should talk," he replied, pulling Dave's desk chair over to his bed and sitting down.
"I don't think there's anything left to say," Dave countered.
"Bullshit!" Sebastian hadn't meant to snap; getting angry wouldn't help. Dave's head had shot up and Sebastian could see his bloodshot, unhappy eyes. It hurt. He took a few long breaths then started again. "You may have said everything you wanted to say, Growly," his voice cracked a little on the pet name and he cleared his throat, "although I really doubt that. But I didn't get to say any of the things I needed to say."
"Y-you didn't really say anything."
"You didn't give me the chance. You just—you blindsided me. I had no idea that you felt that way and you didn't even let me absorb it or pull myself together before you fucking walked away."
Dave sat up and glared at him. Sebastian probably should try to calm them both down, but if Dave was annoyed he wasn't broken and that was the most important thing.
"What the hell else could I do?"
"Here's a brilliant idea, David. You could have tried talking to me before everything got too much for you. You could have told me how you were feeling, instead of just flipping out at me and breaking up with me over a stupid misunderstanding—"
"A misunderstanding? Are you kidding me?"
"It's not as if I was trying to get you to date her, I just—"
"You just didn't care—"
"Don't you…" Sebastian clenched his fists. His anger was getting away with him, "…don't you put words in my mouth. Don't you dare. How could you ever, ever say that I don't care about you?"
Dave looked surprised for a moment by Sebastian's words, but he pulled himself back together quickly. "That's not what I meant. I know…I know you care about me, in your own way—" Sebastian wanted to argue that point, wanted to tell Dave not to make assumptions about the way he cared when he obviously didn't have a clue, but Dave put his hand up to stop him. "—but you didn't care that she was flirting with me, that she wanted a date with me. It didn't bother you at all. That says everything, Sebastian. You care, but you aren't serious about us and I'm not okay with that."
"Sometimes, Growly, you are so fucking blind. You are the first person I have ever wanted to be with beyond a little fun, have you forgotten that? You are the most important person in my life. Jesus, if I wasn't serious about us, there wouldn't be an 'us' and I'd still be picking up at Scandals."
"No one is forcing you to be here."
"I…how…for Christ's sake. Have you lost your hearing as well as your metaphorical eyesight? I'm here because I want to be here, because I want to be with you. Because I want to fix what's been broken between us. Why don't you understand that?" Sebastian was shouting. He shouldn't be, but Dave was just pushing his buttons, and shit, maybe he should have waited a little longer to have this conversation after all.
"Because when a pretty girl flirted with me, you didn't care. You thought it was funny – not just that, but you actually encouraged it. What the fuck, Sebastian?"
Sebastian's stomach plummeted. He paused, processing Dave's words, and his eyes narrowed. "You thought she was pretty?"
"I—what?" Dave looked confused, but Sebastian needed to know.
"It wasn't a difficult question, David. Did you think she was pretty?"
"I…I guess? I don't know. It doesn't mat—"
"Don't you tell me it doesn't matter," Sebastian interjected. "You were so self-conscious yesterday. You want to know why I encouraged her? Because you needed the confidence boost, that's why! And you want to know why I thought it was funny? Because you are gay, meaning you like guys, and she was a girl. But if you thought she was so goddamn pretty maybe I shouldn't have been laughing. Maybe I've only been working with half the information, here."
The lost look on Dave's face might have been funny, in any other situation. But Sebastian didn't find it funny in the slightest.
"What does that even mean, 'half the information'? What are you talking about?"
"Are you into girls?" As he spoke, Sebastian folded his arms across his chest. He knew it was a defensive gesture, but he didn't have the willpower to fake confidence, not against Dave, and not when his heart was in his throat.
"What?"
"I know you're into guys, obviously. But are you into girls too? Are you bisexual?"
"I can't—Sebastian what the hell?" Dave was flustered, but that didn't tell Sebastian anything.
"Damn it, David. Answer me. If you weren't with me, would you have taken her number?"
"Are you…? No! No, of course not. And no, I'm not bi."
Sebastian uncrossed his arms and let his shoulders relax. The idea that Dave might have actually been interested in that girl had raised his hackles and put him on edge. "Well. Fine. Good, then." He cleared his throat, suddenly realizing how that sounded. "Not that…I wouldn't care if you were bi. But it's only fair to know who my unworthy competition might be." He cleared his throat again, feeling suddenly vulnerable. "Not that anyone could compete with me."
Dave watched him silently, brows furrowed. Sebastian tried not to squirm under the scrutiny; eventually, Dave's face cleared and his mouth twitched slightly. The air suddenly felt lighter, like the mood had changed and Sebastian was relieved to see that Dave wasn't angry anymore, just thoughtful. "Competition? Seb, were you just jealous?" Sebastian didn't answer, but apparently he didn't need to because Dave half smiled and shook his head in disbelief. "So…you only weren't jealous yesterday because you knew I would never be interested in her?"
"Obviously."
"And if she were a guy instead…?"
"She…he…would have been torn to verbal shreds and left to drown in his own embarrassment and mortification." Sebastian didn't know if it was just wishful thinking, but Dave's eyes seemed to brighten just a little. "In fact," he continued, honestly, "I wanted to do that anyway, when she touched you, but I was a little preoccupied with how mad you were with me."
"I…I thought…"
"Yeah," Sebastian said softly, "I know what you thought. Now – I know now. Then, I had no clue. I'm not good with these things, Growly. You need to tell me when I'm fucking up, or when you're upset and something that's normally okay isn't going to be. I don't…you know what I'm like. I fuck up. I don't want to fuck up so badly that I lose you."
"I don't—I don't want that either. I just…damn," Dave's shoulders slumped and he dropped his head into his hands. Sebastian wanted to move, to sit by Dave on the bed, to touch him and hold him instead of keeping several feet away. But they still hadn't figured themselves out, not really, and he wasn't sure he'd be welcome. "You don't fuck up as often as you think," Dave offered through his fingers before falling back into silence.
"Talk to me, Dave. Please. I've been so worried about you since your graduation and you were acting so strangely but you wouldn't open up to me. I thought your confidence was shattered. Or that you were mad at me and I didn't know what to do or how to help."
Dave's head jolted out of his hands, his eyes were wide. "I told you that wasn't it. I mean, you asked if I was mad at you and I said no!"
Sebastian sighed. "You said no. But you still kept pulling away from me. I…look, I wanted to believe you, which is why I was trying so hard to make you feel confident again. You said you weren't mad at me and that was the only other thing that made sense, but I'm not going to pretend I wasn't scared you were getting over me. I know I can be an asshole, okay? And it felt like you were jumping between being close to me and being really distant. I didn't know what to think."
"I'm sorry," Dave breathed, "I was—was scared. And confused. When I realized how I…" he paused and sighed, "…how I felt, I was worried that you didn't feel the same and I didn't want to push you. I didn't want you to know, in case…in case it freaked you out."
"In case I left you," Sebastian determined. "Did you really think I wouldn't want it? That I wouldn't want you to love me? Jesus, Growly—"
"No. Yes. I mean—I don't know. I didn't think that, not really. I was just scared, I guess. I was being stupid."
Fuck this cautious bullshit.
Sebastian abandoned his chair and approached Dave, who must have been thinking along the same lines because he opened his arms immediately. Sebastian crawled onto Dave's lap, hugging Dave the same way he had many times before.
"You weren't being stupid. Well, a little bit by not talking to me. But not about feeling worried. I know what my past looks like, Bear Cub."
"But you're not like that," Dave mumbled into Sebastian's shoulder, "not with me. Except…"
"Except yesterday, when we didn't talk like we should have and I did something dumb to make you think you were right. I'm sorry too, you know."
"I know." They were quiet for a while. Just when Sebastian thought he should speak, Dave broke the silence. "Are we okay? I mean…I know I broke up with you. But I shouldn't have. It was—can we just make up and get back together and promise to try harder? I'll talk to you from now on, I swear I will. Even when I'm scared."
Sebastian pulled back so he could meet Dave's eyes. "We can promise to try harder, definitely. And I will. I promise. But to be honest, I'd rather just forget the whole…the whole break up part of it in general. Can we do that?"
Dave laughed and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, let's do that."
"And you need to stop running away. At least from me."
"I know. I'll try."
They were kissing, Sebastian still on Dave's lap. Most of the sadness and tension had seeped out of the room but Sebastian knew everything wouldn't be perfect, not straight away. There were still things they needed to talk about, but maybe those things could wait for a little while longer.
There was a soft knock at the bedroom door. Sebastian shifted, trying to move off Dave, but his boyfriend's arms were tight around him.
"Yeah, Dad?" Dave called out.
The door opened slowly to show Paul, looking tentative. His eyes darted over Sebastian and Dave then his face smoothed in relief. "Oh thank God. I wasn't sure if you two had made up or murdered each other after you stopped yelling."
Sebastian threw a smirk at Dave, who grinned and shook his head. "No one was murdered."
"That's good news," Paul chuckled. "Well, if you two boys are alright by yourselves, I might head out for a while. I'll be back in a few hours."
"Okay, Dad."
Paul said a quick goodbye to them both then closed the door. Sebastian waited until he heard the footsteps disappear down the stairs before he started to snicker.
"What's so funny?" Dave looked puzzled, which made Sebastian snort loudly.
"Do you know where he went?"
"I—no?"
"Dave…your dad just left so that we could have the house to ourselves. He left us alone to have rambunctious make up sex."
"He did not." He looked scandalized, which Sebastian found hilarious.
"He did, Growly. Either that," Sebastian quirked his lip and winked at Dave, "or he's off to have rambunctious sex of his own."
"Oh my God, Sebastian don't." Dave was laughing, though, and that was exactly what Sebastian had been hoping to see.
Sebastian still had something he needed to say; something important. It wouldn't be easy for him, so he wanted to start in a lighter mood. Dave had admitted that he should have talked to Sebastian, had promised to try in the future; it was Sebastian's turn to open up. But it was a hard topic to broach smoothly, so he figured he just needed to start talking and hope Dave understood.
"Listen, there's something we still need to talk about..." Sebastian trailed off, trying to decide how to begin. Dave frowned, looking worried, and Sebastian shook his head. "No, no it's nothing bad. I mean—I don't think so. I know that probably sounded ominous, but it's not, it's just…serious, I guess."
"Er, okay?" Dave was still frowning, but less worriedly.
"Look, I know we already talked about what we both did wrong, mostly. And I know we're going to try harder but things will still come up, so we just need to try and work through them as they come, don't we?" Dave nodded. "The thing is…there's still…I don't—I mean, you don't—I don't want you to think—dammit."
He ran his hands through his hair, tugging a little in frustration. Dave waited patiently, something Sebastian was grateful for. He took a deep breath, and decided to try a different approach. "You know my parents are kind of assholes, right?"
Dave blinked, apparently started by the shift in topic. "I—yeah," he sounded a little sheepish, as though Sebastian might somehow be offended on their behalf, which was borderline ridiculous as far as Sebastian was concerned.
"They throw things around to make people like them. Money, presents, their stupid social connections. And words, too. They complement and they brown nose and they do whatever it takes. It's like…nothing matters, you know? Even with each other, and with me. They're fake, Growly. My father tells my mother that she's the only woman for him, but everyone knows he's fucking anything in a skirt around his office. Mother knows but she just uses that and whatever else she can think of to get whatever she wants. They both buy me gifts and tell me how proud they are of me but do you know how many of my performances they've made time to see? None."
He was pulled a little closer. The expression on Dave's face was clearly sympathetic, but confused as well. "I'm sorry they are like that, Seb. But you know I wouldn't do that to you, right?"
Sebastian hadn't expected Dave to think he meant that, had never thought that for a second. "No, I know. Of course not. That's not…" he was frustrated with himself. Words weren't usually a struggle for him, but when he was with Dave it was harder. Probably because he cared more. "I want you to understand. I…just because I don't say something doesn't mean I don't feel it. I do. I really do. But if there's anything that I've learned from my screwed up parents it's that words don't mean anything without actions."
Dave was trying to be understanding, that much was obvious, but he obviously didn't really grasp what Sebastian was saying. Sebastian didn't blame him; he knew he wasn't being clear. He drew back and Dave let him go, although he was frowning as Sebastian stood up.
"Where are you going? I thought you wanted to talk?"
"I do," Sebastian confirmed, "but I'm not doing a very good job. I have something for you, but I'm an idiot and I left it in the car. I'm just going to grab it. I think maybe it will help."
When Dave didn't stop him, Sebastian rushed out to his car. He was as fast as possible, remembering the last time he'd told Dave he wouldn't be long. He was back in less than a minute, handing the bag to Dave with shaky hands.
He hadn't felt so nervous over a gift since he visited Dave in hospital. A similar thought must have occurred to Dave, because he gestured at the jeweler's logo on the bag. "I'm guessing it's not another inappropriate figurine, then?"
"They were all out," Sebastian replied, jokingly.
"Seb," Dave bit his lip and frowned, "you know you don't always have to apologize with a gift, right? I don't want you thinking you need to buy me things just because—"
"No!" Sebastian interjected. It was far sharper than he'd intended and Dave looked startled at the interruption. "Sorry…that was…I don't want you to think that. It's not like that. I'm not trying to buy your forgiveness or anything – that's exactly the kind of thing my parents do and it's stupid. I actually bought that yesterday; before. It was—that's what I was doing while you waited in the food court."
Dave's shoulders dropped and his brow furrowed guiltily. "You were getting something for me?"
And Jesus, Sebastian needed to do something about that; if they both kept just dwelling on their respective guilt they wouldn't get anywhere. "Quit being mopey, Dave. We were both wrong, and we both apologized. I could have told you what I was doing, but I decided not to."
"Yeah, because you were apparently trying to surprise me. I'm the one who acted like a—"
"Oh for the love of—stop it. Or else you don't get your present and that would be a complete waste since I can't return it."
"Why can't you re—" Sebastian crossed his arms stubbornly and Dave's mouth snapped shut. "Okay, not the point. I'm sorry. Geez, I must sound really ungrateful. I'm not, I just—"
"Dave."
"—thank you. You didn't have to, but thank you," Dave finished quickly, before Sebastian lost his patience completely. He shot Sebastian a lopsided smile and Sebastian rolled his eyes fondly as he sat down beside Dave on the bed.
"I wanted to. It's…well, you'll understand when you open it."
He dropped his hand to his boyfriend's thigh as Dave pulled a leather covered box from the jeweler's bag. Sebastian was still nervous; not about the gift as much as the sentiment behind it. He watched Dave's face carefully as he opened the box, hoping he hadn't miscalculated again. The last thing he wanted was for his gift to make Dave dwell too heavily on his mother.
Dave's eyes widened as he pulled the watch out of the box with a shaky hand. Sebastian couldn't tell if his reaction was good or bad yet, but Dave didn't seem particularly upset, so that was a good start.
"I thought that maybe you could use a new one," Sebastian ventured softly. Dave's face was filled with something, something deep that made Sebastian's heart ache. Dave opened his mouth as if to speak then didn't, just closed it slowly and lowered his gaze back to the watch in his hand.
The style Sebastian had chosen was similar to Dave's old one, but different enough to not act as a constant reminder. It was expensive, stylish and very masculine, made of polished stainless steel with a large face, black dial and stainless steel hands. If he'd been buying for himself, Sebastian would have chosen the sleeker model with diamond chip hour markers and an otherwise bare face, but he had tried to pick for Dave's tastes; the markers were simple steel lines and the face contained a gunmetal-gray three-eye chronograph.
"Wow, Seb," Dave breathed, running his thumb along the edge of the watch face, "this is amazing." He sighed. "But I can't keep it, I mean, it must have cost a fortune and—"
"I already told you, Growly," Sebastian replied, cutting him off, "I can't take it back. So just accept it, otherwise it's going to sit in a drawer and never be worn."
He and Dave locked eyes, and for a moment Sebastian thought Dave was going to hand him back the watch anyway. Instead Dave smiled and shook his head affectionately. "Thank you, Seb, it's awesome. But just don't get into the habit of spending a lot of money on me, okay?"
Sebastian nodded, still a little anxious. Dave hadn't seen the engraving yet; there was still more to be said.
"You know how I said I wasn't explaining myself well? And what I said about my parents?" Dave nodded and Sebastian's heart leapt into his throat. Now or never, he thought as he fortified himself with a deep breath. "It's engraved. On the back."
There was a split second – when Dave turned the watch over to read it – that Sebastian was convinced he might actually throw up all over his shoes from nervousness. The words he'd had inscribed were real and honest, and absolutely terrifying. He had the intense urge to leave before Dave got the chance to react, because even though he knew theoretically that Dave loved him there were tiny pinpricks of fear stinging at his neck.
Before he could do something stupid like snatch the watch away or run out of the room, Dave's breath hitched and his eyes shot up to meet Sebastian's. "Seb…?" His voice was weak, but hopeful. "Is this…? I mean…"
Sebastian swallowed. His tongue felt thick and his heart was racing but he forced himself to answer. "I told you. Just because I don't say something doesn't mean—"
"Doesn't mean that you don't feel it," Dave concluded.
"Yeah."
Dave ran his fingers along the engraving; tracing the words that Sebastian knew were there, words that he had carefully chosen.
You are strong.
You are loved.
- S
"I'm sorry I was so—I didn't know—"
"Jesus fuck, Dave. Stop apologizing already and just tell me that you love it and you love me so I don't die from heart palpitations."
"I do," Dave admitted as he pulled Sebastian into a hug and pressed a kiss to his ear. "I love it. I love you. I just…I didn't know that you loved me too."
It was enough to let Sebastian's heart slow from its rapid beat and suddenly he could breathe again. He hadn't even realized he'd stopped.
"Of course I do, you big idiot."
Dave choked out a laugh against Sebastian's skin. "I am an idiot," he agreed.
Sebastian drew back a little and lifted Dave's face until their eyes met. Dave's eyes looked misty, and Sebastian suspected his own looked the same.
"Only sometimes," he corrected. "And it doesn't matter, because I…" he inhaled deeply, steadying himself, "because I love you anyway."
He felt himself dragged forward into a kiss, gentle lips a contrast against the sudden movement. It was soft and sweet and didn't last nearly long enough before Dave pulled away, placing the watch carefully on his bedside table. "That's the best thing I've ever heard, I think," Dave murmured.
"I…" Sebastian hesitated. "I don't…I know can show you a million times over, but I'm not good at saying it, Bear Cub. I trained myself out of it because I didn't want to be like them, okay? So you have to tell me sometimes if you need to hear it, because I can't promise I'll remember to use the words often."
Sebastian leaned in for another kiss and Dave's lips curled into a smile on his. "I think I can do that."
It wasn't long before they were pressed into each other, Dave on his back while Sebastian lay draped over his chest. Their kisses had been relaxed and lazy, undemanding, but Sebastian couldn't help himself; he wanted more. He always did with Dave.
"You know," he smirked, biting along Dave's jaw until he reached his boyfriend's neck, "make up sex is traditional." Sebastian slid down his body a little so his mouth met with Dave's collarbone, worrying at the skin and pulling color and heat to the surface. "It's almost required."
Dave chuckled as his hands drifted down Sebastian's back. Fingers slipped under his waistband; the touch was warm and welcome against Sebastian's skin. "I thought we were forgetting about the break up?" Dave joked. Sebastian glared at him and Dave cleared his throat. "Tradition, you said?" he amended quickly, playing along. He blinked up at Sebastian, face innocent, even as Sebastian felt hips rocking into his belly and a strong, muscled thigh giving delicious friction to his groin.
"Yeah," Sebastian groaned, digging his fingers into Dave's shoulders. "It is. We should definitely do that."
Abruptly, Sebastian found himself tugged upwards several inches, so that his lips were hovering over Dave's. "Traditions are important," Dave agreed in a ragged tone then arched up and caught him in a deep kiss.
"Fuck," Sebastian sighed, sated. "We should have make up sex more often." He twisted on the bed to face Dave, wriggling his toes between Dave's calves until he could slip his leg between them.
"No deal," Dave sounded a bit sleepy as he pulled Sebastian closer. "We'd have to break up to do that."
"We could pretend."
Dave grinned and pressed a kiss to Sebastian's forehead. "I don't think it works that way, Seb."
It was early afternoon though Sebastian suspected that he and Dave could both fall asleep easily. He'd barely slept the night before and he was sure Dave had had the same problem. He pulled the sheets up in case Paul checked on them when he got back then settled against Dave comfortably. "We should sleep for a bit."
"Sounds good," Dave hummed. "Seb? I…tell me?"
It took him a moment to make the connection, but when he did, he smiled. "I love you, Growly."
"I love you, too."
A/N: I'm working on a missing scene for this one, but I didn't think the porny parts really belonged with this fic. So...no need to start shouting "cockblock". I'll be posting it as a separate installment once it's complete.