The characters of BtVS and Angel do not belong to me. Sigh. I'll get over it…in time…
Once in a Lifetime: Prologue
Okay, I'll admit it. If you told me five years ago, that I would wind up sharing conversation and TV movies with Spike, I would have staked you. But I've learned some lessons throughout my almost twenty-five years. I understand that life is unfair. More so than I ever expected. I understand that you can want something with all your heart and soul, and never obtain it. I understand that you can find perfect happiness and not be strong or smart enough to keep it.
I understand this and so much more because I had everything. I just didn't know how to keep it. I guess that's why I find my time with Spike so dear to me. It's like a second chance. I know Spike loves me. He knows that I love him too, just not in the same way. He accepts what I have to offer graciously. I guess that's why it's more comforting to me than Riley's love was. But I'm not naïve enough to think that I'll ever be IN love with someone again. That sort of thing just happens once in a lifetime.
Before Giles died, I would have been okay with that. I could have left my friends and family and lived in solitude. It would have only been hard for a short time. I'm a Slayer. A Slayer's life expectancy is less than eighteen years. Or at least it's supposed to be. My lifetime without my Angel would have been short enough to endure. Giles letter changed that all. The letter Giles left me changed my entire viewpoint of a lifetime. Now I know how long that truly is.