I Did With You
Sirius sat on the window sill, sipping bourbon as he looked out at the backyard of Grimmauld Place. He'd sat here many a time, staring out, looking at her. Hermione Granger. If someone had've told him what they would've had together 12 years ago, he would've laughed and said something about her age. But now, well now, he wasn't sure. He knew he couldn't live without her, he knew how he felt. But he had no idea if she felt the same. She wasn't the first pretty young thing to try it on with the wrongly convicted mass murderer, but she was the only one who had hung around longer than a few nights. And it wasn't just sex, they could talk for hours before they snuck up the stairs to his bedroom, careful not to wake Harry.
I remember thinking 'bout forever
Sitting there with you by the river
We danced in the little lights
And fell for the first time
Hermione turned around, spotted him in the window and smiled softly but nervously, he could guess she could probably remember all the good times they'd had together in this house. It seemed like an eternity ago, the happiness and love they had shared. He remembered how it had started like it was yesterday. They'd all aparrated to a river by the Burrow for a picnic and a swim - Ron had been talking about it for weeks, so they finally gave in and let him show them his childhood hangout. Ron and Harry had demolished their sandwiches and had taken muggle fishing poles down to the deeper part of the river, leaving Hermione and Sirius to sit on a bank and nibble the leftovers, drinking butterbeers.
"What do you plan on doing now, Hermione? You've graduated Hogwarts, what's next?" Sirius asked her, as she sat fiddling with a blade of grass she'd pulled out from between two rocks.
"I don't know. Honestly, I think I'm a little scared. This is the rest of my life I need to think about. I thought about teaching, but is that going to be family-friendly when the time comes? How could you date someone while teaching at Hogwarts? I don't want to be an Auror like the others, or work in an office job." Hermione rambled, and Sirius laid his hand on her arm to stop her.
"Have you thought about taking a break? Why not do what muggle kids do and have a gap year? Time to explore without worry, time to discover more about yourself?" He suggested softly, and she smiled
"I'd never thought of that. I don't know if I'm really up to a whole year of travelling though. I'd like to go back to Paris, maybe visit my parents in Australia. But I'd be so scared of travelling alone." Hermione said with a shudder, smiling at Sirius "That must seem so silly to you"
"No, it doesn't at all. I imagine I would like companionship while travelling too. I'd be happy to go with you anywhere, if that's what you wanted" he suggested, then felt embarassed. Here he was, pushing himself on a girl young enough to be his daughter.
"You know what, I'd really like that. Even thinking about it feels like I've taken so much pressure off myself." She replied, with a wide smile. "Now, enough serious talk, how about a swim?" She stood up, took off her dress to reveal a modest bikini, then took off, carefully bouncing across the large rocks, at the edge of the water, she turned and blew him a kiss, before running into the water. And within seconds, his shirt was off and he was after her. He caught her with ease, grabbed her and pulled her close.
"Don't think you can get away with that flirty wee kiss thing, you" he said roughly, pulling her closer and moving his head so their lips could meet. It was a passionate kiss, filled with the longing from weeks of small intimate chats around the house. Hermione eventually pulled away, looking behind her to see if Ron and Harry could be seen, when they couldn't, she looked back at Sirius with a small smile.
"What, what was that?" she said quietly, struggling to meet his eyes and instead focussing on the water, where the sun was reflecting beautiful glitter all over the surface.
"Something I've been wanting to do for awhile. I hope you don't mind" Sirius said, and Hermione shook her head.
"Of course not. I've been wanting it too, I just never expected it." she said softly, and he kissed her again. He could've kissed her all day, but the loud voices coming closer alerted them to separate, and swim, not wanting to draw attention to their newfound closeness.
I remember telling you I loved you
The Northern star rising above you
And in that moment I, thought every dream
Would come true
Oh, but, some just never do
That year, they spent most of October in France, and underneath the eiffel tower at midnight, Hermione had told Sirius that she loved him. He had been slow to react, causing her to flee into the darkness. He couldn't follow her, he didn't know what to do, or what to say. She was long gone by the time he came out of his shock and looked for her, so he strolled the streets back to their hotel instead of apparating. He couldn't believe she loved him. Did he love her too? He wasn't sure. He knew he wanted her all to himself, even though she should be with someone her own age to make a family with. As soon as he pictured Hermione standing with a young husband and children, the children began to look like him - perfect little replicas of him and Hermione. Fuck. He'd fucked up, big time. He had to find her, and fast, but where? Where would she have run to? It wasn't until he strolled past a small open cafe about a block from their hotel that he saw her. He wasn't even sure how he recognised her with her back to him, something about her curls? The warmth that he felt in his heart told him it was her before he even saw her face. He stepped queitly into the cafe and stood behind her, careful not to scare her.
"I love you too" was all he said, and she jumped slightly before turning and looking at him.
"Don't pity me Sirius. I'm sorry. I should've known this was just for fun" She said quietly, sipping on her takeaway coffee.
"I mean it. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. I'm an idiot for not realising sooner." He said, sitting down next to her and taking her hand. She smiled softly and looked up at him.
"Silly, isn't it? Who would've known that this would happen. I have no idea how we're going to go back to England and tell everyone." Hermione said with a soft laugh.
"Let's never go back" he said eagerly, and she shook her head with a smile "we'll just go back, and pretend we've been like this all along. Act as we are now, and people will just think it's normal. Announcing it will just cause a headache."
"That's clever. I told Harry in my last owl we'd be back next week, so we can put that out of our minds and enjoy ourselves." She said, leaning forward to place a delicate kiss on his lips.
"Lets go out to the wineries for a few days and get sloshed on expensive wine" he suggested and she laughed
"I could think of nothing better to do with you right now" she said softly, as he stood, took her hands and pulled her up and into his embrace, where he kissed her on the top of her head and whispered the three words that she would never tire of hearing from him.
Love comes in circles
And love takes it's own time
Bending and breaking, not taking a straight line
I never knew, I never loved timeless and true
Oh, I did, yeah I did with you.
Oh, I did, I did with you.
They returned to England, to mixed reactions. Harry had "known" all along, Hermione still suspected that Sirius had told him. Ginny and Hermione had spent hours talking about it - feelings, sex, everything Hermione had never really gotten to experience before. Ron was furious, then within a few weeks, came out as gay. That had taken any extra heat and attention off Hermione and Sirius. Gay witches and wizards were almost unheard of, and normally rejected from society. Hermione and Harry stood by him, and their fame as the Golden trio muffled any hate. Sirius admired that about them, that through thick and thin, they came out the other side as best friends.
Sirius and Hermione drifted. They spent the New Year and most of January in Austrailia, enjoying the summer. They holidayed with Hermione's parents in Brisbane for a week, before heading to Sydney for 2 weeks of shopping and theatre shows. Hermione barely thought of home, the future and her career. She lived in the moment, Sirius reminded her daily that life needed to be lived, just in case one day you couldn't.
After Australia, they detoured to the Caribbean for a steamy Valentines Day, spending a week drinking cocktails and making love on the hot sand of their own private beach. Sirius found himself dreading returning to England, to reality, and to their friends. He was afraid that back amongst their friends and real life, Hermione might drift away. He was scared he'd fallen harder than he should have. What if this was just a holiday fling? What if Hermione returning to work, earning her own money and having her own life, made her realise that she couldn't build a proper life with an ex-convict? Even though he'd been cleared of all charges, getting a job was next to impossible for him, people either still thought he was guilty, or that 12 years in Azkaban had ruined his mind. He kept finding small trips to make to delay their return home, New York, Alaska, Moscow. Until late March, when Hermione put her foot down.
"I want to surprise Ron for his birthday" she said one morning when they were snuggled in bed in a Tokyo hotel.
"I don't want to go home" Sirius said shortly, and she sighed.
"I have to eventually Sirius. I need to compose a CV, start looking for a job. I can't afford to holiday forever" she said softly, and he snuggled into her neck, placing dlicate kisses.
"I'll pay" he said simply, nibbling her collarbone and making her moan quietly.
"No. I'm going home. You can come with me, or you can keep galivanting. Please don't ruin the most amazing 9 months of my life with an argument" she pleaded.
"Alright, just don't be in a rush to run away from me once we're back" he said, moving as close as he could to her and trailing his fingers like feathers down her body.
"I couldn't" she said before she lost any ability to speak.
Through the years I just kept on believing
Had to be a plan or a reason
But Heaven was silent and life just kept moving along
'Till my heart knew the moment was gone
Time seemed to pass quickly once they'd returned to reality. Hermione sent out CVs to prospective employers, eventually being snapped up for a part-time research position in the Department of Mysteries, and she was delighted to find that she would in time get to study the workings of that mysterious veil they'd encountered when she was 16.
Sirius went back to his usual, drinking whisky, playing poker with his old buddies, and Hermione hated it.
"Sirius, why don't you try and do something proactive with your time?" Hermione asked him one afternoon after she'd finished work and come home to find him drinking whisky and reading the paper by the fire.
"Like what?" he retorted, and she realised too late that she'd drunken too much whiskey to have a proper conversation.
"I don't know? Investments? Harry told me you'd been offered an Auror position, but you declined. Do you enjoy just sitting here all day getting drunk?" She replied briskly, sitting down opposite him, despite her tone, she looked rather concerned.
"Like fuck would I be an Auror now. You've got no fucking idea what it's like. Walking down Diagon Alley is a nightmare, everyone knows who I am, they whisper like the Dementors used to. The memories of all the times I went there with James. James would've been Head Auror by now. I can't step foot in the ministry to even see Harry, it's like going back in time. But you wouldn't know any fucking thing about that, would you?" He snarled and she recoiled, tears springing to her eyes. He'd never spoken to her like that before. She hadn't heard him speak like that since the Order of the Pheonix days.
"Well I don't fucking know! Sitting here drinking booze, smoking cigars and dwelling on the past isn't good for you either! I'm sick of coming home to you wallowing in yourself, drinking whiskey until you pass out, or try to brutally have sex with me. I don't even know where I stand with you, or how I feel about you, and to be honest, I don't know how long I can keep doing this" she said hotly and he stood quickly and stared down at her.
"Fine. I'm going to the pub while you pack your shit, Hermione. Make sure you're not here when I get back" he finished, storming out of the room, nearly ripping his leather jacket as he tugged it from the hook on the wall and slamming the door on the way out.
Love comes in circles
And love takes it's own time
Bending and breaking, not taking a straight line
I never knew, I never loved timeless and true
Oh, I did, yeah I did with you.
She'd left that night, vowing to never go back. She packed her belongings with tears streaming down her face, and hesitated as she looked over the bedroom one last time. She stopped at the library and packed a few of her own books, having an idea while she did so, and scrambled to find an empty book. In the front page, she scribbled a letter.
"Sirius,
I didn't want things to go this way. I see the haunted look in your eyes when I come home from work and it scares me. I know now why you wanted to stay away, and I'm sorry I brought you back to this nightmare. I've been through my own trials, and have memories I'd rather supress, but nothing compared to you. I'm sorry for being selfish.
It's obvious this isn't going to work out, no matter how much we love each other. Now is just not the time. Perhaps in a few years, when we've both sorted our lives and ourselves out, we can see where our feelings can take us. I'll never forget the last year with you, the memories I've made with you far outweigh the bad ones of my school days.
Perhaps writing your feelings and your memories down will help you come to terms with them, I know it's worked for Harry, and myself.
I love you, more than you ever realise, and I wish you the best.
Hermione"
And she was gone, refusing to ever set foot in that house again. That night she had apparated to Harry and Ginny's estate in Wales, and stayed there until she quit her ministry job when Minerva offered her a position as Arithimancy Professor at Hogwarts. She avoided Sirius like the plague for the first year, she spent Christmas at Hogwarts claiming that they needed her to be there. Sirius ignored her as much as he could the few times he did see her, he was scared to admit she was right. He'd scribbled in that book for hours every day, and she'd been right. As he wrote it all out it was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He'd written about his childhood, breaking free from the pureblood mould, some of his escapades at Hogwarts, and a lot about his time in Azkaban. Harry had read it about 6 months after he'd started, when he'd nearly finished and was writing about the happiness he's found in Hermione.
"You should get it published Sirius. I think a lot of people would read this and understand you a bit more. It'd be good for you to have the closure and get some people off your back." Harry had suggested once Sirius had told him he'd finished his life story.
"You reckon? I don't know if I can share it though" Sirius said quietly, unusually insecure.
"Yeah, go and see the guy above Florish and Blotts in Diagon Alley, he owled me not long ago about doing an autobiography, but that's not my thing, maybe when I'm retired" Harry laughed, and left it at that.
Love is the reason why
Miracles never die
And now here they were. It was a warm early July morning, and Harry had told Hermione that the back yard of Grimmauld Place had some curses that they couldn't remove from the out buildings, and asked for her help, promising to keep her away from Sirius. Sirius had heard them arrive, and kept his distance. He was nervous. He wanted Hermione to be the first to know that his book was about to be published and sold to the wizarding public. She'd been his inspiration for moving forward. None of them knew that they were helping to prepare the house for sale. Sirius wanted out, for him it was one of the final steps to moving on from his past, and starting a new life, a happy life. The other step was in his pocket. His hand moved over the square box and then he pulled it out and opened it. Inside sat the most beautiful diamond ring he'd ever seen. Simple, yet elegant, perfect for the woman who he hoped would want to be his wife one day. This was the most nerve-wracking moment of his life, moreso than going to Azkaban, moreso than the day he approached the publisher with his book.
He heard the door shut and hadn't even realised that they were heading inside. He heard the three of them head to the kitchen. He stuffed the ring box back in his pocket, and grabbed the book from next to him, hurrying after them, hoping they weren't going to leave straight away.
"Hermione" he said dryly, struggling with the pain of saying it. He hadn't even muttered her name since the day he had told her to leave. She turned and stared at him, they hadn't been this close in a long time, yet they were still a room apart.
"Hello, Sirius" she said softly, and he felt the last year melt away. How much he wanted to stride across the room, take her in his arms and never let her go.
"Uh, I just wanted to thank you. For pushing me in the right direction." he started, walking closer and handing her his book "This is the first copy of my book. It's being prepared for sale as we speak"
"That's amazing!" she gushed, running her fingers over the leather bound cover, that simply held the words - Sirius Black, My Story. "I'm so proud of you!"
"It's done wonders for me. You were right, it's helped me a lot. I don't freak out about going out in wizarding areas. Tomorrow I'm putting this house up for sale and finding a house where I can escape the demons that are here. There's only one thing left to do to make myself the most happiest, trouble free man in the world." He said, and she cocked her head to the side in curiousity.
"Well done Sirius. I can see how much happier you are just by looking at you. All that weights been lifted" she said softly. "But what else could you possibly need to do?"
"Well, Hermione Granger, I want you. I want you to make me the happiest man in the world, be my strength and my hope, like you have been without even knowing it. I love you. I've said it a million times but I've never meant it more. Will you marry me?" He knelt down as he took the box from his pocket and opened it, only to make her gasp. They'd both forgotten Harry and Ron standing on the other side of the room, silent and surprised.
"Oh, Sirius! Yes!"
They just live on and on
Like a song, like a song
In the hearts of ones you leave behind