A/N: this is weird. I'll just come right out and say that… this is weird. But don't judge me. Okay? No hate. Please. Fanfiction is for expressing your own ideas, and this is mine. :) Okay? Okay. :)
Love Me Dead: Don't Be Charmed
Butler stood next to Artemis, walking down the block of Milwaukee. He kept a straight face, but was secretly nervous and slightly excited to meet their target.
"We must use time travel." Artemis had gone to Root, Foaly, and Holly the day before, in Haven. They were gathered on either sides of a rectangular conference table.
"What do you mean?" Holly had replied.
"Our enemy is more powerful than we thought," said Butler. "It's hard to think that someone could match Artemis's intelligence, but someone can. Besides Foaly." The centaur grinned from beside Holly. "We've tried to break into their lab before, but we failed."
"And you will not help," Artemis had added.
"No, we won't because we do not want to hurt anyone with our technology," Holly nodded.
Butler and Artemis turned a corner on the street.
"But what does this have to do with time travel?" she continued.
"The Miller family began with one man- or young man: Ernest Miller. He was murdered by a familiar name that I'm sure you know, Holly," Artemis had smiled. She looked at him blankly. "Jeffrey Dahmer."
"Ah, I see… But where is this going?"
"Patience. When Ernest was murdered, that left his family devastated, which drove them to unleash their inner brilliance. They are now a big threat to us because of Ernest's death. We want to- excuse me- we will go back in time to save Ernest from being killed by Dahmer, thus preventing their family from ever becoming competition to us."
"Very clever, mud boy," Root had said, "but like my captain said, we can't hurt anyone with our technology."
"You aren't hurting anyone. You're saving someone, in fact."
"But we would still be changing the past."
"True, but do not forget, you're also saving yourselves. When someone gets as smart as me, they start to… notice things." Artemis had stepped closer to her. "Unusual things. Changing the past may help you conceal your existence."
Holly thought this over.
"I hardly ever agree with Fowl," said Foaly, "but he's right. The Millers are going to notice us."
Root grunted. He wouldn't be convinced so easily.
"Must I present my reasons again?" Artemis said, with an annoyed sigh. "Or will you just agree right now, so we don't waste any more time?"
Root hissed through his teeth. "Don't be so confident in yourself, Fowl."
Artemis smirked. "I am confident because I win."
Root brought his eyebrows together and glared at him. But he couldn't wipe the sly smile off of his face. Eventually, he clenched his jaws and said, "You have a deal. But I'm not risking my captain again to go back in time."
Holly and Artemis made eye contact, and both started thinking about the last time travel they had gone through together. She nodded slowly, telling him silently that she was not going to go back with him again. Artemis couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed, but he didn't dare show it.
"So it's decided," Artemis nodded. "Call N°1, we'll go tomorrow."
"Snap out of it, butler," his principal. He had stopped walking. "We're here."
In front of them were the Oxford Apartments, where the infamous serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was still undiscovered.
"So let me get this straight…" Butler said. It was a minute later, and they were walking up the stairs. "We're going to walk into his apartment… and demand not to kill Ernest Miller."
"Yes," Artemis nodded. Somehow, to Butler, that plan seemed a bit empty.
"Why not prevent him from doing it in secret?"
"Because we do not know where Ernest will be. Not exactly, anyway. We don't know what time, either." They walked down the hall to Apartment 213. "Also," he smiled, "I want to meet Jeffrey Dahmer."
Butler sighed. "He has sex with dead boys that he kills and then cuts up," he whispered, "I'm concerned for your safety. It's only natural."
"I know all his tricks. Don't drink anything he offers you. And don't let yourself be tricked into being alone with him. And especially… don't be charmed."
"Artemis," the bodyguard said slowly, "I'd never be charmed by someone as sick and twisted as him."
"Good."
The boy knocked on Jeffrey's door, and after a few seconds of suspense it opened.