Damn her.
Goddamn my daughter.
She… complicates things. Every word I say to her is true. I do wish she had never been born. But she was born, and goddamn her, because the second she was, she took my love.
She took my love without my consent—she took my power. I don't want to love her, but she took that choice away the instant her first pathetic, mewing cry tainted my ears.
I should have killed her. It would have been better, for everyone, if I had just killed her when she was an infant. My life would have been so much simpler, and I would have spared her all of this.
But I didn't, and now I have no choice but to keep her safe, because that damnable thief stole my love. I would give almost anything not to love her.
She's having a baby. What the hell does she think she's doing? She thinks she can have it both ways? Stupid fool, thinking she can do this. If she had two grains of common sense to rub together, she would have terminated her pregnancy the day she found out. But she didn't, and she loves her baby, and so now I have to protect her baby, too. I risked far too much to save her pregnancy. Goddamn that baby.
Damn her. Damn her, I'm leaving. I can't be a part of this anymore. If only she weren't so goddamn resistant to regression therapy, I never would have had to see her face to face like this. Damn her for inheriting my strength.
Damn it all. Damn her. Why can't I walk away when I see her in pain? I should be walking away. Goddamn her. I can't leave my daughter alone and in pain and about to give birth. I wish I could. For a few minutes, I truly thought I could. If only I'd believed that long enough to walk away. But here I am, playing midwife and mother like a stupid fool. Damn my daughter.
Damn the baby! Damn that beautiful baby! Damn her. One more Derevko woman in the world. One more Derevko woman to get in my way.
If I had any sense, I would be smothering the baby right now, and saving all of us so much trouble. But my damnable daughter loves this baby, and I can't hurt her that way. I despise my daughter for turning me weak like this.
Goddamn my daughter.
Damn her.