Okay, let's get one thing straight. I went to that stupid Zeta costume party to keep an eye on Laura, because that's my job.
It had nothing to do with the fact that when she stepped out of the bathroom, she was wearing La Fontaine's lab coat, or that her hair was pulled back into corn rows and fake dreads, or that her eyes were smudged with thick, black eyeliner, or that a pair of thick black glasses sat upon her nose.
It had nothing to do with the way she raised her hands in the air and squealed, "Ta-da!"
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" I grumbled from behind my well-worn copy of Edgar Allan Poe's Tales of Mystery and Madness.
"Isn't it obvious?" she said, twirling.
I raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, okay, wait," she said.
She raised her hands, entwining them in front her chest. Then she crossed her legs, looking at me all flirty from beneath her eyelashes, giving a bouncy shrug of the shoulders as she spoke.
"Enchantée," she said.
"I don't get it," I said.
"Oh, come on!" she said. "I'm Evo-Devo?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "Is this like a gender-bent Doctor Who thing?"
"God! It's like you've been living under a rock for the last century!"
"You're not far off," I mumbled under my breath.
"I'm Cosima Niehaus?! The hot clone?!"
"Cosima who?"
"Cosima who? Cosima who? Um, just one of the plethora of clones portrayed by the goddess, Tatiana Maslany, in the genre-bending little sci-fi show that could, Orphan Black, that's all!"
"Hmm," I said, settling further into Laura's yellow pillow. (Or, should I say my yellow pillow?)
"Is that, that new prison show?"
"Ugh!" she grunted.
She plopped herself in front of her computer.
"Oh, crap! I'm late!" she said. "Danny's going to be here any minute! How do I look?"
She asked me in earnest, and I wanted to give an earnest answer, but I also wanted to see her squirm. I bit my lip and looked her up and down, really taking my time, really stretching it out, really drinking her in.
You look delicious, I thought.
"Fine," I said instead.
I shrugged my shoulders for emphasis.
"Fine?! Fine?!" she said, running to the closet, pulling open the door and looking at her reflection.
"I'm not supposed to look fine…unless, you meant like, fine, fine…but if you only meant fine then that is definitely not fine."
She looked at me, her eyes pleading.
"So which was it?" she said.
"What are you rambling about?"
"Did you mean just fine, or did you mean fine, fine?"
"What do you think I meant?" I asked, setting my book aside.
"You know what, forget it. It doesn't matter," she said. "I've got to go."
She closed the closet and leaned over her bed, rummaging through her bag.
"Okay, let's see… Stone Age flip phone? Check. Room key? Check. Pepper spray… "
I sighed and stood up.
"Here," I said. "I know what's missing."
She turned around, pepper spray at the ready.
I jumped back.
"Whoa! Be careful with that!"
"Oh, sorry," she said. "You startled me."
I reached for her hand.
She flinched.
"May I?" I asked.
She shrugged her shoulders.
I grabbed her hand, raising it up. I looked at her bare wrist, running my thumb over the delta of blue veins just below the skin. She watched me, her hand trembling so slightly that a mere mortal might not have noticed it.
But I did notice it, and when I looked into her eyes, I noticed something else — hunger.
"Tattoos," I said.
"What?"
"Cosima's tattoos… the nautilus… the dandelion?"
She sighed and slouched to the side, a relieved smile on her face.
"You've been playing me this whole time?"
"A girl's gotta get her kicks somehow," I said. "Besides you're just so easy… to tease, that is."
She pulled away.
"Well, it's too late for tattoos. Danny's gonna be here any minute."
"Nonsense," I said. "I'll be fast, I swear."
I grabbed a permanent marker from the table.
"You're not serious?"
"Dead serious," I said.
But she didn't move. She stood still, clutching her bag to her stomach.
"Look, if she shows up, I'll stop," I said.
"Alright," she said.
She sat down on the chair, laying her arm out over the corner of the desk. I sat down on the foot of the bed, leaning over her wrist.
She flinched when I pulled off the marker cap, and again when I pressed the cool tip against her skin.
"Which do you want? The nautilus or the dandelion?" I asked.
"Um…" she stuttered. "I don't know."
She glanced at the door.
"Whichever is fastest."
"Don't worry," I said. "Your girlfriend isn't here yet. When I smell her, I'll let you know."
"Alright," she said.
I thought she'd be mad, but instead she leaned forward, looking down at our hands — which were quite intertwined.
"The dandelion, then," she said in a half-laugh.
I smiled without looking up. I traced the delicate shape out onto her wrist, never faltering, never hesitating, and when it was done, I lifted her wrist to my mouth and blew softly on the wet ink.
Our eyes met.
She shivered and pulled her hand away just as the door opened.
"Hey, are you ready?" Danny said.
She was wearing a lab coat and a curly blonde wig.
"Or, should I say, enchantée?" she said.
Oh, couple costumes! I groaned internally. Gross!
Laura stood up, backed away — her every motion charged with guilt.
"What's going on?" Danny asked.
"Nothing. Carmilla was just helping me with my costume."
"Oh, hey, Carmilla," Danny said, her voice forced.
"Danny — It's always a pleasure."
I put the lid back on the marker.
"You should cover that tattoo with clear nail polish," I said. "So it won't smudge."
"Oh, um, I think it will be fine, I mean, we're late, so, we'd better…" she stammered and stepped backward toward Danny, but her eyes were locked on my mine and her face was twisted into an apology. "We gotta go."
I don't want your pity, I thought.
"Fine," I said.
"Don't you have any plans tonight?" she said.
"Are you kidding? On Halloween?"
"Yeah," she said. "You know, spiders, ghosts, goblins… I thought it'd be right up your alley."
"Nah, I'd rather stab myself in the back of the hand with a spork than hang out with those Zeta guys. Besides, I've got Mr. Poe to keep me company. Reading "The Tell Tale Heart" is kind of a Halloween tradition of mine."
"Oh, okay…" she said. "That's a little strange…"
"Yeah, haven't missed it for, like, a century."
I sat back down on my bed and stuck my nose in my book.
"Let's go," Danny insisted from the hallway.
"Well, if you change your mind…" she said.
And then she was out the door.
I threw the book onto the floor, walked to the window and looked down on the leaf-covered quad. The sun was just setting, and the sight of it was uncomfortable to say the least, but I pressed my face against the curtains and waited for the happy couple to walk out into the coming night.
I watched their backs like a tiger watches it's prey.
When they were halfway across the lawn, Laura turned back, glancing up at our window. I retreated further behind the curtains. Then Danny slipped her hand into the crook of Laura's elbow and I felt a seething in my stomach.
I heard a loud crack. Startled, I looked down to see the permanent marker in my hand, its shape contorted, the plastic cracked, the black ink leaking out, running in rivulets down my palm, and then falling like black tears to the floor.
If you change your mind… her words echoed in my head.
If I change my mind…