The Six Steps To Falling In Love With Quinn Fabray

1. Watching the Walls Tumble and Fall

When she walks down the hall she's all stone walls, and bottomless pools of alligator infested moats that promise anything but a swift death. Her head held high with not a single glance at those that part for her. She expects it you suppose.

Sometimes though… Sometimes those walls… And that moat… they shimmer from existence… just a little…

Like right after Cheerios practice. When she's walking out of the locker room, and you're waiting there for her because she forgot her planner in glee and you just had to return it since you knew she would be here. Santana and Brittany flank her but her eyes don't hold the same steel, and her spine doesn't hold the same stiffness. Before she notices you, you catch a glimmer of softness in her eyes as she watches Brittany and Santana talk.

Later you wonder how tiring it must be to keep those walls up all the time. You wonder if they ever get stuck in place. You wonder if she ever has problems putting them up.

That next Friday you find that no barrier can be forever unbroken.

It's Glee. But it's everything but.

They're screaming at each other. You don't even know what set off the fight between Finn and Quinn. (In your head you scoff at how their names rhyme in such a sickening way). Honestly you haven't intervened yet because not only are you trying to figure out what it is they are fighting about, but you don't believe it's really your business to stop them anyways.

But Finn missteps. And Quinn spirals.

Well it's not like your parents even love you anyways.

And it's not screamed but it's snarled by Finn. You've never heard words that could hurt this much second hand. You'd never seen Quinn flee so fast.

You chase after her. It feels like sometimes you always are. You can't find it in yourself to be bothered. You'd chase her forever if she let you.

When you find her, you find her walls disseminated on her face in the way the tears leaked from her eyes down her cheeks. In the way they lay in rubble at her feet where she sits on the ground. Her knees pulled close to her chest like one last set of barriers. You'd never seen a more beautiful defeat.

She's lets you siege the castle that is her very being in the way that the words spill out of her mouth; like gates you think. She doesn't ask for help, but everything about her begs for it. It looked like the sweetest truce that had ever been offered to you. In the back of your mind you know that if she asked for assistance just for this moment, you'd give it to her for forever.

But you leave her when she asks, you know that you can't stay in her sanctuary forever. When your guestship has expired you know it's time to leave. In this moment taking advantage of it will most likely lead to no more.

That Monday; when she smiles at you, teeny tiny movement of the lips small, with her walls ten feet tall; you can see the side entrance in her eyes.

You smile back and wonder if this little piece of vulnerability was made just for you. In the future you'll remember thinking:

If those walls that surrounded her never came down, I would be happy in there with her.

2. She's Got Flight, Fidgety Fingers That Pluck My Heart Like Piano Keys

She's soft in her steps with you. Soft in the way she moves. Soft in the way she speaks. And while she is still storm clouds, and bristles, and poisonous looks with pretty much everyone else; with you, she is… soft.

It's Valentines day. Twenty four- Make that twenty five- different guys have asked her out.

There's a thing in your chest that has been growing since the first, It's dread mixed with anger. You know you won't be able to live with yourself if you don't try. But along with the dread and anger is fear. For the moment they're both evenly matched.

However, when Puck propositions her, with crude words and disgusting gestures, at the end of the day, the last of your patience runs out. She rejects him just like the rest. You really hope you won't be like them.

You get her attention.

Any and all courage flees. You curse it as you feel it go.

Somehow you stammer out some semblance to an invitation. To a date you hope.

As the words flow out of you her face begins to gradually pinken. Her fingers tap out a beat that becomes more frantic as you speak. You wonder if it's her heart; it could very well be your own.

But then she's stammering out her response and it sounds a lot like:

Yes.

You fall in love instantly with her pink cheeks, and those fingers that twitched so much as she tried to get her words. The fingers that moved in a language that you wish you could understand, and later they would teach you three words when they're on your skin:

I love you.

That's all you needed to know anyway.

3. Her Poetry Does Not Take Word, But Action Can Be Just The Same

Somehow Quinn's the one that takes you out. Honestly you have no clue how it happened. One moment she's saying yes to you, and the next she's making plans. Even more honestly you can't find it in yourself to care. You want to see how her mind works. You want to see what she plans.

She shows you.

Just casual.

She says when you ask how to dress.

I want us to have fun. Not so formal. You know.

She smiles at you, and you don't altogether know, but you're sure you'll learn.

She's still smiling when she pickes you up.

…

Quinn takes you to this small little restaurant. She must have seen the question held in on your tongue because she assures you that it's not because she's trying to hide, but because it's supposed to have really good vegan food. She also says that when she checked it out, a few days prior, it looked very nice.

Everything warms up in you when you realize that she actually did think this through. That she actually took the time to make sure it was good enough for this date.

She was right to choose the place. The food is exquisite. Quinn even decides to try one of the vegan entrees.

You leave your hand on the table halfway through the meal. Her eyes flicker to it a couple times before her hand joins your's slowly, nervously, but she takes it and smiles so happily when you don't pull away.

You're sure your smile is just as radiant.

You stay an hour after you're both done eating. You learn that she has a bacon addiction. You've never laughed that hard in your life. The playful scowl on her face only made it harder to stop.

She kisses you at the door.

When your daddy comes out and catches you, she blushes darkly, but manages to get out a:

Good Afternoon, sir.

Luckily your daddy just smiles and returns the sentiments.

Later:

When you're curled up in bed just like any other night, you plan the next date. It will be just as good. It will have have bacon.

Next time you'll take her out.

It's not till next time that you realize she had somehow planned it again, but you're far too happy at that point to care.

And you wonder if there was a way to photograph a feeling.

You take a photo of her and know you can.

4. She's Gone Now, But I Know Where She Goes (Books Are A Different Kind of Vacation)

You didn't know how much Quinn read until you saw her room. An entire wall was taken up by a bookcase that was jam packed with books. She looked at them with such reverence and love. You automatically knew that this trait was probably linked to something important.

When you caught a glimpse of her mother, passed out drunk, before Quinn could get you out of the house, you found the connection.

In the same way you used musicals and singing as your get away; Quinn used books. You take her to a book store for your next date. Her eyes shine when she looks at you. You know that if you weren't in such a public place she probably would have cried. Instead she takes your hand and doesn't let it go the entire time you're there.

…

You've both found that you enjoy reading next to each other. More importantly you've both found that you like reading to each other. At the moment Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is pouring from Quinn's lips. She pauses however.

She says she can't get behind forgiving Snape. You ask why. She tells you that even though he had been through some bad stuff, she couldn't let go some of the things that he put his students through. She thought that the few good things he had in the end accomplished, did not in fact make up for those he had harmed for no reason.

You look at her. Sometimes you don't think that she feels she's not good enough for you because of the things that she had done.

You whisper I love you instead of I forgive you, because your forgiveness won't change her guilt.

She glances at you then. Her eyes tell you she understands. For a moment she just looks at you, and you witness the calm spread through her. Humor sparks in her eyes then; which is followed by her lips curling up in a small smile, her eyebrow raises up:

Always

You're not sure if it's a question, but you nod anyways.

5. In My Dreams, I Dream of Her Dreaming, And Nothing Could Be So Right

You're both sleeping in the same bed. Her arm is thrown over your stomach. Her head is laying gently against your shoulder, and all you can do is look at her.

This isn't the first time you've both slept in the same bed. However, each time it happens you are struck by how perfect it is. She is warm and soft. She never holds you too tightly. Every now and then she'll snuggle closer, and bury her face further into you. It's by the far the cutest thing you've ever seen.

In her dreams she smiles a lot. Little touches of smiles, that seem far more peaceful than most of her others. They are simple.

You like to watch her sleep. Before you would have thought it was creepy, but when you have someone like Quinn in your bed there is a certain understanding in the inability to stop staring.

Sometimes she wakes just a little; her eyes squint open for just a moment. When she sees you looking at her she just smiles. She goes back to sleep like that, and you know that she doesn't mind the looking.

The next time she sleeps over you wake up to her watching you. You think that it's a sort of magnificent thing that someone could love something so much that even at it's most simple they still find it beautiful.

6. And In This War I Will Never Falter (My Support Is Forever Unwavering)

It's the end for you, you think, when you screw up your audition. NYAD will never take you now.

Quinn's talking to you now though, and words are coming out of her mouth that are so loving that you know she would move mountains for you.

Everything's going to be okay.

And

We'll get you another shot

And

I love you.

Even with those words you could still feel yourself falling, and not in the good way. Something stops you. A thought stops you. If Quinn can still have endless hope for your dream then maybe you shouldn't give up so easily.

And when she's there at your first Broadway musical (first row-center seat and no less) you know she will always have your back. She will always push you forward.

And you love her.

In six steps-

-Maybe less.