A/N: So, it's been nearly forever since I last attempted a D fic for posting. Since last summer, I've been in this song slump, aka, all of my recent fics are inspired by and contain song lyrics. This one is no different. I guess it's standard to say that I do not own VHD nor the song "Sweet Surrender" by Sarah McLachlan. So, if you like what you read, a review would be nice. But if you do review, please, nothing harsh. Well, on with the fic, then.
italics lyrics :)
Sweet Surrender
It doesn't mean much,
It doesn't mean anything at all…
With barely cracked eyes, violet-blue pupils bleakly stared at the bright green blades of grass that surrounded him. His vision was slowly blurring until all he could see where faded hues of jade.
He wasn't exactly sure how he got into this particular situation, but all in all, it seemed inevitable to him. To say that his breath was labored would be an understatement. Every intake of air pained him to his core. He slowly closed his tearing orbs and let out a shuddering sigh.
The life I've left behind me,
Is a cold room.
He regretted closing his eyes. He was quickly reminded as to how he got himself into said situation. Ungrateful bastards. That's what they were. That's what they would always be.
Another vampire had taken it upon himself to use a local village as his all-you-can-eat buffet. It was a tiny village nestled at the base of the Artens Mountain Range, population circa 1200. The vamp first picked off a couple of the local drunks, so no one really took notice. But when the mayors' mother-in-law turned up drained in the town square, that's when people started to started to see.
As per the norm, a town meeting was called and after much confused bickering, an affluent villager brought up the name "D". Comforting mumbles rippled through the crowd and a message was dispatched around the countryside for the famous vampire hunter.
Within four days, a tall man atop a large, menacing mechanical horse strode into town. No one in the village really spoke, afraid that they'd break the riveting spell his prescence commanded. The vampire was then described to the hunter, a price of seven million was settled upon and the stoic hunter set out to complete his task.
And to say that his task was simple was quite a lie. The mayor had neglected to tell D that this vampire was rumored to be over six thousand years old. A powerful vampire by all standards and a true fight for the aged hunter. D briefly wondered how he had let this vampire slip through his fingers, but figured it was of no mind, seeing as though he would soon rid the world of that prescence.
The vampire, Lord Valcaan as he was curtly named, proved to be a fight indeed for the skilled hunter. So much so that for once in a long time, D thought for a split second that he might actually lose this fight. After a dagger to the heart, D was all but positive that this was his final battle. But his father's blood would not let him down and as he unleashed his true vampiric side, Lord Valcaan only had a brief moment to realize who he was dealing with before he was vanquished like all the rest.
Truly drained of his strength, much of which due to his neglect of his blood lust, D tiredly swung himself into his saddled and trotted back to town, more than ready for a deep, rejuvenating rest.
Upon his triumphant return to the village, however, D was met by a less than enthusiastic crowd. The whole of the village was waiting for his return, quite displeased with the fact that he was himself, part terror. The villagers refused to pay a "filthy half-breed bastard" any of their money, let alone seven million of it; nor where they apt to letting him live.
I've crossed the last line,
From where I can't return…
The villagers where armed with torches and shovels and basically anything somewhat dangerous that they could get their hand on.
Sensing the obvious threat, D tried to carefully maneuver himself and his horse around the closing in crowd. Leave it to the hunter to, even in this time of danger, still try and watch out for the humans he insists on helping. But it was to no avail.
The outraged and mob mentality group first struck out at the midnight steed, setting its tail a flame and sending it rearing and whinning out of the human circle. This unfortunately left a weakened D in their grips.
Cruelty reached an all new level for D in that moment. After a short while of unjust punishment, D stopped acknowledging what was happening to him. It all hurt worse then hell, there was no one to deny that, but how could he fight back at the moment? He had no more strength, he had no more will and even though he had a small reserve of vampire strength left, he refused to unleash it on the ignorant villagers.
The mayor, a portly fellow he turned out to be, wobbled into the middle of the crowd and shouted that that was enough; that the half-breed had learned his lesson about trying to dupe unsuspecting citizens. "At least leave him the strength to crawl out of our town," is what the mayor had told the still angered crowd.
Grumbling complaints of how the hunter should die, the crowd reluctantly parted and allowed D to, with little dignity intact, stumble out of the village amidst kicking and spitting and cursing.
"And if we ever see you milky dhampire hide around here again, I assure you that we will not hesitate to kill you!" was the last thing D remembered hearing as he stumbled over the hill.
Where every step I took in faith betrayed me…
He wasn't quite sure how long he fumbled down the dusty path and he wasn't sure if he truly cared. All he wanted to do was stop. Through eyes hazed by the blood still flowing from his unhealed wounds, D made out a small thatch of trees and headed over that way. Collapsing at the base of a sparsely leafed tree, all D could do was stare out. No thoughts ran through his mind. Honestly, he didn't want to think. The realization of what had just happened to him had not fully set in yet.
A low roll of thunder clapped in the morning sky above him and he slowly shifted his head towards the sky. Rain daintily pattered down onto his prone form as it tried to wash away his slowly seeping blood. Had he been attentively taking care of himself, vampire and human side alike, D would have long been healed by now. His shovel and knife and fire inflicted wounds weren't going to heal, not now, and not ever if his current frame of mind kept up.
And then it all hit him like a ton of angry villagers. How had this all happened to him? All he tried to do was help. That's all he ever did. And yet somehow he was always met with such violent opposition. What was wrong with them? Where they that dense that they couldn't simply see that he wanted to save them?
And then he did something that he figured he hadn't done it over a century. He cried. The immense hatred that those villagers showed to him was enough to make the taciturn hunter crack. He had been through a much and he had faced a lot of hostility, but to have a whole village nearly beat him to death was more than he could bear. Soon the rain blended into his tears and the two became undistinguishable.
And led me from my home.
The rain continued to fall but there was to be no reprieve for the tired hunter. The determined sun broke through the dark clouds and cast its hot late summer rays onto the fallen man.
D knew he was in no condition to be basking in the sun, but he had no strength left to move his self to adequate shelter. And the trees he had wandered to would prove to be of no help either. Most of the leaves were no where to be seen and all that was left were bare trunks of splintering wood.
He was becoming increasingly hot as the heat mixed with the wet. And it was then that he decided that he had finally had it. For over 10,000 years he had pledged his life to destroying scum vampires and protecting that part of him which he so desperately tried to cling to. But his efforts never seemed to be enough. There was always going to be some dim-witted human who simply wouldn't want to understand.
As his body began to numb, D figured that this might not be such a bad way to go. He couldn't really feel anything anymore and he was kind of warm. It was surprising, actually. He figured he would be in excruciating pain and burning up under the intense, wet sun. But that wasn't the case. It was almost…peaceful. A content feeling washed over him and the aged hunter calmly closed his eyes.
And sweet surrender, You take me in,
Is all that I have to give.
No questions asked…
D was surprised when he opened his sleepy eyes. He wasn't quite sure what to expect, but this surely wasn't it. Everything was stained a pale pink and the air smelled of fresh flowers, but their type he couldn't determine. He was completely cool and to his surprise, he felt no pain.
He slowly raised himself up on wobbly arms and took in his surroundings. Unable to distinguish where exactly he was, D was content to just lie back and let whatever was happening, well, happen.
Perhaps he was still in the process of dying. Maybe he was in the proverbial limbo. And could it be that instead of checking in to his pre-arranged spot in Hell, that possibly he had done enough good deeds to make it into Heaven? He wasn't sure. He wasn't even positive that he believed that Heaven and Hell even existed.
But who was he to question what was going on? He had died. That's all there was to it. He had decided that enough was enough and he just didn't have it in him to go on anymore. And now he was dead. And for the time being, he was quite pleased with his decision.
You strip away the ugliness that surrounds me.
D then noticed that he with the absence of pain; he was also devoid of wounds. And not only that, he was devoid of all of his clothing, as well. He was freshly bathed and as he looked his body over, he could see no trace of any of the injuries that he had sustained.
His long auburn hair had been pulled back into a loose ponytail and he finally noticed that he was lying in some sort of make-shift bed that was the same pale rose color of the rest of his new habitat. His naked body was covered by a soft silk sheet and as the initial shock wore off, mass confusion set in.
Where in the hell was he, really? Was he actually dead or did someone find him on the side of the road and decided to take him in as a pet? Now he wanted answers, and quickly at that. He tried to extend his senses and discover where he was, but it was to no avail. Not only was he in some uncharted territory, he was also in a place that dulled his senses to the point of uselessness.
And now that the confusion had died down, D began to actually feel something akin to fear. What on earth was happening to him now? Wasn't the vampire and the villagers and his supposed death enough? Apparently not. Someone was having a really good laugh at his expense, and he didn't appreciate it at all.
"It appears as though I cannot even die correctly," D mused.
"You always where one to focus on the negative, now weren't you, love," a melodic, British tainted voice whispered as it wafted in on the subtle breeze.
Are you an angel…
D quickly looked around, trying to find the source of that all too familiar voice. He searched the formless room to only come up empty.
"Is anyone there? Or am I just continuing this hallucination?" D cautiously asked.
"Of course there's someone here. Did you honestly think that you were stuck in a place like this with no one else around?"
The owner of the voice shimmered into view in front of D. A beautiful woman stood in front of him. She had long, rich brown hair that cascaded down her back. Her thin form was adorned in a simple white dress that cinched in at the waist. Medieval style sleeves ran the length of her svelte arms and beaded slippers covered her graceful feet. And the faint outline of folded pearlescent wings peeked from around her form.
D gazed at her, visibly awestruck. Anything else he may have wanted to say stalled in his tightened throat.
"You have nothing to say to me? Even to my face? My, my; how long has it been since you last said anything to me, my son?"
Am I already that gone…
"Mo…mother?" is all D could choke out.
"Yes, that is what you called me, once. But now, I was beginning to doubt that you even remembered me at all," she said, smiling brightly at her flustered son.
"I…I…um…sorry?" D stuttered. To say the least, he was shocked. After all, he was seeing a ghost.
"No need to apologize, D. It does appear as if life has been difficult for you lately. I don't take it personally."
"I…how did I get here. Where is here?" Still unable to make truly coherent sentences, this was all that D could get out.
"Well, here is the place between eternal happiness and eternal damnation. I suppose the more generic term is "Limbo". Souls come here when the fate of their afterlife has yet to be determined. A soul typically finds its way here when it is not their time to go. Sound familiar, son?"
D continued to stare at the apparition of his mother. She was breathtakingly beautiful and it almost pained D to look upon her. She was so full of light and love that D had to wonder how he was ever birthed from her body. Here he was, constantly struggling with his darker half, sitting with his mother. And anangel, dare he say.
"Such horrid thoughts of yourself, D. My son is no monster, despite what you may think. I know your heart and I know what you are. I also know what you aren't," she lightly scolded. How often she had watched her son wrestle with the two sides of his self.
"I…but mother…"
"But nothing, D. I refuse to argue with you, so I suggest you simply stop. And now, what is this I hear about you not wanting to live anymore? Don't tell me that a few ignorant villagers have deterred you."
"I'm tired of it all," D affirmed, finally finding his voice again. "All of my life, I have tried to help them. I have risked my very life time and time again, and yet I never make any progress. They still fear me; they still hate me. And I just cannot understand that. And I'm tired of it all. I know that life is not by any stretch fair, but it has gone past ridiculous."
"You're right: life isn't fair. And for you, life is about as unfair as it gets. But that's no reason to quit. You are not a quitter. That's not how I raised you to be. That's not what the blood in your veins determines you to be.
"I can't even begin to imagine how hard all of this is for you. You've brainwashed yourself into believing that you are inherently evil, that you don't deserve happiness; that you don't deserve love. And that is simply not true.
"When I fell in love with your father and became pregnant with you, I knew that your life would not be an easy one, but I must admit that I believe you have made your life harder than it needs to be."
"But I am part of what they fear. Because of your love for my father, this is what I have to deal with!" D practically shouted.
"Don't you dare raise your voice at me," his mother countered, her aura darkening slightly. "Though you may be all grown up, you are still my son and you will still respect me."
I only hope that I won't disappoint you…
"Sorry," D mumbled like a bad little boy, head downcast in mock shame.
"Why are you going to let them get to you? Why are you going to let them win? You're supposed to go out in a blaze of glory, not a bloody heap nestled under a dying tree.
"You knew what you were getting into before you ever embarked on becoming a hunter. There are always going to be people who fear you and don't understand you. Someone is always going to say something nasty and someone is always going to kick dirt in your face.
"But for every town of bigots, there's always that one that makes it all worth it. What was her name? Doris? And her brother, Dan; they loved you. And their family, for generations to come, will always welcome you with open arms. And Leila? She hated you at the beginning, but she died respecting you. You changed her opinion by just being you. And her family will welcome you as well. Doesn't that say something?
"For every jerk with a sharp tongue, there's a child with a kind word. For every one that hates you, there's another one who loves you. Stop selling yourself short, D. You're worth so much more than you know."
I'm down here on my knees.
D mulled over his mother's words. It had been many millennia since he had had a sound lashing from his mother. He believed at first that her words were merely the musings of a mother; things she had to say. But he couldn't deny the truth that she also spoke.
Doris and Dan really had taken a liking to him and they had defended him even though they didn't have to. And Leila was a whole other story. She did loathe him at first, but by the end of that particular hunt, Leila had indefinitely warmed up to him, so much so that even her granddaughter was pleased to see him. And their where countless others who appreciated his efforts just as much as they.
Perhaps there was something left for him to live for. Maybe there where still people who needed him; people who stilled wanted him around. There where still a lot of vampires running around that needed to be extinguished. A lot of lives could still depend on him.
Something akin to a smile tugged at his pale lips. His mother did make a convincing argument. D did have a habit of making himself out to be much worse than he actually was. Taking a chance to realize that perhaps life was still inexplicably worth living, D raised his head to gaze upon his mother.
And sweet surrender, And I don't understand,
Is all that I have to give.
By the touch of your hand…
Sensing his calm, D's mother reached out to him and gently laid her hand on his bare shoulder. He was amazed by her touch. It was warm and so soft. He was actually surprised that she could touch him at all. D then remembered that he was still quite naked and pulled the sheet tightly around him. His mother just chuckled at him.
I would be the one to fall…
"You forget, D, I changed you diapers and bathed you cute little behind," his angelic mother laughed.
"Yes, but that was over 10,000 years ago, mother, and I have since grown," D responded, his cheeks becoming a deep crimson.
"True, but you'll always be my little boy, and that will never change. Just trust. In life, in me. When you feel as if you have nothing else to give, just surrender yourself to me, and I promise that I will take care of you. Though I am no longer alive, that doesn't mean that I can't still protect you."
I miss the little things,
I miss everything about you.
Mother pulled son into a reassuring hug a simply let the moment fade into eternal time. An instant such as this really shouldn't occur. In D's mind, it was all too surreal and a part of him still believed he was hallucinating in a dead sleep. But he refused to fight this feeling of peace. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so content.
He breathed in his mother's scent and reveled in familiar smell from his faded childhood. It comforted him in ways that he couldn't explain. He missed his mother and how she could squelch any qualms he had. She knew how to soothe him after a rough day and she always made him feel loved. And he broke out into a full smile when it dawned on him that yes, he was still loved indeed.
Yes, there was still something left to live for. Life truly wasn't as hideous as he made it.
It doesn't mean much,
It doesn't mean anything at all.
The life I left behind me is a cold room…
Something wet was on his face. And not only was it wet, it was moving as well. Venturing to slit open an eye, D saw a dark figure looming over him. He inhaled slightly and was met with a metallic, barn yard scent. It was definitely not the soft scent of flowers from before.
Opening both eyes up all of the way, D realized that the dark figure was his horse. Ever faithful, the mechanical beast sought out and returned to its fallen master. Heaving a sigh, D brought up a slightly trembling hand and pushed the horse's muzzle away.
"Okay, okay; I'm up, I'm up." D rasped.
He tried to push himself up onto his elbows, but his body protested fiercely. He collapsed back to the ground as he let the pain subside. So, he was still hurt. A lot. After a few minutes, he tried the same maneuver again and though it was painful, D was able to maintain his position. He looked up at the sky and saw that night had fallen. He should have noticed since he was no longer toasting in the sun's rays.
He was wholly unable to understand how he had survived to night. There was really no way that he should have. He had lay under that tree and prepared to die. All of the elements where in place for his passage into the afterlife, and yet here he was, alive and relatively well.
Slowly arriving in a sitting position, D looked himself over. All of his wounds had healed and for some reason, he felt satiated. Though his body ached from his early encounter with the town, he was surprised to see that he was no worse for the ware.
After several minutes more of adjusting to being awake, D was finally able to pull himself up, with the help of his horse, and breathe in the damp night air. Heaving a dry cough, D took hold of the pommel of his saddle and lifted himself up on onto the horse's back.
Taking note of its rider's lack of strength, D's horse lifted its head into a position that allowed for D to rest against its neck. Then settling into a casual trot, D's horse headed off to the next town. A town that would hopefully welcome him with open arms.
"Heh, you had me goin' there for a minute, D," emitted a gruff voice from the vicinity of D's left hand. "I thought you where really going to bite the big one that time."
"Yeah…"
"Good thing mommy dearest gave you a sound talking to, eh?"
"…Wait. That…was real?" D asked, believing the whole scenario to just be something made up in his delusional state.
"Of course it was real, you nitwit. You don't think you actually survived getting your ass kicked and baking in the sun all by yourself, now do ya? I think you're old enough to know that the impossible happens every day."
"Yeah…I guess it does," D muttered once more.
Horse, rider and abrasive parasite continued to amble on down the path, an especially bright star in the sky illuminated a way for the travelers to follow. It was a pale shade of pink and it twinkled so magnificently.
As D drifted into a light sleep, he wasn't sure, but hethought that he heard on a rose scented breeze, a gently voice whisper, "I love you, my son." Smiling to himself, D pulled his cloak tight around him. He heaved a sigh to let his self be content in this moment and to let his self be lulled by the steady gait of his horse.
"I love you too, mother," he quietly conceded. "And forever and always, that's all I that I'll have."
And sweet surrender,
Is all that I have to give.