Ignorance

It really is bliss. Snupin enemyship/friendship/romance all depending on how you read it.

Potter, Weasley, and Granger pass by me, oblivious to my presence.

"I don't care if my tea leaves spell, 'die, Ron, die,'" Weasley said. "I'm chucking them in the bin where they belong."

Potter snickers. Whether I like it or not, I can understand. Weasley's sense of humor is classic. "Chuck mine in too. All they ever do is spell out my death to the letter."

"Or Trelawney just hates you."

"No. That's just Snape."

"I don't think he hates you, Harry," Granger says as they turn the corner. I look at Lupin, who's talking to a few love struck girls. I'm tempted to let him rot.

He sees me. "Snape! I was just looking for you."

Shit! I try to run.

"No, Lupin, don't you dare drag me into your—"

"You see, ladies," Lupin said, seizing my arm. Bugger all of creation, I'll kill the wolf. "I'm flattered, really, I am. But I'm already with—"

The girls run. I doubt he knows what he's just done.

"His sister," he finishes slowly. "Did something I don't really understand just happen."

"Yes," I snap, pulling out of the mad werewolf's grasp. "Come tomorrow morning, every student in school will think we're gay. And even if I did have a sister, I would never let you date her.

"Why? They didn't hear everything I was going to say. And is it because I'm a werewolf? That's racist, Snape."

"I'll answer the second question first: no. You're an ass who wouldn't deserve her. As for your first question: crazy school girls are all insane fan girls who see things through two lenses: the heterosexual lens, and the homosexual lens which has been highly romanticized over the last few years. And I don't want to remember how I know that, so please, for the love of Merlin, do not ask or I will be forced to brew your potion incorrectly."

Lupin stared at me. "You wouldn't."

I grin as nastily as I can. "I would."

"Snape we're breaking up."

"Sure, Lupin," I say, leaving, "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?!"

I smirk at him, peering at him from behind the corner. "Quite well, thank you. Just so you know I coated your office in honey. Tonight's the full moon right? I heard honey is good for fur."

Lupin's face is priceless. He spins on his heel and races to the defense classroom to see if I had actually done what I said I did to his office.

What? He started it with the bogart. As far as I'm concerned, that was the declaration of war.

Oh.

I did coat his office in honey. Honey from the red bumblebee. Meaning that this particular honey…well…it's like a spider web. Once in, you can't get out.

"SNAPE!"