I hate you, Alexander. I hate that the first time I met you, you lit up my life. I hate that when you looked at me like that, I actually thought I had a chance. I hate that you were in love with Jace.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that when I had healed you and you were sleeping, you mumled his name. I hate that I was hurt.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate the way you came to me and I hate that I was so happy. I hate that you don't like it when I take things and I hate how you kissed me.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate our first time, because I know you were thinking about him and you were whispering his name into my skin. I hate that I cried myself to sleep.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that you always said his name in your sleep. I hate that you started whispering mine, and I hate that then was when I realised I love you.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that you wasted your first demon on me. I hate that you looked so proud. I hate that I almost said I loved you.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that when Clary made that rune, out of everyone I've been with for 600 years I saw you. I hate how you looked at me then, how you saw me too.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that when I told you I love you, you basically said it back, and you promised to introduce me to your family. I hate that you never got the chance to.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate the way you kissed me, like I was everything and like we would be together forever. I hate that the kiss was lying.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that you squeezed my hand before we went into battle. I hate how you promised to come back, I hate how I lost you in the sea of demons. I hate that I didn't know what the burning of the mark on my hand was, until I saw you ripped to pieces on the battlefield. I hate that I almost let them kill me, and that I cried while I fought.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that I wasn't invited to the funeral, because it's a Shadowhunter thing. I hate that I stayed in your room and cried.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that I went there afterwards, and I hate that I saw your parents. I hate that they were at the grave and that they were crying. I hate that I heard your mother whispering that she loved you and your father that he was proud of you. I hate that I realised that they had hearts.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that those weeks before any of them could go into your room I slept in your bed, just because it smelled like you. I hate that Clary and your siblings found me. I hate that Jace opened his mouth, to drop a sassy comment, but even he couldn't when he saw my tearful eyes.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that the groundskeeper of the graveyard knows me, because I come there every day, every day since you died. I hate the look of that single red rose on your grave.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that when they were all gone, all I had was Simon. I hate that I wished you were him, that then we could be together forever. I hate how I don't wish that anymore, because he has become my best friend. I hate how he told me I always look broken.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate how I cry everytime I see someone with dark hair and blue eyes. I hate that it's not my type anymore, because all of them remind me of you.

I hate you, Alexander. I hate that now, 347 years later, I still have never loved anyone else. I hate that I love you still.

I love you, Alexander. But I hate that I can't let you go.