The Jumping off point.
*********************
Disclaimer: Evangelion is owned by Gainax, not me.
Authors note: Just a quick one-shot that just kind of stuck in my mind like one of those annoying jingles. It wouldn't leave, so I decided to give it a home here. Consider it a prequel for my "Requiem" continuity, which I really should get busy on again. C&C welcome, as always.
"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year....uh-huh. Riiiggghhht. What have I got to be happy about?" I groused, to no one in particular. "Hell, there's no one here but me, Period!" I gazed down from what Misato had dubbed Shinji's lookout at the re-construction of Tokyo 3. Colorful lights gleamed and sparkled, the whole tableau like some gigantic ornament. People were returning, rebuilding their lives after 3rd impact. Shopping and parties were in progress. Families were gathering for holiday dinners. By rights, I should be home preparing a special feast for my "family".
"Oh, yeah, that's right...I don't have a family, not anymore."
After 3rd impact, I spent 3 months in a coma while my brain rewired itself, giving me psionic abilities. Which I found more of a curse than a gift at present, considering I had very little control over them. I tended to stay away from large crowds. The psychic "noise" from the collected thoughts of others gave me blinding headaches. Ritsuko said it was because of brain- strain from not being able to sort and interpret thought input as of yet. Bless that crusty lady and Maya...they really helped buffer the shock of having both Misato and Asuka abandoning me while I was "out".
"It's always the same. The people who I care about most are always the ones to leave."
I could understand Asuka leaving. She at least left a note. Between that and what we shared during impact, it gave me a good understanding. She had all her barriers shattered. Now, she had to rebuild herself from the ground up. Tokyo 3 held too many bad memories. At least I knew she didn't hate me. She loved me...like a brother. Not quite what I had in mind, but I'm not complaining. Her happiness has always been important to me. Misato's desertion was another story. No note, explanation, nothing! She's supposed to be my guardian, but she tosses me aside like a piece of trash! I've been wondering lately if she ever really cared. Was I just a tool, to be used and thrown away? I should thank her though. I was so infuriated by her betrayal that I rehabbed in record time. I even continued with the exercise and got into heavy martial arts. Bye-bye scrawny wimp, hello muscles.
But anger only took me just so far. Eventually it just burned itself out. All I felt now was an aching emptiness inside. There was no one left. Even friends from school and NERV, or rather GEHIRN as it's called these days were either on holiday or taking some very much needed leave time.
"I'm truly alone. I have no one...nothing. What have I left to live for?"
Beyond that guardrail was a void, beckoning. It would be easy to end it now, just one little step...
"Helluva view, but watch that first step, it's a killer."
If I had been standing on the rail, the shock of hearing another voice behind me would've probably made me jump out of shock. I whirled around to see what was probably the most...angular looking individual I had ever seen. Every part of his face and body seemed to end in an edge or point. He wore a black leather jacket and pants; helmet tucked neatly under one arm. Even his long dark hair, matted as it was from what must have been hours under a helmet, still seemed to stick out at weird angles. I must have really been out of it...I didn't even hear any bike pull up!
"So, what's the deal, kid? What's got you so down that you want to eighty- six yourself?"
God, was I that obvious? It must have shown in my face, judging from the chuckle coming from my unlikely companion.
"I used to work at a suicide prevention hotline. This time of year seems to depress more people than you may think. Got pretty good at spotting the signs." He gave me a long appraising look, then smiled, a stalk of tall grass being gnawed between his teeth. "You ain't there yet. Hopefully, you'll never be. 'Sides, see what can happen if you botch the job?"
He pulled down a scarf from his neck, showing a horrible ragged scar running around the breadth of his throat. I winced at the sight. He turned and leaned on the rail. "I tried to check out that way once. Didn't kill me, how, the docs could never figure out. Ruptured disks and bone fragments galore. The surgeons went in from the front; Got so much metal put in, I have big problems at airports. Cavity searches are no fun, believe you me!"
He shuddered so theatrically, I couldn't help but laugh in spite of myself. He turned, and then bowed. "Name's Tanaka, Kentarou. Ken'll do fine. What's yours?"
"Ikari, Shinji" I replied, returning the bow. Ken cocked his head to the side, quizzical look on his face.
"The EVA Pilot?"
"The same."
"Pleasure to meet you, Ikari-san. Or can I call you Shinji?" I nodded. Had to admit, though, I was a bit puzzled by the lack of reaction; most people these days either seem to idolize or worship me, not that I needed either.
As if in response to my thoughts, Ken said "Hope you're not expecting me to fall down on my face out of awe or something. Never was into all that celebrity bullshit. I mean we all eat, breathe and squat the same way, right?"
I smiled at this; I was beginning to like this guy! His attitude was different, very refreshing in a way.
"So, gonna tell me what's up?" Tenacious guy, I'll give him that! Weird thing was, once I got started, I just couldn't stop! It spewed out like water from a fire hose in one big gush. It was all so strange. Here I've known this guy for maybe 10 minutes and I'm telling him my life story. But it just felt right, somehow. He was just so damned easy to talk to. Then I got to the part that hurt the worst. I told him about Touji...and then Kaworu.
"...and then, I had to kill the only person who ever told me he loved me. He was my best friend! Do you have any idea what it feels like to kill someone you care about?!!!" I was halfway between screaming and crying at this point
"Actually, I do". His soft response was like having a bucket of ice water dumped on me. My eyes widened in surprise.
The expression on his face was sad, eyes getting a misty, far-away look. "I had a girlfriend once. Real hellion, but I loved her like nothing else. She felt the same about me. We were thinking of tying the knot." His fist clenched, knuckles turning white from the pressure. "She got hit by a drunk. After the surgeons got through, turns out she was brain dead. The fuckin' respirator was the only thing keeping her alive." He looked down, a lanky silhouette in the moonlight. "Turns out she had a living will, giving me the authority to pull the plug." He began to pace, then whirled, wild look on his face. "Her body was there, but she wasn't. I had the god dam will, but I still had to fight to have her taken off that damned machine." His finger jabbed me in the chest. "Yes, I did kill her...better she die with dignity than be kept alive as little more than a carcass! Hell, I'd do it again in a second! So you think you've got the market cornered on tragedy?! Far as I'm concerned, you aren't even close!" His expression softened slightly. "At least I know she'll still be there for me; 3rd impact showed me that, at least."
An uncomfortable silence settled over us. Ken sat on a tree stump, brooding. I was still struggling to absorb what he had said. It was sobering to realize that there were probably many people who were in the same boat as I was.
"Ken-san..."
"Yeah?"
"How did you deal with that? How did you cope?"
A tight little grin flickered on his face "By living. Way I look at it, who am I to screw up someone else's karma?" He grinned at the baffled look I gave him.
"Lemme show you something" He stooped and picked up a stone, throwing it into a puddle. "See those ripples? They're the result of something I did. Each one has the potential to trigger other events. Each action I take, every choice that I make has an impact on something...or someone. Even by not acting, I've still made a choice." He spat out the now-thoroughly mangled grass stem. "I have no idea what effect my choices will have, but I've got to hang around to find out, right?" He winked roguishly "Who are you to think of punching the clock when you haven't even lived yet?"
Had to admit, man had a definite point. All I had in my life up to now was EVA and abandonment. Maybe...it was time to stop living for someone else. Maybe it was time to find out where I fit in. I shook my head; I'd be lucky to get any sleep tonight. Too much to think about!
"Look, Shinji, do yourself a favor" Ken's hoarse voice intruded on my thoughts "I know I laid a load on ya, but just think about what I said, okay? Then, if ya still wanna go back to lcl or jump off a cliff, be my guest. But just remember what I said about cause and effect. He punched me lightly in the shoulder. "Now, take off and LIVE a little!" He made a shooing gesture with his hands. I grinned, bowed again, and began my walk back to Tokyo-3. I had a lot to think over....what a weird night!
***** ****** ******
The man Shinji knew as Ken watched for a while to ensure that Shinji was truly gone. His features and body shimmered, and then seemed to divide. In his place stood a boy. He had longish grey hair and shocking red eyes. Before him floated the dimly glowing specter of the one-time biker, seemingly in expectation. The boy bowed deeply.
"I thank you, Tanaka-san, for sharing your essence with me in order to help my friend. I owe you a great debt, and Tabris always pays his debts." He then spread his arms, voice reverberating. "Return to your rest, Tanaka- san...someone is waiting for you." The angel of free will grinned as a pair of slender arms appeared to serpentine around the shade's waist. The Shade returned the grin, gave Tabris thumbs up, and faded from view.
Tabris gazed at the full moon, well content with tonight's work. In the back of his mind came a familiar tickle. Someone wished to speak with him.
A still, small voice was heard in Tabris' mind. "Good work. You've done well this night, Tabris.
"Thank you, my lord. He was my friend. I owe him much. All he needed was a bit of a push...in the right direction, of course."
"Indeed! He has a destiny to fulfill, and happiness to find. About time, too. I was getting real tired of the self pity trip. No more track twenty six! Although I am puzzled about one thing..."
"My lord?"
"Why a biker, of all things?"
"What, you've never heard of the Hell's angels...?"
*********************
Disclaimer: Evangelion is owned by Gainax, not me.
Authors note: Just a quick one-shot that just kind of stuck in my mind like one of those annoying jingles. It wouldn't leave, so I decided to give it a home here. Consider it a prequel for my "Requiem" continuity, which I really should get busy on again. C&C welcome, as always.
"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year....uh-huh. Riiiggghhht. What have I got to be happy about?" I groused, to no one in particular. "Hell, there's no one here but me, Period!" I gazed down from what Misato had dubbed Shinji's lookout at the re-construction of Tokyo 3. Colorful lights gleamed and sparkled, the whole tableau like some gigantic ornament. People were returning, rebuilding their lives after 3rd impact. Shopping and parties were in progress. Families were gathering for holiday dinners. By rights, I should be home preparing a special feast for my "family".
"Oh, yeah, that's right...I don't have a family, not anymore."
After 3rd impact, I spent 3 months in a coma while my brain rewired itself, giving me psionic abilities. Which I found more of a curse than a gift at present, considering I had very little control over them. I tended to stay away from large crowds. The psychic "noise" from the collected thoughts of others gave me blinding headaches. Ritsuko said it was because of brain- strain from not being able to sort and interpret thought input as of yet. Bless that crusty lady and Maya...they really helped buffer the shock of having both Misato and Asuka abandoning me while I was "out".
"It's always the same. The people who I care about most are always the ones to leave."
I could understand Asuka leaving. She at least left a note. Between that and what we shared during impact, it gave me a good understanding. She had all her barriers shattered. Now, she had to rebuild herself from the ground up. Tokyo 3 held too many bad memories. At least I knew she didn't hate me. She loved me...like a brother. Not quite what I had in mind, but I'm not complaining. Her happiness has always been important to me. Misato's desertion was another story. No note, explanation, nothing! She's supposed to be my guardian, but she tosses me aside like a piece of trash! I've been wondering lately if she ever really cared. Was I just a tool, to be used and thrown away? I should thank her though. I was so infuriated by her betrayal that I rehabbed in record time. I even continued with the exercise and got into heavy martial arts. Bye-bye scrawny wimp, hello muscles.
But anger only took me just so far. Eventually it just burned itself out. All I felt now was an aching emptiness inside. There was no one left. Even friends from school and NERV, or rather GEHIRN as it's called these days were either on holiday or taking some very much needed leave time.
"I'm truly alone. I have no one...nothing. What have I left to live for?"
Beyond that guardrail was a void, beckoning. It would be easy to end it now, just one little step...
"Helluva view, but watch that first step, it's a killer."
If I had been standing on the rail, the shock of hearing another voice behind me would've probably made me jump out of shock. I whirled around to see what was probably the most...angular looking individual I had ever seen. Every part of his face and body seemed to end in an edge or point. He wore a black leather jacket and pants; helmet tucked neatly under one arm. Even his long dark hair, matted as it was from what must have been hours under a helmet, still seemed to stick out at weird angles. I must have really been out of it...I didn't even hear any bike pull up!
"So, what's the deal, kid? What's got you so down that you want to eighty- six yourself?"
God, was I that obvious? It must have shown in my face, judging from the chuckle coming from my unlikely companion.
"I used to work at a suicide prevention hotline. This time of year seems to depress more people than you may think. Got pretty good at spotting the signs." He gave me a long appraising look, then smiled, a stalk of tall grass being gnawed between his teeth. "You ain't there yet. Hopefully, you'll never be. 'Sides, see what can happen if you botch the job?"
He pulled down a scarf from his neck, showing a horrible ragged scar running around the breadth of his throat. I winced at the sight. He turned and leaned on the rail. "I tried to check out that way once. Didn't kill me, how, the docs could never figure out. Ruptured disks and bone fragments galore. The surgeons went in from the front; Got so much metal put in, I have big problems at airports. Cavity searches are no fun, believe you me!"
He shuddered so theatrically, I couldn't help but laugh in spite of myself. He turned, and then bowed. "Name's Tanaka, Kentarou. Ken'll do fine. What's yours?"
"Ikari, Shinji" I replied, returning the bow. Ken cocked his head to the side, quizzical look on his face.
"The EVA Pilot?"
"The same."
"Pleasure to meet you, Ikari-san. Or can I call you Shinji?" I nodded. Had to admit, though, I was a bit puzzled by the lack of reaction; most people these days either seem to idolize or worship me, not that I needed either.
As if in response to my thoughts, Ken said "Hope you're not expecting me to fall down on my face out of awe or something. Never was into all that celebrity bullshit. I mean we all eat, breathe and squat the same way, right?"
I smiled at this; I was beginning to like this guy! His attitude was different, very refreshing in a way.
"So, gonna tell me what's up?" Tenacious guy, I'll give him that! Weird thing was, once I got started, I just couldn't stop! It spewed out like water from a fire hose in one big gush. It was all so strange. Here I've known this guy for maybe 10 minutes and I'm telling him my life story. But it just felt right, somehow. He was just so damned easy to talk to. Then I got to the part that hurt the worst. I told him about Touji...and then Kaworu.
"...and then, I had to kill the only person who ever told me he loved me. He was my best friend! Do you have any idea what it feels like to kill someone you care about?!!!" I was halfway between screaming and crying at this point
"Actually, I do". His soft response was like having a bucket of ice water dumped on me. My eyes widened in surprise.
The expression on his face was sad, eyes getting a misty, far-away look. "I had a girlfriend once. Real hellion, but I loved her like nothing else. She felt the same about me. We were thinking of tying the knot." His fist clenched, knuckles turning white from the pressure. "She got hit by a drunk. After the surgeons got through, turns out she was brain dead. The fuckin' respirator was the only thing keeping her alive." He looked down, a lanky silhouette in the moonlight. "Turns out she had a living will, giving me the authority to pull the plug." He began to pace, then whirled, wild look on his face. "Her body was there, but she wasn't. I had the god dam will, but I still had to fight to have her taken off that damned machine." His finger jabbed me in the chest. "Yes, I did kill her...better she die with dignity than be kept alive as little more than a carcass! Hell, I'd do it again in a second! So you think you've got the market cornered on tragedy?! Far as I'm concerned, you aren't even close!" His expression softened slightly. "At least I know she'll still be there for me; 3rd impact showed me that, at least."
An uncomfortable silence settled over us. Ken sat on a tree stump, brooding. I was still struggling to absorb what he had said. It was sobering to realize that there were probably many people who were in the same boat as I was.
"Ken-san..."
"Yeah?"
"How did you deal with that? How did you cope?"
A tight little grin flickered on his face "By living. Way I look at it, who am I to screw up someone else's karma?" He grinned at the baffled look I gave him.
"Lemme show you something" He stooped and picked up a stone, throwing it into a puddle. "See those ripples? They're the result of something I did. Each one has the potential to trigger other events. Each action I take, every choice that I make has an impact on something...or someone. Even by not acting, I've still made a choice." He spat out the now-thoroughly mangled grass stem. "I have no idea what effect my choices will have, but I've got to hang around to find out, right?" He winked roguishly "Who are you to think of punching the clock when you haven't even lived yet?"
Had to admit, man had a definite point. All I had in my life up to now was EVA and abandonment. Maybe...it was time to stop living for someone else. Maybe it was time to find out where I fit in. I shook my head; I'd be lucky to get any sleep tonight. Too much to think about!
"Look, Shinji, do yourself a favor" Ken's hoarse voice intruded on my thoughts "I know I laid a load on ya, but just think about what I said, okay? Then, if ya still wanna go back to lcl or jump off a cliff, be my guest. But just remember what I said about cause and effect. He punched me lightly in the shoulder. "Now, take off and LIVE a little!" He made a shooing gesture with his hands. I grinned, bowed again, and began my walk back to Tokyo-3. I had a lot to think over....what a weird night!
***** ****** ******
The man Shinji knew as Ken watched for a while to ensure that Shinji was truly gone. His features and body shimmered, and then seemed to divide. In his place stood a boy. He had longish grey hair and shocking red eyes. Before him floated the dimly glowing specter of the one-time biker, seemingly in expectation. The boy bowed deeply.
"I thank you, Tanaka-san, for sharing your essence with me in order to help my friend. I owe you a great debt, and Tabris always pays his debts." He then spread his arms, voice reverberating. "Return to your rest, Tanaka- san...someone is waiting for you." The angel of free will grinned as a pair of slender arms appeared to serpentine around the shade's waist. The Shade returned the grin, gave Tabris thumbs up, and faded from view.
Tabris gazed at the full moon, well content with tonight's work. In the back of his mind came a familiar tickle. Someone wished to speak with him.
A still, small voice was heard in Tabris' mind. "Good work. You've done well this night, Tabris.
"Thank you, my lord. He was my friend. I owe him much. All he needed was a bit of a push...in the right direction, of course."
"Indeed! He has a destiny to fulfill, and happiness to find. About time, too. I was getting real tired of the self pity trip. No more track twenty six! Although I am puzzled about one thing..."
"My lord?"
"Why a biker, of all things?"
"What, you've never heard of the Hell's angels...?"