The Problem With Hope
Summary: Hope was such a funny thing. It could build you up or tear you down in a matter of moments.
Josslyn groaned when the light to her bedroom turned on and turned bleary eyes toward her alarm clock. Her eyes widened at the sight of the time. It was three in the morning. Ready to question why she was being woken up at this time, she sat up and looked toward the doorway, complaint dying in her throat at the sight of her mother standing there.
Her mother's hair was a mess and she had her robe wrapped around her, cellphone was in her hand that hung limply at her side. Josslyn knew immediately that something was wrong at the look in the woman's eyes.
"Mom?" She asked, voice trembling as she sat frozen in the bed, hands gripping her blankets tightly.
Carly immediately hurried over and took a seat on the side of the bed, her hands untangeling Joss' from the blankets and holding them. "I just got off the phone with Kim." She began carefully, trying her hardest to be strong for her daughter. "Sweetie, I am so sorry."
Josslyn's nails dug into her mother's hands at the words being spoken to her. She knew what her mother was getting at. She knew. "No!" She whispered desperately, trying hardest to deny the truth. "No. Oscar is fine. I just visited him last night. He was a little tired, but that was it."
Her mom shook her head. "Honey, Oscar began to have breathing issues an hour ago. They have him on a breathing tube. Kim just called to tell you. She wanted to.." She sucked in a breath, preparing herself for the news she was about to deliver. "She wanted to tell you to come if you wanted to say goodbye."
The teen choked on a sob and she let go of her mother's hands to swipe at her tears hastily. She stood to her feet on shaky legs and watched her mother leave the room to get ready. Josslyn went over to her dresser to grab a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt and socks when her gaze went to the picture of she and Oscar that sat there. She reached out to pick it up, finger running over Oscar's face. She wondered how so much had changed in a matter of months. She sat the picture down and pulled on her outfit.
The drive to the hospital had been silent with Josslyn staring out the window as all too cheerful pop music blared on the radio. Carly parked the car and she stared at her daughter for a few moments, wishing things were different, wishing she knew what to say.
They both got out and Josslyn immediately started off toward the doors, walking inside as if her legs had a mind of their own. She walked down the halls she knew well to the room she had visited often in the past month and a half. She froze at the door for a few moments and let out a shaky breath before she pushed it open and stepped inside. She stifled a cry at the sight of Oscar. He looked so pale and small in his bed, especially with the tubes down his throat. Drew, Kim, and Monica sat by his bedside, tear streaks pouring down their cheeks.
Carly froze in the doorway and watched as her daughter reached for Oscar's hand. Her heart clenched painfully in her chest as Josslyn raised her other hand to smooth his hair off of his forehead and slid down to cup his cheek. She hardly noticed Kim, Drew, or Monica moving to the doorway beside her until Kim reached for her hand. She followed them out to give the kids some privacy, falling into a chair across from the room.
Meanwhile, back inside, Josslyn had collapsed into the chair behind her, still holding Oscar's hand. "I still remember the first time I ever saw you." She smiled at the memory. "I had a crush on you for weeks before we finally interacted. It's weird because I'm not usually shy, but you made me feel so unsure. I didn't know how to impress you. And then we connected at that stupid party and I felt like I was flying. You've been a part of my life for two years now and I don't know what to do without you. You weren't just my first boyfriend, you were one of my best friends. You listened to me as I talked about Morgan and you tried to understand. You were there when I was acting out because of my mom being in Ferncliff. It's not fair that this happened to you. It's not fair that you just started getting to know your father and grandmother and sister and they're going to lose you." Tears spilled hotly down her cheeks and blurred her vision. "God, I'm so sorry. I feel like this is all my fault. I convinced you to go through with these trials. I was so sure that they'd save you. That my love would save you. I guess...I was foolish. I was too hopeful."
She cleared her throat and climbed into the bed carefully, resting her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "You'll always be my first love and I'm never going to forget you. It would be impossible to."
Oscar lived for an hour longer before he finally passed on with Josslyn, his parents, grandmother, and Carly in the room. When his time of death was announced, Josslyn immediately collapsed into her mother's arms.
Around three in the afternoon that day, Josslyn slid on her boots and her coat and scarf before sneaking out of her home. Her mother assumed she was sleeping, but she was unable to. She called Milo to come pick her up and slid into the car, sitting in companionable silence with him.
As soon as he parked the car in front of the cemetery, she climbed out of the car and walked purposefully to Morgan's grave. She fell to her knees in front of it, fingers tracing the letters of her brother's headstone. "I'm sorry I haven't been by to visit in a few weeks." She said in a whisper, placing the stuffed penguin on the grave. "I've been so busy worrying about...worrying about Oscar that I feel like I've neglected you. I still miss you so much, Morgan. Sometimes I expect to see you walk through the living room door before I remember that you're dead. I've been thinking of you even more lately because of Oscar. I told you about him, remember? He was my first boyfriend. I always felt that you two would get along. Now you two will actually get to meet each other. God, Morgan. Oscar had a brain tumor. He died this morning. When I found out he was sick, I felt just as scared and confused as when you died. I tried to hope my love would be enough to save him, but I guess it wasn't. I am so hurt and angry. I don't know what you or Oscar or Kiki did to deserve this. Why were you taken away?" She shook her head. "Anyway, the point is, I wanted to ask you and Kiki to look after Oscar for me. I love you so much, Big Brother." She kissed her gloved fingers before pressing them to the top of the grave. Finally, she stood to her feet and walked back to the car.