REFORMATTED
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. I'm just going all library with them for the moment. But they'll be put back after the lending period has passed.
Author's note: My first Danny/Lindsay fic. I'm already hard at work on the next one, which I swear has like zero angst and tragedy…well, maybe not zero, but darn close. A lot closer than this drama-fest, at least. But it's so going towards smut, so I'm going to finish it as is and then go back and take out all the smut so it can be posted on anyone knows where I can put the NC-17 version please let me know!
My reviewers are awesome, and if you've come here from one of my other fics welcome! And yes, I assure you I am also working on my "Seriously, will they EVER be updated?" in-progress fics. Don't give up on me!
Spoilers: Through Season Two
On to the fun!
They were all there, crowded around her small hospital bed. Stella was huddled next to Mac with a hand on his arm, Hawkes and Flack were ribbing one another with stories of the various scars each sported, and Danny stood at the foot of her bed, flipping idly through her chart.
She couldn't believe that everyone had come, and that she was so happy to have them all there. Time was not so long ago that she would have been lost without her family there. But then again, she mused, her family was there. This was simply the family she had chosen, she reflected with a smile.
Lindsay thought back to that morning, to the crazed gunman who had rushed their crime scene, and she sighed. All conversation ceased and every eye was glued to her face. She blushed and managed a laugh despite the unease she felt at being the center of attention.
"Sorry, guys."
Mac shook his head.
"What is it, Lindsay?"
"I was just thinking about yesterday morning, that's all."
Stella turned her head away, a little embarrassed at how emotional she'd been since hearing the news that Lindsay was in the hospital as the victim of a gunshot wound. She viewed the younger woman as a sister of sorts, and had been protective of her since Lindsay's first day on the job. Stella's gaze fell on Danny, who was gripping Lindsay's chart so tightly his knuckles were white.
He hadn't said much since the shooting but then again, not much needed to be said, really. As far as the paperwork was concerned it was a pretty open and shut case. The shooter had rushed the crime scene in an effort to keep the csi's from finding the skeleton in the closet…literally.
What would they think if they knew Danny's mind was still replaying the events of the day over and over again? He briefly wondered in between breaths.
The assailant was a man in his late 60s who had been forced out of his home when he lost his job. Danny and Lindsay were the csi's there to process the house after the current owner and her husband were found stabbed in the kitchen. When the old man learned that there had been another crime committed there he became frantic that they would discover the skeleton of the drifter he had killed and hidden in a false wall in the closet.
When he arrived he surprised Danny who held his hands up and tried to talk the man down. But Lindsay didn't know he was there and walked out to check on Danny and had scared the old man, who had shot her in the stomach.
Danny raced to her side.
"No, no…go, Danny," she rasped, even as she clutched at his arms, "If you let him get away I'll kill you."
Danny opened his cell phone with a shaky hand and had backup and an ambulance on the way in moments. He turned back to Lindsay who had started to shake.
"Hey, Lindsay, stay with me, okay? You gotta stay with me," he barked at her, scared out of his mind. He took off his outer shirt and pressed it to her wound. She dug her nails into his forearm as a wave of pain overtook her. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and the tears streaked down her cheeks unchecked. She gasped and opened her eyes and forced herself to grin up at Danny.
"You're not getting rid of me that easily," she joked between each lungful of air. He looked down at her and saw through her bravado, saw how hard she was trying not to let him see how scared she really was. He knew she needed him to pretend that he couldn't read her like a book.
"Who said anything about gettin' rid of you, Montana? I just about got you broken in," he teased as best as he could, though he knew it fell flat. She smiled and closed her eyes and her hand fell away from his arm.
Danny's heart seized in his chest.
"Lindsay! Lindsay!" he cried out, and one of his hands went to her neck to feel for a pulse. He almost broke down in tears when he could feel it throb slowly beneath his fingers.
"Wake up, Lindsay! You gotta stay with me, wake up!"
Her eyelids fluttered and she cracked her eyes open and bit her lip.
"Danny," she called out weakly. He picked up one of her hands and cradled it to his chest.
"I'm here, I'm here, I need you here with me, okay? Keep those beautiful brown eyes open for me, alright?"
She tried to nod but the effort was too much so she focused on keeping her eyes open. In the distance she could hear the sirens and thought there was never a sound so beautiful. She blinked slowly and every time it was harder and harder to reopen her eyes. The darkness approached nearly as fast as the sirens. She felt herself being hoisted onto the stretcher and she knew that feeling disconnected from the pain wasn't good.
She realized she was alone and she became terrified. It hurt too much to open her eyes anymore.
"Danny?" she called out as loudly as she could. His fingers curled into hers even as his voice reached her ears.
"I'm here, Lindsay, I'm here."
"Don't leave me," she pleaded, not caring how pathetic it sounded. His grip tightened and his free hand moved to her cheek. She nestled into his palm and sighed.
"I promise, I am gonna be with you," he choked out, not even caring that the EMTs were likely drawing all the wrong conclusions.
She whispered something and he couldn't make it out. He leaned closer to her.
"What was that?" he asked.
"Forever," she breathed out before she fell unconscious. The EMT went to work trying to stabilize Lindsay, and Danny numbly allowed himself to be pushed backward onto the seat while the man gave Lindsay more oxygen and inserted an IV tube into one of her arms.
"So did we find out anymore about the guy?" Lindsay asked, and her voice jerked him back to the present.
"No more than Danny already told you, I'm guessing," Mac said with a quick glance at the blonde, "He was in shock that he'd shot you, never moved from the scene until backup came and got him. Last I heard he was still crying in his cell."
Lindsay grinned at that but her smile dimmed when she looked at Danny and saw how tense he still was.
"And what about the victims we were there to process? How's that case going?" she asked, determined to find out all she could about the cases, even if Danny was going to be mute.
"We're still locking down alibis and getting into their histories," Stella responded.
Lindsay nodded and tried to think of something to say that would break Danny out of the near comatose state he'd been in since the rest of the team had arrived. She glanced at him and frowned. He held himself tightly coiled, as if he were afraid to move too much for fear of explosion.
How different from earlier, she mused as she continued to study him. When she came out of the anesthesia he had been by her bedside holding her hand. He smiled at her when he saw her eyes open.
"There she is," he beamed as she focused on him and gave him a small grin. "I always had you pegged for a fighter, Montana."
She licked her lips and cleared her throat, coughing a little. Danny went to the side table to get her some water.
"Aren't you the one who bet against me?" she croaked as he helped her sit up and drink. He shrugged.
"Nah, not really. I had to let Mac win."
She raised her eyebrows and he smirked.
"What? Like I was gonna admit that I knew you would eat it? You may have pointed out that I don't know everything about Mac, but one of the things I do know is that he likes to win. So I made the bet knowing I would lose."
She smiled and he settled her back into the covers. She thought about how he'd stayed with her, even while she was in surgery, and she was warmed by the gesture. She carefully thought out her next statement.
"Thanks for staying with me, Danny. I'm glad you did."
He ducked his head down and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Happy to do it, Monroe."
She asked him about the cases and he filled her in with the little information he had been able to glean when he checked in with Stella.
The rest of the team had drifted in shortly after that, and Danny had moved aside quickly when Mac and Stella came in. Lindsay didn't miss the look Mac gave Danny upon seeing him sitting beside Lindsay, and she frowned a bit as she returned Stella's hug. Mac was giving Danny a surprised and then suspicious glance.
Danny had closed up after that, uttering as few words as possible until now he stood with the group and yet apart. It was interesting that he didn't make his excuses and simply leave, she thought. It wasn't like she was lacking for company anymore. Plus he was probably dying to get home and have a shower and a change of clothes. Lindsay wondered if she'd get a chance to ask him what was wrong.
Stella knew perfectly well what was wrong, and she was going to chew Mac's head off when she got him alone. Lindsay was good for Danny, they balanced each other out, and if this near-tragedy brought them closer together that was good not only for them but for the whole team, as far as Stella was concerned.
Leave it to Mac to set Danny back months with a simple look.
Although she was bolstered by Danny's refusal to leave, even though he had plenty of excuses. The old Danny would have completely backed down from a look like that. Too afraid of rocking the boat with Mac over a personal reason. Before anything else could be said a doctor breezed in, holding a chart which he paged through quickly. He glanced around the room and then at Lindsay.
"Glad to see that your family made it after all. But I need to speak with you in private, if you don't mind."
A little confused at both his assumption and statement Lindsay looked around at everyone and shrugged. They filed out and she met Danny's eyes for a moment as he turned to shut the door behind him. She smiled and one side of his mouth quirked up slightly.
It wasn't much, she thought, but it was progress. She moved her eyes to the doctor.
"What's up, Doc?"
Outside Danny stood apart from the group and leaned against the wall. He cursed Mac's ability to make him feel like he was never going to be good enough. And he hated that his opinion meant so much to him.
Worse, he hated that he wanted Mac to think it was alright if he liked Lindsay. He felt stupid for feeling like he wanted Mac's blessing to pursue Lindsay, and yet he couldn't shake it.
He couldn't dismiss that what Mac thought meant that much, or that he liked Lindsay enough to worry about it.
Which had been a surprise, really. Not entirely unwelcome, but it was a situation that had blind-sided him, that's for sure. They had teased and flirted in the lab and out, but he never took it as seriously as he could have, would have, had she been someone else. They worked together, for starters, and they were from two different worlds.
He'd let the thought of going out with her cross his mind, and he'd definitely let the thought of sleeping with her enter his mind…more than once. But he always stopped himself from pushing harder than he could have. He liked her as a person too much to engage in anything as fleeting as the type of relationships he was used to.
The events of the day had changed his feelings in a heartbeat…literally. The moment he felt her pulse beneath his fingers he was filled to overflowing with relief and happiness and a jumble of emotions he didn't even want to try to pin down. All he was certain of was that he wanted to be with Lindsay and as soon as he could muster the courage he was going to tell her. It was too rare for him to feel so intensely for someone and he couldn't bring himself to ignore it, scared as he was by the possible repercussions.
The door to Lindsay's room opened and the doctor came out and stopped in front of the group.
"How is she?" Danny asked, too caught up in his own musings to wonder if the team noticed the overkill on the worry coming from him. The doctor turned a sharp gaze to him but Danny's feelings must have been incredibly transparent for he could see the man's eyes soften fractionally.
"She's permitted me to reveal the status of her condition with you all, and I am sorry to report that her prognosis isn't good."
For a split second it was silent and then Mac stepped up.
"What's the matter, Doctor?"
The doctor sighed and consulted the chart in his hand before he folded his arms across his chest and began to talk.
"When we were operating earlier we found an abnormal growth that we biopsied and determined to be cancerous. Unfortunately, it's progressed too far for us to be able to do much for her except to make her as comfortable as we can in the time she has left."
"What?" Hawkes blurted out, voicing the confusion they all felt.
Danny didn't hear the technical details, tuned out the other questions the team asked. The blood was rushing in his ears and he couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't swallow. His fingers tingled and his eyes stung, and his throat constricted and grew raw.
Lindsay was dying?
He had long ago believed that there was a purpose to his life, a deity watching out for him. Then as he grew older he decided that god did indeed know of his existence, and that he had delivered Danny a message: go to hell. Ever since then Danny had tried to live his life better, had tried to turn the mistakes of his past into the lessons of his future. He had thought he was doing a passable job of it, too, until today.
God obviously had a sick sense of humor. Why would he give him Lindsay, this amazing gift of a person, only to want her back as soon as Danny had developed feelings for her? What kind of twisted mind game was going on here?
He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and forced the emotions back. He couldn't break down here, not when he still had to go in and see Lindsay, see if there was anything he could do to take away her pain.
And what kind of a jackass was he that would even assume there was something he could do? He wondered as part of his mind registered that the doctor had left. Mac cleared his throat and looked around at the group, and his gaze rested on Stella who was openly sobbing.
He gathered her in his arms and let her cry for a few minutes before he leaned down and whispered something in a voice too low to be overheard. She quieted gradually and when she had herself mostly under control she nodded to Mac who led the way back into Lindsay's room.
It was the most suffocated Danny had ever felt, wandering back in there. Back in the panic room he had thought there was no possible feeling on earth that could compare to the claustrophobic sensations, but he was wrong. This was infinitely worse.
He looked at her as he walked in, and was momentarily taken aback by the pure relief he saw in her expression when she noticed him. It was so fleeting he almost convinced himself he had imagined it. He absently wondered if he was the only one who could tell what a brave face she was putting on. She glanced around at everyone and then down at her blanket, which she started to pick at absently.
Danny couldn't tear his eyes away, although he could see that she didn't want this attention, wanted to be anywhere but here, in the center of this group, this team, this family of people who were already grieving her.
"Funny how I didn't feel anything, huh?" she whispered at last. When no one said anything Danny wanted to cry at how hard she was trying to remain normal and casual. He decided it would be one of the most difficult things he had ever done but he could give her this illusion. Out of all of them he was the one they would expect to be the most detached, anyway.
"When was that, Linds?" he asked, not even realizing he'd slipped the nickname in. But Lindsay did and it gave her a moment of completely inappropriate warmth.
"No symptoms or anything, just a gunshot." She said and looked up at him and he nodded to show that he'd heard her, although he actually hadn't processed the words yet.
The ringing of Mac's cell phone startled everyone, and there was a moment of nervous laughter after they all jumped. But while Mac took out the cell phone he made no move to answer it.
"Answer it, Mac," Lindsay commanded quietly, "It's important, right?"
Danny's lips parted and he wanted to demand that Mac throw the phone out the window, that nothing was more important than this moment, couldn't he see that? Didn't he know that? But then he realized the attention would be on Mac for at least a moment and Lindsay could use the break.
"She's right, Mac," Danny stated quietly.
With a brief look at Lindsay Mac pressed the button.
"Hello?"
They could only hear his side of the conversation but Mac's body language was easy to read.
"No, I'm at the hospital. One of my team…yes, that's right. So what…"
They could tell that it was serious from the way Mac's face fell. And then Flack's phone went off and they knew it was worse.
"That won't be necessary, they're all here with me…fine, as soon as we can."
Mac hung up and turned to face them.
"So what is it, Mac?" Lindsay asked, amazed she could even form a sentence. He blinked at her for a moment.
"Drunk driver plowed into a bus that went across the median and hit a shuttle van. Multiple casualties, they need all hands on deck to help."
"I'm stayin'."
Danny's voice was soft but his tone brooked no argument. Lindsay's lips parted and her eyes widened but she couldn't find her voice to object or approve or anything else. He had come back in last and until she saw him she had been convinced he had left her. She could feel Mac's eyes on her but she couldn't tear her gaze away from Danny, who wasn't looking at her but at Mac.
Mac nodded once and the tension was broken. Hawkes and Flack shared a look and shrugged and both came over to kiss Lindsay's cheeks and to promise to come back as soon as they could. Stella and Mac did the same, with Mac telling Danny they would check in with him later while Stella hugged Lindsay as long as she dared. As it was she was sniffling badly as she left the room, Mac's hand on the small of her back.
After they were gone several moments went by before either one of them said anything. Lindsay supposed that the silence was to be expected. After all, what was there to say after hearing news like that?
She gave in and let her mind replay snatches of the conversation, but as she did she could feel herself get worked up and decided that she needed to be alone. But she was going to ask Danny to do something for her before she sent him away. God knows why he'd chosen to stay with her, but she was grateful because there was no one else who could possibly do what she needed.
"Danny," she said, and almost broke down at the compassion she saw in his gaze. "I need you to do something for me."
"Anything."
His answer was quick, decisive, and certain. She needed that self-confidence of his right about now, she mused. That unerring belief that whatever she asked of him he could and would do. It wasn't even a question.
"I need to be alone for a bit," she began and had to stop to compose herself for a minute.
His heart broke for her at that moment, and he realized he was an idiot for staying. But she continued speaking before he could continue to punish himself.
"But I want you to come back, okay?" She waited until he nodded. "And when you do I don't want to talk about this…at all." Her gaze was firm, even through the tears that had begun to fall. "I want you to talk to me about anything else, I want you to distract me, I need you…"
She broke off and began to cry in earnest, gut-wrenching sobs that tore at his heart and hit him with a force that knocked the breath out of him. His hesitation was momentary and then he was next to her, pulling her into his arms where she clung with a strength that shouldn't have surprised him but did.
"I can do that," he whispered into her hair, and he pulled her even closer. He held her until she cried herself out, and he continued to hold her until she fell asleep. Only then did he lay her back on the pillow and take his leave.
When he walked out the door he had no idea where he was going, only that he found himself filled with a rage that threatened to consume him whole. He needed to punish someone, he needed to hit something, and he headed to his gym where he poured all his angst and frustration and bitterness and guilt and sorrow and pain into every punch he threw at the heavy bag.
He walked home and showered, laying his head against the tile and letting the cool water do what little it could to ease his mind. He toweled himself off and saw that it had been nearly four hours since he left Lindsay. He decided to go back and if she wasn't awake then he would wander aimlessly until she was. He was restless and even though he had put himself through the ringer in the gym he still felt this energy pulsing through him.
Stella and Mac worked side by side in silence, taking pictures, collecting scrapings, and bagging evidence. She felt his eyes on her but she couldn't look at him. She needed to focus on the job at hand so she didn't start thinking about Lindsay, and by proxy, Danny.
The city workers were comparing notes with the tow truck driver as to how best to move the bus when they got a chance to take a break. The evidence collection was put on hold until they could get the bus out of the way.
Stella searched for Hawkes and Flack. She saw Hawkes crouched by one of the victims, with Flack nearby talking to witnesses behind the police tape. She picked her way through the piles of debris and evidence tags and stopped when she was at the perimeter of their section.
"Hey Hawkes? Flack?"
They both turned and she could read the fatigue and worry in their expressions. She cleared her throat before continuing.
"I'm going on a coffee run, can I get you guys something to eat, too?"
They nodded and smiled as best they could. She grinned half-heartedly and walked over to the car where Mac was waiting for her. She raised an eyebrow in question. He nodded in the direction she'd come from.
"I heard you mention something about coffee and food, and I thought I'd join you, if that's alright."
She nodded slowly, her mind already concocting ways to bring up the unwanted subject of Danny's feelings for Lindsay. They drove in silence until they reached a nearby diner. Stella found a spot not too far away and pulled in. She turned off the ignition and swiveled to face him.
"Why'd you give Danny that look?"
Mac gave Stella an assessing glance and got out of the car. Stella's jaw dropped for a moment before she snapped it shut and got out of the car, shutting the door with more force than was necessary. Mac's head whipped around and he stopped walking.
Stella strode past Mac without sparing him any attention and entered the line ahead of him. He touched her elbow and she snatched it away, inching closer to the person in front of her. She could hear him sigh and she rolled her eyes. Let him be annoyed, she thought.
"Stell," he tried, and she turned her head away, grinding her teeth together. She placed orders for herself, Flack and Hawkes, and waited in stony silence for them to be ready.
When they were assembled she thanked the man behind the counter and carried them back to the car, where she placed them on the floor in the back seat so they wouldn't tip over.
She remained mute while Mac made his way back to the car. As soon as he was settled she turned the key in the ignition. He leaned over and turned it off; pulling the keys out before she had a chance to voice a single objection. She found her voice quickly enough.
"What the hell, Mac? Give me the keys." She demanded, holding her hand out. He shook his head and looked out the window. Stella huffed and leaned back in her seat, feeling the beginnings of a migraine.
"I've never seen that look before," Mac said in a quiet voice. Stella's head turned sharply. "When we walked in, the look on Danny's face. I've never seen it there before."
Stella softened marginally, but she still had her ire raised.
"So you had to nonverbally chastise him because he showed himself capable of real feelings for someone?"
"I didn't—" he began then broke off when he saw her gaze "Fine. I didn't mean to do that, it caught me off guard and I wasn't sure what to think."
Stella shook her head.
"You're always so quick to be suspicious of him. You know he's trying, Mac. He's trying as hard as he can. And he cares about what you think of him, he really does."
Mac shot her a skeptical look and Stella turned to face him fully.
"The minute you gave him that look he backed away from Lindsay almost entirely. Honestly I was surprised he stayed after we got there, more so when we heard—" she choked up and bit her lip, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself. Mac's voice was soft and hesitant.
"I can't help but be pathetically grateful it's not you in that bed. And that makes me a horribly selfish, worthless excuse for a human being."
Stella gasped and forgot all about her tears.
"What?"
"When you called and told me Lindsay had been shot my first thought was that I was glad I hadn't assigned you to work with Danny that morning."
"Worrying about me doesn't make you selfish, Mac."
"Of course it does. I get the news that one of my team is dying, and my first reaction is relief that it's not you?"
She wasn't sure what to say. She was pretty sure it was highly inappropriate to be nearly giddy at the thought that Mac obviously cared about her more than he had thought, or at least more than he'd admitted.
"Well, that's probably because we've known each other the longest, right?" she asked, more to give him an out than because she wanted that simple answer to be the real one.
"Did you see the way Lindsay looked at him?" Mac asked, completely ignoring Stella's question. Stella tried to follow his train of thought.
"See how she looked at him when?"
"After we heard the news and went back in, she was looking for Danny. I could tell the minute she saw him—she was relieved to see him. It threw me for a loop."
Stella shrugged, not sure they should be discussing this but at the same time wanting to defend the couple.
"They're good for each other, for all of us. They balance each other out. She's level-headed and calm, and he's passionate and intuitive. They bring out the best in each other, and they help each other be better team members."
"You know, I had some glimpse of their influence on each other when Lindsay and I worked the water tower case," he told her with the faintest of grins. "Lindsay had this gut feeling that there was more to the deaths in the building than a series of coincidences, and she wouldn't let it go."
"And Danny helped her conduct the scientific experiment necessary to prove whether the doctor was on the rooftop with the victim," Stella added, seeing what he was talking about and glad that at least on some level he had noticed.
Mac nodded.
"I wonder why I didn't put it together before," he mused.
Mac looked out the window again and after a moment he handed Stella the keys without looking at her. She took them and started the car up, and the drive back to the crime scene was as silent as before. They got out and Stella went to the backseat to get Flack and Hawkes their food. As she turned around she almost bumped into Mac, who was standing close to her.
She flushed and laughed.
"Sorry, Mac, I didn't see you," she said as she made her way around him.
"Hey Stella," he called out. She stopped and turned around, a quizzical expression on her features.
"That's not the reason," he began and he gave her a small grin when she still looked confused, "it's not why I was glad it wasn't you this morning."
Flack and Hawkes came to get their food and by the time she had accepted their thanks Mac was back at the scene, getting reports from people as he ate.
As Danny made his way back he wondered what he would talk to Lindsay about. She wanted to be distracted, she had said, and god as his witness he was not going to fail her.
He came to the door and saw her contemplating a glass of water. He knocked on the door jam and spooked her. She smiled and shook her head.
"Sorry," he said with a smile, trying his damnedest not to notice the tears that still lingered in her eyes.
"It's alright," she croaked, and he decided that god was truly messing with him…he found her hoarse, tear-strained, sleepy voice all kinds of sexy. With a glare aimed in the place he assumed heaven was he made his way over to her.
He stopped for the barest of moments as it hit him what he would talk to her about, and this time he sent a suspicious glance heavenward and shook his head slightly as he grabbed the chair from the corner of the room and dragged it over to her bedside.
Lindsay wasn't sure why she was so nervous. It's not like Danny hadn't seen her looking a lot worse. Frankly, though, after how vulnerable and actually, now that she thought about it, how completely unattractive she had acted she was surprised he had come back. But god it had felt good to cry in his arms. He hadn't been afraid to hold her tightly, almost too tightly, really, but it was perfect. He was solid and real and just…there.
She realized she was thinking way too much about him in that moment, though he was a welcome diversion, and she should just push all thoughts of him to the background for a moment. She lifted the glass to her lips and took a drink as he spoke.
"I've always wanted to sleep with you."
She almost spit out the water but instead choked on her drink. What?
She coughed and sputtered, leaning forward as he patted her back. When she was done almost choking to death she looked at him. He smiled, and she was suddenly convinced that he was the perfect choice to go through this with her. She had asked for distraction and damn if the man wasn't giving her exactly what she wanted.
And speaking of what she wanted, suddenly she wanted to flirt.
She wanted to feel that rush she always felt whenever Danny charmed her, that little thrill that came with knowing if she just pushed a bit harder, if she let herself respond just a bit more, then things between them would combust.
She never felt more alive than in those moments, and right now she needed to feel as alive as she could.
She would never get the chance to experience that incineration; she thought but dismissed it as soon as it formed. She could wallow later. Now wasn't the time to start regretting every last damned thing she had or hadn't done. Now was the time to focus on getting what she wanted.
She wanted to feel like she was desirable, and that Danny was the one who wanted her. And it seemed from his comment like he was more than willing to go along. It seemed like he was on the same page. She realized she hadn't responded yet and she quickly thought up a reply.
"Really? Well, that approach wouldn't have worked."
He smiled even broader.
"Oh? Are you sayin' there's an approach that would have?"
She returned his smile easily enough yet her mind spun. This was almost too surreal. Were they really having this conversation? Any other day would have meant a retreat, a safe reply, a pulling back. She was so thoroughly distracted that she didn't think about her retort.
"Sure there is."
Oh dear—she hadn't really said that out loud, had she?
Her eyes flew to his and her lips parted in surprise. Maybe she had just thought it? But the laugh that erupted from his throat coupled with the way his eyes darkened told her she had indeed committed the blunder. Oh dear lord, what had she done?
She took a sip of her drink, aware that he watched her do so. He seemed to be waiting for her to say something, but what she couldn't fathom. He should have guessed that after that slip she'd want to keep mum.
Finally she couldn't take the silence or the look.
"What?" she asked, exasperated at her slowness.
"Exactly."
She felt a little obtuse. Did he really think he was being obvious? What was he saying?
"I'm lost," she giggled, in part to hide her nervousness.
"I'm waiting."
That much was blatantly obvious.
"For what?"
"The approach."
Her eyes widened in comprehension. He wasn't serious?
"You're not serious?"
She sincerely hoped she'd be getting over this tendency to say whatever she was thinking soon. He lapsed into silence again; apparently content to wait for her answer for as long as was necessary.
What was she supposed to say?
"What am I supposed to say?" she finally asked, both annoyed that the immediate brain-to-mouth link hadn't been broken yet and pleased that she had managed to say something.
"You could try answerin' my question."
"I don't recall you actually asking me anything, Messer," she teased with a smile.
His eyebrow rose slightly and he smirked at her.
"Ok, I'll humor you," he conceded as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "What approach would work, Monroe?"
"You're yanking my chain," she said with a grin.
He picked up her hand and she couldn't believe how much that simple touch affected her. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes widened like saucers.
"Am I?" he asked in a low voice.
She could only stare at him. Suddenly it was anything but the light, friendly flirting they'd always engaged in. It seemed as if without warning she was standing on the line they had been so careful not to go across.
What would it mean to cross the line?
She flushed as the images assaulted her brain. Sure, she'd fleetingly entertained the notion of engaging in a fling with Danny, and dwelled on the physical possibilities that it presented with more frequency than she'd admit, but had always backed down. She simply liked him too much to ever go through with such a superficial relationship that would only lead to awkwardness afterwards.
And the thought of actually dating him had been considered with only the most passing of thoughts. There were simply too many ready-to-order reasons why they shouldn't.
But now the sensual insinuations of being in any sort of relationship with Danny rapidly imprinted themselves in her mind. She could imagine with startling clarity what it would feel like to have him kiss her, to feel his weight crush her beneath him, to hear him whisper her name in a sexy drawl, to have his hands travel a path down her body.
She felt an undeniable pull to take the plunge and leap across the line, to land where she would.
Danny watched Lindsay's gaze go through a whole gamut of emotions. First was shock, next came confusion, then curiosity, but now it had turned carnal.
And damn if he didn't want her more than he'd imagined possible. Her answer couldn't come fast enough.
"I don't know what you're thinkin', Montana, but goin' off your expression I guarantee I would be an incredibly enthusiastic participant."
She blinked deliberately and blushed, looking away. He laced his fingers with hers and squeezed gently.
This charge between them was frightening, exhilarating, confusing and arousing all at once. Lindsay was grateful they'd never played with fire like this before—she would never have survived unscathed. As it was she knew they'd turned a corner without meaning to.
Danny felt the rush of feelings threatening to swallow him whole, and he, too, recognized that just talking about this was dangerous.
They both wanted it too much for it to be anything but completely serious. Maybe before today, when they could hide behind the walls of co-workers, friends, people from different worlds, they could have backed off, dismissed any deeper meanings.
They could have reasoned themselves out of wanting one another, talked themselves out of engaging in anything but light banter and the occasional episode of sexual tension that made the game so tempting.
But Danny didn't want to back away any more, and it looked like Lindsay was reaching the same conclusion.
"Talk to me, Lindsay."
She gazed at him thoughtfully, wondering what on earth she could say. He had asked her for the approach she had implied existed. But what was it? What could Danny say or do that would have the desired result?
And did she want it? Well, that was a stupid question, she thought with a smile. Of course she wanted it, wanted him. But was she willing to risk everything it meant to have him?
She knew she held the cards here. If she chose to change the topic now Danny wouldn't push, he'd respect her wishes. It would be a struggle, sure, but they could go back to some semblance of what they'd had before.
Or could they? It suddenly struck Lindsay that she was acting as if she had all the time in the world, when truth be told she wasn't guaranteed tomorrow.
That fact was brought home by the arrival of a nurse who came in with a tray of food. She smiled at Danny and winked at Lindsay."You've got yourself a handsome husband there, Mrs. Calloway," she beamed as she placed the tray across Lindsay's lap.
The first thought Lindsay had was that she wasn't married to Danny.
The second she had was that it saddened her to think that she wasn't married to him.
That was followed by a moment of chastising herself for being such an idiot.
The last thought was that someone should correct the nurse's assumption, and why wasn't Danny the one doing it seeing as she herself was busy wishing they actually were in a relationship?
The nurse continued chatting, blithely unaware of any undercurrents.
"Well, dear, I'll be back to hook up your meds in a bit. Your husband can stay here while I explain what they are and what they do, if you like."
Lindsay nodded at the nurse who gave Lindsay's shoulder a squeeze and Danny's a pat as she made her way to the door. Lindsay shook the cobwebs out of her head and called out.
"Excuse me, nurse?"
The nurse turned back around and raised her eyebrows.
"I'm sorry, it's just—I'm not Mrs. Calloway."
The nurse frowned and looked at Danny, who nodded. She went over to the edge of Lindsay's bed and picked up the chart. As she read it her mouth gaped for a moment before she composed herself and gave a rather forced smile to Danny and Lindsay.
"I'm terribly sorry for the mistake. Would you excuse me? I'll be back later."
Lindsay and Danny both nodded and watched her leave the room before they turned to one another.
"What was that about?" Lindsay wondered. Danny shrugged, although he wasn't really thinking about the nurse's odd reaction to Lindsay's statement.
He was more concerned with the fact that Lindsay didn't bother to correct the woman's assumption that they were married. All she really did was let her know she was calling her the wrong name.
Of course, it's not like he had been racing to make sure the nurse knew her assumptions were inaccurate, either. Truth was he was again caught off-guard, this time by someone looking at the two of them together and seeing a happily married couple.
Anyone who knew Danny would never have seen him as half of any kind of couple, and he found that he liked the way it felt to be part of a couple, albeit imaginary, with Lindsay.
Lindsay's mind wandered to the nurse's assumptions, and her and Danny's lack of any correction that they were indeed a couple. For just a moment, before the reality of the words had truly sunk in, Lindsay hadn't questioned being part of a couple. It was so natural that it was unnatural to question it. Did that even make sense? She wondered.
Danny had felt a rush of pride and protectiveness at the nurse's words. He found himself completely comfortable with the idea that Lindsay was his and his alone, which was a novel proposition for him.
But how did Lindsay feel?
"So, Miss Monroe, or would you prefer I call you Mrs. Calloway?" he asked, drawing her attention back to him.
"Miss Monroe is fine, thank you, Mr. Messer," she replied with a grin.
"I believe I asked you a question which you have yet to answer. Are you plannin' on answerin' it?"
And there it was. He laid the decision in her lap, nice and neatly wrapped. It came down to one syllable: yes or no.
She opened her mouth to answer when the doctor came back in. He held a stack of charts in his hands. He frowned at Danny and Lindsay.
"Mrs. Calloway?" he asked in a dubious tone of voice. Lindsay shook her head no.
"I'm Lindsay M-Monroe," she stammered, feeling like the world's biggest idiot when Danny turned a questioning gaze to her. It's not that she forgot her name, which is undoubtedly what he was thinking, rather it was that she almost said 'Lindsay Messer' but had thankfully caught herself in time.
The doctor pulled one of the charts out and glanced through it, sighing when he was finished. He turned to Lindsay.
"I'm terribly sorry, Ms. Monroe, it seems as if there's been a mix-up. Your chart was labeled improperly and you received the results for the woman on the first floor, not the seventh as you should have."
Irrational yet impossible to ignore hope sparked in Lindsay's chest.
"What's this mean, Doc?" Danny asked, gripping Lindsay's hand tightly.
The doctor read through Lindsay's chart for a few minutes, ostensibly to ensure that he had the right one.
"Your gunshot wound didn't cause irreparable damage to any major organs. We'll keep you here for a few days to make sure the wound tract remains clean and that you don't develop any infections or side effects from the surgery. Then your boyfriend here can take you home and watch over you for a few days," he looked back down at Lindsay's chart.
"I see you're a crime scene investigator?" he asked, and she nodded. "Well, I'm afraid you'll be on light duty for about a month, and we'll need to see you back here to take the stitches out and to give you the final all clear. But barring any complications you should be able to resume field work in about six weeks, give or take."
Lindsay's heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. She wasn't going to die! She was going to live!
Danny stood up and walked over to the doctor and shook his hand.
"Thanks, Doctor," he said with as big a smile as Lindsay had ever seen. His words jarred Lindsay out of her head.
"Yes, thank you!"
The doctor smiled and left them with a nod. Danny turned to face Lindsay and suddenly she was struck with what the news meant.
It meant she was free to pursue a relationship with Danny. She searched his expression and saw that he was thinking along the same lines. To her horror she started to cry, but this time she was so happy she didn't care.
"Oh my god, Danny," she sobbed and buried her face in her hands. "I can't believe it, I can't believe it."
She had barely believed it the first time he held her in his arms as she cried, and this time felt even less real.
"I know, I know," he murmured, rubbing her back as she cried. She suddenly stopped crying and broke away, looking at him with a horrified expression.
"Oh my god, Danny! We have to call the team!"
Danny chuckled and shook his head. Leave it to Lindsay to think of the rest of the team when he was bound and determined to think about the two of them alone. He didn't say anything, merely pulled out their cell phones and handed hers over.
"Stella?" she queried, and he nodded.
"Mac," he replied, and she nodded.
They dialed and smiled at the near identical conversations they had…at first.
"Lindsay?" Stella asked as she answered the phone. "Oh my god, is everything okay?"
"Yes, yes, in fact, it's great, Stella. They made a mistake."
"What?" Stella almost dropped the phone. She turned to Mac, who was on the phone, probably with Danny, she realized.
"What happened?" she asked Lindsay, who quickly explained the mix-up.
Stella sat down on the ground and let the tears escape.
"Oh god, Lindsay, I'm so happy for you."
"Thanks, Stella. I could never have made it through this without you guys, you know that, right?"
"That's what family does, right?"
Lindsay choked up at that and she nodded before she realized Stella couldn't see her.
"Yes," she said after she cleared her throat, "That's what family does."
"Well I can't wait to hear all about when you'll be back with us, but now I'm afraid I should let you go call the guys. They'll be so happy for you."
"Thanks, Stella. I'll call you tomorrow, how's that sound? I know you're pulling a long shift now."
"Yeah, we sure are. And tomorrow sounds great. Give me a call and I'll come over."
"Sounds good. I'll talk to you later."
"All right, oh, and Lindsay? Tell Danny I'm happy for him, too. Bye."
Stella crossed over to Mac, who had hung up with Danny a few minutes before. She beamed at him. They looked over at Flack and Hawkes, who were answering their phones. They watched their expressions go from anxiety to jubilation in a few seconds and they smiled at each other.
"I'm so happy," Stella announced, wiping the tears off her face. "It's a miracle, an absolute miracle, really."
Mac nodded.
"Our team will be back together before you know it."
Stella smiled and was about to leave when Mac grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked at the hand on her arm and then up at him.
"Mac?"
He searched her eyes for a moment, and then he smiled at her and took a step closer to her.
"When we're done here, do you want to go get dinner?"
She smiled at him, not quite able to quell the butterflies that had taken up residence in her stomach.
"That sounds great."
With any luck he'd talk more about the reason he alluded to earlier, she thought with a smile. It seemed Lindsay might not be the only one who got a happy ending.
Lindsay looked at the phone after Stella hung up and then at Danny, who gave her a quizzical look. She shook her head.
"Let's call Flack and Hawkes and then we'll compare notes. No fair making them wait."
He shrugged.
"Who are you callin'?" he asked with a grin.
"I'll call Hawkes," she said and dialed the number.
Danny hit Flack's number and they both delivered the news and hung up around the same time. She handed him her cell phone which he re-pocketed and he sat back down next to her.
"What'd Stell say?" he asked. She shook her head and frowned slightly.
"She said to tell you she's happy for you, too."
Danny grinned and looked at his phone.
"Do you think she heard Mac give me time off to get you home?" he asked. Lindsay's eyes widened.
"He did?"
Danny nodded.
"I swear I thought I was in the Twilight Zone. I tell Mac the good news and he gets all quiet-like and then he says 'Whenever they release Lindsay you can take off to help her get settled,'" he said with a shake of his head, "Just when I think I got the guy figured out he goes and does something like this to throw me off."
"Huh," Lindsay replied, more for something to say than anything else. Truth was—Mac's actions freaked her out a bit. He had probably noticed how dependent Lindsay had been on Danny through the ordeal, but it was what he thought it meant that concerned her.
Did he think the two csi's were going to date? And if he did, was that going to be an issue?
Lindsay realized she was putting the cart before the horse, and that the more important topic was whether or not Danny still wanted to be with her now that she wasn't at death's door anymore.
She decided a little teasing would test the waters just fine.
"The next time I'm there I promise not to cry."
He tilted his head and looked at her.
"Where?"
She nodded at him.
"In your arms."
He smiled and if she were a lesser woman she would have swooned at the look in his eyes.
"Is that a fact, Miss Monroe?"
"Yes, Mr. Messer, it is."
He pursed his lips and nodded.
"So is it safe to say that you see there bein' a next time?"
She ducked her head for a moment and nodded.
"Okay, so does that also mean you've decided to give me the approach?" he asked with a grin.
She smiled and shook her head no. His mouth dropped open.
"What?"
She laughed.
"Well, Detective Messer, you're a man of science, right?"
He nodded slowly, trying to figure out where she was going with this.
"And as such, you understand the value of hypotheses, do you not?"
He smiled, catching on.
"That I do, Detective Monroe…that I do. However, I also appreciate following your gut."
She beamed at him.
"So when you take those facts into account it seems only logical that there is in fact more than one approach that would work."
"It sounds logical," he agreed.
"And so, being the gifted man of science with a tendency to follow his gut that you are, it should come to pass that you will have several approaches that we can experiment with, see which ones are the most effective, right?"
He leaned toward her in the chair.
"When do I start?"
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"Today's the big day, isn't it?" The nurse asked as she came in to take Lindsay's breakfast tray away. Lindsay smiled and nodded.
"I can't wait," she replied and the nurse gave her a knowing look and gestured at the door, where Danny was standing just outside on the phone with Mac, getting the update on what he'd need to do when he went in later.
"I know someone else who can't wait, either," she teased, and Lindsay flushed. "He's become somewhat of a permanent fixture around here."
It was true. Danny had visited her before and after his shifts every day. Sometimes they played card games—she was up 5-3 in Go Fish—while sometimes they'd read, or do crossword puzzles.
But he still hadn't kissed her, except for the habit he'd fallen into of kissing her forehead before he left.
Now he had arrived to see her home later that day, and she was bound and determined that he was not going to leave her apartment until she kissed him.
She still hadn't worked out a plan when he pulled up in front of her building. He asked her to stay put while he came around to open the door for her. She was touched by the gentlemanly gesture.
"Nice to see chivalry isn't dead," she announced with a grin as he offered his arm for her to steady herself on as she got out. He quirked his eyebrows at her.
"And here I thought I was the one hangin' around with all the wrong people," he said with a shake of his head. "Sad that you are obviously bein' deprived of quality company such as myself."
He held the doors open for her and lined up her pill bottles in the kitchen while she went into the bedroom and changed clothes. It was a struggle and she grimaced in pain as she pulled her shirt off over her head. She realized she was going to have to stick with zip ups and button ups for a while.
She probably should have asked Danny to help her undress, she thought, and then shook her head as she realized she actually meant that without any sexual overtones. Clearly she needed sleep.
She padded out into the living room where he was waiting for her, a blanket and pillow by his side on the couch.
"How long do you have before you need to go in?" she asked as she lowered herself onto the couch next to him. He consulted his watch and laid his arm across the back of the couch, where she leaned back against it.
"A few hours still."
She nodded and yawned.
"Well, you feel like watching a movie with me to kill time?" she asked, and he nodded and got up to search through her collection. He chuckled and she had a sinking feeling about what he'd seen.
"Oh Montana, this is definitely what we're watchin'," he teased as he put the DVD in and settled back on the couch. She curled into his side and felt him laugh when the title screen for "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" came up.
"Shut up, it's a great movie," she announced without a bit of embarrassment. He stretched out a bit more fully and she laid her head down on his chest and sighed in contentment.
After the movie and a light lunch Danny knew he couldn't stall anymore…he had to check in at the lab.
"Well, I guess I gotta go to the lab, run some stuff for Mac," he announced as he grabbed his coat and shrugged it on. She opened the door for him and smiled, giving him a look he was sure was teasing, but he didn't get it. He kissed her forehead and walked past her, stopping when she called out to him.
"If you applied yourself, do you think you could come up with a more satisfactory way of saying goodbye to me?"
He turned and looked at her, gauging her expression. She was smirking, he realized with a jolt. The little minx had stolen his smirk! He retraced his steps and propped himself up against the open door frame.
"Why Montana, are you sayin' my goodbyes leave something to be desired?"
She took a step toward him and placed her hands on his chest.
"I'll say they do, Messer. Every time you say goodbye I'm left desiring more."
He reached past her to the door, which he closed as he moved them out of the way, leaving them back in her apartment.
"Well, that ain't right. Let's see what we can do to fix this unfortunate situation, shall we?"
He cradled her face in his hands and leaned down, kissing her softly. It was better than he'd expected, and more addictive than she'd wanted to believe it could be. He started to pull away and she whimpered and tugged him back to her. He smiled against her lips but complied and kissed her again. Far be it from him to deny her what he'd been craving to do himself.
He'd been holding back, restraining himself until she was back on her feet and he could pursue her in earnest. But that game plan obviously wasn't working for Lindsay, and as he kissed her he wondered why the hell he thought it could work for him.
In the back of his mind was the thought that he had to go slow, she was still sore, in pain, still had stitches. But his body didn't seem to care about that at all. One of his hands was at her hip while the other was splayed on her back, anchoring her to him.
He told himself he would let go in just a few seconds, but all thoughts of stopping flew out of his mind when she deepened the kiss. She moaned when he responded and he pressed himself closer to her. She gasped and his eyes flew open.
"Oh, Linds, I'm sorry, I—" she silenced him with another kiss. He broke away and held her at arms length. "But your stitches—"
"Oh, god, I don't care. Let them rip," she interrupted and pulled him back to her but he twisted his head so she ended up hitting his neck with her lips instead. He braced himself against the door, not wanting to come in contact with her stitches. She kissed down the length of his neck, pressing herself gently against him so he knew she was being careful of her stitches. She smiled against his skin when she felt him shudder.
"You're killin' me, Montana. You know that, right?"
"But what a way to go," she murmured into his neck.
He moved back from her and grabbed her wrists, pinning them to the door with ease. He saw how her expression was filled to overflowing with pure female satisfaction. He shook his head and leaned down until they were at eye level.
"You just wait 'til we get the all clear, then the tables will turn."
She cocked an eyebrow and grinned at him.
"Is that so?"
He nodded and barely refrained from kissing the grin off her face.
"The minute I know it's safe all bets are off," he warned her. She laughed.
"I don't know, Messer. You seem to have this habit of losing bets, as I recall."
He smirked at her and wrapped a strand of her hair around his finger.
"Oh, Montana, when will you learn? I do not make bets I cannot win unless there's something in it for me."
"So there's something in this for you?" He shook his head.
"Just you wait, Monroe. The minute you're fair game you are gonna regret bein' such a tease, I promise you that."
She could hardly wait.
"And until then?" she teased. "How do we pass the time?"
"We just enjoy bein' together, I suppose," he drawled, pulling her into his arms, "and hope to god I have enough willpower to make it."
Lindsay smiled. She had plenty of ideas about how they could enjoy their time together before they got the green light.
As it ended up they didn't get the green light until a full three months after the incident. Lindsay had residual pain and went through physical therapy, and the wound retained a painful sensitivity that took a while to go away.
But in the meantime she and Danny dated, and most evenings ended with a lack of oxygen and the occasional lack of a shirt or other item of clothing.
Lindsay called it testing her limits. Danny called it serial attempts on his life.
She took far more liberties than he did, her reasoning being that they both didn't need to suffer while she was recuperating. He tried to explain to her that he wanted them both at their best before they took things to the next level, and she found it hard to believe that he was suffering from holding back as much as he complained he was. But she found it irresistible that he wanted her so much.
So far they never let their relationship affect their work dynamic in a negative way, which pleased them and their colleagues to no end. It really wasn't a surprise, given how focused they both could be when it came to their jobs. Mac even let them process scenes together after a while, which told them more about his approval of their relationship than just about anything else he could have done.
Of course they teased Stella about being allowed to work cases with Mac while they were still on 'probation,' as they liked to call it. The whole lab picked up on the new vibe between Mac and Stella and when Lindsay came back to work she pulled Stella aside and got the whole story.
"That night when you heard about the mix-up we went to dinner," she began, and Lindsay smiled at the obvious glow in Stella's expression. "And he told me that seeing Danny with you made him realize that if it had been me there then he would have been in Danny's shoes."
"Aw, Stella, that's so sweet!" Lindsay gushed. Stella nodded.
"So he said that if even the thought of losing me scared him that much then it must mean that his feelings for me were deeper than he'd believed them to be."
Lindsay dabbed at her eyes.
"That is so romantic."
Stella felt like her grin would split her face.
"And so at the end of the night he asked if I would be interested in dating him."
"And you were like 'duh, you big idiot,'" Lindsay teased. Stella laughed.
"Well, maybe not an exact quote but close enough."
As she rode the train Lindsay thought about Mac and Stella's relationship and smiled. If she had to choose anyone to put together they would have been her first choice. They already had a great history to build upon and they complemented each other so well that those who saw them together now wondered how they had gone so long without being a couple.
She ran up the stairs at the subway stop and had to forcibly refrain from sprinting all the way to Danny's apartment. They had decided that tonight was the night…that the wait was over. Danny had decided that since he had the day off and she didn't that she should just come over after work, and he'd fix her dinner.
As she buzzed his number and rode in the elevator she wondered how many bites of food it would take before he'd consent to being through with dinner. Five? Seven? She knew she hadn't failed to mask the surprise in her features when he announced that he wanted to eat dinner first. She would have thought he'd have been as anxious as she was to save dinner for later after they'd worked up an appetite.
Who knew Danny Messer had a hidden romantic streak?
But when he opened the door shirtless Lindsay wondered what they were eating and if it was too late to object to food and to insist on moving forward with their plans.
When he closed the door he came up behind her and took her coat and tossed it on a nearby chair before he wrapped his arms around her and moved one of his hands so it brushed her hair away from her neck, where he bent down to kiss her. She sighed and arched into him.
"Not that I'm objecting—because I absolutely am not—but why aren't you wearing a shirt?"
"I didn't want to waste any more time than I had to," he responded as his hand snaked under her shirt.
"So you're planning on eating like that?…because I've got to be honest, it's completely distracting." As was the hand that was tracing random patterns as it moved up her ribcage, she thought.
"Nope."
It took her a minute to make sense of what he'd said, but it didn't make sense. She didn't want to stop him from kissing a trail up her neck but she wanted to make sure she knew what was going on.
"No?"
"I don't plan on eatin'…" he lifted his head and gave her a lecherous grin, "Actually I do, and I'll be wearin' less than this and I guarantee you will be completely focused when I'm doin' it."
It was a miracle that she could form a coherent thought and more so that it came out as anything other than 'Take me now!'
"So is it safe to say that dinner is on hold?"
He nodded and she smiled.
"Thank god!"
He crushed her to him and she responded instantly, all the pent-up frustration she had was poured into her kiss, and she broke away only for the instant it took Danny to pull her shirt off and toss it away. When it became a necessity to breathe Danny scooped her up into his arms and looked at her.
"Baby, I am gonna make you moan and scream like you have never done before," he promised, and Lindsay's body ignited with the combustion she once thought she'd never experience, "After tonight there's gonna be no one for you but me."
She pointed in the direction of the bedroom.
"Make tracks, cowboy."
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