Fletcher leaned out to the left as Valkyrie whipped a fireball around him, aiming for the woman sprinting down the street in front of them. He teleported ahead a few steps, but the lady simply dodged down a side street.
Valkyrie blew past him, running at full tilt, and used her necromancer ring to take advantage of the murky dark alley. The shadows tightened into a tripwire, and the woman went sprawling onto the cobblestones. Valkyrie leaped and straddled her, using thin, tenuous lines of shadow to hold her struggling limbs back. The woman tried to buck her off, but she clung on tightly, using one hand on the other lady's forehead to subdue her.
Fletcher put on a burst of speed and lunged for the pair. As his fingers grazed Valkyrie's shoulder, all three of them teleported into the Sanctuary lobby.
The woman's head smacked off the concrete floor and she lay still. Valkyrie relaxed her legs from their death grip around the unconscious lady's ribs.
"What do you think you're doing!" screeched a voice. "That is strictly against protocol to enter the Sanctuary without -"
"We're exceedingly sorry, Tipstaff. It was sort of an emergency." She tossed him her most dazzling smile, then heaved herself up, grabbed the foot of the unconscious person she had just been sitting on, and started dragging her across the foyer.
Fletcher followed at a leisurely pace. "You know, I would offer you some help, but I don't want to undermine your authority or anything. Plus, you're doing a fab job. Even Irene would agree!"
Valkyrie gave him a sarcastically amused grin. "Who's Irene?"
"Her," he gestured to the lady being dragged. She groaned slightly as they crossed a small door lip.
"Why Irene?" frowned Valkyrie.
"Dunno."
She let out a sigh of frustration. "You are a nightmare, you are. Grab a leg," she grunted. Fletcher gave a small bow and took Irene's other ankle and began helping Valkyrie drag her down the length of the dingy corridor leading to the cells.
Skulduggery Pleasant appeared from an adjacent corridor and walked over to join them.
"You decided to skip out on all the fun, then," teased Valkyrie as he fell into step beside them.
His skull tilted in a smile, and the lighting played off the smooth bones. He quickly activated his facade and planted a kiss in Valkyrie's hair. She turned her face up to meet his and their lips met briefly. Her step stuttered and Skulduggery laughed and took Irene's leg from her. "Sorry to distract you."
Fletcher smiled a little. He still couldn't get used to the whole Skulduggery-Valkyrie thing going on. It wasn't anything official, but there was definitely a rage of feelings swarming whenever the two were together. His mouth curved into a smile again. He supposed that he was happy about it, because Valkyrie was practically glowing with joy these days, and it made him feel good to know that she felt that way.
Meanwhile, Skulduggery had hefted Irene's leg under his left arm and had the right around Valkyrie. She was filling him in on the chase through the streets, and the capture of their prisoner. "And Fletch, you can stop grinning any time you feel like it," she threw in at the end. He chuckled.
They yanked Irene around the final bend just as she moaned loudly again. Skulduggery absentmindedly pulled out a pair of handcuffs and chucked them at Fletcher. He snapped them around the woman's wrists.
"Perfect. She'll be awake just in time for us to have a little chat about just what she was doing with the mortal prime minister trussed up in the boot of her car," said Valkyrie. She pushed open the door to one of the interviewing rooms and Skulduggery lifted Irene into a chair with her cuffed hands behind the backrest.
"Care to do the honors?" asked Fletcher. When no one else volunteered, he sighed and crossed the room to her.
"Hello," he chirped in a cheerful voice. Her eyelids fluttered. "Irene...Irene...IRENE." Her eyes shot open and she recoiled with a pig-like squeal. The chair rocked back on two legs. Fletcher reached out a hand and steadied it before she could tip over fully.
"Oh my gosh," she squeaked.
"What?"
"Back up please. Ahh jeez, please just move back! Your HAIR. It's frightening!"
He passed a hand over his gelled, combed, and perfectly styled hair with a frown.
"It's like...lots of little spears. In my face."
Valkyrie snorted and walked up to take over the interview. "Hi, Irene, my name is Valkyrie Cain and I'm a detective for the Sanctuary here. I'd like to ask you a few questions."
"Who's Irene?" The woman's forehead creased in confusion.
"It's...oh wait. No." She glared at Fletcher. He shrugged and started digging in his pocket for a mirror to check his hair with.
"So, what is your name, then?" returned Valkyrie to the brown-haired woman cuffed to the chair.
"Honey Skelter."
"Well, Honey...I can't call you that. It sounds weird." Skulduggery laughed quietly and Honey's color rose in her cheeks.
"If you've got a problem with my chosen name-"
'I actually do. I'm just gonna call you Irene." Honey/Irene rolled her eyes in exasperation.
"Whatevs, Vally Pally. Your name ain't too hot either, so I suggest you just go-"
"Stop," interrupted Skulduggery. "I know that you were just about to insult her further, and I'd like to notify you that if you do that, you're likely to find yourself flying backwards through the air and colliding painfully with the concrete wall behind you," he finished, and then leaned back against the shut door.
Irene swallowed a comeback nervously, and Valkyrie continued. Planting her hands on the steel table, she leant down and looked sharply at the other woman. "What was the prime minister doing in the boot of your car?"
Irene shrugged. "Having a catnap?"
Valkyrie slammed her fists down on the table. "What. Were. You. Doing," she roared.
The other woman didn't shrink back at all. "I was stealing him far away from his squeaky clean home and his adoring family and his beloved country," she stated cockily.
Valkyrie lifted her boot over the table and shoved Irene full in the chest. The chair rocked back. Irene yelped, but the momentum slowed, and the chair leaned forwards again. She had barely begun to smirk when it tipped over forwards and her face smacked into the table.
Valkyrie laughed gleefully as Irene squeaked and struggled, trying to shift her weight off of her face. "Come on," she said cheerfully to Skulduggery, "Let's go. I've missed you ever so much." She smiled seductively as her fingers closed around his wrist and she began to pull him in the direction of the hallway. "Oh, and Fletcher, I think you need some experience with interviewing, so I'll leave you to it. Have fun!" She grinned, and towed Skulduggery out the door by his tie. Fletcher sighed as the door shut.
"Well," he said resignedly to Irene, "looks like we may as well get a move on then."
She wriggled a little in her seat.
"Oh, yeah, I should probably get you upright again."
She mumbled angrily.
Fletcher pushed the chair back on to all four legs. Irene blew her hair out of her face. She looked livid, so he decided to back up to the other side of the room.
"So, Irene, are you going to explain it to me then?"
She said nothing. Fletcher sighed. "Look. Answer the questions before either of us die of boredom, and then we'll just get out of your hair, alright?"
Irene rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I was following orders. Cap'n says, I do. So she told me to nab that bloke and I did. Something about wanting to put a puppet in charge, some lookalike. Dunno. Wasn't really my thing."
"Who is this leader-captain chick, then?"
"Couldn't say. I've never seen her before. She's an Aussie though. That accent, driving me bonkers."
"I see. What else do you know about this then?"
She frowned. "About what?"
Fletcher rubbed a hand over his eyes. This lady really was lacking in the brains department.
"The plans, you nincompoop-"
A shrill sound rang out across the room, emanating from his pocket. He groaned and took out the phone. Thirteen missed calls, all from his girlfriend.
"Hello, Myra," he answered dejectedly.
"Don't call me a nincompoop!" screeched Irene. Fletcher yelled and flailed in surprise. His hand smacked into the doorframe and he howled, jamming it into his mouth. The phone clattered to the floor as Valkyrie and Skulduggery burst in.
"What the hell is going on in here?" she shouted over the commotion.
Fletcher mumbled around his hand.
"What?" asked Skulduggery as Valkyrie began to stalk threateningly towards a cowering Honey.
He pulled his hand from his mouth and shook it as he spoke. "She just gave me a little fright is all."
Valkyrie backed down slightly, but still glowered.
"Somebody tell me what's going on over there!" demanded a tinny voice from the phone speakers of Fletcher's mobile.
He looked at Skulduggery and Valkyrie. "Give me a minute. I'll go get Myra then be right back."
He disappeared. Valkyrie picked his phone up off the ground, ended the call, and pocketed it. She then heaved Irene/Honey up and dragged her out of the room and into a cell, ignoring her loud protestations.
Valkyrie slammed the door, then turned and leaned back against it, feeling Skulduggery's weight against her as they kissed passionately.
"Oh, would you just get a room," shouted a voice from inside the cell. Valkyrie laughed and gently pushed Skulduggery back. "You look a right mess, you know. Your hat is all askew, and your shirt's come untucked," she said affectionately to him. His facade smiled as she deactivated it, and straightened his hat on his skull.
Skulduggery's head tilted and he ran a gloved hand softly along her jawline. Her heart sang, but as he was pulling her into an embrace, footsteps sounded in the corridor. They awkwardly stepped apart as Myra and Fletcher walked in.
He looked harried, and she was berating him. "Why didn't you call me? At all! You promised me you would!"
Fletcher cringed. "I'm sorry, babe. I was really busy. I got caught up-"
"You got caught up? Not even enough time to call me, your girlfriend?"
"Hey Myra," interjected Valkyrie. The angry girl turned to face her. "Hey there Val. Skulduggery," she nodded. Then she turned back to Fletcher.
Before she could say anything else, he put his hand on her shoulder. "I promise it won't happen again," he said placatingly. She scoffed. Valkyrie could sense her gearing up for another rant, so she decided to interfere.
"Fletcher, your hand's bleeding. Let me fix that for you." She raised her eyebrows at him. He realized her ploy to help him and went along with it. Valkyrie started walking and he followed, leaving Myra and Skulduggery behind them.
As they walked, Valkyrie asked softly, "Is she always like that?"
Fletcher exhaled and looked at his bleeding hand. "She's just worried about me I guess." Valkyrie snorted a little. "But honestly, I really do care about her. I just wish she wouldn't be so...clingy."
They reached the Infirmary, and entered into its cool whiteness. Fletcher sat down on one of the beds while Valkyrie shoveled through a cabinet for supplies. She returned to his side, opened an antibacterial wipe, and took his hand in hers. She gently began cleaning the cut. "Stupid door frame," he muttered, and she chuckled.
Fletcher took the opportunity to study her as she worked. Valkyrie had grown up a lot since they'd dated. Her hair was longer now, and her features more refined, more clean and focused. Her body looked stronger, too. Fletcher could practically see the muscles rippling under her clothes, yet she was still slim and curvy.
She looked up at him with those eyes, so much darker than before from the sights she had seen; yet glowing with a happiness from deep inside. "What?" she asked.
"You look good, Val. That's all."
She smiled and looked down. "Thanks." Busying herself, she popped open the box and searched for a proper-sized plaster. "Hey, Fletch?" she started hesitantly.
"Yeah," he answered, waiting.
"What do you think about...about me and Skulduggery?" she asked uncertainly, sticking the plaster into place. She looked up at him through the curtain of hair that had fallen across her face, biting her lip.
"I can tell you're happy. You're both happy. And therefore so am I," he replied truthfully. She smiled slowly, and it spread across her whole face.
"Only, you gots to make it official, gurl. Date him!" he teased. "And then a congratulations will be in order."
Valkyrie beamed and threw her arms around him. "Aw, thank you, thank you, thank you, Fletch." She smacked a loud kiss on his cheek, and they both laughed.
Outside the Infirmary, Myra watched through the window. She saw the looks that passed between the two of them. She saw the way that disgusting girl Valkyrie bit her lip and batted her eyelids, hand caressing the arm of Myra's boyfriend. And he was no better, pulling her into an embrace with his hands so low on her back.
Valkyrie kissed him on the cheek, and Myra seethed with rage.
Something needed to be done.
So here it is! The fabled (possibly) long-awaited (maybe) co-written story. By Justrockzyxxx and myself(:
And, y'know. Follow/favorite/PM/review thing :3
Enjoy!