"Bruce for the last time, I don't need training." Edward sighs, sinking lower in his computer chair and tugging his headphones back over his ears from where his partner had removed them. They've had this conversation before, Bruce fretting about his well-being and safety, wanting him to learn some moves and techniques that could help him in a battle. It didn't seem to matter that Edward never intended to be in a battle in the future.
"You do. Everyone in this household has been trained to protect themselves, it should be no different for you." Bruce is using the Batman voice, the low toned one with a growl at the end, the one he thinks will always get the results he wants.
Huffing to himself, he spins in his chair to face Bruce properly, arms folded and headphones now around his neck since it seemed they were having a full blown discussion about this. Again. "Yes of course, I recall seeing Alfred flipping down the hallways, dodging imaginary bullets and disarming would be attackers." He gestures flippantly to the aging butler where he's dusting off the weapons.
"With all due respect Master Edward, I could kill you in eight different ways at present. Nine if I'm permitted to use the feather duster."
Edward may be wrong, but he didn't think he heard an ounce of respect in Alfred's tone. "Your valet is threatening me again, are you going to let him get away with that?" He asks Bruce, looking up to his partner with what he deems an innocent look in his eyes.
Bruce smirks, leaning down to his level, pinning him into his chair and meeting his eyes sincerely. "If you learnt some moves you wouldn't need me to defend you, you could do it yourself." The wheedling tone annoys him, makes him feel defensive and hateful of Bruce and his constant need to win any argument. It was sometimes like fighting with himself.
Letting out a frustrated sigh he throws his head back against the chair, not wanting to meet Bruce's eyes if he's going to be so damned stubborn. "If I moved out I wouldn't be subject to his kind of abuse."
"If you moved out you'd be bored stiff by nightfall and begging to come back to help out. If only to stop you from climbing the walls in boredom."
Dammit Bruce was right and that just made it even worse. It makes him slump further in his chair, swivelling back and forth, back and forth as Bruce kneels before him. He knows it's childish and petulant behaviour but he can't help it. His entire life he's always been small, not built at all and easily crushable in a fight. It's why he'd gotten so good at running away and taking punches when he had to. Taking but not giving.
"I'm not even going to be in the battle zone." He emphasises, gesturing to his work area around him. "I sit here, this is my desk, my chair, my control point. The most dangerous thing here is Alfred and he won't kill me without your say so."
"Ten if I can use the handle."
Edward scowls but Bruce simply rolls his eyes at his cocky valet, placing a hand on his shoulder and trying to explain calmly, a hint of mirth in his voice to lighten the situation. "There have been plenty of attacks on Wayne manor, I'm not only Batman, I am the richest man in Gotham you know."
"Why do you think I stick around?"
Bruce doesn't seem to be in the mood for his teasing, sighing lightly and looking to the heavens, perhaps for strength or help. It's not like he means to be difficult, not really. He just likes to stick with what he knows. "Look I know you aren't the most physically fit person in the world, I know you won't be looking for a fight, but you need to be prepared."
"I was always prepared enough for you wasn't I? And your mini batfinks too." Eddie sits up, trying to act more mature to get his argument taken seriously. "I managed to survive years on the wrong side of the law, surely now I'm on the right side it should be easier? I can relax now, it's safer here, no need to worry about broken bones, needing stitches and-"
"Spending a year in a coma?"
"That was a glitch." And not a time of his life that he likes to discuss. At least Bruce looks slightly sorry for bringing it up. He tries the sweet approach, the softly softly remember you share a bed with me approach to win favour. "Bruce, please…"
"Eddie please. I don't ask much of you, but I need you to do this for me. If not for your own protection then for my peace of mind, to let me sleep a little easier at night."
Well it seems Bruce is using that approach too. The kiss pressed against his forehead doesn't hurt either and makes his next protest sound more like a whine from a child rather than a fully-grown adult. "You barely sleep at all anyway-"
"Eddie please. For me."
The sincerity in his voice, the way he's meeting Edward's gaze and holding it as if there's promise in there makes him agree. This isn't going to be a discussion that will go away, it's something that Bruce holds dear to his heart, the protection of those he cares for, his family.
He wants to argue that he's not Jason, but he knows that wouldn't work. Jason was well trained and he still got murdered despite all of the years of practice. Bruce only worries about him, he knows that and really it is sweet in a way, but he's never had it before. It's difficult to understand and allow someone to worry about him and his well being so much when he was so used to being alone.
"All right, if it'll make you shut up then I'll learn some moves." Leaning forward he gives a gentle kiss to Bruce's lips, standing after he's tugged upwards into a close hold. "Though I have some conditions." He murmurs from Bruce's chest.
"You wouldn't be you if you didn't."
"Nothing too strenuous, I'm not an athlete and I don't want to be." He ticks off his demands on his fingers as he lists them off. "No flying or aerial antics, I don't care what Dick says, I'm not one of your little birds. No change in my diet, I know you hate me eating poptarts around the house but you need to build a bridge and get over it. And finally I want my own uniform."
"I thought you weren't leaving your desk?" Bruce raises an eyebrow, slipping his hands to Edward's hips and holding him steady.
He shrugs, picking at Bruce's shirt lightly, tracing question marks and symmetrical patterns over his chest. "Doesn't mean I'm not part of the team and can't look like I am. Everyone else has a uniform, I've been here long enough to warrant one surely?"
Smirking down to him, Bruce nips at his lips lightly; sharp and dangerous as his smile. "You're a jealous little thing aren't you?"
"I want at least some green on it."
"I wouldn't expect anything else." Bruce sighs, rolling his eyes and making Eddie grin in reply. "I'll have Alfred draw up some designs for you to look over and we'll start training immediately."
Nodding Edward pats at Bruce's chest, scooting from his arms and sliding back into his chair, spinning to face the computer and typing out some more commands to get the video playing again. "Immediately after I've finished scanning this security footage and eating my breakfast."
"You're lucky I like you so much." Bruce runs his fingers through Eddie's hair, ruffling it into a mess before heading over to the training section of the cave. Edward smiles, slipping his headphones back up and biting into his poptart with gusto.
"I guess I am."