Coming Home
By: AyLee Cambell
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.
AN- Just something that hit me and wouldn't let go until I got it down. Let me know what you think!
The people who torture her aren't the terrorist cell Michael had been trying to find. No, they must have sent another team with the real location to take care of that.
The people torturing her, beating her, demanding answers about NCIS are the men her father sent with her to this location, the location she had been told the terrorists were at.
Her father betrayed her, was testing her. Eli David wanted Ziva loyal only to him, and was now punishing her for not being loyal, for betraying him in his eyes. That she wouldn't tell them, Mossad, what they wanted to know about NCIS was another betrayal, an unforgivable one.
A betrayal that would end with her death. A very painful and drawn out death.
But if there was one thing she had learned through the years was that loyalty couldn't be demanded, it had to be earned and it had to be given back. It came with trust and it was delicate and easy to shatter so it must always be handled carefully.
Her father always handled things with force, it was the only way he knew how to do anything. It was the reason she no longer trusted him, no longer was loyal to him.
She may have betrayed him, but he betrayed her first and in many different ways.
Now here she was in pain, on her way to dying and all the trust and loyalty wouldn't do her any good. Gibbs had probably thought she betrayed them by now and they wouldn't be looking for her, and the rest of the team would listen to him.
Mossad wouldn't help, mostly in fear of this happening to them next. She couldn't trust anyone in Mossad, and they wouldn't go against her father's wishes. Not all of them loved her father like he thought they did instead they feared him.
There would be no rescue for her.
So it would be up to her to get herself out. Her father had wanted a weapon for a daughter and been disappointed in her being human instead. Now though, he was about to see what she was capable of. She would get herself out of here and destroy this place.
She had nothing left to loose. Nothing but her life, and she would loose that if she stayed.
They are notified about her funeral. They are told she died while captured by terrorists. They get the basic details about how it happened, and yes she was tortured for weeks before her death.
Weeks that they had been giving Ziva her own space to calm down, weeks they had been waiting for her to contact them. Weeks they went on, pretending everything was fine and that things would get better. Weeks they spent thinking that she would come back someday soon.
But not anymore, now they know for a fact that she isn't. That those weeks they spent trying to laugh and have fun and forget her, she spent that time being tortured to death.
Ziva went in a blaze of glory though. They were told that the terrorist camp was blown up, no survivors, not even the team sent in to stop them and rescue her.
The news takes it's toll on them all. Leon gives them all a week off to grieve and soak in the news. He can tell from their reaction that they need the time. Part of him feels a little responsible for what happened, but no one could have foreseen this, and it had been Ziva's choice to say so he didn't let it show that it bothered him. Instead he walked away after letting them have all the details.
It hits Abby hard and she gets both angry and sad. She refuses to talk to Gibbs and actually glares at him when she sees him. the rest of her time is spent crying or in denial that Ziva is dead. They don't have a body or forensic proof so there could still be a chance, it's Ziva after all. She makes the mistake of saying it out loud in front of the others once and Tony snaps at her that Ziva was only human. Ninja chick aside, she could die just like the rest of them. After that they don't see him for three days straight and when they do he's surrounded by empty glass bottles in his apartment and she forgives him for making her cry.
Tony is never far away from a bottle, almost always drunk now. He doesn't want to think about the last few days he had spent with Ziva, the pain that he had seen in her eyes, the pain he had caused. It all feels like his fault, even if the others tell him it's not. It's just another person who is dead because of him. But him being drunk has a far simpler reason, sometimes when he get's just drunk enough he can tell himself that she's still alive, that she's there with them all. Sometimes when he reaches that level of drunkenness he thinks she's actually there, lecturing him on how he shouldn't be drinking and how it's not his fault. He knows that he's got some responsibility in it though, but he's to happy to see her to argue. Not long after that he'll pass out and have to start all over again when he wakes up and she's not there. It doesn't stop until the others break into his apartment and take his alcohol away.
McGee cries and doesn't know how to feel except sad. He never even got to say goodbye to Ziva, and now he never will. Knowing that she spent her last weeks in constant pain, and being tortured doesn't help either. He's mad but he's not sure who at. He isn't mad at Tony or Gibbs, it isn't their fault. He's mad at the people who did it to her, he's mad at Mossad for taking her away, and he's mad at Ziva for dying. But mostly he's just sad and he watches as they all fall apart and wonders how they'll be able to fix themselves.
Palmer cries and thinks about how unfair it all is. He also knows that those last few weeks must have been terrible for her, knows how painful it must have been and that makes him cry even more. Ziva shouldn't have died, shouldn't have left and now it's all too late. She's gone and everyone is hurting so much.
Ducky tries and tries to talk to Gibbs but Gibbs refuses to listen to Ducky tell him that it isn't his fault. Ducky tries over and over again but finally gives up when he realizes that Gibbs will always blame himself. That's how Gibbs is. Still Ducky is there for him and anyone else that need him. He's saddened by Ziva's death and remembers her whenever he can. Ducky get's them all together, to have a small Wake where they can remember her as well, they need something to concentrate on and since they can't go to the funeral in Israel this is probably the best thing for them. To have a time to just sit and get everything out.
Gibbs tries not to think about how he kissed Ziva goodbye and wishes her to have a good life. How not long after that she must have been captured and tortured than killed.
Gibbs lets the others talk and stays out of the group, preferring to sit by himself and just listen. It occurs to him then as he hears everyone spill everything they knew about Ziva, in the hope of understanding her better, in the chance of seeing a side they hadn't known about, that she probably hadn't had that good of a life and wishing her one had been slightly cruel.
He hears Tony's low whisper that she had promised she wouldn't be taken alive, that she wouldn't be tortured. He's holding a scotch bottle that's half empty and Gibbs knows that he must have been saving it for this moment.
Tony's only allowed one bottle a day now, and Abby is reinforcing it so they don't worry too much. They can't stop him from completely drinking, are slightly afraid of what he would do than so they limit him and take turns keeping an eye out.
Gibbs closes his eyes to hid the tears. Another woman that was important to him is dead, and he feels like it's his fault, always his fault.
But out of all of them Ziva had been the toughest, the fighter, and the one who died the most horrible. Just one more that was all his fault. After Kate and then Jenny he was sure he couldn't loose anyone else, but now Ziva… now she's gone too. He's not sure what to do now. So he closes his eyes and remembers.
She had asked him a question when she gave him that choice, her or Tony, she asked him who he cared about, asked him to give her a reason to stay. She would have changed her mind about working with Tony. She had been using it as an excuse, a reason to stay. She had already known what and who he would choose but had to hear it. Needed to know if she had a place with them, if she still had his trust.
She died believing she wasn't one of them anymore, died knowing that no one would be coming to look for her. Mossad didn't rescue their officers, everyone was expendable in a way. For Mossad, for Eli David, even Ziva was expendable.
But not to NCIS, not to them, not to him.
She asked him if he would be the next to betray her, and he had been.
He would just have to live with that now.
Ziva doesn't know where to go.
It's a first time that she doesn't have a purpose behind every action. She can't go back to Mossad. They tried to kill her and now believe she is dead. She can't go back to NCIS for multiple reasons.
One, Vance would probably tell Mossad, and her father, and there would be problems again. Two, it no longer feels like home after what happened. She wishes she could go back there but it would be too dangerous, even if she stayed away from NCIS. Mossad may be watching the others, or they might not welcome her back after the way she left. After everything she's not even completely sure if she can trust them.
She had once trusted her father, her country, and look how that turned out. Still, she wanted to trust them, but she wasn't sure she trusted herself enough to try to let someone else in again. They had hurt her, and she had let them. She had let everyone hurt her or use her and she needed to know that it wouldn't happen again.
She needed time. Time to heal. Both physically and mentally.
She didn't know where she was going next, but she knew it would have to be somewhere that no one would find her. She needed to lay low.
There was a new person sitting in Ziva's desk. Just the sight made Tony want another drink. But he knew by now that they others were watching and wouldn't let him.
Kate's death had been hard to get over, a wound that had healed slowly. Then Jenny's death had come and he had felt responsible and the pain from that had been slow to go away.
But nothing compared to Ziva's death.
Two months later and they were still moving slowly. Still treating the new guy as if he was the new guy, or the temporary member of the team. But they hadn't accepted him yet, and weren't sure if they ever could.
It was better that it was a man though. Women didn't seem to live long around them. Which meant that Abby was snapping at them more since they were suddenly a little more protective and attentive. She told them it didn't apply to her since she hardly left the lab, but they reminded her that Jenny hardly left either. That only made her get meaner and lock them out occasionally. Which meant more trips to Ducky for nose injuries. (Which meant a lecture from Ducky that most of his patients were dead ones and complained a lot less than they did, or Tony did.)
Still, there was a feeling of incompleteness, of sorrow that wouldn't go away.
It was like they couldn't truly believe that Ziva was dead and gone. With Jenny and Kate they had seen the body, gotten that closure, that knowing that you would never see that person again. Each of them expected to see Ziva again, expected her to call or walk in, or be waiting for them one day.
Ziva had been tough and fearless and could do almost anything. None of them had thought she'd ever die, and yet she was gone. They just weren't ready to accept it, and it showed.
Even two months later, part of them was still denying it. But mostly they were just sad that they would never see her again. This wound was healing slower than any other and they poked at it, made sure it wouldn't close yet, prolonged the process because they didn't want to forget her, because they just couldn't do anything else.
Her lab was locked. Again.
Usually, that was an odd occurrence, but with the way the guys were acting she had to every now and then or she would go mad. Also, it made a good excuse when she was asked why the door was shut and locked, because it was the truth and so she wasn't lying to anyone. But it wasn't the only reason the door was shut and locked. Still, no one had asked her what the other reason was so she didn't have to lie or dodge the question or anything. Which made her feel better because lying was bad and she hated doing it.
The other reason for her door being locked had little to do with how overprotective and annoying the guys were being and everything to do with the things she was searching for. Or who she was searching for. Abby wasn't convinced that Ziva was dead. Refused to believe it without proof. But she didn't want to tell the others what she believed because they would have looked at her like she was crazy than made her stop searching. They would think she was in denial or that it was unhealthy, or just think that she was loosing it. She could take the looks from them, that was a usual occurrence for her, but she wouldn't let them stop her. So she didn't tell them what she was doing.
But she didn't lie about it. They just never asked.
If her doors were locked sometimes, she just blamed it on the guys being overprotective because they were, or if her searches were erased completely from the computers than, well, no one found out about the computers. It was her lab and no one was allowed to touch without her permission.
She knew that the others would just think that she was in denial or too hopeful, but she was sure that Ziva was still alive. Ziva was an Amazon Warrior Woman, she was a ninja, an assassin. She wouldn't let herself be killed. She would escape and make it look like she was killed.
That was what Abby believed, and would believe, until they gave her forensic evidence to prove that she was wrong. Which they were still denying her, or telling her they didn't exist, which meant she was right.
No body of Ziva's to find, a convenient excuse that was all. An explosion that made it impossible to tell which remains were which and who they were, well, all the more reason to believe that Ziva was alive. No one but Ziva was capable of surviving, and Ziva wouldn't let capture or torture stop her from getting out of there.
So Abby searched for any sign of her friend. It takes a while, a month or two more. At first there was nothing, no hint of her at all and Abby's faith was almost shattered but then she found something small. Something that everyone else would have overlooked, but not her. Abby knew Ziva, knew what to look for and knew what everyone else didn't.
Ziva was alive, and now she had proof, but she knew she couldn't tell anyone, not yet.
The first few months she hardly sleeps, just a few hours here and there. When she actually believes herself safe enough to close her eyes, when she can convince herself that no one is laying in wait to kill her. Only then does she sleep, and it's usually not restful.
Her wounds are healing slowly and the emotional ones even slower. She'll have scars from this, and most of them will be ones people can't see.
When she sleeps deep enough that she dreams it's always of the same things. Gibbs, Tony, Abby, McGee, Ducky, and Palmer, if it's a good dream. Her nightmares are of her father and the time she spent being tortured, being tested.
They wanted all the information on NCIS that she knew so they would know that her loyalty was with them, but even with everything that happened she couldn't betray them like that, couldn't let go of that trust. Everyone had shattered hers, so it had seemed important for her to cling to that last important part left.
She moves place to place and wishes now for a home that she'll never have again. Friends that she'll never have again, a family that she had never had until NCIS and now don't have any more.
Sometimes in her darker moments right after a bad nightmare she wonders why she still bothers, what purpose her life holds now. But she's a survivor and she's never been one to give up and will not start now.
She starts to have an idea of what she needs to do, starts to put together a purpose. She needs to be safe if she ever wants to have a life again, if she ever wants to be Ziva David again. So the planning starts, and she knows what she has to do.
Ziva is going to kill her father, and make it look like an accident. So much so, that when she turns out to be alive no one will come after her. She'll just make sure that they find out about her months afterwards.
Vance tells them about Eli David's death. About the bomb from a terrorist that finally got the cold hearted bastard. But he doesn't tell them in those words, they are just paraphrasing. Well, Tony is paraphrasing.
They don't know what to feel, happy that he's finally dead or sad that they couldn't be the ones who killed him. They might have felt responsible for Ziva's death, but Eli David sent her to die, they are pretty sure of it.
Abby asks if they know for sure that it was him, and has it confirmed. Eye witnesses and DNA back it up. Eli David is in fact dead.
She waits until she's alone before she smiles, as she's pretty sure she knows what Ziva's up to and knows that now she only has to wait before their friend comes back to them.
It's only a matter of time now.
Ziva set it up as best as she could. It started with hospital records, that placed her coma healing body in a small out of the way hospital close enough to the place they had held her to be believable and yet far enough away and small enough that no one would have looked for her there. She makes sure that it states on the files that they don't know a what her name is and only use small descriptions. Brown hair, severally beaten, a gold star necklace so she must be Jewish. Things that describe her but are easy to overlook. Especially if you're not looking very hard.
She makes sure that there is no mistakes, and plans this down to the last detail.
She hadn't wanted it to come to this, to having to choose between her life or her father's but the choice has to be made. She chooses to live as Ziva David, and not someone running from everyone in fear. She wants her life back, her family and friends, and knows it's the only way this will be possible. She's the weapon her father had once compared her to, not someone afraid to do what must be done.
Her father has been corrupted, can no longer be trusted, and has done things that never should have been done. She's not thinking like his daughter anymore, but like she was trained to think. If he could do this to her, his daughter, his blood, than what was he really capable of?
Once she would have wanted his love and for him to be proud of her more than anything else. Now she just wants him dead so she can live again.
She knows her father, knows how he thinks. She's had time to realize how much he's used her, twisted her into a weapon that was only useful to him if he had complete control over her. He trained her too well for her to be under her own control or anyone else's, he never wanted to risk her finding out the truth.
He didn't have children, he had expendable soldiers. Each with their own purpose and wasted if they didn't follow his plans, which was never acceptable. He wanted her dead because if she wasn't under his control she was too dangerous to live. She knew him to well, had been to close. He had trained her himself and therefore too dangerous to him.
Now she would kill him because she had learned the truth, he had taught her one last lesson, given her one last truth.
Eli David didn't love his children, didn't love her as he had told her. He had used her until she wasn't useful anymore than tried to get rid of her. Now he was endangering her friends, her real family, and her.
They would find another man to lead Mossad. Eli David was a corrupt old man and needed to die.
So Ziva did what she had to do. She made sure no one saw her when she planted the bomb, made sure she altered her appearance so that if anyone did see even a glimpse of her, they would never recognize her. She waits until the perfect moment before she detonates the bomb, blocks away and looking through a high powered scope. There are witnesses and she knows it's him for sure because she could recognize him anywhere.
Killing Ari had felt like killing a small part of herself, even after she realized what he had become. (What their father had made him into.) Pushing the button to kill her father didn't hurt anything, it almost felt nice since she could relax for the first time since everything happened.
The last gift her father ever gave her was one he had probably never intended to give. Only a few people had known what he had done, that where he sent her hadn't been the terrorist camp. The men who had tortured her had known, but no one else. He hadn't told anyone but those who were necessary to tell for it to happen. If anyone knew what he had done to her they would have started questioning his leadership. Whispers that he wouldn't have been able to stop.
Now because of that no one living knew that he had tried to kill her, and since no one knew that she was responsible for his death she would be able to live without fear of someone hunting her down to kill her.
Now she had to wait, just a little longer and she could wake up from the hospital and contact people that needed to know she was alive for all of this to work.
Seven weeks later she wakes up from her coma and calls the number she was told to memorize before she left. They are surprised to hear from her, surprised that she's alive, that she survived a disaster. She's been presumed dead for months now, and been in a coma for all of it. Or that's what they believe.
She was welcomed back hesitantly and told about her father's death. She played the tough little soldier in front of everyone for the required amount of time than told them she didn't want to stay anymore, she wanted to go back to NCIS. Told them it was too painful to stay anymore. They argued a little about it but in the end agreed. They hadn't told NCIS that she was alive yet, since her father had died they were still collecting themselves.
The man in charge now just nods and tells her that they'll let director Vance know that she's alive and would like to come back. He's sure that they'll have her back at NCIS within the next week or so and Ziva nods.
She's happier than she has been in so long with just that little bit of news. She will get to see them all again soon. But for now she will be having dinner with her aunt letting her know she will be leaving again.
They are all called into Vance's office. Tony wonders who is dead now, but doesn't worry too much since everyone is there. Even Ducky, Palmer, and Abby were called up.
They are all a little nervous though when they walk in and Vance is smiling. McGee is worried about reassignment, and Tony is worried they are all getting fired.
But Abby just smiles. She's pretty sure she knows what he's going to say and isn't disappointed.
Ziva is alive and wants to come back.
The others are completely shocked. Tony is the only one who recovers fast enough and tells Vance that it isn't April fools and it isn't funny.
Vance tells them all that he isn't joking, then he tells them about what happened to Ziva. She escaped the before the explosion and was found by a small village and taken to small out of the way hospital where she was in a coma until recently. She only just got back to Mossad and learned of her father's death and was now asking to come back to NCIS. Which Vance has approved of, if Gibbs says yes to having her back on his team.
He tells them that she's scheduled to return in two days then he dismisses them, still smiling. It's the first bit of happy news he's gotten in a while.
They tell everyone who even looks at them that Ziva is alive and coming home, then they celebrate and plan. Abby wants to throw a welcome back party or get-together. She pulls out decorations and a banner that she's kept in her very back office in a locked chest.
The others look at her, speechless.
"I didn't know how much time I would have to prepare so I wanted to make sure I was ready." Abby says and shrugs while smiling, passing out the decorations and the drawings she made of how everything should be set up in their desk area.
"Something you've been keeping from us Abby?" Gibbs asks, one eyebrow raised.
Abby just laughs and passes him the wonder woman plates and napkins and hats.
"Not anymore Gibbs." She says and then pulls the others in to how everything is going to go. She knows that he'll talk to her later about it or simply talk to Ziva. Or since he's Gibbs, he'll put it together himself.
When Ziva walks into the office the others are waiting for her. Decorations were everywhere and she knew that Abby was responsible for it.
It was wonder woman decorations after all.
After she reached them all they had a moment of just looking at each other, to make sure this was all real, before Abby launched at her and hugged her tight.
"Oh Ziva! We all missed you so much1 We thought you were dead but I just knew you weren't. You're Ziva!" Abby said and pulled back slightly than hugged Ziva again.
"I'm so glad you're back!"
"Yeah, yeah, us too Abbs. Give her some breathing space would you?" Tony said and Abby nodded and stepped back.
Ziva opened her mouth to say something but was McGee and Tony had already latched on to her and were now hugging her too.
"You don't get to leave again." Tony said.
"We missed you so much." McGee told her.
"I thought she needed to breath?" Gibbs asked, a smile on his face.
"Right Boss." Tony said and both pulled away.
"You'll have to forgive us all. We believed you were dead for so long that it is such a relief to see you again." Ducky said and stepped forward for a brief hug. Palmer was next than Gibbs.
"Welcome home Ziva." Gibbs told her and Ziva smiled.
She was back home.
"We got you cake!" Abby says.
"We even kept it away from Tony so it's all there." McGee jokes and Tony smacks him. Ziva laughs and she almost wants to cry because she's missed this, missed them so much.
All of them gather around her and they all start to bond again, start to finally heal again. They are happy and that's all that matters at that moment. Every other problem is something for tomorrow, right now it's just them. Their family.
Later on when she finally get's a moment out of their sights Ziva rests against the wall and closes her eyes. For a while she had thought she would die, than thought that she would never get to see any of them again. Now she's back and she's happier than she's been in a long time, but she still needs a moment to breathe, to make sure it's real and not something she dreamed up.
"I'm sorry about you're father, Ziva." Gibbs tells her. She had heard him come in but had waited for him to speak. Now that he does she looks at him, and she knows that he knows or at least suspects.
"I am too." She tells him.
Sorry that it had to end like that. That his death had been necessary. That he had never been a good father to her. She was sorry about a lot of things, but she wasn't sorry she did it.
Gibbs gave her a smile and patted her on the back as he steered her towards the desks again.
"We do what we have to." He tells her and then they are back and everyone is happy to see her.
Abby hands Ziva a wonder woman action figure.
"You're our wonder woman, Ziva, so don't change. And please don't ever go away again." She tells her, pulling her in for another hug.
Ziva hugs her back and looks at the others who are all smiling at her.
"I'm not going anywhere." She said, loud enough for the others to hear too.
She was finally home, and back with her family. She wasn't going to leave again.
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