This is a special fanfic, designed to help me get over what happened at the end of the Allegiant. If you haven't read Allegiant yet, I strongly advise you to turn away as there will be spoilers. (But please come back when you've read it!) I couldn't go on with the ending being like it was, I needed to write this to heal - so please enjoy, follow, like and comment and remember, be brave.

Reaching up for the alarm, Tris can hardly breathe. The death serum has clogged up her brain and isn't telling her body what to do fast enough.

'Beatrice, don't be as stupid as your mother.' David says calmly, his gun cocked and ready. 'You don't want her to have died for nothing do you? And I am guessing you don't want yourself to die either? I have seen that boyfriend of yours, I know he's genetically damaged, hardly perfect – but I know you would have wanted a life with him. Look how you've squandered that chance.'

His words are like ice to her. 'Don't-you-'she can't get the words out, her tongue feels too big for her mouth. She tries to move closer to the memory reset but before she can register a step she hears a gunshot and a bullet enter her body. Slumping to the ground she looks up wearily to see David getting up from his seat, his gun cocked and ready for her. 'I can't let you leave, Tris. You understand that don't you?'

Tris closes her eyes, a single tear sliding down her face. I didn't want to leave you, Tobias. Please realise this. I never wanted to leave you. She reaches up as fast as her heavy body will let her and slams all her energy into the button. His gun goes off again but with the energy it took to reach the button Tris slumps out the way of his aim. Her vision goes blurry, probably from loss of blood. She can see it around her, oozing gently away as if to surround her in a blanket of it. David has fallen to the side of her upon inhaling the memory serum, she can just make out his body. She closes her eyes, waiting for the light, or the darkness that was probably more viable. She thinks of Tobias, of her father, of Caleb and of her mother. She smiles as her head falls to the side and she lets herself fall away.

Caleb paces in the corridor beside the room with the contained death serum. If he had Dauntless in him like Tris then he would be in that room by now, saving her life. Instead he's on the outside as usual, running away from anything harmful- just wanting a quiet life. He makes several attempts to go in, but backs out at the last minute, holding his head in his hands as he paces, his face screwed up with emotion.

'Stupid-stupid- COWARD!' Tears fall down his face as he slumps against the wall, his eyes on the door. 'I'm sorry, Tris.'

He hears footsteps running down the corridor and his eyes meet frantic ones. Cara.

'Where is Tris?' She doesn't seem to care that he's sitting out here. She doesn't ask why he didn't go in like the plan said. She must know how his sister is made, how she understands sacrificing herself was the only way to make this work. He can't have answered her because Cara's hands are either side of his face and her determined eyes are looking straight through into his. 'Tris, now.' She has a head wound on her left side, the blood has dried just over her eyes but she doesn't seem to notice. Caleb gives himself a moment to work out what she has asked and points ahead.

'She's in there.'

Cara is up before he can even ask her why. She knows she won't get far, none of us will against the death serum. Caleb holds his head in his hands and rocks from side to side, alone now.

Cara makes her way through into the clouded room, trying not to breathe. Not that that helps. She can feel the death serum making its way through her pores, into her organs and lungs. She hurries through into the next room coughing and spluttering her eyes searching for one thing only: Tris.

She sees a male body and on closer inspection it's David- a gun in his hand. Her stomach drops. Her eyes move upwards and she sees a pool of blood – a large one. And sitting in it is the one thing she didn't want to see.

'Jesus- Tris!' Cara rushes to her side, two fingers on her neck. She waits, her heart beating fast. 'Come on, come on-'and the feels it. A pulse!

Cara gives a laugh in relief though that quickly fades as realises that even though there's a pulse, it's still a faint one. She hauls Tris up so her weight is carried by her shoulders and walks as quickly as she can out of the door. She doesn't bother to hold her breath again on her way out, she knows that it's too late now – that it won't even matter whether she breathes it in or not. Reaching the end of the containment she sees Caleb sitting there, his head still in his hands. How these two are related she'll never know.

Caleb looks up, his eyes focusing on Tris, on how frail she looks. He sees the blood trail she's left behind Cara and he fears the worst.

'Dead?'

'She will be if you don't pull yourself together and help me get her to the medical facility.' Cara doesn't mean to be harsh, but she's just given her life and she really doesn't want it to be in vain. Surprisingly Caleb says no more, he gets up and takes Tris's other arm over his shoulders, holding more of her weight. They half walk half run towards the hospital, careful to not step on the bodies knocked out by the memory serum. On making it to the hospital they lay Tris down on the bed next to Uriah. Cara, already knowing the ins and outs of the life support system plugs her up to it while Caleb runs to find a doctor that wasn't knocked out when the serum was deployed through the compound. On luck he brings one who was in on the plan the entire time. He takes in all the information on just one look and takes the wires from Cara's shaking hands. In no time at all he has Tris rigged up, bandaged and in a stable but critical condition.

Cara breathes out a sigh of relief before the nauseous feeling she's been ignoring comes to the forefront of her mind. Without much self-restraint she leans forward and throws up all over the floor.

Heading back to the compound at a slight jog, Four and Christina share a smile. They've done it after all, they managed to secure Uriah's and Christina's family. And the memory serum wasn't deployed over Chicago so Tris and Caleb must have been successful. He can't wait to see her again, her eyes, her hair – her smile as she walks up to embrace him. He's been away from her for far too long and he makes a promise never to do that again.

They walk to the medical facility, leading them to Uriah – only to find doctors surrounding two other patients in the ward. He cranes his neck over one of doctor's shoulder. Is it David? Did Tris give him a bullet in the leg or something? Four wouldn't be surprised. His heart goes cold as he see's something he doesn't want to see in that state. Though it can't be her. It looks nothing like her. Her face is smeared with blood, she is pale, her arms limp and her eyes closed. Tris doesn't look like this.

He stands and he stands and he stands before seeing Caleb get up from the bed beside her and he punches him in the face.

'Why isn't that you in that bed, you coward?!' He lunges for him again, this time doctors are trying to restrain him. Christina has rushed to Tris's side, grabbing her hand to her chest. Caleb tries to mutter something about 'Tris knew I would never make it out-'before he manages to get an arm free and he punches him in the mouth again. 'You- never-loved-her-' he can't stop himself, he wants him to bleed. He feels someone tug at his arm and it's Cara. He's stops himself, his breath unsteady.

'Stop it, Four.'

There's something in her voice that settles him slightly. He falls into the chair next to Christina looking at Tris. The first jumper. The girl who made him stay.

'The doctor's say she is in a stable but critical condition. She was shot just below the ribcage, so four ribs have been shattered and one of her lungs is filled with blood. They are trying to drain it out carefully, they say if it had been a couple of inches lower it would have hit a main artery and-'

She doesn't need to finish that sentence. He finally looks at her, and frowns.

'Who brought her out?'

'I did.'

'Then how are you still breathing?'

'Don't look so surprised, Four. Your girlfriend is known for giving people strength after all, you of all people should know that.' Cara gives him a small smile before using all the strength in her to walk away and sit down on the bed on the far side of the room. She doesn't want to burden him with the fact she gave her life for Tris's. She would rather have her last moments in peace. She watches her friends from a distance, pulling out a smeared piece of crinkled paper and a pen. She writes for a couple of minutes, planting both objects on the table beside her, before wearily putting her head down on the pillow.

The morning comes, though Four hasn't noticed the time passing. His concentration has been completely on Tris and her breathing. I'm not going anywhere Tris, I love you. You know I am here to stay. He gives her hand a squeeze, swallowing down the emotion that's ready to burst out at any moment.

He senses a presence and looks behind to see Caleb standing there, his lip already wobbling.

'I'm sorry.'

Four can barely begin to talk to him, he doesn't deserve it. He turns away from him, giving his attention back to Tris.

Caleb stands there, motionless before holding his head a little higher and walking down to the end of the facility. He wants to thank Cara. He walks towards her bed and sits beside her.

'Cara I wanted to thank you, for going in there for my sister. I-' His voice breaks, and his eyes dart to Tris's bed. 'You did what I couldn't and I-' he looks down at Cara properly and stops talking. She is sleeping, she looks peaceful. But- he leans forward and searches for a pulse but as soon as he touches her, he knows.

Four looks down at them, seeing the movement of Caleb standing back up. He's touching Cara- that's weird. He frowns as Caleb walks back up, but this time Caleb makes no eye contact with him. Instead he goes straight for doctor.

'Cara is dead.'

And that's it. Four stares out at the woman who put her own life before Tris's- and he never even got to thank her properly. Regret and anger fills Tobias up inside over his own failure before Caleb touches him on the shoulder.

'I think you should have this.'

He hands a crinkled note to me before walking back to the doctor, who's now with Cara.

Four looks back to Tris, who's breath is steadying every hour, she's even a little colour in her cheeks now. Still critical but better. He looks back at the note, regret filling him again. He opens it, and tries to focus on the words written.

Tris. I know I was hard on you, I know we never really hit it off as friends – we worked together that was it, but we looked out for each other too. I don't want you to regret what I decided to do, I don't want you to live your life in guilt because of me. It was my choice. To me, this is what was best – Four needs you, Caleb needs you and people out there, need you. I need you to know that the reason I saved you was because Will would have wanted me to, and done the same. I know he would say I have done the right thing. So when you open your eyes and are told what happened, I want you to nod, smile and carry on. Try not to fail on that. Cara.

Four closes his eyes, Cara walked into death because she had totally forgiven Tris for Will. He doesn't know how Tris will take this, she'll feel it's another life on her hands and she did this to save lives. Taking a deep breath he folds up the note and places it inside his pocket. He'll tell her when it's the right time, the first thing to focus on is getting her well enough to wake up. He rests his head against her hand and kisses it.

A few hours later, Christina sits beside him, a hand on his back. 'Doctors say her vitals her getting much better. I know she won't keep us waiting long.'

'You know Tris, she's full of surprises.' Four smiles, he's optimistic. He has to be.

'I brought this.' Christina pulls out the flag from their game with Eric. The one they had captured together. 'I know Tris really did all the work for this, and I went on and on until I had the flag in my possession.' She places it into her hands, with a small smile. 'You know, Four – I know why Tris did what she did. You shouldn't blame Caleb. She wouldn't want you to. '

Four stiffens. 'I can't forgive him, Christina. It's too late for that.' He shakes his head, as if he's shaking off the whole conversation altogether.

Christina goes to say something else but turns her head sharply towards Tris.

'What, what is it?' Four leans forward, concerned.

'She- she just squeezed my hand.'