Title: The Child in Me
Rating: PG-13 (for s-words and f-words and stuff that only grown-ups could say!)
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is for sale and the bidding starts at five undred Euro! No, seriously, I just kidnapped him, alright?
Pairings: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy with other little cute crushes for kids...
Author's Notes: Summer is almost over and I want to do something since I'll be stuck in the house for a while. Inspirations to write this tory came after watching all the episodes of Aishiteruze Bebii (I love you Baby) in marathon after Sensitive Pornograph with my friends. Yes, we are a bunch of sickos, we are! Anyways, enjoy...if you can!
Chapter One: Of Poke-a-mans and Poo
"Draco! Draco!" a boy no older than five with raven colored hair yelled, shaking a still sleeping blonde from his nap.
When the blonde didn't move, the boy pouted for a second before yelling again. "COME ON DRACO! GET UP! UP!" He yelled, grabbing Draco's leg and pulling at it.
The blonde stirred and eyed the boy with a murderous glare. "What the hell do you want, Zabini?" He barked out, glaring at his five year old best friend.
"OOOOHHHH! You said the h-word, I'm telling Harry!" they boy placed his hands over his mouth to imitate that of a shocked lady. "You'll get in trouble! I'm telling!" he cried, giggling at the mischief that he would surely cause between his two sitters.
"Zabini, one word about this out of your uncouth mouth to Harry and I swear, you will never see the images of a telly ever again!" He threatened the boy.
The boy glared at him. "You can't ground me because you'll get in trouble with Harry first!" The boy whines, speaking with what Draco could only assume as righteous anger on the child's part.
He smirked at the boy maliciously. "Who said anything about grounding you? What I mean what that I'd stab your eyes out."
And that did it for not a mili-second later, five year old Blaise Zabini was a weeping, bawling mass on the floor, throwing a temper tantrum. "WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Draco's a big fat ugly meanie! Harry!" he child cried, looking the kinder one of the two sitters.
Draco gulped. If Blaise were to tell on him, he'd be in big trouble. The-boy-who-always-gets-his-knickers-in-a-bunch would surely tell on him and the last thing he needed was to be scolded by Pothead Potter. Looking at the snot faced child in front of him who subsided in his tirade and was now merely sniffing, he sighed. "Okay, look, I'm sorry I was mean to you. Bad Draco." he said and as if to prove his point, he slapped himself on the hand. This seemed to make Blaise feel better because he giggled.
"'Sokay, Draco, I forgive you!" tears miraculously gone, Blaise looked up at the silver eyes Slytherin Sex God turned Nanny. "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you!"
"Tell me what?" Draco asked, glad the boy calmed down.
"This!" Blaise cried, pulling out a stack of cards with pictures of weird animals in different colors.
"What the hell are those?" Draco asked, looking at them warily. "Hey you know what, forget I asked, I don't really care anyway."
"No, no, no! I wanna show you!" Blaise cried as he dragged Draco down towards the sofa where he was just napping mere minutes ago.
And Draco felt like hell was unto him.
"This" cried Blaise in an uber excited voice, "is Pikachu!" he gave the card for Draco to see better. It was a picture of a yellow stuffed animal looking thingy with yellow and black horns, a long zigzagged tail, and round red cheeks. Sure enough, the name on top of the card was Pikachu indeed. "He's a mouse Pokemon that Ash got from Professor Oak. He's got super powers like he can go real real fast and he can shoot electity out o' his cheeks. He's cool! He's my favorite Pokemon!"
Draco was barely listening, his eyes glassy, indeed of sleep and Blaise was talking about rats with Oaks and Poke-a-man.
"This is Raichu, he's the evolved form of Pikachu! His tail is really strong." The boy continued to explain, shoving one card after another to Draco. "And this is Skarmory! He's a steel type Pokemon! This is Jigglypuff, she's funny, but I don't like her cuz she's pink and Pansy says Pink is girls and not for big boys like me. But she has a marker and she draws on people's faces..."
Blah. Blah. Blah. Draco was barely listening now, only catching certain words like facial graffiti and pink and more poke-a-man. Is Potter truly that dense so as not to know that such things like teaching graffiti to children and hidden sexual innuendos bad for a growing mind? Maybe, after all, Potter isn't exactly the sharpest tack in the box.
"And this is Golem...blah...rolls like a rock...blah...evolves from...rock type...blah." And at the end of his sentence, Blaise was breathing hard fro excitement.
"Are you done now?" Draco asked in a bored drawl.
Blaise politely nodded his head. "Yes, that's all the cards I have right now, Harry will buy me more later though." He smiled.
Draco gave an evil look. "Okay then, my turn." he said as he took Blaise's hand and directed them to the bathroom. When they got inside, Draco opened the medicine cabinet and took out various bottles. He also opened the drawer to bring out...more bottle and cans with fancy writings on them. Draco gave Blaise an evil glint of the eye. "This," Draco pointed a small pale blue bottle, "is grands cheveux which costs about 312.6 €, which, let me tell you right now, is a lot of money. But what can I say, it makes my hair soft and fluffy." Draco looked at the bored face on Blaise face and smirked. "And this is a little something I ordered all the way from Italy, morbido sapone, it makes my skin silky smooth, so when I shag the ladies, they would never forget my sweet smelling scent. It's pretty expensive too. And this-"
"Draco. I'm bored." Blaise whined.
"Of course you are! Now do you see how it feels to be told about your stupid poke-a-man when I could honestly care less?" he asked rather sharply.
However, before the child could snark back at him, a screech could be heard from the outside. "Ron! Ronald! RONALD!" Harry yelled, running after a lightning fast Weasley, the freckled wonder. "Ron, honestly, spit that out!" Harry turned to Draco with a pleading look. "Malfoy, help me catch him!"
"Why?" Draco asked lazily.
Harry glared at him. "Because he has something in his mouth and I don't know what it is, but it looks like chocolate and he's not supposed to have anymore sweets!" Harry said in a single breath, arms flailing in the air, trying to catch the boy.
"Chocolate? Weasley, where did you get the chocolate?" Draco asked, looking at the boy.
Ron stopped and grinned at Draco. "From the cat." he said simply.
"EEEWWWWW!" Draco cried, running away from Ron with a disgusted face. "Potter, that's not chocolate, that's cat shit!" Draco cried mercy as Ron started on him, probably for cover. "Weasley, get the hell away from me and your mouth full of shit! KYAAAAAAA!" He cried, feeling cornered, he did the only thing he knew to defend himself, he grabbed his wand and cried, "Petrificus Totalus!"
With the following BLOG! that sounded in the room felt like an earthquake. Then, as suddenly as it happened, Harry blew up. "What the hell, Malfoy! Why did you do that!" Harry yelled, enraged that his best friend was now petrifies on the floor.
"In case those glasses of your started fogging up Potter, he was running at me with shit in his mouth. It's not exactly my fault this happened, it was purely self defense."
"Self-defense my ass."
"No thank you, I think I'll pass."
Both of the only adults in the room glared at each other. Harry out of anger that his friend was not dead-still on the floor, and Draco out of fear that there would be poop anywhere near him. As Harry cleaned Ron's mouth and then un-petrified him, two girls roughly the same age as Blaise and Ron entered, talking in loud voices, one asking random questions, the other one answering them.
"Which would you rather have a terrible diarrhea and not be able to stop it for eternity or having terrible constipation and not be able to go for eternity?" the blonde asked, looking at the other girl.
The bushy haired girl with soft hazel eyes seemed thoughtful for a second before answering. "Is that even probable?" she asked.
"Well, if we can use magic, I think its okay."
"But if we can use magic, I can just say one thing and then use magic to make me go poo or to stop me going potty." Hermione answered logically.
"I guess..." Pansy conceded.
Both Harry and Draco were staring with curiosity at the two and the track of their conversation.
"Well then, which is worse, eating someone's poo or eating your throw-up?" Pansy asked.
Draco coughed. "I know what Weasley would choose." he mumbled more to himself, which made Harry chuckle.
Draco turned to Harry with a surprised look and was greeted with an apologetic smile. "Sorry about getting angry at you earlier. I was just tired."
Draco grunted. "Whatever, it's all good." He said, although he had to turn away to hide the blush that was creeping up his face.
Hermione was about to answer the question when the door to the house opened and an old man with long white beard and half moon spectacles entered with a soft smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter. I trust everything is going fine with the children?" Albus Dumbledore asked, looking at the four kids that were grinning back at him.
to be coninued...
A/N: I just want to clear things up. If you're going to flame me, then please be aware that you can only do in one chapter of the entire story. I don't want a flame in every chapter, or else, I'll delete all your fucking reviews, got it. This is not an invitation to flame, so fuck you if you think I'm joking. Yes I'm a bitch but after this one person flamed every chapter of Draco's Pathetic attempt at romance, I figured I should give you guys a heads-up. Although I did send her/him an essay in MLA format about why I hated her/him without works cited ofcourse! Don't worry, it was pre-written long long ago so I didn't exactly waste too much time. Anyways, look out for chapter two, coming in about a week or so!