Author's notes: This is a concept that has been rolling around in my head for years now. The fortunes that are appear in this silly piece are actual fortunes I have taped up at my desk at work. And yes, me and my friends really did this in college. I have absolutely no idea who came up with it. LO:CI characters belong to Dick Wolf and company. I'm just taking them for a spin. Any and all mistakes made are my own. Read and enjoy:o)
Friday Evening
Ming's Chinese Restaurant
Drew Spencer raised his beer bottle and said, "I'd like to propose a toast if I may." Detectives Alex Eames, Robert Goren, Mike Logan and Megan Wheeler, along with Janelle and Angel, each raised a beer bottle or a cup of green tea. "Here's to our 4 favorite NYPD detectives. Thank you for keeping us and the city safe for another week." "Yay," Janelle said as they all clinked their bottles and cups together. Alex took a swallow of her beer and said, "Uh oh. The last time Drew made a toast like that, he wanted someone to fix a parking ticket he got." Drew put a finger to his lips. "Sshhh, Alex! Quit telling on me," he said playfully. They all laughed.
"Is everything okay, folks?" their pretty Oriental server asked. "Yes, Hannah. Everything's great. Thank you." Angel replied. Everyone either nodded or murmured thanks. "I'm glad. Here's the check for you, Miss Angel." Hannah handed the check to Angel. She glanced at it, then reached into her purse to pull out a credit card. She handed it and the check back to Hannah. "Here you go." "Thank you. I'll ring this right up. Here's your fortune cookies." She placed a small tray of fortune cookies in the middle of the table before walking away. Bobby leaned over to her and said, "I believe it was my turn to pick up the check." Angel placed her forehead on his and shook her head. "No. You paid the last time we were all out together. It's my turn." She kissed him on the lips before straightening back up. "Ugh. You two really need to get a room," Logan said. Angel laughed as Bobby flipped Mike off with both hands. "Wow. A double flip off. You must really love me," he said sarcastically.
As everyone started reaching for the fortune cookies, Janelle said, "Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I need to explain the rules of reading the fortune in a fortune cookie." The detectives looked at each other in confusion. "What?" Megan said. "Did Miss Manners post some rules and I didn't get them?" Janelle laughed. "No, no, no. Nothing like that. It's just some crazy thing we did when we were in college. What you do is when you break open your fortune cookie, you read your fortune out loud and add the words "in bed" at the end." Bobby nodded his head in understanding. "Ah. I see. Who came up with this interesting concept?" he asked. Angel replied, "Oh, just some horny, sex crazed MTSU student athlete who shall remain nameless." She and Janelle both turned and looked at Drew. He held up his hands and said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! I got it from Garvin and Reggie. I was just passing along the fun." Janelle rolled her eyes. "Whatever." "Sounds kinda kinky if you ask me," Mike said. "I like it!" "Angel, why don't you start us off?" Janelle said.
"Okay." Angel tore open the wrapper on the fortune cookie, broke the cookie in half and pulled out the small white piece of paper. "God will help you overcome any hardship…in bed." Everyone went ooh and laughed. Janelle turned to her and asked jokingly, "Is there something you wish to share with the class, Ms. Pierson-St. John?" Angel scrunched up her face. "Uh, no," she said with a laugh. Janelle looked at Bobby. "Anything you want to share with us, Mr. Goren?" Bobby nodded. He stood up and said, "Hi, my name is Bobby and I'm a sex addict." Angel and Janelle laughed the loudest over anyone at the table. Several customers turned around to see what was so funny. Angel grabbed Bobby's arm to pull him back into his seat. "Sweetie," she said between laughs, "that's information you REALLY need to keep to yourself."
Bobby laughed as he pulled his fortune out and read it. "Good things are being said about you…in bed." He looked at Angel and said, "Thank you. I have good things to say about you, too." Angel just blushed. "Aww, that's so sweet," Janelle said in a silly voice.
Alex grimaced. "Oh, great! Now, I'm going to have a visual burned into my brain for a while." She shook her head before breaking open her fortune cookie. "Plan for many pleasures ahead…in bed." A wide smile broke out on her face. "I guess this means I'll get my foot massage from Derek Jeter at any time."
Janelle reached over and gave Alex a high five. "Amen, sister." Janelle broke her cookie, pulling the fortune out with a quick snap flourish of her wrist. Angel rolled her eyes. "Some time this year would be nice, Janelle." Janelle stuck her tongue out. She cleared her throat and read. "Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn…in bed." Everyone had looks of confusion on their faces. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Megan asked. Janelle shrugged. Angel said to Janelle, "Well, I hope you remember to stop, drop and roll." Janelle rolled her eyes. "Pfft. Kiss my ass, Angel." Angel chuckled.
Drew read his fortune. "It is very good karma to practice random acts of kindness…in bed." Janelle kissed Drew on the cheek, then said, "I'm having sex with a Zen master. Who knew?"
Megan read her fortune. "You are affectionate and loyal to those you love…in bed." She shrugged. "Pretty tame." Mike rolled his eyes into the back of his head and made a snoring sound. "Boring, Megan. That was boring." She crossed her arms over her chest, giving him a skeptical look. "Well, Mr. Excitement, read your fortune if you think it's so exciting." "I will, Ms. Snooze-fest."
Mike broke open the cookie and pulled out the slip of paper. He read it to himself. Then he folded it up and threw it on the table. "I'm not reading it. You win, Wheeler." Everyone started protesting. "Come on, Logan. Play fair." Megan said. "Yeah, Mike," Drew said. "We've all read ours." Mike folded his arms across his chest and shook his head vehemently. "Nope. Not gonna do it."
Before Mike could react, Alex snatched the folded piece of paper off the table. Mike tried to grab it from her, but she held it out of his reach. He grabbed for it again when Alex unfolded it, but she moved too quickly for him. "No way, pal. Once you discarded it, you lost all expectation of privacy." Mike blew his breath out of his mouth huffily. Alex read the fortune silently. She covered her mouth to keep her laughter from escaping her lips. Tears started rolling down her cheeks, she was trying so hard to keep from laughing. "What does it say, Alex?" Bobby asked. Alex uncovered her mouth, taking a few deep breaths to compose herself. Finally, she read it. "Past experience: He who never makes mistakes never did anything that's worthy…in bed."
"I hate this damn game," Mike said in a grouchy voice as everyone started to laugh.